It is almost that time of year when the virtues of monogamous love are celebrated and exalted everywhere.
It therefore seems the perfect time to hock the book I do every year at Valentine's Day.
If ever there was a holiday designed to exalt the glory of monogamous romantic love, Saint Valentine's day would be it.
But if you look just a little bit below the surface - examine the ancient poetry, imagery and "sacred literature" associated with Saint Valentine's Day, you quickly discover that before "Saint" Valentine's Day became dedicated to the glorification of monogamous love, it was about celebrating forms of love that were much freer, more open, more spontaneous and more expansive than monogamy.
Most contemporary people think of Cupid shooting each person in the heart with ONE of his arrows as something that causes them to fall in love with ONE specific person. But in earlier centuries, Cupid often shot two, three or more arrows into the same person's heart, thereby causing that person to "fall in love" with more than one person simultaneously.
Modern Valentine's Day images usually depict only ONE Cupid. But until recently, it was assumed there were numerous Cupids out there - whole throngs, armies, and flocks of them, each one shooting multiple arrows at people's hearts. Each of these Cupids had several different kinds of arrows, each of which created a different kind of "love." Some arrows created an very intense and physically-based sexual attraction. Other kinds of arrows caused more of an emotionally- based passion, while still others created a very intellectual type of attraction. Depending on how many arrows a person was shot with, which kinds of arrows a person was hit with and which part of their body was struck with the arrows, people could be made to simultaneously "fall in love" with many different people all at the same time, each one in a slightly different fashion.
Most other popular symbols of Valentine's day, including the "Valentine" shaped heart, red roses, and even chocolate belonged to non-monogamous traditions of love, sexuality and romance long before they were appropriated by monogamy.
By clicking on the link below, you will be able to preview the first eleven pages of this book, free and for no obligation.
And while we're flogging books, let me put in a word for one of my favorites, "The Surrender," by Toni Bentley. While ostensibly a book about how a woman discovered salvation and redemption through anal intercourse, it is, at bottom, about living the life in which sex is very close to the center. Bentley is a serious author - a former New York City ballerina, who achieved fame with her memoir of dancing for George Balanchine, "Winter Season." She's now a revered New York intellectual, and "The Surrender" is a witty, incisive and thought-provoking acccount of what it is like to live with sex on the mind at almost every moment.
That's about as interesting a read as I've found in a long time. I think I'll bite and get it.
One thing that I gleaned from the few pages I could find is that monogamy has at it's heart, the control of wealth and power through a restrictive famility structure. It's like Freud and Marx collaborated on this one.
I would hope that the day in nigh when such constructs can be relegated to the dustbin of history and polyamouric family structures can thrive again.
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