Last week I booked an extended date with a provider for tomorrow. She agreed to it and booked a hotel and was going to book other things for us to do that I requested. She sent me an email on Tuesday asking some questions and for me to make the reservation for dinner. I responded the next day to find out what time she booked the other things for so I would know what time to make dinner plans for. A few days went by and I never heard back.  So today I sent her an email saying that I hadn't heard back and that I was assuming we weren't meeting (her policy is she will confirm dates at least 24 hours before). After I sent the email I went to dinner and when I got out she had left a bunch of texts about how I was being stupid and she really needed the money. What should I do?  It's obvious that she's mad and I don't want to spend an overnight date with someone that is going to be mad at me, I don't think I would feel comfortable.

The first, is to try and salvage something here by recounting the story of who contacted who and when showing that it was she that lapsed first by not confirming the date, which it is her policy to do; thus leaving you with the unmistakable impression that she cancelled the date.

The second, is to write her off and have zero contact with her.

If you truely believe she is mad (as in mad hatter) rather than just upset, then I would follow the second course.

In general, I have found the second path more trouble free than the first.

How do you think she is going to act AFTER you pay her?
Move on and find someone else.

Obviously you have every right to choose not to spend time with someone who is being openly hostile; however, I don't understand this lapse in communication.

You sent her an email today stating that you had not heard back from her so you were assuming that your plans were not going to come to fruition and then you went to the meal alone?  Did you give her a chance to respond or did you send her the email as you stepped out of the door?

For me, once the facade of professionalism falls ("I really need the money?" Come on- that is offensive) I have little interest in continuing any line of consideration.  If you stopped speaking to her entirely no one would fault you...
I suppose my largest concern is how the situation came to be.  Even if you did not give her a fair amount of time to respond today, I still think you're probably in the clear if you contacted her on Tuesday and she's had since then to respond with definitive plans.

Don't sweat it.

Instead of insulting her client, she should have apologized for the misunderstanding and confirmed the appointment.

I would move on.

Agree with above posting about calling you stupid.  Hard to turn around.
On the other hand she may be new or in a personal tough time and lost it with you, because
You sure u didn't book a Wife Experience ?

-- Modified on 8/21/2009 7:08:38 PM

I would just find another provider and move on....she is mad...she is insulting You...and she only wants the money...there was no concern for You and your needs...and Yes You would be uncomfortable...so why would You want to contact her...unless You like drama...lol...

You were supposed to meet with her tomorrow, right?

You spoke with her today about still meeting tomorrow, correct?

She is assuming you are meeting. She confirmed that today after hearing from you that you were assuming you were no longer going to meet. Since she followed up with you confirming she would still like to meet, what is the problem????? (Keep in mind, if you do not keep this appointment, she will be out of the cost of the hotel, etc. solely because you think she might be mad at you tomorrow. Hmmm…think about it.)

I think you are making something out to be bigger than it is.

Email, text or call her back immediately and apologize for jumping to conclusions. Tell her you are excited about meeting her tomorrow, and you should be good to go! Trust me, she will be a lot more happy with you if you keep the meeting than if you back out because you THINK she will be mad during your time together. (She will be a lot more mad and backchannel if you stiff her!)

It's really not that serious, but good luck!

Xoxo,
Gia

That is, only a REAL girlfriend would even possibly feel comfortable describing your behavior (based on her own policies) as stupid and THEN trying to justify provision of funds on the basis of her needs rather than performance.

My general feeling would be to let it go and move along. Nobody in his right mind would actually pay to sleep next to someone who is mad at him. (No adverse comments about wives, here! Wives are a special case because they give so much that they get special privileges other women haven't earned.)

However, if you actually like the person, you could give her an opportunity to reschedule a few weeks in the future after she has had a chance to gain some perspective and not be mad. If you'd like to take that approach, I'd suggest it to her right away though.

but that's just me....a hopeless romantic...lol! Pick door number two and move on down the hobby road.

is accurate with his post, if she indeed called him stupid and played the money card, i'd move on.  If she would have said, "Honey, I was really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow" my take would have been different.

On the other hand, he did rush to judgement by panicing at the 24 hr. point.  I wonder why he had the lady make all the arrangements in the first place?

