You hit the nail on the head. I have young kids that I love, and I'm not willing to lose them because my wife and I don't have sex. She has other issues that make our marriage difficult, and getting release occasionally keeps me sane. I don't see providers very often, maybe once every 2-3 months, and I keep it very, very discreet. I save up for dates slowly but surely, squirelling away cash in my work desk. I keep the trac phone locked in my desk at work too. I clean the computer every time I use it. In fact, I usually make dates when she's out of town. Believe me, there is no reason anyone has to get caught. The providers I've seen are angels. They are very professional, respectful, discreet, intellegent, and they keep me from losing it. I love them all.
how many providers have you've been with without getting caught by wife / girlfriend?
(if caught, what happened after you got caught? divorce/breakup or got beat with a baseball bat and reconciled?)
my hunch is that i'm guessing there are some married/committed hobbyists who've seen on the order of "Hundreds" of providers, without ever getting caught. tiger woods on steroids.
My G/F knows I Hobby and is a TER member! I'm new, seen only 3 Providers so far (about 1 a month). G/F knows I'll come home to her, so it's okay to play -- what a Hobby!
My wife booked my first session with a provider. She even paid for it. What happened? She later confessed to working as an escort and we are reconciled. I have never played with out her full consent. She actively encourages me to see professional sex workers. Sometimes she even joins me as she is bi. I would never cheat on my wife, but if she wants me to play, as I see it, it is not cheating. I never want to hurt her like sneaking around would.
lucky you... now that's a marriage worth keeping lol
so she'd encouraged you to see a provider and even paid for it because she wanted to tell you that she worked as an escort before?
would it bother you if she slept with other guys now?
(or resumed working as an escort )
And she still is working as an escort. And, it does bother me. I wish we would go back to the way things where before she reentered the business. I would give up hobbying in a heartbeat. Things are what they are, and I still love my wife, so I will not leave her over this. I do wish she would give up escorting. It is not like we need the money. I can pay all the bills but it is not about the money for her. It is not even really about the sex. It is all about the ego boost she gets and the adrenalin rush from meeting and pleasing people in an intimate way. It does make me feel inadequate as a man, lover, and husband knowing I can't even meet the needs of my wife. I am coming to grips with my new reality. At leased I get to play but in truth often I do not want to.
during which time I saw about 12 or so gals, a few of them pretty regularly.
The first time I got caught, we reconciled and I promised no more, but that did last long.
The second time it was divorce court. I wish she had used a bat, it would have been less painful.
How does a street-smart saavy guy like you get caught? Twice? I only ask because it might be instructive for some of the rest of us.
but I bet there are many here that would put Tiger to shame.
Luckily I was only married for about 5 years, during which she was the only woman I was with. I've been sexually active for 36 years, which means I have had 31 yrs of hobbying. lol
In hindsight, I am very happy I did not hobby while married, not because of the moral implicactions, but because I might have stayed with her longer if I were "getting some on the side" That would have drawn things out longer, but I am sure the outcome would have been the same. As it was I got it over with, and was able to move on with my life as an extremely happy divorced man. lol
GA, interesting point...I am married and would probably have left already if not for hobbying. Some times there is a benefit to not dragging it out and other times dragging it out is a good thing...in my circumstance I'm glad I'm hobbying while married because it helps keep us together.
Been at the game for almost 10 years, mostly picking up bar girls and MP's while traveling abroad on business...hobbying "at home" for about 3 years...and (knock wood) still at it with out being discovered.
I agree. Hobbying saves the marriage. This prevents the typical SO behavior of using sex as a power tool. When you are not so concerned the SO senses you might have a mistress so then she starts giving you more sex. The human psyche is incredible.
Ditto for me!!
Never hobbied while married.(30 yrs)
Happy divorced man also!
Staying with my x any longer,would of been my undoing! (big time mental abuse)
Specifically, the way hobbying can help preserve a marriage in the face of a spouse unable/unwilling to do the sex thing.
Well -- it is not a given that all marriages should be preserved. Maybe some of them *should* end; and using the hobby to artificially extend them does nobody a good service.
Certainly, there are cases where it is likely helpful. But it seems to me that even that has limits. The fact that someone's spouse can't/won't fuck *might* justify getting that basic need met elsewhere in as non-disruptive a fashion possible; but it certainly doesn't justify screwing everything on 2 legs that accepts benjamins.
