So I figured this is as good a place as any to ask this question.
I just graduated from college. . . a virgin.

I mean, I've never really felt all that desperate to have sex so for a while I didn't care, it was no big deal. I'm not even the type to have overly romantic notions about it.
I'm actually not what people would picture when they think of a 23 year old virgin. I'm a pretty handsome guy. I won't turn many heads, but I'm definitely above average. I'm smart, I have a good paying job lined up, I'm funny, and a good conversationalist.
I rarely get nervous talking to girls, I'm usually pretty charming, I am genuinely a nice guy, and at the same time I'm assertive enough to not be a pushover. Girls love me.

But lately I noticed that even when I'm with a girl who is obviously willing to hook-up I end up cutting it off. It's not that I'm nervous, it's more like a pride thing.
I know that as a virgin I'm probably not going to be all that good in bed, so instead of dealing with the shame of having to admit my unusual situation or, worse yet, deal with the shame of disappointing the poor girl, I walk away.
I've thought about just hooking it up with some random bar-chick and leaving, but I'm just too much of a gentleman to use someone like that.

Lately I've been thinking about seeing a provider about this to kind of "train" me out of the performance anxiety. I don't know what motivates ladies to be providers and the bleeding-heart liberal in me doesn't want to be a part of anything that's abusive or mistreats anyone. So I was just wondering if an experienced, independant provider would even be willing to give this sort of request the time of day. In the same vein, how often do providers deal with this sort of thing?
I also had questions about what I ought to expect. How much money should I expect to set aside? What would I be expected to do to prepare? How long would I need to maintain the business arrangement before one would think I'd be comfortable, etc.

Most providers don't mind your lack of experience and would not turn you away. I only speak for myself,but I don't believe that women on this level deaal with abuse and mistreatment; that is at a lower level.
As for your other questions, take some time to read reviews and choose who you believe would be a good fit for your needs.  Once you contact the lady she will direct you to her website where all the info about gifts and such will be spelled out for you.  NEVER ask explicit questions in your email or on the phone; just read her website.
I expect my dates to take a shower before they see me; it's a courtesy.
Your comfort level is totally up to you.  No one can tell you  how long it will take you to be comfortable with yourself and sex.  
Just do your research, be polite, be clean, and have fun!

With a little research I am sure you will be able to find a provider that will teach you as much as you want to know.  As long as the money holds out she will be a willing teacher.

However, the drawback is that you will not find a civie that will consistently deliver a quality experience as you will have with a good provider.

Once the initial glow with a civie wears off you may find you get tired of the demands and obligations.

Ditto on Snowfire. These ladies are highly addictive and will spoil you for "normal" civvie (or marital)sex. For an older guy who gets little or nothing at home, that can be a good thing.  For a young guy with plans to marry someday, it will be a problem at some level.  Like any other addiction, its nearly impossible to stop.

find one of the providers that is well reviewed for longer sessions.  She should be at least 30, and 40 isn't bad.  Drop a grand for a few hours.  You get the right one, she'll be flattered to teach you bedside manner, and the lesson in confidence will be well worth it.  It'll get you off on the right foot with a civvie.

In the longer term, you get out what you put in.  Keep the civvie interested by changing the scenery now & again - ie, don't always take her to the same McDonalds, doing the same stuff; and don't let her take you for granted, either.  Sometimes we don't realize when we step on each other's toes.  

Women DO NOT go for "nice" guys.  If you don't stand up for yourself, she instinctively knows you won't stand up for her.  Do what you think is right, no matter how hard your dick is, and how afraid that she might cut you off.  Subconsciously, she wants to know that neither she  (and presumably nobody else) can drag you around by your dick.  It's a very hard test.

There is a 95% probability that she will have issues with her body by the time she's 40, and a 50% probability she will get bored, whingy and head for a shrink.  These are dangerous, because she will project this insanity onto you.

