I want to out this alias of mine. OK?

Motivation:

It’s a “fall in love with a provider” story. I’ve been failing to get over it for months. I’ve done everything: therapy, vacation, working very hard, chasing other women (civy and pro). It hasn’t worked. There are reasons but the responsibility is mine. Only thing I can think to try now is outing myself and living with those consequences. Sometimes you have to just throw up before you can start to get over it.

The story:

The story is partly documented under this alias on the Newbie and TEH boards. I’ll summarize it here. This account is cleaner and has fewer speculations than others under this alias.

I started seeing her after a long dry spell and it was very, very good. Accidents happened that created quick intimacy. Very early she gave me her real name. Then she showed up for a date spooked. An online edition of a local newspaper revealed a bust. I kept my mouth shut and things got better. Then she suggested meeting in the jurisdiction of the bust, I said no and ‘fessed up what I knew, how I knew it. We made other plans. When her case was dropped we celebrated.

I started falling for her. Sometimes she would get frustrated with not being able to get me off. So I proposed a deal. We let me freely use the L word in session. Then she redirects my attention to how it feels and away from the emotions. We agree to play the GFE experience close to the GF edge, if she gets uncomfortable we renegotiate the deal. If she feels she can’t continue at all we have a graceful closure meeting. She knew that my feelings were sincere but that I had no illusions of a happy GF outcome with her. She agreed to let me manage my feelings and not worry about them per the agreement. She held out the possibility that if I was “cool” something very nice might happen for me as a surprise.

We negotiate more problems collaboratively. It turns out a number of people know us both. A friend of hers is the daughter of folks I know from charity work. A female employee of mine hangs out with providers and other girls who know her. I discover someone who tried to do me harm among her clients. Everything got handled well.

I offered to make presents from time to time rather than tipping for superlative service and the extra trouble of me as a client. She agreed. On a long date she offered some exceptional service not on her ordinary menu and even beyond what I had been used to receiving before. I accepted but I became confused: Was she just careless? Did she really like me? Was she setting me up for a plausibly deniable up sell for special menu treats?

I posed the question. She said it was (only) unlikely that that would ever happen again. A few days later she began discussion of a jewelry that was much higher in price than the previously agreed ceiling on gifts. A PM from one of her clients led me to consider the possibility that there she was in a backchannel community offering colorful menu options operating UTR on TER.

So I vowed to run and not communicate. But I failed in that. The additional menu option never happened again though.

I figured I was stuck. I agreed to completing the jewelry item that started with loose stones that we both contributed. I still have the drawings. I was also tremendously grateful for her services and decided to make a bequest. I thought it best that she meet a couple who would be handling my affairs at that time. They are very vigilant about me and are very good at getting information about people. So in order to manage that meeting I did a background check on my provider friend (she was apprised of this) so that I would know what my friends would find and we could manage the meeting with a minimum of drama. The point of this was to make sure my wishes would be carried out.

Despite the fact that she kind of picked a fight with me on the meet the friends date, they loved her. Shortly after when I asked for clarifications about that fight and the meaning of menu variability she canceled a date. When I called some weeks later to reschedule I was informed that she did not wish to entertain me further.

Letting go was difficult because there was no exit interview as agreed. I knew I would need that in this situation. Also third parties got involved in different ways. People still in communication with her said just give her time. Possibly this was so that I wouldn’t review the last date. But I think the folks telling me this were sincere. I sent peace offerings which were accepted. I heard 3rd hand that she liked them.

The closest things came to reconciliation was when a provider partner of hers suggested to me that we patch things up and proposed a doubles session. I said, if she is agreeable, fine. The partner then came back and said my former fave would do the doubles session as a favor to her, for a multi hour date, but that she’d rather not se me. That left me in the bind of getting what I wanted but feeling like a rapist so I declined.

Plan:

So I’d like to out this alias. Maybe the most likely reason that she stopped seeing me is that she felt I was too wary of being in a predatory up sell for special services situation? Maybe there is a backchannel group that uses TER to market special services as an up sell?

