TER General Board

Re: Would you or Wouldn't you?
kinsey1959 2 Reviews 421 reads
posted

1. yes but qualified - my second marriage dissolved partly for reasons of sexual incompatibility and hobbying is part of an experience set that gave me a comparison (admittedly a relatively minor part of that set but at least in small ways influential).
2. Yes, I like living with a woman (would do that sans marriage) and would remarry (if that's what the right woman wanted and with some real strong prenups).
3. NA 4. NA 5. NA
I'd remarry and possibly stop participation in the hobby for the right woman (I'll put it on the table and with a great deal of discretion discuss parameters) but I'm old and crotchety and most of the civies that I date wind up annoying me enough during these exclusivity negotiations that the relationships fall apart. I don't look at marriage as a replacement for the hobby but I do enjoy clear and honest communication with partners. Any agreements would be highly dependent on the woman I was with, the way she viewed sex within the relationship and what she was putting on the table in negotiations. Having had the experience in my second marriage of bad sex and no sex within the marriage along with rigidly monogamous parameters, I'm quite certain that I don't want to and won't willingly put myself in that situation again. On the other hand finding a woman who is kindhearted enough that she provides within the marriage or self assured enough to allow for this activity outside are both workable agreements.

This post has many parts to it, so read the questions carefully.

Married gentlemen, would you ever divorce based on feelings you get from the hobby (NOT a particular lady) that you no longer get in your marraige?

Divorced gentlemen, would you ever re marry now that you have discovered the hobby?

Single guys, would you ever want to marry now that you have discovered the hobby?

Ladies, if single, would you ever marry a hobbiest?  Why, Why not?

Ladies who may be divorced, would you ever consider remarrying again?

Just some curious questions to get the day going.

Cheers

Take all questions as being hypothetical, even if the question doesnt apply to you (ie, married guys, feel free to respond to the single guy question)

Also on the PS and FL boards, thought this board would get even MORE responses.

absolute-homerun451 reads

I thought the greatest thing about being a hobbiest is having your cake and eating it too.
For me it's about being married happily but also enjoying the finer things in life (fine young ladies)

MenAreFromMars471 reads

Marriage is kind of like the hobby... but without the benefit of TER...

You shell out the bucks, and are never sure what, if anything, you are going to get.

And as times goes on, items keep disappearing off the menu.

If I was married and my husband wanted to treat himself to a session with an sp once in a while (as long as it wouldn't be an addiction) I don't think I would mind. On the other hand, if he was going to pick up girls in bars I wouldn't put up with it.

Hey C,

   That's very nice of you, but I don't think I'll bring it up with my wife:)

Cleo,
If you were married and your husband wanted to step out with another courtesan then a red flag should go up rather high and flap all about.
YOU are a stunning woman.

Cleo,what man in his right mind,would want to see a sp,if he was married to you!...Have you looked in the mirror lately?(wow)

married would not divorce, divorce would impoverish me to such a degree that hobby would not be possible.

If single would be less afraid to marry because of the hobby.

If divorced same answer as single applies (for me)

1. yes but qualified - my second marriage dissolved partly for reasons of sexual incompatibility and hobbying is part of an experience set that gave me a comparison (admittedly a relatively minor part of that set but at least in small ways influential).
2. Yes, I like living with a woman (would do that sans marriage) and would remarry (if that's what the right woman wanted and with some real strong prenups).
3. NA 4. NA 5. NA
I'd remarry and possibly stop participation in the hobby for the right woman (I'll put it on the table and with a great deal of discretion discuss parameters) but I'm old and crotchety and most of the civies that I date wind up annoying me enough during these exclusivity negotiations that the relationships fall apart. I don't look at marriage as a replacement for the hobby but I do enjoy clear and honest communication with partners. Any agreements would be highly dependent on the woman I was with, the way she viewed sex within the relationship and what she was putting on the table in negotiations. Having had the experience in my second marriage of bad sex and no sex within the marriage along with rigidly monogamous parameters, I'm quite certain that I don't want to and won't willingly put myself in that situation again. On the other hand finding a woman who is kindhearted enough that she provides within the marriage or self assured enough to allow for this activity outside are both workable agreements.

Well I did get divorced and in large part because I was getting needs met outside the marriage via the hobby.