Generally, I'd suggest a direct approach:  she has  body issue problems, she's looking for attention, and needs to be told convincingly that (a) you aren't in it for the hair dye, you're in it because she's good company (trust me, you'll get there) and (b) stop crying and get some exercise.  Bike, dance, swim.  No donuts.

The psychrinks are more dangerous.  IMHO, the best way to deal with it is ask them to define the problem.  Usually, the problem is that they have WAAAAY to much time on their hands, and again, the solution is DO SOMETHING ELSE - bike, dance, swim, fuck, smooch.

There you have it.

Here is a simple solution to get rid of the addiction. Every saturday caculate your networth and remember what your financial goals are. Don't be like my buddy (65 years old) who spends 17K/year on the hobby and can't retire.

I wish you lived in my area! It would be an honor to gently break you in and show you the ropes!

I have had the pleasure - and it truly was a pleasure - of being the first for one gentleman since entering this business. It was truly a wonderful experience and is one that I savor.

If you do your research and choose wisely, I am sure that your experience will be all that you could wish for and more. Good luck.

That's a great point.  I've had boring sex, including from providers, but I've had providers that were awesome too.

As a single man, I would like (if I ever marry) to have someone that has the great qualities I would look for such as good with kids, similar philosophical/political/religious/social viewpoints, financially responsible, likes my sports (golf, hockey, mixed martial arts), and has similar goals in life (retire in Phoenix or Vegas).  

Finding a person that is largely compatiable with you, when there is mutual attaction, is difficult enough.  Now, throw in that you like her to be an anal loving, swallowing, facial loving, rimming, squirting nympho fuck machine and now you've turned a difficult task into monumental.  

So, when the single guy like me seeks out to have his fantasies fulfilled and later finds someone he really cares about, but she does not have the rare sexual qualities he craves, it sets up for a somewhat boring sex life I'm sure.

Perhaps you'll want to consider that before you dig into this hobby, because I feel certain the best sex of my life is likely behind me.

hobbying or retiring but no hobby, I'll take the former any day.

I don't think it's odd at all as I've had a few guys that I've so called trained out of virginity, both being older than yourself.  While they were nervous they weren't nearly as bad as they inticipated they would be and found themselves more comfortable being that I was a provider and this is part of the job discription.  I personally think it's a step in the right direction and while sex isn't a must for most, it's very enjoyable once you get past the tedious learning experience.  I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 because I had the fear of it being extremly painful, which was something I didn't want to experience, but look at me now!!!  LOL  As for how much etc, that is something you have to research.  Once you have found a provider that interest you, then check out her donations, that will tell it all.  I can't see it being more because you are a virgin so, the regular donations on her site would apply to you.  I hope you have fun and please give us an update when you have taken the plunge into the unknown.

Smooches,
Tasha

I wasn't necessarily referring to the financial aspect.  Its just hard to get excited about plain-jane sex at home when you can have all the fantasy porno sex you can afford.

Some women do not go for nice guys.... but I've found that most do.  No one likes to be a doormat.... remember the dude giving this advice jack0 is upset cause his overbearing ways drove his ex to the brink of insanity...

The world is full of assertive asswipes... too many if you ask me....  

those that give the counsil to be very careful with providers speak the truth....  but, I hobbied before I married... and I had lots of hot sex with civies as well.... it - in the long run- did not hurt my marriage - other things did.

Sadu,  PM me, and I can give you some excellent teachers....   College calculus was NEVER like this.!  

-- Modified on 5/30/2007 3:16:01 PM

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Holly,
It amazes me how often I see people and dating books offer advice like "brush your teeth," "shave," and "shower."
I never imagined there were so many people without a grasp of basic hygiene to make this advice worth giving.

Snownfire,
Yes. Getting elevated expectations was a bit of a concern for me and is one of the big factors holding me back. Then again, I hear the complaints about the quality of sex from pretty much every married guy I've ever talked to about it. Whether they've patronized this trade or not. So I really think it's more a consequence of being older.
Then again, Plato said that one of the advantages of getting older is that your hormones settle down and you don't have to worry about sex anymore. You get to turn your attention to other stuff.
I figured I get a lot more warnings about the addiction B.P.S. mentioned though considering the purpose of this board.