So the plan for the outing is: If there is a consensus that I should out this alias, I will post under my TER handle on the local board and take my lumps.  I hope the girls I still see will continue. They’ve been great. They’ve taught me to not need to get overly emotional in session. One of them is batting 1.000 as far as getting to the finish line. I figure I’ll find out who my real friends are and get this off my chest. Maybe then I can move on and get over it.

It saved me a LOT of unecessary reading!!!

This is NOT about US.  This is about YOU.  And it should be.  I think you've flow too close to the candle & your wings are a bit scorched.  It is indeed hard to know any woman's mind...  and you have both crossed the line here, even if by agreement!  
If she no longer wants to see you, then that's always her call.  You've impressed me with your openness & integrety.  
If she declines to see you then you need to move on.  If you feel you must reveal your handle to do so, then that's your decision.  
So many of us have flirted with the line...  or outright crossed it...  that no one should criticize.  
skb

It is just a habit of mine to ask permission to cross what I think is an important line. I might be a little rough and rude about small lines with little consequence. But if it is a biggie, I'd rather ask.

wearily I went.Not too far though that I couldn't just hop back one step. The lady in question now has frozen me out. I'm alright with that. The friendship we shared was terminal to begin with. The info she chose to share had 'doom' written all over it. I was enamored by the thought that someone so beautiful would wish to befriend me. In the end, she has so many self-image issues that I couldn't have ever said enough to help her through them. I do have a tendency to gravitate towards those who are more personable than others. Maybe this experience has taught me something? Yeah Right!

There are too many fish in the sea for all that.

This is ALL your fault. You crossed the boundary and paid the price.
You are a walking ATM, jewelry store, and a sap to them. You allowed them to capitalize on your emotions. Why, because you had no self control.
You don't need therapy, you need to act like a man and face reality. They are prostitutes.
Dump them all. Forget about them.
If you can't control your emotions in the hobby, you need to find something else to do.
If you must hobby, get out of Dodge and hobby out of town. Your circle is too tight. Tell them all you have retired from hobbying, and move away from them.

As far as outing yourself, don't do it.
Why would you put yourself through further embarrassment?
You sound like a glutton for punishment. Get over it and move on.

That is why I keep my boundries... Even if here and there I feel compelled not to.

Once the boundries are crossed, it is extremely hard to go back.  And once one of the parties wants to go back, there is many hurt feelings that ultimately ends everything.  Or maybe there was a reason why she let down her boundries that was benefical to her.  I do not know her or you or either one of your reasonings/feelings.  Or maybe she is feeling guilty.  Many reasons that could be.

People will always feel compelled to go beyond the boundries... If you have a good provider, sometimes the lines feel like they are going to disappear and there is no harm in trying once or asking... Never know where love will pop up...

I do not think outting yourself will do much good... but you know how you feel.  Isn't there some other way to communicate your feelings to her?  I know, sometimes you just have to say it in order to let go.

and I can't be embarrassed about reality.

So let me simplify things : this provider is taking advantage of you BIGTIME-------best thing to do is to cut off your "relationship" with her & her friends & MOVE ON. Make a clean break----things will be much better for you if you do. Lastly, in re to giving up your alias : DON'T.

I have communicated my affectionate and angry feelings to her fully without receiving any response.

The benefits of outing myself include serving notice that I will not be a doormat like this again. A recent bad experience leads me to believe that some folks may be thinking it is easy to take advantage.

There are three ladies I see who know her. Two I would see again unless they exhibit bridge burning behavior. The ladies I will see again, whether they know her or not, are clear and professional in doing business.

I m embarrassed for you just reading this, and believe it or not inspite of my loathing for aliases this time I have to make an exception.

DON'T DO IT!!!. I don't want to know who you are and I certainly don't want anyone to find out who she is due to your feelings of guilt. I am sure the line that the two of you crossed was a big one and her business would most likely be severely compromised by exposing "your little secret". Just because you aren't man enough to handle it, why should she suffer the consequences.

My advice is to do both of you a favor and heed her wishes, Leave her the fuck alone, have yourself a good cry if necessary and get on with your life. I you aren't looking for sympathy, you are at least looking for validation and you won't find that here either. Drop this alias and get on with your life. Take a testostrone shot if need be, but man up.

