I'd appreciate helpful advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation to this. I would also appreciate hearing from any providers who understand what if feels like from my side of this. I'm admitting my own stupidity this time, so this is largely for my own education... but it's also to help others avoid a bad experience (both providers and patrons.)

Recently, I decided to try a provider/escort for the first time, it's something I had never done before. I'm an older, or 'mature man' now so, being new to this, I found some sites that had listings close to me (yesbackpage is one, N. Dallas area) and spent a considerable time looking at the ads to find a woman I found attractive and with whom I hoped we might have a good connection. (My hope was to find one woman I might see regularly.)

When I found a woman who appeared to be independent and seemed okay, I contacted her via text and she said that she was in my area at the time and at her 'house' only 10min away. I had seen a number of her ads and she always indicated she took cash on meeting, but when I told her I was bringing cash she suddenly began to balk and started pushing the gift-card angle. Being on the spot, and obviously overly hopeful, I stupidly agreed and bought cards to meet her $200 price. Then, of course, I fell for the whole 'give me the numbers so I can check them'. Hind sight is 20-20 now of course. So when I checked myself and realized the cards were spent, she stalled a bit but then gave me a street name that led me to a gated apartment complex (not a house, as she had been saying all along). When I asked about that, how to get through the gate, and for a unit #, suddenly I was told to call another number and speak to her manager, who would then let me through. Obviously, with an allegedly private meeting suddenly turning into a 'meet the manager/pimp' situation, I was on high alert for my own safety. As I expressed my concern, she said I could talk to her 'godmother' if I preferred, whatever that meant. That was enough for me though, and at that point, I told her that this was not what she had advertised or ever described, and I'd feel more comfortable postponing and rescheduling. At least I'd have time to think it over. She agreed, but after her last "Ok, babe" she has never responded again. I did text her the next day to at least stay in touch, but never got another reply. Apparently she has ghosted me completely. (Fwiw, we had no scheduled appointment time, so I did not no-show, and I was never rude or crass.)

...and so, after this learning experience, I have a few questions:
1) Are there any truly legitimate sites that are not saturated with scam listings?  
2) Are there any tell-tale sign of an honest provider vs a scammer
3) Presuming you honest providers do not like scammers hurting this business either, do you have
    an recommendations on what I should or could do that might help and at least warn others about
    the person I encountered?
4) Lastly, merely to have asked, is it totally absurd to ask to simply meet a provider before committing to a scheduled  
     meeting? (I honestly mean that, for me, it's as  much so she can see me and have a sense of who I am, as it is for me
     to be confident that she is real, honest, sincere, and her pictures are who she says she is.) All things considered, this
     seems like it should be better for everyone, and a piece of cake to do for just a minute to say 'hi'... but I don't know.

Thanks...

Rather than hand over another $200 to a scammer, get a monthly subscription here and read reviews of actual providers who check all your boxes.

Some providers will meet you for a initial coffee date before the hook up, but expect to pay for that as well.

I just did a search of Dallas and got 27 providers that had new reviews posted within the past week, which means they are active right NOW in Dallas!!  When you go to sketchy places to find ladies to see, your experience is not unusual.  This almost never happens with well-reviewed ladies with profiles on TER.  To answer your questions . . . .  

 
1.     TER.  There are some regional ad sites, but this is the most reliable, IMO.  

 
2.     When you are new, confine your search to TER.  The honest ones have reviews on TER.

 
3.     You can name her here, or qualify by writing reviews and post her name on the Reviewers Only board.  It's an illegal business, so you have none of the consumer protection remedies you have with other businesses.  

 
4.     Yes, that would be totally absurd, except when it comes to making an ongoing "arrangement" with an SB.  

Research. Thats what makes TER so special. The ability to research a SW is paramount in having a good time and keeping you out of harms way, as best we can. But you dont not know this because you are new and there is no harm in being new.  
Going forward, only see women that you can verify and by verify I mean that have a proven track record here (and possibly several other sites) of dealing with clients honestly and fairly. Being new to this, dont ever see a woman who isnt reviewed. You are just asking for trouble, as you found out.
Listen, we are all new at one point and everyone makes mistakes. Going forward when you find a woman online you would like to see, remind yourself that that is just the start of your research, not the end point.
You made a mistake. No big deal. Learn from it and move forward. Good luck!