It's about the last line. What will justify screwing everything on 2 legs that accepts benjamins, Hate to be doing this without proper justification.
Well -- it is not a given that all marriages should be preserved. Maybe some of them *should* end; and using the hobby to artificially extend them does nobody a good service.
Certainly, there are cases where it is likely helpful. But it seems to me that even that has limits. The fact that someone's spouse can't/won't fuck *might* justify getting that basic need met elsewhere in as non-disruptive a fashion possible; but it certainly doesn't justify screwing everything on 2 legs that accepts benjamins.
In MY worldview, quite frankly, nothing justifies screwing anything on two legs that accepts benjamins, even for a single man.
That is because I believe a man, even if he has no morals or ethics, should at least have some standards. I believe you can tell a lot about a man by the character of the women he allows to touch him.
However, others have different worldviews to which they are entitled.
I could never hobby if I was in a relationship..
I would find it difficult to hobby if I was satisfied with the sex in the relationship. If I was not satisfied, I would probably get out of the relationship, esp if it was not marriage. If I was married, which I'm not, I would still find it difficult to hobby, but that's just me. Besides, knowing me, I would probably get caught anyway.
Swim
When I decided I was no longer happy in my marriage the thought of "stepping out" never really occurred to me. The thought of getting out of a marriage that had become loveless and sexless definitely occurred to me and that's exactly what I did.
I couldn't imagine making two people's lives miserable in a feeble attempt to put the toothpaste back in the tube. I remember my "moment of epiphany" like it was yesterday. My wife made a comment about something we would be doing some twenty years in the future, and it dawned on me, I didn't want to be with her for another twenty minutes, much less twenty more years. So I did us both a favor and ended it sooner rather than later. Best decision I ever made.
DITTO for me....
I'm about a quarter of the way to 100.
wow... that's the highest number so far.
not being judgmental or anything along those lines, but i'm curious what keeps you from getting a divorce?
because of children? stability in the family?
I'll speak for a lot of men here. I don't want a divorce. I'm not unhappy with my spouse. She wishes we would have sex more often than we do.
I just love the easy access to new women, whenever I want. Most likely this is caused by the same character flaw that Tiger demonstrated - I feel like I missed out during my youth (typical late bloomer growing up), and I now have an opportunity to make up for it.
But I have no desire to be single again.
I just love the easy access to new women, whenever I want. Most likely this is caused by the same character flaw that Tiger demonstrated - I feel like I missed out during my youth (typical late bloomer growing up), and I now have an opportunity to make up for it.
But I have no desire to be single again.
Me too. I was only with 6 women before I got married. Have been with 20+ since starting this new hobby last year. I also feel I'm making up for what I missed out on when I was younger. Plus, I gotta do something since my wife has gained 70 lbs since we've been married
I'm glad that I will spend the rest of my life with her. I love her. Great companion, wonderful friend, wonderful mother. Our sex life is not acceptable to me and she knows that but she doesn't have the interest to have sex more than 3 or 4 times per year. I have accepted it and I don't feel upset about it as I did at one time. In fact, I don't want to have sex with her either. She's attractive but not sexy and not sexual.
I have had wonderful lovers and wonderful providers and feel satisfied that I can have a warm, loving wife (without sex) and have sexual adventures with other women.
It works for me.
OPSEC prohibits me from answering your question. That is all.
Seeing a provider is a way for a married man to discreetly get release without ruining his life. I am not interested in seeing a client who is careless and may get caught. It is my personal opinion that the service and intimacy a man receives with me helps him stay married and deal with the stress of his day to day life while not ruining his marriage by getting involved with a needy civvy who will demand he leaves his wife or get him caught. There are some key things to do to be safe, like staying clean, not changing patterns, using the same soap at a providers place, etc. 
Just my take on it.
You hit the nail on the head. I have young kids that I love, and I'm not willing to lose them because my wife and I don't have sex. She has other issues that make our marriage difficult, and getting release occasionally keeps me sane. I don't see providers very often, maybe once every 2-3 months, and I keep it very, very discreet. I save up for dates slowly but surely, squirelling away cash in my work desk. I keep the trac phone locked in my desk at work too. I clean the computer every time I use it. In fact, I usually make dates when she's out of town. Believe me, there is no reason anyone has to get caught. The providers I've seen are angels. They are very professional, respectful, discreet, intellegent, and they keep me from losing it. I love them all.