I understand this is a customer focused business. I also understand that providers do NOT have 10 hands. Perhaps she would have gotten back to him tonight to confirm, but he jumped to the gun.

What would have been best is that he had not assumed anything in the first place. Of course, it would have also been better if she responded differently as well (I am not disputing that). But, oh well…it happened.

In terms of gentlemen, it would be nice to see a little more patience. It can be difficult running your own companionship business, as it is a business indeed and takes a lot of time and effort. Sometimes a little patience is nice and certainly gets rewarded.

For example, I have something scheduled for tomorrow at 4pm. I explained to the gentleman that I will confirm 24 hours in advance. Well, today has been a hectic day! Who would have thought!! I confirmed an hour again, which is technically 20 hours before instead of 24 hours. I received no pressure from him, rather patience and he will be rewarded as a result.

I think it is rude to just move on without compensating her for the room. She financially put herself out there for their date and is now relying on him to come through (ladies, I suggest you never do this as guys may flake out at anytime). For all we know she could have been dealing with a crying baby when she received that text and was stressed out about how she was now going to foot the bill since he canceled.

(Again, I am not saying she should not have responded differently, as customer service is key. Her being rude is not acceptable, but just understand.)

Now, I understand her response should have been different. She could have said, "I'm sorry sweetie for the miscommunication. I was just going to email you, but should have done so sooner." Either way, what happened already took place and now that he knows that she is still hoping to meet, it is rude of him to leave her with the bill. Bottom line! Simple. Rude.

Have you ever heard the story of the lady driving with her baby? It goes something like this: A lady is driving crazy. People are cursing at her, flipping her off because of her speeding. Yes, she should not be speeding of course. And yes she shouldn’t be cursing back at them. But if they happened to take a step back, they might find out that she is speeding because she is trying to get a dying baby to the hospital.

She did not email him back exactly at 24 hours for a reason.

OP: Unless she is cursing you out and calling you all sorts of names, yelling screaming etc etc. that she hates you and you are this and that...I would be a gentleman and pay her for the hotel if nothing more.

Thank you.

She was the one that offered to make the arrangements. She wanted to stay in a 5 star hotel and then asked me to split it with her. The only other arrangements that she was going to make was for us to go to the spa in the hotel (I think this was appropriate since the hotel was in her name).  I wanted to know when she booked the spa so I could do everything else like dinner reservations and entertainment at night.

If the roles were reversed....would You go meet him...I wouldn't...how much Fun are You really going to have...I think she jumped the gun and could have changed the situation....somebody insults me...there is No way I am going to meet him...so I would say...I hope she learned a lesson from this...instead of looking at the dollar signs...maybe next time look at the gentleman and the pleasure the two of You can have...she should have apoligized for Not getting back to him and then followed up with some flirting and teasing...and I am sure he would have gotten Excited and wanted to continue with the appointment.

little PP wouldn't be getting it up any time soon. Gia, any kind of hostility from either party is a definite no-go. Would you see a guy who called you stupid?

Lack of communication is another sign of a no-go. Call me spoiled but I'm used to planning ahead and having everything go smoothly. I always plan ahead yet things still go wrong. Emergency - OK. Sick - OK. Call me stupid - not OK, LOL.

Sorry, don't want to offend you, I see your point but I think she went over the line just a little bit with her attitude, at the very least a loss of professionalism.

sorry to ask...but reading some of your thoughts through out...hmmm...just curious...

It just hit a nerve that he canceled in the first place assuming she was a no go because she did not contact him exactly 24 hours in advance.

Either way, a smart provider will wait to book the day of the appointment, unless there is no other option possible, as a gentleman may flake out at anytime. Anytime and all the time.

Polish_Pirate: You are right. Her response was unprofessional. It just would have been nice if the OP had not set the wheels in motion by canceling due to assumptions in the first place.

OP: Next time you are concerned about a lady not contacting you exactly 24 hours in advance, simply email her and say "Hi there. I am just emailing you to confirm we are still on. I look forward to hearing from you and our special encounter together tomorrow. Thanks!" Please, do NOT cancel due to your assumptions.

