Exactly. I let my verification site profile expire because I thought that everything was in order once she forwarded me the deposit directions. When she called and complained about my profile not being on the site, I offered to reactivate my profile immediately to get everything in order. She said no. She couldn't make the flight. And she never asked for refs from other providers, which I do have.
I sent a well-reviewed provider a deposit (20% down + travel fees) in advance of a travel date appointment. The method of payment was a blank money order sent by mail.
She ended up cancelling on me and has not contacted me about a refund. I would like my money back since the appointment never happened. What are my possible remedies in this situation? I don't want any drama, just my money back.
Posting under an alias, but I am a seasoned hobbyist. Though this was going to be my first travel date. Your thoughts are appreciated.
Have you asked her point blank about a refund?
Maybe she will get back to you with one; I guess stranger things have happened but don't hold your breath.
I don't deny the right of providers to ask for deposits to cover their travel costs in case where the client cancells, but probably just as often the provider cancels as is the case here.
Was she a well reviewed provider? If not, that was your first mistake.
If she was and still won't return your deposit, you may be able to post about that fact on your local board, but I'm not sure. You might want to contact your local mod and ask him/her.
Sorry about this.
Give her a call..Not all providers are looking to rip off anyone, but there are a few horror stories I have heard and it scares others. If she is well reviewed, you went the right way. I am sure she doesn't want to ruin her reputation.
Good Luck..
How long has it been since you heard from her?
B
We get that you made an in advance deposit. This is not unusual for travel dates with many companions.
She cancelled on you, but did she give any reason what ever for this? Did she contact you by phone or email about the cancellation? What was said if there was an excuse? It would seem a provider would not cancel unless important when this is a large revenue type appointment.
She has not contacted you since the cancellation? Have you made any effort to contact her, by phone or via email? If she is not responding that is of course not good. But could something very important in her life happened.
Now that I have given all the benefit of doubts here in her favor, if she does not respond and refuses to respond after a reasonable amount of time, I would post it on the regional board. You have then been ripped-off. Even well reviewed providers have pulled this number before so that too is not unusual.
Give her some reasonable time. If no response out her on the board.
She ended up cancelling on me and has not contacted me about a refund. I would like my money back since the appointment never happened. What are my possible remedies in this situation? I don't want any drama, just my money back.
Posting under an alias, but I am a seasoned hobbyist. Though this was going to be my first travel date. Your thoughts are appreciated.
It could be number of things .. including may be possibly insufficient reference response or luck of it.
...& recieve no response, or she refuses to refund or reschedule, report her on ripoffs reviews:
http://www.theeroticreview.com/reviews/ripOffs.asp
and as smarty said, the regional board, at least say you were ripped off & pm you for the provider name/profile.
The reason given was insufficient screening info. I found this odd because she gave me sensitive info with the deposit instructions. IMO she wouldn't have given out that info if my screening info hadn't have checked out. Personally I believe that something else came up and she just didn't want to come out to see me.
She called to cancel a few hours before her flight was to have left. It was on short notice.
I have contacted her via email since then to request a refund. No reply so far.
Out her on her regional board and ones in cities that she travel to. I am normally tolerant, but the lady obviously is taking advantage of you.
She's playing games. Wants you to walk away from this, you can bet on it. Out her anyway. She deserves it.
Hey mr_peanut
i know how you can get your money back pls email me asap
SweetPeach
NW Indiana Provider
I eschew board drama. However, since you seem bent on trying to underhandedly drag me into it, let's clear this up quick and clean publicly, shall we?
1) You requested a specific date and I arranged my month (need I remind you how tight my summer schedule is) in order to make it work.
2) You go back and forth over your decision for a solid week before deciding to send me a deposit. For some reason that defies all logic, you do not overnight it (or even apply a tracking number so that we can determine where the deposit even is).
3) While this thing is still in route, you up and change the date you want me to visit. This not only makes the whole process extremely last minute, but I'm now in a situation where I feel obligated to further bend my schedule to near contortionist proportions because a deposit has supposedly been made. Keep in mind that I'm doing this all in blind faith, since you sent the damn thing the SLOWEST POSSIBLE ROUTE. I don't know when, or if it will show up. Has I been less kind, I would have canceled the whole thing right there.
