the recent events have made me reflect on TER - and its value to me.  I've had great satisfaction in belonging to TER, as it has provided a much needed sounding board for me to test my concepts of male-female relations.  I have found that I am fundamentally wrong in some of my basic assumptions about male female relations.

I have also found many men who, like me, are standing there, wondering where in their life they went wrong in finding love and committment from a woman.  I have also found men who are also like me in the pursuit of sexual experiences... with georgous women for the sake only of sexual gratification.  and in all of this I have found answers - some surprising -

I have not found all the answers to all of my questions, but I have found enough to justify my participation in this hobby....  what have you found in your use of TER?  and can you justify participation in its discussion boards?

I wanted to comment on something Superdude said regarding "what went wrong in finding love and commitment from a woman".  I have a wonderful, beautiful wife who I do love.  But, no matter how beautiful, loving, caring, etc., I cannot deny wanting to satisfy that which I crave.  For me, TER has helped me to experience the sexual gratification from gorgeous women while maintaining my husband side.  

I believe that people are innately in need of variety when it comes to sex.  It is imprinted in our genes.  Not many critters on the food chain are monogomous, and we're no different.  Marriage and monogomy are a social construct meant to create order in society, but they run contrary to our genetic blue print.

However, we do crave the companionship (not just the sex) of a long-term partner as well, so marriage can and does continue despite all secret little trysts in anonymous hotel rooms.

So, TER has helped me have both, I suppose, but I am still surprised after each appointment with a provider how I can still have the little heart flutter from a good appointment, that little tinge of excitement, and that fading sensation that I want more.  So, I have found that my own beliefs about human nature and male/female relations are constantly in need of an update.  Men need more emotionally than society would want us to believe, and women are much better at disassociating sex from love than men think they are.

I was a bit of a "geek" when I was younger (high school)....well class clown was more like it.  Not a goofy looking kid, just doing it for attention because I had no luck with ladies.

I have really enjoyed my many daliances (sic?) and have been able to live out fantasies that you don't often get the chance to (3some, having sex in a NYC nightclub, behind a vending machine in a posh NYC hotel...that is a whole other story.

I also found that TER has allowed me to go on a quest for the ultimate woman (a 10-10), which of course one will never find because it is impossible to live up to.  No one could.  But it has been fun to try.

Ultimately, I have ended up marrying a great lady who is a lot of fun, we enjoy being together and have a great deal in common.  Is the sexual need still there....sure....has my hobbying basically come to an end...yup.

Just one guy's thoughts.

That the beautiful women here agree to spend time with a guy like me. I'm nothing to write home about, just a plain old regular guy. Until I was 55 years old, my sex life was both incredibly ordinary and amazingly average, kind of plain vanilla.

Can I justify participation in the boards? You bet your ass I can. The learning experience alone is worth coming here every day. I also have my little TER love affairs. Some ladies personalities on the boards just make them someone I have to meet. Some, I know I will never get the chance to meet and some I will. I am looking forward to upcoming dates with two ladies now.

I got to meet a number of folks at a M&G that would not have happened without TER, and have had some fun and developed some friendships through PM's and emails with the other folks on the boards. (Boths Ladies and Gents)

Valuable? Very much so!

Value in TER for me

I had the chance to meet a few TER folks last January in Las Vegas. Although I did not participate on the boards untill about a month back, I am happy to have become a newbie in this community. I've made a few friends (both ladies and gents) who are valuable sources of information and community for me. The obvious is that TER is good for business, but beyond that, it is incredible to belong to a forum of people who all carry a certain "persona" out in the "real world" and yet we come together to share our "dark side" and our wild side with one another that most folks out in the world would not enjoy nor appreciate about us. Thus, I find TER a place where I can allow myself to be free and share in experiences with like minded people.
--Sitara Devi

Well one small practical thing about TER really helped me out recently. Actually it was not a small matter to me because I had been planning my 55th birthday celebration for about six weeks. Arranged a few days off work, arranged for travel to San Francisco, accomodations, reservations for a very nice restaurant, arranged for someone to be on call for my mom, and my 20 year old cat  So I was very excited because work can be draining at times and I had this to look forward to and it kept me going. Then my orignal plans were unavoidably cancelled at the last minute. I was determined to still go to San Francisco so I used the TER search function and was lucky enough that my references came through very quickly and I had a wonderful time.

Another upper 50's guy here.  Found TER nearly 6 years ago after the wife "shut down" the intimacy at home.  Still having a need, ladies here on TER have helped make my sexual dreams and fantasies come true.  Sometimes I consider my dates therapy as I am rejuvinated (sp?) after each and every experience.  

As I have told several ladies I have gotton to know after multiple dates, "As long as my equipment keeps working and I have the funds, I will continue to enjoy myself."

Yes, I am married (mostly financial reasons but family reasons as well) but I enjoy my playtime too.

THANK YOU ladies for making us older guys feel so special.    

