Occasionally a provider posts that a fav client suddenly stops responding.  Myriad of unexplained reasons why.

Among the common for men are: terminal maladies, (cancer and diabetes) surprise deaths (heart attack) or incapacitation (stroke).  

Given the morbid nature of this topic, would you ladies want to know, in advance, the possibilities or do you not really care?

Not a topic during a session, but for FAV's a legitimate reveal by email.

Reason for bringing this up, I recently revealed my "risk factors" to a FAV, and I think I freaked her out.

I would want to know.

Several months ago, by a fluke, I learned that a very sweet and wonderful gentleman that I had seen many times had passed away. I cried my eyes out when I learned, and deeply regretted being unable to attend his funeral or otherwise pay my respects to him. I was grateful though, that I did at least learn of his passing. Had I not found out, I would have been hurt wondering why he suddenly stopped all contact with me.

I have been blessed to make some truly wonderful connections with some of the men that I see. They are more than clients, they are friends and confidantes. To suddenly lose contact with someone I have grown to know so well would be truly saddening, though it does happen. So yes, I would want to know.

Thank you darlin's.  That is my natural inclination.  Proof that you are more than just "providers."  I have two of the three mentioned risk factors.  Was really surprised by the avoidance by a FAV to understand that my confession was a sign of affection.

That begs the question of how we hobbyists would go about making sure our favorite providers are informed of our demise.

I guess if you're that close to passing on, and you really want her to know why you've stopped calling-- put her in your will.  

I'm not suggesting that you provide an inheritance, but your lawyer (as executor) can contact her after you die.  You might like to write a letter for him/her to give your ATF.

I think you guys are missing my point.  Not talking about impending demise but risk factors so our ladies would know in advance that stuff could happen.

This is a great thread c. I am fairly healthy but I too have some risk factors and both of my Favs are well aware of them. I think the fact that your FAV freaked out when you told her of your situation says more about her than it does about your health issues.

Okay, the light just came on. But Jane's suggestion also makes a lot of sense in the event of unexpected/accidental passing, such as a car wreck.
jhb

I realize that it could be touchy for some clients, but I would very much like to know. I have grown close to some that have been regulars for quite some time now.
 I currently have a fav who hasn't been able to see me for several months. He had contacted me and let me know about the illness he has been diagnosed with. We stay in contact thru email, and I get to be a good friend in return.

Yeah, I would like to know about health issues.  Especially if he has equipment, like an air tank or defibrilator.  Those nose tube things freak me out.

gosh, i would have no idea how would be the best way to let a fav know something bad had happened to me.   i do believe i have some form of a relationship with her, and i would actually prefer that she would know my current dire situation, even before some of my work friends, etc.

(i apologize that i'm hijacking the original question of how to tell a provider about client health issues)

well, technology has brought us all this far...  hey, bill gates doesn't have a day job anymore, does anyone know how to contact him?

Her reaction may not necessarily be about you really. Some people simply do not handle any kind of illness well. I know I am that way with those who are close to me. I don't like to think about what they are going through, and tend to shy away from detailed discussions about their illness. Right now, a very dear lady who I've known since I was a child and has been like a second mother to me is going through her third bout of cancer. This time it involves the lymph nodes around her heart, and the prognosis is not good. Though I try to be there and a support to her, and I love her dearly, it is hard for me to hear what is happening to her. I love her and I'll be there for her through every bit of it, but it just tears me up to hear what the doctors have to say about her condition and her treatment.

More likely though, I suspect it may be a boundary issue. Every woman has her comfort level about how close they can comfortably allow a gentleman to get to them. Discussing personal health issues may be too close for her comfort, and may be seen as a signal from you that you are wanting to expand your relationship with her beyond her client/provider boundaries.

I'm sorry her reaction was not what you hoped for or expected, but I hope it doesn't ruin what is clearly a very enjoyable connection on your part.

I don't think of it as a deeply serious risk factor, but I have diabetes.  EVERY provider I see knows about this promptly because it's fairly obvious when I disconnect my insulin pump.  

I need the providers to know just so that in the unlikely event that she was so incredibly good that when I exploded I actually dropped my blood sugar enough to cause me to pass out (and I have NEVER lost consciousness, and I've had it for 15 years), she could go grab one of my ever present candy bars or juice or something and keep me from dying.

I've never heard a provider complain about this, but, now that you mention it, that may be why one or two of them declined to do anything that might get me too excited.  (And I don't see them anymore.)  

I think it's simply a safety issue, and I would be very unhappy if a provider ever objected to it.  Now that you've brought it up, though, perhaps I should make it a policy to tell her before she ever arrives to avoid putting her in a potentially uncomfortable situation.

Good thread.  Thanks for giving me something new to consider.

F

I am an extremely strong woman, but I have lost 14 people in two years, and I'm a bit flustered myself. I've also been through brain surgery about 10 months ago -- something I consider serious. But some people get excited when they need to have their gallbladder taken out. I know it's painful but it's not a crisis. A client dropping a bombshell like that on me just makes me think, "Oh, no! How many more are going to die on me?" And, it might not even be that serious, yet he's getting me all worked up. Perhaps it's a condition that can be fixed and if that's the case, then I would hope he doesn't make it sound like a fatal disease. But if a guy told me he had cancer then I'd want updates to see how he was feeling. However, there are those "few" men who have seen us maybe four times in three years and get very sensitive when we don't email them back right away (which, actually I usually do with everyone), then that is someone who is overly sensitive and needs to realize others have problems too.

If I have developed a true friendship with a client (which doesn't happen often because some get too needy and too personal), then I wouldn't mind knowing about it. In fact, if he needs a shoulder to lean on then that is fine with me. However, I think some clients are a little overwhelming and expect us to be more helpful when possibly it's a time that is bad for us, too. Sometimes men forget that we have our own personal lives and problems with sicknesses too. I have so many friends and family members who are sick or have died within the last five years (14 in two years) that it's really hard hearing about more sickness, especially if I have only seen the client one or two times. Now, if it's someone I've established a rapport with and he is really sick, then I'd like to know. That would be sad to lose a friend. I am pretty private about certain things in my life and also need private time with family, friends and my other work, so I don't share a lot with my clients. If something were wrong with me, then I might tell a couple of people but not if it's something that can be fixed. Then why worry other people when life is already stressful. I don't like bothering other people who have their own family life and who need their privacy too.

However, I would never turn someone away. But please be conscious of our client/provider relationship and please don't be hurt if you call and I am busy with other work or with family.  That is why I prefer email. Shoot! There are times with my civie friends when I have to call them back. I lead a very hectic lifestyle.

After saying all of this, I sincerely hope that everyone is okay here and not dieing of something, or truly are reaching out a hand and no one is grabbing it. I would never turn away from a lonely person who is sick.


Hugs,
Ciara





-- Modified on 7/1/2008 10:43:38 PM

I have seen my fav lady 100 times now......I guess that means :regular:....havent seen anyone else in a  while....have had the fantasy, though, to leave instructions for mu lawyer, that when I die, he should hire a dozen of the flashiest, best looking, professional women in town, and have them show up at my funeral, and cry their eyes out....leaving the assembled multitude to wonder....and wonder.....and wonder....about this deceased pillar of the community.....hehehehehe.......anyone share this idea??????