What to do when GFE turns to GFA (girl friend attitude)?

Been seeing a provider for going on 9 months now. We've become about as close as boundaries allow over that time (and have crossed several of those). Not too much we don't know about each other, have seen each other off the clock a few times (socially, not sexually), have admittedly helped her out a few times (crossed that line), and have developed a "professional friendship" for lack of a better term. But we both know there are boundaries, and this "relationship" is what it is - a money for services deal.  

Recently, the "service" has dropped off. Doing overnights with no morning action on a few occasions. No problem a time or two if she wasn't feeling well (I'm an understanding guy), but latest excuse a couple days ago was "got to get going" even though we were well within our previously established overnight hours. And I ain't sitting there poking at her all night long either!  Our nights usually consist of some dinner, music, fantastic conversation, TV, a walk, etc, followed by a one pop, mutually satisfying romp in the sheets before a full night's uninterrupted sleep.

I've got to say, the last time pissed me off quite a bit. Woke up exceptionally horny, and got nada. "Got to get going".  What, a bj that will take all of 5 minutes is too much to expect after I paid 2500 for an overnight?!!!  And after I previously went hours out of my way to assist her and got the "I owe you" routine?

Don't think it's me (we converse by her initiation a couple times a week even when she knows I can't see her) and get along incredibly otherwise. Basically don't care either. She's accepting a fee for an overnight, being treated very well, and not being asked for much in return.

How best to express my displeasure without making things awkward?  Thinking step one is just becoming "too busy" myself for a while and seeing if that doesn't turn things around.  Or start scheduling 2 hour appointments again instead of overnights.  

Full disclosure - I've been with a couple other providers for short incalls recently. Sex good, but no connection. But, does seem odd I can get 2 pops out of a 1 hour incall for 1/8th the cost, yet get just one pop in 15 hours or so hours with her! The "connection" is obviously important, but come on!  

At this point I'd drop her like a hot kitchen utensil if the connection and friendship factor wasn't involved. That is very important to me. But paying someone 1.5k to sleep, no matter the connection, seems quite excessive. Feel as though I'm being taken for granted (GFA).  

Opinions? How to correct without offending and making things awkward?  Or just count myself lucky that I can connect with her as we do, and let it go?

paying for a connection or are you paying for sex?  If the $ stops, will she still have a "connection" and friendship with you?  Hell no!

She's doing the least amount of work for the most she can get.  Good for her; that's the American way.  

She's got you like a fish on a hook and she's reeling you in.  The question is -- are you strong enough to wriggle out of it?

Consider this a virtual bitch slap. Wake up and smell someone else's pussy!

The way you described the situation was in a non-offensive manor that would be appropriate to share with this lady.  I doubt she would want to lose your relationship either as it sounds mutually beneficial.  Make sure she knows how you feel.  A little side shopping is good to keep things in perspective.

-- Modified on 6/3/2009 3:44:11 AM

The way you described the situation was in a non-offensive manor that would be appropriate to share with this lady.  I doubt she would want to lose your relationship either as it sounds mutually beneficial.  Make sure she knows how you feel.  A little side shopping is good to keep things in perspective.

This guy is being taken for a ride, no doubt.
To the OP, you have a connection to her on an emotional level. She has a connection to you monetary level. Big difference!
Stop paying her to sleep!! She is probably laughing at you!
Start booking her for one hour sessions, and forget the overnights, and whatever you do, don't give her a tip.

Now, say this to yourself 100 times:
"I am not a walking ATM"

She's a fool not to treat you like gold ! Most ladies would not be that foolish no matter what the connection. Let's face it there's an awful lot of pussy out there to choose from.

This tells me this lady must be very young, beautiful in demand. No other woman on this site would treat you that way friendship or professional.

Book your one hour deal since she only gives you that much service. Tell her your on the run today and very busy. Next time try a 2 hour and see if she tries a little harder. When she brings up an overnight tell her what you expect. At this point she has replaced you with another warm body or she now understands the ground rules. You on the otherhand may want to start doing spending time shopping around for new friendship.

Kisses Haley

I think I am going to stop using the term GFE all together. When there a boyfriend girlfriend relationship...what you are decribing minus the paying for their time....is usually what happens. After a while we get bored with the sex and start making up reasons to get out of having sex with them. So for me that is a real girlfriend experience. Then comes the nagging, the showing up late, the OMG I am on my period don't touch me, I need 50.00 to get my nails done, can you pay my light bill, lets go out to dinner I don't feel like cooking, OMG YOU WANT SEX AGAIN?.... get the point?