-- Modified on 6/19/2008 10:13:04 AM

So far, TER has been of huge value to me. In a relatively short time, I've learned a huge amount about both male and female sexuality. That learning didn't come from lots of rendezvous with ladies. It has come from reading the forums and selected reviews.

I suppose the circles I travel in during civvie life are mostly mainstream. I interact with all sorts of people. That includes single people, married folks, married people with kids, divorced people, widows, etc. The thing that is common to all of them is that sex isn’t talked about. There are jokes at parties, but no honest or genuine dialog between people about such a fundamental, core facet of being human.  

Here, the pseudo-anonymity of the Internet combines with the subject matter for which we are all here into an open forum about sex. I don’t know where else I could find women talking openly about the various sexual acts they like and dislike, or sexually active guys in their 60s debating the pros and cons of various erectile dysfunction medications, for example.

The better-written and honest reviews also provide a wealth of knowledge. Guys discuss difficulties with various positions because of age or health, or the times they couldn’t get it up a first or second time but still enjoyed the intimate company of a lady. In the other direction, you find the amazing diversity of sexual combinations and acts that are done by real people. These aren’t the scripted machinations of porn, but the interactions between everyday men and women. Furthermore, some of these real people are ones I could meet, perhaps even have an intimate physical encounter with. Truly amazing.

In life outside TER, sex is always the big white elephant in the room. At a recent birthday party for a friend’s 5 year old; I noticed that the mom got a haircut. For me to notice something like that was very unusual. But it made a big difference for her, was a new look, and definitely made her look hot! Did I tell her that? Did I say, "Hey, your new 'dew frames your face nicely and accentuates your shapely breasts"? Nope. It wouldn’t be “appropriate”.

Here, talking about appearance, sexual desires, sexual experiences and all the myriad emotional and psychological differences and similarities between men and women is all okay. In a bizarre way, being able to talk about that stuff can potentially enable people to move past it to know and accept a person without trying to avoid unspoken baggage. It is out there, dealt with, and then just known.

I’ve only scratched the surface of what this place has to offer as far as learning. With more time, and some number of dates, I could see developing friendships with both men and women from here. The openness and freedom from the norms relating to sex and sexual discussion are refreshing. At some point, I look forward to meeting some of you in person. I would love to have a chat, either over a beer and dinner, or during that intimate time between pops, depending on who it was.  

You have stated my TER experience. It has saved my marriage.

(I almost wrote lick minded, how Freudian!)

Plus, I have met several wonderful gals as a result of noticiing them on these boards.

It would be hard for me to imagine hobbying without TER now.

of its own success.  Part of the problem is that centralization of information raises the profile, while decentralization and not being too blunt or obvious is probably the best protection.

Might be smart of us to stay cool & not too cocky.

One word to the wise is that labels aren't legally binding.  Anybody who thinks people can't make up their own minds needs to think again.


In a provider's shoes, I think I'd be just as non-committal (especially in public, about a website) as I could be.  Let the photos do the talking, and keep them as subtle as possible.  Any language about "not an offer" is nothing more than proof of consciousness, IMHO.

Dang, would have taken hundreds of dollars of therapy to get what I just took from your post. I'm a GREAT husband, but that monogamy thing.........

Where should I send the check?

just kidding! I am happy to hear that I am not the only one that has their opinion changed and their eyes opened up by some of the intelligent and sensitive posts by both genders!
many benefits come from TER or anywhere people can learn and possibly overcome and shed some unfounded old ideas for better ones that help us deal with this crazy thing we call life!

Wrong.  They've done studies and men fall into 3 categories.  The dogs, the monogamous men, and the in between category.  I forget the details of how they came to this conclusion but the ration of the 3 categories has remained constant with time.  Therefore there is some evolutionary advantage in having different types of people.  Don't commit the sin of solipsism and assume that other people's thought and emotions work the same way that yours do.  

Personally, I think if your wife is willing to put out you have no business in the hobby, but that's between you and your wife.

Several of my fellow hobbyists that have already replied are in my age bracket and I share their sentiments about the hobby.  I do have one major difference, I am not married, nor do I have an SO.

But, in that light, I am no Brad Pitt or in the older generation, no Paul Newman either.  Just an average looking guy who loves women.  IMHO, many of, if not most or all of, the ladies I have seen probably would  not give me a second look if I tried to pick them up in a bar.  TER has allowed me to 'pick them up' and have a wonderful time with my girlfriend for the time we are together.

I have met some wonderful ladies and have become what I think is a close friend of several that I keep in touch with regularly.  I have also met some great guys who share my love of the ladies, again some good friends.  I would more than likely not have any of these folks as friends were it not for my involvement in TER.

Like BSD said, I haven't found all the answers yet, but it sure as hell is fun looking for them.

Swim

Having been faithful throughout two marriages and rapidly approaching 60, with a few near misses (life threatening circumstances), I came to TER and the hobby, less than a year ago. My only hobby experience has been through the aid of TER, which I count my blessings. I've learned a lot and greatly in enjoy any camaraderie when it occurs on the boards.