Men like you are the reason that many if not most providers don't like to blur the lines. After reading your "confession" I doubt any providers are going to be anxious to let any clients into their personal life.

wanted.

She is no longer getting what she wants. Who knows what what her reasons are? She might not know.

Really it sounds like a sweet deal for her, but she wants to move on.

It's time for you to let go. You really don't have any other choice. Just walk away. Feel the pain, it's better than not feeling anything at all. It tells you that you are alive.

There are plenty of ladies that would love a generous regular who also brings gifts. Find one who appreciates you and make her life a little better.

Sounds like that you were played like a fiddle and put up on the shelf when you needed to be restrung.  A story like this in a way makes me glad that I don't have any providers that are close to me.  That way things don't get too intertwined.

When things got intimate so quick and she let you negotiate to use the L word, etc, that's when she had you hooked.  Then she started negotiating for other things.  That was your "GET OUT" flag.  

As far as outing yourself, what will it accomplish?  Not much.  Just treat this like a civie relationship that you have moved on from and just let it go.  Ya, it may not be easy, but you got to do it.

You may want to step away from hobbying for a while until you are able to properly learn to control your emotions while hobbying.  (That last thing is just advice.  I know sometimes that is tough for all of us, but it has to be done.)

Not every relationship is meant to be.  I find myself wanting a little more intimacy with providers I like.  I want them to like me a little more then their average clients.  I have had both joy and pain with crossing that emotional threshold.  Regardless of their job they are real woman underneath with real emotions.  Compatibility with a particular couple has many faucets and is immensely complicated.  We all should strive for self improvement but we should not be down on ourselves for a relationship not working. Please do not expose the parties involved.  We don't want to know.  I wish you better in your next encounter with different woman.  This one seems to have run it's complete course.

And I'll delete any attempt for you to do so!

I see providers who work just fine without complications.

So I don't think I need to step back from hobbying.

There do seem to be a few who know about this and try to treat me as an easy mark. Outing myself would put them on notice that they can expect that to show up in a review.

And as far as providers becoming more conservative about letting clients into their personal life, maybe that's a good thing. And vice versa for the clients with regard to providers.

I already said there was no quick fix here.

It looks like outing myself here won't be possible anyway according to little phil's post below.

But there is another method not under TER control: write an erotic thriller, add a few fictional characters, sex it up a little more, sell the movie rights, etc.

I've got a plot outline and the draft of the first few chapters already. Don't want to give too much away but I add an SO for the provider and have him kill off the 'diligentschoolboy' character. Except that the "dsb" character has set a trap.... Don't want to give away the end.

I have to admit the thought of finishing the book makes me smile. It is a project I could get into in order to get over it all. Lemonade from lemons, and all that.

Stop what you're doing..and then be discreet...

Bottom line..I don't give a fuck about your lemonade.....

Sexually she delivers much more reliably than the old fave. I am measuring the encounters carefully and making sure that I see new folks in between repeats.

I'm not interested in hurting others. But in my local area I've been put wise that there is backchannel info that I am an easy mark. So the original post is meant to serve notice I won't be suckered again.

The old fave had me hooked on the idea that only she could deliver the goods. I now know that isn't true. It took a few months to find a couple of girls that would work about as well, my current fave, better. Always get to the finish with her. It is going to take a while for my feelings to catch up with reality though. It has been a while already.

I'll be OK. Just had a recent setback.

OK..send me a pm so I can tell you what I really think.....you fucking alias piece of shit.

If what you're posting isn't a joke, take it to your local TER board, write your "roman a clef" novel, go on the Jerry Spring a boner show, whatever.It's obvious even though you've asked for advice & received it,it looks like you're not gonna follow it. I would think many are not interested in your self-indulgent "soiled linen". My advice : go to a proctologist to seek help for your diarrhea of the mouth.

Reading this I might think that the alias is trying to pull some scam, trying to get engaged, trying to get back, trying some angle.

It's mostly about taking a laxative so I can take a dump. I am impatient to get rid of this shit.