END OF MESSAGE

Thanks, CDL, for the reply. To answer your question, I was not even aware of TER until just the other day. The vast majority of search terms I tried when looking for sites tended to point to yesbackpage, 2backpage, HOT, escortalligator (listserv), and several others. If I'd known about TER I would have been checking here before anything else.  

I haven't seen the woman I contacted here on TER, at least I haven't yet, so I don't know if saying anything here would make a difference. Since my bad experience, I've done a good amount of research to locate other ads she(they?) have posted. I've found several, all usually in sites like the ones I named above, posted in far apart cities around the country sometimes for virtually the same time period. That must be some serious frequent flyer miles! I've also seen fairly recent ads she posted using different names, email, phone numbers, services offered, WhatsApp and Snapchat numbers, etc. But I'm not sure if that's a sign of deception or just something I should expect to change daily for any provider. I haven't seen her picture in what I think are more reputable sites (EROS.com?), so maybe that says something.

Still, my mistakes were my own, and I certainly don't want to give myself a reputation as being difficult to legitimate and honest providers who may see this. I only asked here because TER presents as a reputable site and things I read on the discussion board made me feel it was a safe and worthwhile place to ask questions. I still hope any providers will give their input, just to hear their point of view.  
Thanks again!

Thanks Robert... you're right, learn and move on.  

I'll keep this saying as my motto: "Experience is what you have right after you needed it!"  

Trying to stay positive

do have SOME honest providers, but these sites tend to be populated with a high percentage of scammers and rip-off artists.  Running touring ads and notices in multiple cities is a tip-off to a deposit scam.  A hallmark of legit providers is that they will have a website of their own rather than using only common platforms owned and run by others. The scammers are not willing to invest in their own business and this lack of commitment in not having a website of their own should be a red flag.  Many providers post here, and they all (except a few outliers) seem to recognize the value of having their own website where they maintain control and discretion over the content.  

 
I had some similar experiences when I was new, but like you, I found TER within 5 months of starting out, and that was in 2008.   I have always opted for the VIP membership because you get so much more information out of the reviews.  You can get a whole year of access for less than the cost of ONE session with a provider and I find that being able to access the entire review makes it easy to find girls that match my preferences for looks and style of service. At first, I paid quarterly a few times for VIP, but once I realized the value, I paid annually and took the discount offered for signing up for a longer term.  You can also get VIP member days for writing reviews of your encounters with providers.  Welcome to TER, you won't be sorry.

I feel sorry that happened, but am baffled as to why you would give $200 in giftcards if you did not have a booked appointment. I offer platonic meetings for those who want to see me in person without the pressure of performing, but my time always requires a tribute. TER VIP membership gives you the ability to research & read fantasy reviews. You can also, view the top 100 list of providers. You gain the ability to direct message other members. Utilize TER as a tool for you  to do your due diligence, and make an executive decision.

-- Modified on 7/22/2023 3:24:48 AM

Good that you've now found the site so can do better research. Learning from experience is the best response so kudos for having that attitude -- never fun though. That said, also keep in mind that nothing is perfect and you will learn that sometimes even well reviewed providers here sometimes have reported issues. As such, simple common sense will go a long way in protecting you from making mistakes or getting burned. Would you do the same type of thing you did here if you were looking to buy a used car from some web or newsprint ad placed by someone you never heard of before?

 
As for buying TER VIP -- for just a bit over two hundred you can buy an annual membership so if you're planning on seeing providers more than perhaps once every two or three months you will do better just paying the annual fee -- of course you can also just buy the monthly and write reviews. Of just write reviews and never pay TER anything. You can decide what seem the best way for you and what type of support you want to return back for access to the information available here.

Thank you, Bia. I'm just as baffled at myself. You should hear the conversations I have with myself in my head Long ago I heard, "You don't learn from doing it right, you learn from doing it wrong", so I've learned several things. I'm not sure if or when I'll try it again, but you give me hope that there are women worth meeting.

Forgive me if I missed this, but could you post the providers name or link, etc so that others don't fall into the same trap?