4) When the deposit finally arrives, I discover you have taken "blank" to a whole new level. I asked you to leave my name blank, for obvious reasons. The only thing you filled in on the whole of the money order was the total. No name on your end, not even a return address to that I could return the deposit to you should the need arise.
5) You pitch an utter fit about the fact that the travel fees have nearly doubled. While I like to think I have a good amount of influence in my little corner of the world, I simply don't have control over the airlines or their prices. When you choose to move our date and send the deposit in the slowest possible fashion, so that I cannot purchase tickets until the very last minute, then it's highly likely that the actual travel costs are going to differ from what I originally quoted you for a different, later date. Demanding that a lady cheat the system for you by using methods that are legally not available to her (studentuniverse? really?) or by making her an extremely uncomfortable camper by suggesting flights that have layovers, or on airlines she is simply not comfortable flying on, is extremely crass, and reveals you to be the sort of man that no lady should be subjected to. Nevertheless, I made my bed, and I was determined to make this the best date possible for you.
6) After you've implied your consent to the new travel charges (because really, meet me at such and such hotel pretty much indicates that I need to be on the plane to get there), you go bonkers again, claiming you didn't authorize a travel rate increase. Keep in mind, the final travel funds total was no different from the total I had told you the day previously. When we finally smooth things out, and you are sure you still want to go through with this, it is the middle of the day prior to the day I am expected to get on that flight. This means I am up late packing (ANY lady can tell you that packing as a companion is at least twice as difficult as packing as a civilian), AND up early to catch the flight.
7) While preparing myself that morning, I do a final second check on your verification site membership and come up with...nothing. Had I checked it before? Sure. Am I going to do a second check before stepping across state lines and into a locked room with someone who wouldn't even give me his full name, much less any other form of verification beyond this one site? You better fucking believe it. For a so called "seasoned hobbyist," it's truly quite amazing that you had no verification service memberships set up when we first communicated a scant couple of months ago, nor any provider references. You still have no "stellar" references-established ladies I know and trust. You gave me nothing else to put trust in beyond a membership to a verification site that, in the end, proved sketchy.
If your membership is gone, that raises all sorts of questions-did the service discover you are in fact LE? Did they discover you were harming ladies? Did you pull it yourself so as to cover your tracks because you are planning on harming me? After all, flying out of state means I am not only in a greater legal mess should something arise, but if you are planning physical harm, I am completely removed from my support system in Chicago.
8)I call you. Not once, but twice. I leave an email asking you to call me ASAP. I wait. When you finally get around to calling me back, you come up with some lame story about how you were only using a trial version of the verification site, and it expired a few days prior to our planned visit. By this time, there is no way I can physically make it on time for my flight anyway, and I'd really not rather deliver myself into the hands of someone who doesn't even see the need for or value his companion's safety or comfort. (As a side note-In case you aren't aware, human trafficking is at a high in the US. I may not be a major target since I'm older than 18, but I would nevertheless prefer my activities in this lifestyle to remain entirely voluntary.) Again, crass, crass, crass, and not anything a lady should be subjected to.
9) You email me demanding not only the deposit for my time back, but the travel deposit as well, the latter of which ate up almost all of the former, due to YOUR changes in schedule. Furthermore, you demand this refund through a manner that I simply don't associate myself with, and I'm supposed to send this money off into space to some individual that I don't even know at this point, since you are no longer even verified, and I don't have any other information to go on. You also gave me no time to communicate with you before employing underhanded blackmail tactics on a public board-I found your email at the same time as your board post.
I am honestly at a loss, to have miscalculated this badly and associated myself with such a crass individual who is absolutely all too trigger happy to employ childish techniques rather than dealing with me personally like an adult. I am disappointed, both in you, how you chose to resolve this situation, and the entirety of this attempted date in its sum total. However, I absolutely WILL not throw stones behind an alias, nor will I allow you to threaten me in this manner. I've laid open the entire situation for everyone to see. If anyone wishes to blast me, please by all means feel free to contact me via PM or directly on my email.
sorry here for my post.. and i have never heard of a ---> trial version of the verification site... as all know that roomservice2000, preferred411.com dont expire once you pay the fee your are good for life i believe
SweetPeach
This "gentleman" obviously did not.