Cheers!

Xoxo,
Gia

I sent her a text (it seems to be her preferred means of contact) several hours before sending the email. I'm sorry if it seemed like I emailed her out of the blue but I didn't. I forgot to include that part.

I understand and agree with much of what you say Gia but I'm not convinced that he actually canceled.  To me it sounds like his "assumption" email was more of a question rather then a final decision.  He stated he assumed the date was off because he had not heard from her.  It was up to her to respond appropriatly (as stated in your other posts), "I'm sorry for the miscommunication.  I would like to confirm if you are still interested in keeping the appointment" etc......

But to respond the way she did was terribly rude and unprofessional.  Typically I would agree that the gentleman should reimburse her for the room, but in this case, if she really cared about loosing the money for the hotel or if she really "needed the money"; she would have respondd diferently.  Her attitude has now put her in the hole, not him canceling the appointment (which I still don't feel he did).

And for her to go off like that, so easily, and to call him names shows the personality of a young and maybe immature provider.  I'd be less concerned that she were mad at me versus spending so much time with a provider who has a bad attitude, a quick temper and a rude demeanor.

Just my .02c....

IMHO, both you and the lady mishandled this.  First, if this had been me, when I contacted her the day before, I would have called her rather than e-mail, to make sure everything was OK and on schedule, especially if I hadn't heard from her in s few days.  Since you were planning to meet for an overnight, you knew her already, or had at least talked with her over the phone, right?  I would mever have assumed anything...even if you have a big upcoming appointment, the ladies are still going about their business, and may not respond immediately.  Yes, she was wrong to call you stupid, to have mentioned $, and managed this poorly by not answering your e-mail more promptly.  But your making a premature assumption sounds like the biggest gaffe here.

What to do?  Well, if you still want to see this lady, CALL HER immediately and apologize.  Be man enough to let her mild insult bounce off of you, and proceed as originally planned.  Laugh it off if you meet her...she won't be mad anymore once you meet.  If you decide not to see her, and weren't scheduled to until tomorrow, it is you who have canceled, and she has a right to be pissed if she has already spent time and $ in making hotel and other arrangements.

You just conveyed everything I was attempting to say in my posts above.

Clear, concise and to the point.

Thank you for your contribution.

Xoxo,
Gia

He wasn't upset about the "24 hour" confirmation. He was probably thinking they weren't going to meet because when she asked him to make the dinner reservations, he emailed back and asked for a rough time to do so because of the other things they had planned for that night that she was supposed to set up. He waited a couple days and didn't hear back from her on that point. It was the day before the meeting that he wrote to her with his assumption of a non-meeting because he never heard back from her about the dinner reservation.

Then with just his email about his assumption, instead of telling him that she was still looking forward to seeing him, she called him stupid. Personally I wouldn't see her either. If she is incapable to answer back in a couple days about a time for dinner so I could reserve a restaurant and then call me stupid on top of it, then she can find someone else to use the hotel room with.

b-

1. Just forget it
2, Write a long story establishing that it wasn't your fault3. Contact her by e mail and phone: explain there was a misunderstanding and who cares who was at fault, you are anxious to see her and thank goodness it is straightened out then go ahead.

If you wanted to spend an over night, it sounds like you might prefer the third.  She will not stay angry.  I would opt for 3 or 1.  1 will be less trouble, but --if you were up to see her, that will never happen. 3 allows you to see her and perhaps she becomes one of your favs.  (I only say this because there must have been some reason you wanted to spend the night with her.)
Good luck

No, sweetie I am not the lady he is referring to. I am considered a highly-rated provider who offers excellent service to my gentlemen friends.

However, I did notice that the lady in question was not the only person in the wrong here and I was hoping to get the OP to think a little deeper. Then, perhaps he will handle the situation differently next time around.

Again, I am NOT the lady the OP refers to, nor have I ever been contacted by the OP for a meeting. Had he contacted me, this thread would not exist, as I would have handled things differently myself.

LOL!

Even though we did not formally at the recent NYC M&G, hope we do next time! Regardless of that here, I can't take sides with the hobbyist here,  His making premature assumptions, and not calling when he clearly should have done so to confirm an overnight (!), were glaring mistakes.  I hope he smart enough to rectify that!

