We frequently hear Providers on this forum (and elsewhere) extol the virtues of, and their strict adherence to, a Provider-Hobbyist confidentiality privilege.  And I have no doubt that almost all Providers actually keep our affairs in confidence from our employers, co-workers, SOs, and in the case of running into us in person in the real world, anyone that happens to be in our company.  Makes sense--the girls do not want to jeopardize future business.  (And to be fair, I suspect a good many of them do it also because it's the *right* thing to do.)

But what about when a Provider thinks she's *not* putting her future business, or her client's real-world social and business relationships in jeopardy?  What about when she thinks she talking to a safe audience?  Namely, her friends who are also Providers.  I've seen several Hobbyists here say that confidentiality does not extend to talk amongst themselves.  So what's the real deal on this?  

Look, I understand that if there's an rip-off asshole Hobbyist out there, or worse, a potentially dangerous one, that the girls will (and should) share that information amongst themselves.  But putting those extreme cases aside, do Providers talk about us to one another?

As a man, I've always heard from civvie girls, "Oh you guys think you talk graphically about women with one another, but that ain't nothin compared to how women talk about men when the men are not around!".  Lol  I've always wondered if that was true or not, and short of becoming a tranny I guess I'll never know for sure.  Also as a man, I know how most women like to gossip amongst themselves.  It's a disease for many, diarrhea of the mouth.  (Not all women suffer from this, so ladies don't think I mean you if you are among the non-afflicted.)

So does this kind of routine, but very personal, sharing take place often?

Betty:  "Oh Hi, Lana, how've you been, I haven't talked to you in a few weeks?"

Lana:  "Pretty good, pretty good.  You?  How's your boy's grades, is he doing better in class?"

Betty:  "Yes, all Gold Stars since we last spoke.  Thanks for asking.  How 'bout you, did you get your car fixed?"

Lana:  "Oh, thank God a few clients came through to help me pay for it, but yeah, I'm mobile again.  

Betty:  "Excellent, who have you seen lately?  A couple of regulars come through for you?

Lana:  "Yeah, I saw Josh Adams just a few days ago, but geez it was a heavy scene.  He's depressed because his wife is threatening to leave him again."

Betty:  "Ohhh, the bank president you've been telling me about.  You mean he hasn't left that bitch yet?  Didn't you tell him 3 months ago that he needed to get out of that destructive relationship?"  

Lana:  "Yes I did, but honestly I've backed off of that advice lately because I don't want him to get the wrong idea about me."

Betty:  "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Lana:  [laughs] "Like I would ever have him!  He has back hair and a small penis."

Betty:  [laughs]  "Oy vay, that settles it, don't ever refer him over to me!"

Lana & Betty:  [laughing]

a very vivid imgination. The only time I talk to other providers about a client is for a reference check, or obviously if a client is unsafe to see. Also, I would never dicuss something a client tells me about his personal life with anyone else, nor would I ever give a client advise on their marriage or anything else. I simply listen to their stories and smile or be empathetic but no advise.
I appreciate my clients very much, have a few that I think of occasionally when I hear or see something that makes me think of them but certainly don't bring them up in conversations or think about them all day. My time with a client is spent soley focused on that client, once the session is over it is over. Sorry, don't mean that to sound harsh but that's how it is.

We don't talk about you like you talk about us, IMO.  Sure, I might mention that a guy shit on my sheets, or something especially disgusting or wonderful - but there's rarely names attached except in the case of cautionary information about someone abusive or otherwise a booking to be avoided.   I don't care how big your dick is, how small it is, or even if you're a great lover.  A good time is a good time and a bad time is an hour...  so to speak.  I need you to be cclean and respectful, nothing more.  I don't get an inflated ego or brownie points by talking about clients  even if they are admired athletes, public officials or billionaires.  And frankly, if I ran down every client I've seen in the last 30 days, you might be bored to death.  This is what we do day in and day out.  I would have to agree with anyone arguing that there are some girls addicted to chaos or gossip, but it's not what I would call a typical conversation.

on your hands.I do not discuss clients with other providers in the way you described in your post.I ask for a references from other provider's and that as far as that goes.The only time more than that should be discussed if the guy is not safe and to inform other providers.Why would I be chatting with a provider asking who has she seen? This does not make any sense to me.Talking to a girlfriend that is not a provider about a guy is different than a provider discussing a client among provider friends there is no comparison in my opinion.Gentleman see us providers for fun and to be discreet not to discuss his personal background,his marital situation,etc with others.I am not his wife and I am not confiding in my girlfriends about my marriage.

Hotplants: [laughing]

That part about Lana not wanting the bank President. Do you see that as being motivated more by the back hair?

Or the small penis?

You have back hair and a small penis?


Thank you
2010 = 28

BTW did you lose the Biscuit too ?