Most of my clients can get all the above from their own SO's. They don't need that from me. I have very CLEAR boundaries. I have not nor will I EVER BORROW MONEY FROM A CLIENT. TO ME IT IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL. I will not see a client off the clock. I am not calling, emailing, or otherwise contacting a client telling them all or any of my personal business.

I may come off as being a real "TURD" on my part, but I want to be a fantasy of my cients not a part of their daily grind. They come see me for a brief escape from all that.

DO I listen to my clients if they are talking to me about their personal lives? Yes I do....and I give feedback....that is the part they may not be getting at home. However it is my belief that getting too personal is a good way to blow a perfectly good NSA provisional relationship...it removes from providers mystique.

I hope this didn't come off as me being really cold and removed. Trust me I am not....


Allure`

if he follows it sooner or later he'll know the score.

sorry for the double post. all thumbs today.

I have had this exact same situation and I tried to talk it out, but all I got was attitude.

So my response was:  "like later"  (much later!)

And I haven't looked back.

This is the beauty of the hobby, and no need for lawyers either.

As long as you are paying, then you have the right to expect to be a reasonably satisfied customer. If you can't get satisfaction from 'customer service' or 'management' then take your business elsewhere.

It's time to "cross boundaries" and see someone else.

Allure and Crimsonlass are right -- you are being played.

You need to NOT call this lady again. It's just that simple.

If you want a real girlfriend, then get one. If you want a provider, pay one. Confusing the two is a disaster. The fact that this lady has allowed that to happen is, IMO, unethical.

Any woman knows that given sufficient frequency and duration of contact; she can get a man pretty confused even if he is paying for the time. Its just biology. Because a good provider knows that, and wants to help you rather than hurt you, she will take measures to prevent inordinate bonding.

This lady didn't, for whatever reason. Let her go and do NOT go back no matter what!

Haley, Allure and Crimson nailed it. I would take the $2,500 you have set aside for the next overnight and use it for some good sport f&*king. See as many ladies as you can for $2,500 and then you'll be on your way. Good luck

I couldn't agree with u more!! I am a newbie looking for my first "oral experience". I don't want to tell all my issues to a provider....I want pure oral bliss

getting the best of you. THIS really bothers you - as you are thinking that she is off to give some newbie client her very best effort while she just neglected you - what are you hanging onto??? I doubt ANY provider plans on an overnight without knowing there is evening and morning play time... and many have told or shown me they have a surprise in the middle of the night.

My experience has shown me, the ladies really interested in the 'relationship with boundaries' continue to come up with ways to make me feel special... somewhat of a 'romance' effort. It's not extra sex, it's just something that tells me she thought about me way before I came through the door for the umpteenth time in the last few months.

YOU MY FRIEND - getting nothing in the morning - speaks volumes - and that is - she certainly didn't think about YOU in THAT moment but what she had to do the rest of the day. Get a grip and find a new girl - every time I think I've found the One and Only in the biz I find another shortly - it's just emotions confusing you.

I would gladly do an over night for 2,500.00 with as much sex as a client could stand....however once I am gone.....I am gone. I understand I am there for one reason and one reason ONLY.....I am there to ROCK MY CLIENTS WORLD!!! not take naps, complain about it is time for me to go, fake sick.....or any of that. 12 hours is 12 hours and when I am booked for that....I drink coffee, take a Lavitra, and not book any clients prior to him.

Yes I will enjoy the sex as much if not more than my client....but I also understand if I want to KEEP my client(s) I cannot get my professional and personal life twisted.

Yes please find yourself a more mature provider.

Generally speaking, men tend to promote the idea that women ‘get too attached’ in relationships----and yet-----over, and over on this board there are posts from men who believe they've fallen in love with a provider, or get mixed up on the boundaries of a professional relationship and get their feelings hurt, or get pissed off because they have voluntarily crossed professional boundaries, and then feel that ‘something’ has not been reciprocated…

Not meaning to laugh at you Danee, just a little amused at the overall situation. Only goes to prove you’re human; and thank goodness for that.

But to your question: Look, you really have no obligation to make sure this is not awkward---hell, you’re paying $2500 for one night and walking away frustrated and unsatisfied; it’s already awkward. There is enough bad communication in non-professional relationships to go around more than a few times. There is no need to bring that kind of dynamic with you into a p4p arrangement.