Yes, I will ever remarry or find a LTR at some point again because I have needs for companionship which are not met within the hobby.

LuxeLady697 reads

I am single, and I would marry a hobbyist. It would be a double standard if I said now. But then I wonder, would a gentleman I marry see and escort if he had a girl like me to romp around with in the bed.

I have dated a guy in the hobby before. I didn't really care, but he seems embarassed about it.

.. I'd like to be in a LTR.

But, it doesn't necessarily have to be long term or even marriage, as long as there's some real commitment to her - and her to me.  I think when you find that - it usually becomes a LTR.

I don't feel the need for the "legality" of a marriage.  A LTR where each person follows thru on their commitment(s) - would be just fine for me.

She's out there right now, too.  I'm just waiting to spend some time with her, ya know.  Get to know each other real well & let nature take it's course.

Of course, if you end up rockin' each other's world physically ..... well, that's nature taking it's course, ain't it !!!!

I'm attached and have had many exceptional experiences in 'the hobby' but, no I would not divorce due to any of them.  The hobby is a wonderful thing, but it is what it IS and it is not a long term reality.  I've always thought of it as an E Ticket at Disneyland!

When I was single I saw many providers but they did not influence me to STAY single.  First of all, at the time, my providers were usually in massage parlors and not the incredible ladies who give GFE I've known in the past few years.  They were great for 'scratching the itch' but that was about that.  While from a purely technical point of view, the providers could be exceptionally talented but they could never match a (even less talented) woman that was doing thing because she really wanted to be doing them.  

Many years later I'm back to seeing providers.  Its just the way of the world.
MVR

If I were to divorce, it would not be "because" of hobbying, but hobbying has helped me to see what else is out there. There are other serious reasons to divorce. I would say that hobbying has made it easier to divorce, in that it has given me more to think about (be dissatisfied with). Could hobbying provide the straw that brakes the camel's back? If divorce does happen, it could be true.

If I divorced, hobbying would not stop me from remarrying. Hobbying has changed what I would look for in a mate. Unfortunately, looking for that aspect (sexual) is difficult when sex before marriage is frowned upon by the group I mainly hang around with. I get the impression that the rule is a little more lax among the older crowed.

I would not have a problem marrying an escort. However, I think one condition of marriage would be that she stops escorting, and I would stop hobbying.

If I get divorced, I think I would have to find a new group of people to hang with, in order to find a lady that is more like the ATF's that I have come to enjoy.

I am in a LTR and my SO is in my mind, all I will ever Desire in a relationship. He is great, a very sweet man who just adores me and I him.
Even though we have long term plans for our future, we are older, and maybe both wiser. We see no need for paperwork to be an issue. I love him and am as devoted to him as if I had married him, but no we won 't get married.
I don't think I would marry a hobbyist or be in a relationship with one, I am certain though I have just not met the right one.  There are many sweet charming men who hobby, I was never in the right frame of mind even when I have met some Darling Gentlemen.  
You have to be open minded to this to some degree for it to be a possability, for me it never has. I appreciate this business  greatly but it is a business for me, One I adore and Enjoy but a business none the less. I have goals that got me into this business, and my mind is set on those goals. They reach far beyond just me and my needs. So I'd guess my goals keep that fine line in tact between business and pleasure.  I can enjoy the job, the people I have had the pleasure to meet in the process of reaching my goals but its seperate from my life and it needs to remain as such.  
When I leave here I hope to take with me, some fabulous memories, wonderful connections, long term smiles and really good friendships...and that is all.

Nicole~

-- Modified on 8/20/2008 9:14:42 PM

I was married once before (for three years when I was really young), and have also been in an eight year relationship that came close.  I would have married that one if things had gone just a little differently, but I definitely would marry the right woman again.  I know myself much better now, and won't marry the wrong one.

The best paid sex...no matter how hot the lady...is not anywhere as rewarding to me as being truly in love and having great sex with that woman.  Nothing can match that.

DM here...i would consider re-marrying,if the women i'm marrying,treated me 1/2 as well as my provider does!...never would of divorced,had that fact been true,in my 1st marriage(30yrs).

