cuming to Town

 
You better watch out
You better not fake it  
Better not NCNS
I’m telling you why  
SantaFollowmeClaus is cuming to town

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice  
Gonna find out who’s naughty and nekkid
SantaFollowmeClaus is cuming to town

He sees you when you ar DFK’ing
He knows when you are BBBJ’ing
He knows if you’ve been bad or naughty
So be oral for orgasm sake

O!  you better watch out
You better not fake it  
Better not NCNS  
I’m telling you why  
SantaFollowmeClause is cuming to town  
SantaFollowmeClaus is cuming all over town

 
Ho - Ho - Ho
Jingle My Bells

Merry Christmas to All

Too bad he ain't funny.

How about this one. More according to the "teacher's dead" version than the original:

Joy to the World! The hobby's here.
If horny, have no fear!

For ev'ry flavor honey,
You only need that money.

And in and out it goes,
And in and out it goes,

Until you are done and it's "same time next year!"

Quite frankly, the OP's effort was pathetic.

END OF MESSAGE

I farted while reading the second one, but not sure that's a real endorsement.

The OP himself is pathetic

I think we can all guess which category the OP falls into.

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

The Night Before Christmas.
Author unknown

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,  
Everyone felt shitty, even the mouse.  
Mom at the whore house and Dad smoking grass,
I had just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When all of a sudden, there rose such a clatter,  
I sprang from my piece to see what was the matter.  
I opened the shudders and threw out the hash,  
Tripped over my boner and fell on my ass.

And out on the lawn but what should appear
but a rusty ol' sleigh, and 8 fucking reindeer.  
Out of the sleigh jumped a Fat smelly prick
I knew in an instant it must be St. Nick.

"To the top of the roofs, to the top of the walls,  
on you bastards before I cut off your balls!"
He came down the chimney like a bat outta hell  
I knew in a moment that the fat fucker fell.  

He filled all the stockings with pretzels and beer,  
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.  
Then he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,  
That son of a bitch, blew the chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,  
"Piss on you all, I've had one hell of a night!"

Some players are still here, some have moved on.

  " Night Before Christmas" by Rasha
 
T'was the night before Christmas, and I'm alone here in bed;
 No clients are calling, the phone is quite dead.

 The stockings are hung by the chimney with care;
 I just took a peek -no envelopes there.

 It seems all the guys, since they had their druthers;
 Choose Christmas at home with their significant others.

 So if I cannot give pleasure to some horney chap;
 I'll just settle in for a long winter's nap.

 Then out on the street there arose such a clatter;
 I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

 Away to the window I flew like a flash;
 Could someone be seeking some fine Christmas ass?

 When what to my wondering eyes should appear;
 My dear fellow posters bringing joy and good cheer.

 There's Curly and Nicky and Perfect and Crazy;
 London and Clarence oh the names get quite hazy.

 We have Cullen and Back-in, MacDaddy and Cubbie;
 The list can go on, it's really most cluby.

 Even Saturn and Hotplants just happened by;
 (They mistook when they heard I'd be serving up pie)

 And let's not forget the head of this troop;
 Our own CPA - direct from the Loop.

 So while the spirit still glows, this toast I propose;
 Merry Christmas to all, now lets take off our clothes!

END OF MESSAGE

Christmas comedy should be left to the professionals.

Unfortunately, even they aren't all that great.

Here's maybe the best of that lot.

.

... from a few years ago:

"Twas the escort before Christmas, when all through the incall  
Not a place was unfucked, not even in the hall  
The stockings were wore on her legs with care,  
In hopes that a man would soon be there.  
 
The condoms were all placed by the bed in there case,  
While the escort tried on many different pieces of lace.  
And an email was received, and an invitation it was,  
Looks like a man is horny, just because.  
   
When out in the hallway there arose such a clatter,  
She sprang to the door to stop the chatter.  
She opened the door and was not in sight,  
A man walked in with unbelievable delight.  
 
With a glimmer in his eye,  
And she was sure she knew why.  
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,  
But a dick popped out just like a spear.  
   
With the host such a man, so lively and quick,  
She knew in a moment she was going to suck dick.  
More rapid than eagles his semen came,  
And he whistled, and shouted and called her by name.  
   