Jack,
Thanks for the advice. I think I've been around enough people in relationships and dispensed enough relationship advice to know how to handle one though. Like I said I don't generally have too much trouble relating to girls.
I'm going to have to disagree on the nice guy thing. Women like nice guys who have a sense of chivalry. What they don't respect are doormats like Bizarro said. Like I said, I'm not inexperienced in dealing with women. Just in having sex with them.

SinsoftheFlesh and Tasha,
Thanks for the reassurance.

And thanks to everyone else for the replies. I'm still not 100% convinced on whether I want to take the plunge but it's nice to have the info.

Then don't take the plunge.

The potential drawbacks are far greater than the potential benefits. If you're going to be responsible about hobbying, and that's fundamental to really enjoying it, then you need to be very sure about jumping off in the deep end.

See another civie who is a vigin. The first time I had sex was with a virgin. I am still with that lady from 20 years ago. It was fun to learn with someone who has never had sex before.

you're totally freaking random...

BUT, Bizarro, you might consider some CHILL PILLS - instead of riccocheting from one bogus idea to the next...

You're starting to creep me out, BSD, you're a goddamn stalker.  Give it up, I'm straight and ugly too.

-- Modified on 5/30/2007 4:49:59 PM

I am 25, was still a virgin and feel very much the same about myself as you seem to in your post, but unlike you I am very nervous around girls I'm interested in and end up not going for it just because it was less stressful to stay a virgin. So I decided I wanted to improve my comfort level and skill with the ladies and in March lost my virginity to a very sweet providor. It wasn't as good as I had hoped, but now I love hobbying and I'm 3 months in. My persoanl opinion is that I wish I had waited to lose my virginity to a girl who WANTED to be with me, more than who AGREED to be with me. Make sense? It doesn't feel real great knowing that my only experience with sex is with providor's, but I'm having fun now. I would say, for the first time, do it with a girl you really like and then after that, start hobbying to have some fun, get more experienced and live out fantasies. If a girl is giving herself up to you willingly, she won't look down on you that you are bad or inexperienced, but she will probably appreciate that she is lucky girl that you CHOSE to lose your virginity with. She will most likely be flattered by it and will try to make it the best experience possible for you. So that's my advice and also what I wish I would've done myself. Pick a girl you really like for the first one, then come back and join us in our fun! Best of luck to you whatever you do, and if you need any help in the hobby, send me a PM and I will do what I can.

I didn't know attractive females could get through college with virginity intact. . .

Well I don't intend to jump into hobbying. I definitely don't see myself doing this more than once actually.

Although I guess this brings up another question. Considering how little I care about sex now, it's hard for me to believe my priorities are going to make some magical paradigm shift once I do. Does that actually happen?

Find a religious church girl. Many believe in waiting to have sex when they are engaged/married, lol.

I can see what you mean about the WANTED vs. AGREED thing.
Then again, I've met a lot of people whose first time involved lots and lots of alcohol. So I'm not sure which is better.
In my mind though, it's not so much that I'm nervous about the virginity so much as I'm concerned about my ability to make the girl happy.

But like I said. I don't really see the hobbying as a long-term or recurring thing. More of a one-shot deal to gain some confidence.

-- Modified on 5/30/2007 9:15:43 PM

You want more of whatever your recent history is.  If you have been celibate for a few months then you don't really want it as much as when you are getting a  lot.  Then you want to get a lot.  Seems to hold true for me, somewhat.
 So yes, you might like it enough to pursue it more, but perhaps not through the hobby.
B

Maybe not. I agree that after you are married sex can get real boring. But why not keep seeing a provider on the side (if you can afford it). Especially you young guys who can get it up by putting a coin in a vending machine. Think of it this way. The provider is providing a service that your wife or girl friend cannot provide. Most likely you wouldnt ask your wife to change the oil on your car, you pay a mechanic.