WonderfulLove437 reads

I'm a married provider and should I ever get divorced I know that I could easily marry a man I have met in the Hobby. This "job" lets you get to know men in a truly intimate and fearless way. They don't wonder if I think they're perverted and I KNOW they are attracted to me and like me.

I think that if you really connect with someone, money or no money, then you should value that person immensely.

Feeling accepted for who you are and not what you do is the most important part of our own selfesteem.

Have you ever heard the saying ... " I love you but I don't love who you are"

For me acceptance is the key

Kisses Haley

ONLY if she was exceedingly wealthy.

Except for the above reason there are no practical or lasting benefits to be had in marriage.

Divorced gentlemen, would you ever re marry now that you have discovered the hobby?

Yea, I would remarry - at least several of the ladies in TER - alas - they won't have me!  I would also remarry the stripper who drugged & robbed me... she was hot!  and would keep things interesting....   and hey, she could not do anymore harm to me than the ex. Mrs.Superdude.

but would I remarry - yes I would.  For while I don't miss the ex Mrs. Superdude... I do MISS marraige.  

good question .....

I am married!  Damn, forgot that part.
Yes, the longer you're married the menu starts to shrink.  And if you're really unfortunate, you get none, as it is for me.   Serious emotional problems my wife has, of course, long time readers have heard that previously.

If I was to divorce I'd want to remarry.  I like being married.  I loved this marriage and the sex, it was great until "the problem."

I have great envy for men in a marriage where the sexual relationship remains hot.

Sure wish I had it.

Oh, and NO, I would not hobby if I had a sexually satisfying marriage.   Next life, I guess.

If they were the right person for you why not marry them. But then I believe in open relationships.

NighthawkB497 reads

I'm single and think about this issue sometimes.
I don't know if I should marry a provider, it is a very difficult decision to make.

Luckily I don't have to make it.

Hobby feelings are fantasy feelings. Marraige is reality.

Interesting questions.

The hobby will be a factor in divorce-  As Panda bear said, it is not the reason, but perhaps better said-- the reason I began to hobby was the missing parts of marriage.  In the hobby I found acceptance, open communication without 'unspeakable' subjects, some really bright, creative, and open women.  So hobbying has shown me that more is out there than what I have been settling for.

However, my thinking there is also reality grounded-  as someone else said well above- hobbying is like Disneyland-  you see only the good, none of the downside.

Once divorced would I re-marry-  definitely yes if I found total love and acceptance with someone who I was sexually compatible with.  Like someone else said, nothing beats a great relationship.

Would I marry a provider- yes with caution.  I like providers.  I like their attitude, their adventuresome nature, their openness, their accepting nature.  The level headed ones are too wise and savvy for games.  Why the caution-  don't shoot me ladies, but the couple providers I did cross the boundary with ultimately proved that at least in their case, love and sex was an expendable commodity that was not valued as much as someone who does not trade it for a living.  I would still date and consider a provider as a viable LTR, but with the same caution I would view an LTR with anyone after divorce-  I'd want to be very sure before jumping in!



-- Modified on 8/21/2008 4:37:48 PM

The question for the single guys was would I ever get married now that I have discovered the hobby.

The simple answer is no, but not because of this hobby. I have never planned on getting married. I don't believe there is such a thing as love and I believe people who feel the need to have "love" and get married are really only trying not to live a life alone. Loneliness is a very compelling feeling. I prefer to be alone and would go absolutely insane if I had to deal with anyone everyday (especially if it was the same person everyday).

b-

I am divorced and would definitely get remarried again. Of course that would probably take me away from the hobby as well. I don't think I could marry anyone from the hobby...not sure that I could trust him not to be a part of this community anymore. Of course if we were married...would it matter? LOl!

-- Modified on 8/21/2008 7:12:20 PM

Ashlyn...if you were to marry a hobbyist,he would have to be out of his friggin mind,to want to continue hobbying!...Why God didn't make enough Ashlyn's to go around,i'll never understand!...Life's just not fair!

Sexy Carolina....wanna go look at rings?

Those are just the words I have been waiting to hear

And please don't tell me you are taking me to a 3 ring circus!!

Do you have good lungs?
Do you dive?
:)

No, on the the circus,I'm talking Diamonds!
Yes,on the lungs....i can stay down for a long time whether it be scuba or "Muff"..diving!(lol)

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