As they ran to the bed feeling so high,  
When she met with an obstacle, she mounted that guy.  
So up on the roof-top they were heard,  
With moans and groins they never said a word.  
 
And then, in a twinkling, she heard in his voice  
They both simultaneously rejoice.  
As he drew out his head, and was turning around,  
Suddenly a warm wash cloth made is dick bound.  
 
He was covered in joy, from his head to his foot,  
And his face was all smiles that would stay put.  
A bundle of Toys she pulled out from a sack,  
She laid there playing with herself on her back.  
 
Her eyes-how they twinkled! Her nipples so erect!  
Was her pussy still wet? So the guy checked!  
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,  
And he used his tongue to make her blow.  
 
The lips of a pussy he held tight in his mouth,  
He became arouse and she headed south.  
They managed to both work together,  
And both felt lighter than a feather.  
 
He was chubby and plump, right where it counts,  
He laughed when tickled and made her head bounce.  
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,  
Soon she let him know he had nothing to dread.  
 
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,  
He filled her mouth, and made one last jerk.  
And laying on the bed, her beauty shows,  
He gave her a nod and put on his clothes.  
 
He sprang to the door, with a sweet whistle,  
And away he left out the door like a missile.  
But he got a kiss before he was out of sight,  
“Marry Christmas to all, and to all fuck-right!”

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

But who is CPA? Sounds like a total asshole.

END OF MESSAGE

Okay, here’s my effort of another popular Christmas Song (My Favorite Things) makeover. It took me over two hours work as I looked to get things to rhyme and make some sense out of some of the terms or acronyms in the hobby. I hope it's entertaining.

My Favorite Flings

Cumdrops on escorts
And squirts from her kitty
Sucking big knockers
And DATO not shitty
HJ to BJ; CIM of all things

These are a few of my favorite flings

Cream-on her boobies and lick her vagina
Doggie and canine
And spread ass-cheeks with brown eye
Wild mish to cow-girl, she’s flying on wings

These are a few of my favorite flings

Whores in black corsets and high heeled stilettos
French kissing and lipstick on my cheeks and my nose  
Bareback full service makes my heart want to sing

These are a few of my favorite flings

 
When the boss yells
When the wife nags
When I feel in a trap

I simply remember my favorite flings and hope I haven’t caught the clap

 
-- Modified on 12/20/2016 10:49:00 PM

-- Modified on 12/20/2016 10:51:00 PM

it's a heck of a lot better than the one I didn't write....

Merry Christmas!

He dimed out Bob Sugar and cut a deal with the DA so he gets out early. What an asshole.

 
Hobbying is one of my favorite things, but not just at Christmas!

Orgy scene from The Sound of Music:

and he might want to stay in prison, either that or make IMMEDIATE arrangements to pay off his gambling debts. Come to think of it, that poser Bob Sugar still owes money too. I suppose I could go repo the Bentley and call it even. lol

The original “My Favorite Things” popularized by Andrews is sung by various artists,  and gets the airplay along with many other Xmas songs.

If anytime of year, though, then Happy Holidays to you and safe Hobbying

onstantly stalking me, and with weak feckless comments

You got no game

  Cmon jack-off-jake get a life

Whips, knives and daggers and searing hot pokers,
Legs wrapped in irons your neck in a choker;
Tied up abandoned alone on the floor,
These are the things that you love and adore

I’ll try my hand at the repeat verse:

When she sneers at me
When she slaps my face
When I’m feeling berated

I simply remember my BSDM and then I don’t feel so hated

Ha ha! (And your verse is mean and clean in meter interpretation when it comes to matching syllable for syllable, along with the rhyme and getting the message across. Good one! No!  I mean bad one—painful! Lol!

Since rhyme, meter, tempo or sense don't seem to be important when trying to parody My Favorite Things, here's my take. And-a-one, and-a-two ...

Rasha, I really like your posts.
They are really funny sometimes.
My all time FAVORITE THING was the one about  
Going to confession. Someone asked:
"Have any of you gone to Confession and admitted it?  
What happened? What pennance?"
And Rasha replied:  
"No need – I have redemption insurance.
I’m just responsible for a small co-pray."  
And it almost rhymes with Pirates of Penzance.  
And then I don't feeeeeeellllll so bad.

Howzat?

Happy Holidays, everybody, rhyme or no rhyme, reason or no reason

Can you, swallowpee?