Ive never known many providers to ever discuss that much detail beyond "is he safe?" or "is he a gentleman?"

On the other hand I have heard hundreds of hobbyists gab about personal matters of both providers and other hobbyists- trust me you guys should worry more about eachother than you should worry about us!

Ive never heard as much dirt about people as I have from hobbyists, providers keep it simple and short. Hobbyists seem to use gossip as a form of name dropping and that is much more prevalent!

Well said!

provider-client talk. I hope that the folks who are roasting you for your post are as ethical as they claim to be. I have found some that are. Others are not so. The following is a slightly fictionalized account of my experience of provider-client indiscretion. The outline is faithful but the details are muddled to hide identities.

Once upon a time….

There was a newbie hobbyist, Client A, who was naïve enough to want to treat providers as regular folks, at least until proved otherwise, one way or t’other. Somehow it seemed that he hit it off really well with the first provider he saw. She offered OTC time and plenty with the understandings that she would have to cancel if business called and that for meetings involving certain forms of play that there would be compensation, of course. Compensation would guarantee his not being displaced in her schedule. The newbie hobbyist was smitten and told her about his interests and actually they shared a number.  There was talk about a post retirement friendship. He was told that he was welcome to say anything, invited to cross lines.

All seemed to be going to well to be true. But our newbie had always had a certain crazy luck with intelligent beautiful women so it was all good. He didn’t write a review because he treasured the relationship so much and wanted to keep it private and personal. He wrote reviews for other folks he saw as Plans B and risk reduction.

One day after a particularly passionate and delightful compensated date on a morning that followed an OTC dinner the night before at an elegant restaurant by one of the City’s top chefs there were many surprises. The lady brought up the topic of possibly getting married after she retired. Although she didn’t mention being interested in marrying him she immediately segued into: “I really don’t believe you are the kind of guy who would do ‘XYZ’”. Since ‘XYZ’ is pretty heinous, Client A reassured her but was most upset. He felt that for that to come up in conversation, his security had to have been compromised by his provider friend. To understand how he suspected this…..

Flashback: 20 years before in one of the interest groups where Client A was a member there had been a huge scandal. People were telling stories on themselves. The story client A told was of how he regretted when he was young that he was unable to prevent some older stronger boys from doing ‘XYZ’. In that group there were two younger “gentlemen”, “Billy” and “Bob” who twisted the story into Client A not having told the truth… that he had actually done ‘XYZ’ and was softening the story in his own favor. This led to a huge train wreck in which the group invited “Billy” and “Bob” to leave. They were outcast.

Flash forward: Client A finally reads all of the reviews of his provider friend. He discovers that “Billy” is one of her clients. He recognizes the writing style, the handle, and other identifying characteristics from correspondence 20 years ago. In addition he looks at his provider friend’s personal Facebook page and discovers that she is friends with “Bob”.

So Client A imagines that this is what happened:

Provider: “I met this guy who is into (she recites a list which is as good as giving Client A’s name.”
Billy and/or Bob: “WTF! He’s an SOB. He did ‘XYZ’ and when we called him on it WE got thrown out!”

However Client A and his provider friend can never discuss this. She doesn’t believe Billy and Bob either but she insists on being trusted beyond giving a simple reassurance. So the discussion is deferred. There is a promise to discuss if it is necessary to break it off since Billy and Bob are currently in positions to damage Client A’s business.

Needless to say things go downhill. Paranoia sets in. The air is never cleared. The relationship terminates abruptly, badly. Client A gets the occasional threat and deals with occasional mischief. It’s never directly from his former provider friend. It always seems to come from provider friends of hers, a new BF and most recently a message delivered by a 3rd party allegedly from “Bob” himself. That is the most interesting recent twist.

You're client "A" right?

And now, there is Billy and Bob...and another provider in addition to Lana and Betty.

Oh. The intrigue.

BTW, what is doing "XYZ"? Since ‘XYZ’ is "pretty heinous......".

I really do not want to post precisely what it is in detail. I've found that witholding some details gives me additional information on how Billy and Bob behave. If I tell it all here I won't be able to tell when Billy and Bob are up to their shenanigans.

I will say that it is not like a simple prank or a theft. It is more like assault, physical cruelty, torture and death whether intentional or accidental I cannot say. It's on that scale. I failed to stop it and it haunts me.

Probably isn't as interesting to us as it may seem to you.

Or are you a friend of Billy and Bob? LOL!

One can be haunted by a trauma without becoming disabled by it. I know I did the best I could under the circumstances to prevent 'XYZ' but was physically restrained from doing so. I did spend some time with a therapist on the topic. I have no need of that now. I'm quite sane. Eccentric, yes but not malicious.