The value of TER comes in 2 different ways.
First it allows me to find Ladies I am interested in and have some credibility as per their reviews.  Prior to TER, it was very hit or miss, I have been hobbying since the 70's so resarch was a joke, everything was hit or miss.
I have met both my ATF's through TER for which I am grateful.

Second, I have a place where I go to talk to people who have common interests and common concerns.  They have solutions to my problems or can at least lend a sympathetic ear.  I have a chance to offer solutions or at least a sympathetic ear to people who are having a problem.  I get to laugh with others and share some of their dreams.  
They say our secrets can kill us and I have no reason to have secrets if I can express them freely and openly with my friends on TER.  I have always thought if I can just express something in writing even if no one responds, I am that much better for it.

So I will continue to particpate on TER as long as there is room for me.  )

THE MOST important value of TER is that it prevents hobbyists from being "taken" by ROB's !

& for THAT, it performs an invaluable public service !

One...do you think your wife would even begin to agree with your views that you expressed here?

Two...do you think that even 25% of "Western" human females would share these views...and, if not, why is that?

get in touch with your inner girlie-man and CHILL OUT.

First, the guy basically said what you said in his first point.

Second, there was nothing wrong with his second point.

Dang, and people say *I* am critical!

I was just being tongue in cheek ( a term you can look up in the dictionary ), about the thread in general----just a joke & NOT meant to ridicule any particular poster who wrote in this thread-----by the way, your chill quotient seems to be a little low on freon tonight,Mrs.,err Mr-----

Sorry, but there have been quite a few crankpants types who have said similar things about posts longer than "I fucked her!", so that's why I said what I did.

Proud to be a girlie man!

Read "Lust in Translation" by Pamela Drucker

Internationally, adultery is more accepted by society than it is here.  And, a lot more women go outside the marriage than you think, so if you think your wife/girlfriend has never cheated on you, think again.  I'm not talking about 3rd world, either.  I'm talking about Europe, Russia, Japan, and other industrialized nations.

Incidentally, my wife does agree with my views, which is why we have a strong marriage.  We can talk openly about our desires and frustrations within our marriage.  She is much more concerned about whether or not I become emotionally attached to someone else.  She is of the opinion that as long as I keep it out of her face, then she doesn't need to know.

Glad to know you have a sense of humor. I will make a mental note and interpret your posts accordingly.

what else would you expect?

no ladies where we live, just sheep and Bradine.

we have plenty of ladies here, just not enough time to fuck them all.

"Fucking" is an act of sexual intercourse, Cletus.  Hang around & somebody might show you how.

"What have you done for me lately, and/or what do you offer me NOW"

   I am NOT saying that males cannot be or are not as shallow and mercenary; but the almost "mainstreaming" of the worlds oldest profession along with the accountability given to it by TER has ripped the disingenuous veil of illusion and deceit from the fairy tale of romance and monogamy. Exposing them as merely a leitmotif of societal engineering.

I may be totally off base here, but according to most providers I see, the majority of their clients are married men, happily so but in need of some variety. I might add (but a provider's pov would be better) that married men are 'safer' than single clients according to providers that have talked about such things on this very board. Yes, my wife puts out, but not as often as I would like and she is getting on in years. After kids, 20 years, things slow down. Then there are mind blowing moments that we share. Betrayal would be emotionally leaving her. I am not sure what is so difficult for you to understand here.

Wow, men are either monogomous, dogs, or somewhere in between?  What genius came up with that?  The only category that study left out was eunichs and the retarded!!  Way to go!!

I totally admit it is a situation I will never experience - I made the decision to not get married.  I'm a bit down on the institution because I think a lot of people get married simply because they think they are supposed to get married, or to give themselves an aura of faux respectibility.

are you speaking hypothetically, or she agrees with your views to the point where she knows you see providers?

As for "a lot more women", you are quoting other continents.  It certainly isn't anywhere near "a lot more" in this country.  Not that it doesn't happen...but it certainly isn't 50/50.

but no satisfying answers. Probably very few women (wives) would agree to the views and entire TER scence. It makes it too easy for men to obtain what has been difficult or filled with so much anxiety in past decades. Societies go in and out of standards of normal accepted practices. When you visist Pompeii, there was a brothel right in the center of town (with lovely frescoes) which was the accepted 'eros' for men and women. The fact that less than 10% of women would accept this type of behavior readily is precisely why this hobby exists...it is likely linked to the fact that men or more easily 'in the mood' 24/24 as compared to women. It may be simple biology in action. SO much has been written about this so I won't delve into it but notions of building the family unit, primary devotion to children once they hit the scene, the mere ehaustion of day-to-day life .  The potential reasons may be endless to enumerate, but one thing that is clear is that at times I had thought I was looking for love outside the marriage, but in truth, I was looking for contact, adventure, physical release, mutual contact, variety.  Once done, the urge 'released', I realized that my home was at home with kids and wife.  It is our little secret, (LOL) even though it is the 'oldest profession in the world".

snicker...  that's pretty funny

Brandine already showed me.  But Earnest Lee you are a madman.