It doesn't take rocket science to hobby successfully, but it always means taking the ladies perspective into account, and to act accordingly.  Never forget that!

You don't hear from me for a few days....You e-mail me to confirm...I do Not reply...You text me...I do Not reply...You step out for a while and then You see You have a half dozen text messages All insulting You from me....and You still want to have a romantic over nighter...lol....WOW...I'm impressed...Give me your money...stupid

Well, I don't know the full story and will not assume anything.
Personally, based on what I do know? I would at a minimum, call her and reimburse her for her costs. But, if the appointed time has not passed yet. You may still be able to salvage it. Who knows, maybe it'll be like a make-up after break up kind of thing.

And excuse away any poor behavior.  There was a obviously a misunderstanding, but that gives her NO reason to insult him.  This is a service industry.  Why should he go through with a long appointment when he clearly no longer wants to because of how she made him feel?

I think you need to SPEAK to her & see if this can be salvaged.  You can not be absolutely sure she RECIEVED your e-mail.  It might have disappeared to electronic Never-Never Land (Peter Pan).  I've had it happen.  I never write someone off for no response until I've spoken to a live person.

That said, it was rude for her to reply in this fashon.  I'd give her the opportunity to change her attitude & maybe carry on.  I'd decide based on her attitude.
If you cancel, pay her the out of pocket costs IF she can not cancel the room.  

This is a toss up.  Really it depends on attitude.
skb

Not only is this lady out her time which she could have booked with someone else but i'm sure the hotel room was paid for in advance on her credit card. If he chooses to cancel then he owes for that hotel room because it is almost impossible to get your money back if she went through a discount room service. I would be upset myself as would any provider in this situation. This is why I would never get a room in my name and always have the gentlemen get his accomidations. Theres less hard feelings should he have to cancel. After all things do happen !

Yes, she was upset but who wouldn't be if they had already put out their money in good faith. I say call the lady and mention there was a bit of miscommunication.She will be happy to hear that and all will be forgotten soon.A nice glass of wine, some kissing, a little laughter and any bad feelings will be gone.  After all their aren't too many providers that will pay for a room without getting that portion in advance.

I hope you didn't wait to read our replys but did this on your own.

Kisses Haley

Only a junkie would be that deperate for money and so upset when a guy cancels. If you do see her, check for track marks.

You reply is more understandable as a second try to reach her.

It would have been more gentle to have e-mailed (as you say several hours after the text):
"You have not given 24 hours confirmation of our appointment, unless I hear back from you promptly, I must assume you've cancelled."  

I took several drafts to come up with this...  I always proof read important messages.  Hind sight is always 20/20.

By the way, I hope this is someone you've seen several times before attempting an extended appointment.  More's the pity.
skb

These last minute screw-ups occur on both sides of the aisle. This past week, I experienced a mutual screw-up on both our parts. I called her at the expected time, too bad it wasn't her phone I was calling. I flipped a couple of digits and couldn't get a hold of her. I felt really bad and emailed her later to apologize. As it turned out, she wasn't anywhere near where she was supposed to be anyway and never bothered to email or call me to cancel. So we ended up in a stalemate and no feelings were hurt.

Communication as the appt nears is important, especially during that last hour or half-hour when we're traveling. If one party isn't able to respond, things can get screwed up easily. No answer from the provider and we're driving around in circles, no answer from the hobbiest and the provider wonders if he's coming at all. The whole point of this thread is to keep the lines of communication open as the appt nears. Look what happens when one person can't get a hold of the other, LOL.. What a mess huh?

We texted a some on Friday night.  She said she had canceled all plans except the hotel, which she was trying to do.  So I took it as we weren't meeting anymore.  But when I asked she said that she still wanted to meet.  I was already having second thoughts about it but now it felt like I was getting mixed signals and it made me doubt that she actually made any arrangements.  I decided it was better not to meet.  I sent her a message on Saturday to find out if she was able to cancel the room or get a credit. I was going to take everyone's advice and reimburse her for it if she couldn't, but she never responded.  This has been a really bad experience.  Thanks to everyone for the responses and advice.