I have found that over the years when Billy or Bob crop up that the best way of pacifying them is to remind them that I will defend myself. That is the purpose of my posting this.

about their dates?  NOT.

If you’re intending to fuck with me, personally? Fine.

If not, and you are still haunted enough by this that you are posting this on a public internet board.....you are not done with this.

And, seriously? A little creepy.

That's just the way it is. Providers, incidentally, are overwhelmingly women. So, yes, I don't care what it is -- it will be shared in less than 48 hours. With someone.

and they openly talk shop around me, but while they may talk about there sessions if they are extra good or extra bad but none of them use names unless it is for a reference or warning purposes. Do the ladies I know talk, yes. Do they blab out there clients personal information, not the ones I know.

why would I give a damn about messing with you personally...... Have we met?

I would be well done with this if Billy and Bob stayed far away. Talk to them about creepiness. The only method I have found of keeping them out of my life is posting on public boards. Not only did they interfere with an odd but good working relationship with a lady of your profession but recently Bob tried interfering with my professional life.

I'm sitting in my office recently. A guy I occasionally work with walks in and says, "Do you know Bob Mxykptlk?" I say, "Hmmm, not sure, maybe...?" The guy says: "Well Bob is sure he knows you and who you used to hang out with. I met him at ....." It's the place where "my" Bob works all right he just didn't get the pronunciation of the last name right.

So I'm creeped. Me. So now I will switch gears a bit and mess with you. Turn about is fair play.

Now I don't know if I know you or not. It does seem as though you are defending the virtue and integrity of providers. You have an interest in that. Perhaps you have some interest in messing with me by discrediting me and my story with your psychiatrist and twilight zone references. It is easy to see how perceived self interest could motivate you to put that spin on it, cause you to misread my post.

Hotplants is not a provider. She is a female hobbyist.

You’re crazier than a shithouse rat, and a creepy asshole.  

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

 Oh when I was young people talked about my feats of dare.But at 48? Ha!
Not much to talk about.

 I wish I was half the man my dog thinks I am.

It is really amusing how you spin things. I think you must be buds with Billy and Bob! LOL!

Billy has this fetish for wrapping many Benjamins together in a white envelope and presenting them to ladies who provide. I'm not sure about Bob but believe that Bob has the same fetish but unlike Billy I do not know Bob's board handle.

They are very liberal with their friends named Benjamin, to be sure.

Don't mind their having friends named Benjamin. I have friends named Benjamin too. The three of us do the same things with our Benjamin friends. I think that that fact is the only insurance of good behavior.

I would simply prefer to be left alone where I work and where I play without Billy and Bob popping up uninvited. Pushing back is tiresome.

Thanks for clarifying my position John. But, with all due respect, you do not know my position.

And, one position I do not hold is "hobbyist". I do have a "hobby". But racking up notches on the bedpost is not it

Ah, Billy boy? How are the wife and kids?

Have you kept them happy? Plump? Tender? I think in my pantry I have fava beans and a particularly fine Chianti....... Happy Hallowe'en, Bill.....

Echo effect. with manic laughter:
Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE END............. roll credits

This film was sponsored by

The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation
The Corporation for Public Broadcasting
The Society for Demonstrating that Both Genders can Behave Equally Prejudicially on the GD Board

and of course, viewers like you.

she's ambiguous. What is clear, sir, is that she thinks she's better than the lot of us provider and hobbyist types. Perhaps HER Hallowe'en costume is: female, not provider, not hobbyist but LG? Or TER management, or....? There are possibilities outside the two categories you mentioned, sir.

I like hotplants -- I think she's sharp.

I don't rack up notches for MY bedpost either -- but the fact I p4p *at all* makes me a hobbyist; just like all a woman has to do is accept p4p once and that makes her a prostitute. Sorry. (But, hey, as *I* have accepted money for sex, I am also a prostitute so I'm not cutting anybody down.)

It is clear hotplants sympathizes more with the providers than the hobbyists; but my theory is that even though she pays women for sex; her overriding philosophy as a feminist causes her to relate more with providers than hobbyists.

But that's just a guess -- last time I checked I can't read minds.

There is sharp, objective and sound and then there is sharp and biased. So I'll suspend judgement on that and await events.

I think we may have some philosophic difference over when one merits a label. I tend to not like labels and I think that distaste is adequately documented under other various "nomes de plume et guerre" on this board. I guess I am still reluctant to label anyone as a prostitute whether money is exchanged once or a thousand times a year. I guess I still try to regard everyone as human first.

I've never found racism to be confined to oppressing race, it is often shared by the oppressed race. Similarly feminists, male or female, can be subject to the intellectual corruption of misandry. This is not to let misogynists off the hook either. But let's not get me started.....

1) You know I don't do notch on the bedpost either.
2) I'd better do a better job disguising my style. LOL!