Also I'm especially pissed. I've just fended off another predator that I think was coached by this provider and I'm pissed.

So I am serving notice that if any predator comes after me like this again, I WILL go to war.

Hope that clears up any confusion.

Even Priapus and OAG.

This got stirred up because someone made a target of me in my local area. I think the ex fave coached a friend on how to come after me. It got nowhere.

So my going forward plan is:

Won't try to out myself here. Little phil won't let it happen anyway. I will only finish writing the novel version if it makes me feel better. I've got a lot of shit to dump and the only thing I haven't tried yet is to write it all out.

Having this here will be good enough notice that I cannot be counted on to be a walking ATM or jewelry store. I'll steer as clear of the ex fave as possible. No more sending bait in my direction, no more out of me.

Fair enough?

I have a Fav lady...  I considered her ATF.  But I had BF feelings...  but I'm not "free" to do as I please & barring some tragidy, I won't be.  I told her all of this.  She stopped answering my occasional chatty "keeping up" e-mails. Some ladies might have refused to see me at all...  but I was still having feelings issues.  

I took a long break from her & frankly did not know if I would ever be able to see her again.  Seeing others, helped me get my feelings under control.

After the long break, I'm seeing her again...  the sessions are great but in between I don't hear from her as before.  I do not see anyone exclusively but deliberately rotate favorite ladies with the occasional new lady to thrill me.  

I have feelings for my favorite ladies, but I know I must keep them in check.  You must too.
skb

I am doing as you. The difference is that your ATF wasn't predatory and didn't coach someone on how to mentally game you in a session.

I'm feeling much better. Back to moving on. I just needed to fire a warning shot to avoid a war.

let me make sure i got this right. Saying i love you to a provider gets your rocks off and her great head alone doesen't. dude get a new provider and join eharmony or some shit because that is not what the hobby is for. don't mean to be a dick but fuck, these ladies have it hard enough.

Jesus, talk about long goodbyes---which btw, is the title of another Raymond Chandler book-----I'm sure your "roman a clef" hobbyist/provider
"novel" will be even better than that book----surefire bestseller material-------

well other than the these are prostitutes dump them all line, must say I agree. If you are some insecure, nerd who has never gotten laid, you should be very careful with this biz. These girls are paid to make you think they like you It is their damn job and most do it well.I like to  go in and put it all on the table. Gfe is ok, but hey I would take apse any day. No games or bs needed just do me right LOL.

Step back, put the shit in perspective and then come join the group again.

I talked with someone in a similar situation and was asked to do something for him.

Just waiting on his 'OK'.

Take it easy, my man. We're a community. Let's use it.

MP

from accusing others based on situations you have created.  You seem to have lost an objective perspective in any dealings you have with certain ladies.  You need to just leave that group alone rather than "go to war" when it is possible none of them are seeking war with you.

Pass the joint this way.....Then we can both be fucked up.....

I only partly created the situation. Others made their choices too.

But to prove it, I'd have to do the outing that little phil forbids. They may not want war. But they are messing to get into my wallet without providing service.

Oh and FYI, FWIW this is Ally.

Just hope you are 100% correct in your assessment of the situation.  Otherwise it is not like you.

First of all don't tell, don't back channel your buds. The fewer who know the better.

Secondly, if you are right, you know I am so close to 100% sure the difference doesn't matter.

I couldn’t get through the whole ‘in love with a provider’ diatribe. And, it feels tiresome to even read through the responses. Not to be unkind---but you are in serious need of a reality check.

Your language alone, in this context, is disturbing. Patching things up? Reconcilliation? Picking fights? A “meet the friends” date complete with background checks?  Communicating with her via 3rd parties? Deliberate attempts at manipulation…on both sides…via gifts and special “menu items”?

Umm…Letting go was difficult because there was no exit interview as agreed!?

Good grief. You are a grown man. She is a professional. Find a boundary somewhere.

Here’s a plan: NO. Do not out your TER handle and continue to perpetuate this adolescent nonsense

Don't over-think the hobby and do not cross "the line."

acting like complete psychos to make this mess. Not just one. If either of as had not been acting crazy this wouldn't have happened.