Cash is king. Never send providers deposits whether they are legit or not. The only reason they keep asking for it is because enough guys cave and send it to them. If no one sends them deposits, gift cards, etc they'll be forced to stop or go out of business.

Because then the prices would fall. It's human nature to want "the best" even though we will all argue what "the best" even means. I send deposits to very reputable, incredibly beautiful women who reward me with fantasy fulfillment and incredible memories. It really is just that simple. And I respect the guys who choose not to. Viva la difference!

On point 4. Yes it’s absurd. You seem way to trusting. You will find the only sincerity they have is getting paid. There is nothing wrong with that.

The only practice that comes close to that would be FaceTime verification that some providers offer.

And for the good news.....you learned from this experience! As a provider, here are my responses to your questions:  

1) Are there any truly legitimate sites that are not saturated with scam listings?  

No. All sites have scam listings. All of them. You really have to do research on your end first to weed out the scams.  

2) Are there any tell-tale sign of an honest provider vs a scammer

Yes. An honest provider is going to have a website and an online presence and is usually on social media. Twitter is probably the most sex work friendly. If it is not listed in the ad ask for internet info to do research.  
 
3) Presuming you honest providers do not like scammers hurting this business either, do you have
    an recommendations on what I should or could do that might help and at least warn others about
    the person I encountered?

I think you already know the answer to this one. Don't give gift card info before you have seen the provider. If the provider does request a deposit read the fine print so you know how to get your money back or reschedule if the date does not occur.  

4) Lastly, merely to have asked, is it totally absurd to ask to simply meet a provider before committing to a scheduled  
     meeting? (I honestly mean that, for me, it's as  much so she can see me and have a sense of who I am, as it is for me
     to be confident that she is real, honest, sincere, and her pictures are who she says she is.) All things considered, this
     seems like it should be better for everyone, and a piece of cake to do for just a minute to say 'hi'... but I don't know.

Not absurd at all, but just be aware that you are going to have to still pay for a platonic date. I request $100 for a meet and greet, which is on the very low end. The vast majority of legitimate providers offer this option, so if a "provider" says they do not I would be warry.

Since you asked, I'll post these links to the provider I had my poor experience with. If anyone feels this shouldn't be, then I won't have a problem with Admins deleting this message. I take the blame for my mistakes, so I only hope this helps someone else to not make my mistake, and helps preserve the reputations of you providers who have been considerate enough to give me your thoughts on this.  
(Fwiw, seeing the bizarre names and email addresses in the Escortrush link below (from a week ago) has made me wonder whether these posts might be scams by others, stealing her pictures, and then creating a 'honey trap' with the scammers number and email address to trap idiots like I was. So maybe she has no idea someone is using her pictures. If so, that's a bad sign for all of us.)
Since I can't put two links in the Link URL with these messages, I'll try sending one there. Links apparently are not allowed inside messages so, to include both links, I changed the extensions to ZZZ. You'll need to copy-paste and change the ZZZ to .com to get these to work. (Hope this is okay)

This top link is the provider still advertising in my area as of yesterday:
www.yesbackpage.ZZZ/296/posts/8-Adult/122-Female-Escorts/6776614-Text-me-321-209-4690-Verified-Escort-Am-available-to-now-.html

From Escortrush.com as of 16 July:
denton.escortrush.ZZZ/female-escorts/434561305899175936?ref=featured

Another on Escortrush from May 1st (actually stating payment after svc.)
denton.escortrush.XXX/body-rubs/407055400601391104

It's a long shot, but if you look on back of the card there should be a website and you can register yourself.  

But seeing the money has been spent by scammer, some visa GC companies will actually allow you to dispute it

You have nothing to lose give it a shot

It only shows that the person in the photos exists and is willing to talk to you. There's no guarantee when you go and meet in person that person will be there and/or willing to engage in sexual activity as agreed.

 
It's like, you could be waving real money in front of FaceTime camera and then substituting them with monopoly money for the meeting.

Surveys show that it’s 92% effective in preventing being bait and switched. You see the provider you’re going to hook up with beforehand. If you get to the appointment and it’s another girl, you walk away.

For the 8% who see the provider in a FaceTime verification and allow themselves to be duped when they get to the meeting, they fall into the category of irredeemably stupid.  

Would you like to guess which category most here feel that you fall into?