If you have some interest in continuing to see her, tell her what your concerns are. Resorting to 'pretending to be unavailable’ seems a little passive aggressive—you can play that game in the real world without coughing up 2500 bucks a night.

No need to be an ass about it, but you can be open and direct.  Either she will respond positively or she won’t. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t and you move along.

There are no strings attached here—and…isn’t that the whole point?

Take a guy who just loves his little wifey, just adores the ground she walks on. Who would bet his left nut that she would love him forever.

If the money and security he provides goes away, so will she, nine times out of ten.  

Women get attached to their *kids*, not their husbands lol

If you think your mistress or your provider are attached to you, TEST the theory. STOP the flow of money and see what happens lol

Amen Papasan!

Dude, if you want a girlfriend go to match.com or eharmony. She's a hooker and you're a john, period. The sooner you get that through your head the better off you'll be.

All, I can say is, Yikes! I go to see these ladies because I enjoy everything about being with them. And I enjoy them because I am not in an emotional relationship with them. My SO and I have a great sex life, but I have to deal with all the other stuff in our relationship even during sex. When I am with one of these wonderful women, I am escaping my reality for a bit and just trying to enjoy the moment.

No matter how gorgeous, sexy, intelligent these women are, they can more easily be that for me because we are not in a relationship. In other words, our expectations for each other end when the clock goes ding. These women are part of my fantasy world.  I am sure even with the best of them, once I got into a relationship with them things would change to look like any other relationship with its pros and cons.

Besides, I do the same for them as they do for me, I try to put my best self forward. I realize that I might not be a prize once they get to know me.

Good luck to you.

(Click on link you Deadheads)

Haley hit the nail right on the head here.  I recommend doing exactly what she suggests.

Very well said and true.

falling for a woman's oldest trick to get money from a man and doing as little as possible for it.

I'm sure you've probably heard this running joke amoung providers concerning GFE, but if you haven't:


Him: Do you provide GFE service?

Her: GFE? What's that?

Him: GFE. You know. Girl Friend Experience.

Her: Girlfriend experience? You mean you want me to nag you?

Thanks for the great replies. The cyber bitch slap taken, but not required. The posts seem to be right in line with my thinking, and wanted to confirm I was justified in being just as pissed as I am. I actually thought maybe I was off track and might get a bunch of "you're paying for her time, you connect, quit bitching" replies.

Was not a pleasant morning or following days for me. Can't imagine too much worse she could have said than "gotta run". Exactly wrong thing to say after I'd gone out of my way time wise to help her. Nothing like having your sexual advances rejected by someone who you're paying for sex!!!  Sick is one thing (she definately was, and it was fully my choice to be considerate and not make advances), but this scenario is entirely another.

Bitch of it is (for her) is I know its been tough for her lately. I typically don't give gifts, even though I have with her (and damn sure hate to give cash gifts because I think it's a thoughtless tacky way out of gift giving), but as I knew times were tough, I had a sizeable cash gift put aside for a special occassion of hers the following week that I'd planned to give her that morning (wanted to give it to her on her way out of the house instead of night before so she knew it was indeed a gift because I appreciated her, and wasn't trying for extended time), that I felt would be far more appreciated under the circumstances than an actual gift. THAT money never left the wallet that morning because of this, and I took the cash instead and did a 2 hour visit with the provider I scoped out and wanted to see before I started to see her last year, but had never connected with at the time due to scheduling problems!

I think I have been mistaken for a sucker. Generous, yes, a sucker I'm not though.

Way to kill the cash cow lady...

I chose to do this because my time is limited, and need to avoid the hassle of someone bitching at me about never being around because I am trying to build a business. If I wanted the hassle of a "GFA" experience, it's a phone call away.

Time to start searching the Dallas area listings again!

Based on your postings above, you seem to be behaving like a love-lorn puppy than operating within the boundaries of a provider-hobbyist relationship.  

The "lady" is taking you on a grand (and expensive) ride and you are tagging along, with tail wagging. You seem to have bonded to her, while for her, you are just an ATM (and happy to function as such).

I say it is time to take a clean break from this particular provider and start looking elsewhere, regardless of any "bond" that you might imagine she has for you.  Believe me, she does not, based on what you have stated. Her "bond" is clearly tied to your money.

Listen to the big head and not the small head.