... fair.  give and take.

it seems fair that she is allowed to play if the guy has already been playing around.

I can see how it would feel a little shitty at first though.

or just break up and stay single.
being single is great in the hobby.

Here's one theory:

She knows about you and is saying this to make you think about it and shame you and/or make you jealous.

When my (now ex) wife found out about me hobbying, she proceed to find boy friends and tell me all about it in order to make me jealous.  It didn't work and so she flew the coop.

So, what should you do?  That's up to you to decide.

How do you feel about this?  You really haven't said.

I will do her and split the donation with you.

For an extra 100 bucks I'll do her in your bed.

 

I guess I have no right to be alarmed (she watched that gigolo show on HBO last night and now is really turned on to the idea).  Of course I do it (female ones) without her knowing.  She wants my approval first even though she would never approve of me seeing female providers.  I told her I approve.  She might not even have sex with them she tells me.  She claims these good looking guys will listen to her when she talks.  Of course I do but I can only hold my attention for so long while she goes on and on.  I suppose if I were getting laid more often it would be easier to pay attention.

Should I give a shit?  Should I encourage her?  Discourage her?  Your thoughts please.

All jokes and BS aside. It took alot of balls for her to tell you this.. Good girls don't especially married ones.. We get bored to. We don't want you to feel threated and she really may not even do the deal with him. A new scent. a new contour of the shoulders, a new touch and kiss... Oh mY.. We all long for variety....

It is SEX, Not love, not romance,. pure sex..Not an emotional attachement. I know all men want to mark their territory, I get that.. The goods still belong to you. She just wants the same variety that you do..............

I promise you and I am willing to bet you 1 free session...

The sex with your wife after will be hotter and wetter then it has been in ages...............

Hmmm.  Free session huh?  Come up to Chicago ever?

Let her go. Well I guess you already told her you approve. Did you ever consider she does know or suspects about you doing it, and this may be a test?

Not because a woman might fantasize about seeing a male provider; or even be serious enough to follow through on that,…..OR…that your wife would extend you the courtesy and respect of asking your thoughts on that first. That would hardly be revolutionary.

But all she did was watch a a show on HBO? Which propelled her to initiate a *serious* conversation with you about hiring a male escort? Because these ‘good looking guys’ will listen to her when she talks?  

I’d say if she really is serious about this, it would absolutely be in your best interest to pursue that conversation with her; and actually listen (for a change). And, if you really are OK with the idea, the experience might be something that jogs loose a stagnant sex life.

OTOH….people often approach awkward subjects in less than direct ways---just to see what kind of response they get. So, you might want to rethink your assumption that she does not know YOU see providers.

And, of course, you could always 'man-up' and just be honest with her.......

Listen to her while she talks?
All she needs is a gay BFF.

ncourage her!! What is good for you is great for you both...

For her safety you may want to stay involved, but don't lead her to your hobbying. I was once involved in a situation where a man evaluated me as an encounter for his girlfriend. Find some of the alternative weekly or dailies that offer erotic personals. Put an ad in looking for a man that your wife may want to bang. If you live near a college town, you may find horny and good looking young men that are willing to have sex with your wife for almost no money. Agree the meet the men first at a public place to evaluate them. If they pan out, take a private walk with the ones that look like good choices. Once you have a tentative agreement, meet the men with your wife along, again in a public place. You may have to pay a small fee to get the men to meet, if one ask for a bundle, drop him. If the man sees your wife and is still interested, the three of you can take a private walk and agree on a fee and time. Let the man know that you will give him and your wife privacy, but will hang around to insure her safety. Insist on condom use for penetration. When the time arrives, rent a nice large hotel room. Give them privacy with you nearby. Good luck.

I can appreciate your positive affirmation. But, if there was ever a time to stop playing the overly protective male role…it would be when your wife is looking to hire a professional to fuck for pure fun. She needs to find the right provider. And make that decision for herself.

Meet the man on her behalf?
Make the arrangements for her?
Vette him in a public place to ‘approve’ him? (or…well…. her, for that matter?)
Rent the hotel room to “give them privacy”----but stay close by…?
Insist on condom use for penetration...?! (well...um...how 'bout we assume she can figure this out on her own?)

If you turn your comments around for half a second---would you be OK with someone else (your wife?) planning your dates for you in the way you describe?

Jeepers. She’s a freakin' grown woman. Safety cannot be dismissed. But, there are avenues available to find reviewed male providers. Not many----not a dime a dozen. You won’t find them on TER. But, for god’s sake, it can be done.

a stranger.

Why not just tell her why you find it difficult to have long conversations with her.  Then she can explain how she feels about it.  Perhaps once you both feel understood, you can both work on finding a way to both get what you want.

fuck that, man.  if you don't care that she asked you that, you don't really give a shit what she has to say, and you're asking on a fuck board "should I give a shit?", it kind of sounds as though you don't give a shit.  sure you're not over the marriage?  only the guy in the mirror can answer that.  If you're not over the marriage, then the question is "do you love her so much, and are you so secure in yourself, can you deal with it?"

Im a hypocrite because I wouldn't deal with it.  but when a woman I'm over comes to me and says "I want someone else", a little voice inside me goes "yes!" because it's the easy way out emotionally.

I'll try and remember all the issues you all raised.

1) does she know about me and is this a subtle way of letting me know?  I highly doubt it.  She's far too honest and emotional.  I'd probably be dead by now if she really knew.

2) why don't I just listen better?  You don't know my wife.  She talks and talks and talks, usually about the plight of our children (mild special needs).  I try my best.  I'm usually good for the 1st 5 minutes or more.  After awhile I drift off into space for a minute (my adult ADHD).  She often catches me and gets instantly pissed off and the whole connectedness we were having in her opinion is blown and I become asshole #1 on the planet.  I doubt any male provider would be able to do much better than me.

3). How do I feel about it?  I'd feel like a total hypocrite if I told her no.  So I encourage her.  I don't feel particularly threatened.  Frankly, I don't think she'll ever follow through.  She told me she wouldn't have sex with other men because it "wouldn't be special" like it is with me.

4) maybe I should get divorced so I could hobby as a single guy.  Easier said than done.  Although I would have a lot more flexibility in scheduling and could perform without guilt.  But yes I do love her and want to be the main dad in my kids' lives.

5) Am I not fulfilling her needs sexually?  Maybe.  Although she needs very little.  I need more, and thus I'm here.  The risk I run is no longer wanting to have sex with her as it's much better with providers.  The only advantage my wife offers is no condoms, which I'm finding out is significant - man I hate those things.  Necessary evil though.

Did I cover them all?  If I think of others I'll write again.  Thanks for the serious and the stupid responses.  Always good for a laugh.

I've got a perfect friend who is a classy male companion if you decide to move forward with helping your wife explore this desire of hers.
Check out:
http://www.jamescraigonline.com/

--Sitara Devi

If you have been diagnosed with adult ADHD, you might consider having her meet with your diagnosing clinician, so that she can learn more about your ADHD directly from him, and can have more realistic expectations about what you are capable of.

Chances are that she has already seen one or more. Speaking from experience, my wife asked me what I would do if I caught her cheating on me - of course I told it would be over (this was before I started hobbying). Then she she talked about the both of us having affairs on the side. A few months later I found out she had been cheating on me for the previous 18 months - with a close friend of mine.
Remember women are better liars than us and they know how to play with our heads (both big and small).