First of all, got a link to these numbers?

Second of all, I don't do FaceTime verifications so I don't think I fall into any of these categories.  

Third of all, once again my point stands. FaceTime verification does not inherently stop bad behavior or prove anything about provider.

verifications, and never have, would you agree that your whole argument is based on assumptions and speculation?  Ain't Karma a bitch?  Lol

Your point doesn’t stand. It’s been blown out of the water.

Lol blown out of the water by whom?

By your numbers to which you didn't cite the source and might as well be made up?

Yeah right. Where do you get these numbers you've cited, I ask one more time.

No, there is no assumption in my argument.

It's a fact of life and basic design in how things work, that identification at one point in time does not infer that the same person will be there later.  

 
It doesn't work like that anywhere.

Doesn't work like that in programming.

When you visit TER on a different session (not having a cookie etc) , your browser will initiate TLS handshake each time.

 
Doesn't work like that in security checkpoints, where you have to present your passport in many different instances

 

So there are zero assumptions here. It's actually factually common sense. Anyone seeing  anyone on video doesnt guarantee that the same person will see them instead when it comes to the actual meeting time.

-- Modified on 7/28/2023 6:51:23 PM

talking about programming and security checkpoints.  Everyone else is talking about FaceTiming a provider, and you admit you have never done that, so how can you have any expertise in this specific area?  Can't you just stay on the topic and stop the deflections every time you fail to support your points with any kind of personal experience.  You always want to compare sex work with legitimate, legal businesses.  It doesn't work.  

END OF MESSAGE

Anyway, it wasn't becoming of me, the pressure was too hard to sustain.But it couldn't go to a more deserving individual. Congrats, wear the crown proudly.

A lot of the sites you mentioned were kinda sketchy. Not saying there aren't legit ones on there but harder to weed through. Now that you know about this site I think you will have a better chance of getting the real deal. As far as your question about meeting first.... a lot of us take some time to prepare to see someone. It's your first impression of us and if the meeting was a requirement before appt we would have to get ready for possibly nothing. And that isn't even the biggy. We screen so we can feel safe so we would have to do that too. I don't think you are going to find anyone that will do that for free.  I hope you see a new gal and have the time of your life. XO

I'm sorry, but gotta say... what an idiot

1)  If it seems too good to be true; it IS!

 
2)  In ANY situation, cut your losses.  Once you get scammed, game over for that person.

 
3)  As CDL articulately stated, there are way too many fish in the sea AND TER is the only resource I trust.

-- Modified on 8/13/2023 12:44:10 PM

I was looking at Tryst and saw a Dom was coming into my area that looked interesting.  Her ad was up and showed she'd be in my area Aug. 23-25.  I contacted her via the email.  Next day her ad is down and the reply I got was not typical of how women in the BDSM reply.  

She goes on to tell me I need to send $150 deposit.  I replied you still 12 days out from visiting and then she says no I am already here.  Kept pestering for the deposit.  It was beyond pathetic and scam.  I asked why the ad gone and her only reply was I needed to take it down to revise my schedule.  Mind you this woman is California based but it all might be a lousy scam.

Face time might help for the guy to be reassured but as far as I am concerned it does nothing for me. I want to know that if u hurt me I have information that can have justice served. That's my main reason. Having another provider vouch for you let's me know you behave. So face time isn't for me. Plus I am not ugly but I do doll up for an appt. I don't want to get ready for a face time. I don't feel I need to prove I am legit. I have already proven that by my website, my posts and my reviews.

If that's really her site, she is real and her sister posts on here all the time. But sometimes scammers get onto our real ads and change the contact #.

Be glad you only lost $200! (More on this later.)

I agree with those who advocate subscribing to TER and reading escort reviews.  

During my intro-to-escorts phase I lost a lot more than $200. In several cases, I gave a large deposit. Bad idea! One escort who ripped me off said I shouldn't have given her such a big deposit!

Look for providers with at least 10 recent reviews, although there's no magic number. Also, check the reviewer's track record. If they have 20-30 reviews, chances are that they speak with some authority.

Currently, I stick mostly with providers I've seen multiple times and had great experiences with. This is the best because she is not nervous with you and knows what you like. I tend to pay less than a new client, too!

Good luck!

TOMD