Lina
P411 can be joined yearly or lifetime. If you join for yearly, it will expire on your anniversary date, as will Datecheck. I don't know about RS2K.
Swim
After I had verifications (on DC) from some of the ladies I'd previously dated and the ease it offers to the whole pre-date process, I immediately went from trial to lifetime membership (it's relatively cheap too!).
btw - I'm also an RS2K member, but it's not quite as widely accepted as DC.
in order to get it, you have to be recommended by a provider that you have seen who is already a member. That's how I got my membership. For a buck 25, I say get the lifetime membership. It expires in the year 3000.....lol
Swim
Point #5. I would have (wrongly) assumed that you could manipulate the entire tourism industry, and certainly get them to bend to your will.
That aside, I freely admit that I have no knowledge of the goings on here, but I've picked my side. While I won't divulge which way I'm leaning, I will say that she's pretty damn cute.
Still, the cheapo in me says that by avoiding situations that require deposits, these issues never come up.
You, LP, also have a solid longstanding reputation and stellar references from at least one lady that I can think of off the top of my head. In short, the entirety of your ability to verify yourself doesn't hinge on one shaky leg. I may not agree with everything you post, but I would NEVER need to cancel a date with you out of verification concerns that would lead me to wonder whether I may or may not end up as ground up dog food in your basement.
Normally, would not accept a travel date from someone I had not previously met, who gave only a single verification site membership, for exactly the reason of avoiding potential drama. I engage in travel dates often, and I've never encountered anyone so unwilling to provide me even the barest hints of comfort/security before crossing state lines for him. Mr_Peanut has certainly been a learning experience I will take to heart.
I tried, believe me I did! If it worked I would lend u mine!
Kiss beautiful!
Lina
Eve, if you do not spend this idiots money right away on any luxury of your own choosing.
Pathetic, and to think he left off most of all the questions I was asking in previous post. Dayum
Starting this thread was not intended to blackmail you or start any drama. It was to receive advice from other community members about a situation and possible solutions to it. It’s childish now to ask for advice from other people who may be familiar with my predicament? Notice how I did not reveal any of your information in my earlier posts. You made the decision to come out and inject yourself into the discussion. That’s not my fault.
I’m going to respond to your accusations point by point. Then I will ask the moderator to close this thread before it turns into a mudslinging brouhaha.
1) Thanks for the rearrangement. I remain grateful.
2) I stated very clearly in my emails to you about my unfamiliarity with deposits for travel dates. You patiently answered my questions to the point that I felt comfortable confirming an appointment. I was not conflicted or hesitant, just gathering enough info in order to make me feel comfortable. On the contrary, I was very deliberate in my actions. I quickly confirmed a date and location and sent you a deposit in line with your instructions. 2 days after sending you the deposit, I learned that I needed to be somewhere else, making the original appointment date undoable. Since I had already mailed the deposit at that point, I asked you to reschedule on short notice. You agreed to do so.
3) In what hobbyist handbook does it say that a deposit has to be mailed via overnight mail with a tracking number? Must have missed that page.
4) So what? Isn’t the ultimate goal for you to receive valid funds in the correct amount? I held up my end there, like I said I would.
5) Utter fit is a strong term. You booked the ticket before expressly clearing the higher price with me. That is a lack of communication on your end and I have a right to be concerned.
6) No comment.
7) Yes, Date Check does do trial memberships. http://www.date-check.com/faq.asp#5. Trial profiles are valid for 90 days. When exactly did you check my profile the first time? When my profile was active, your name never showed up on my profile viewed list. When did you ask for other references? I have White Lists and other provider references that I could have given to you at any point. You never asked for them.
8) I was at the gym when you called twice. Sorry for going for my morning exercise. I didn’t know that that was a crime against humanity. I returned your call after I finished.
9) I still haven’t received a reply email from you in an effort to bring the situation to a conclusion. I wanted to deal with you as an adult, but during our phone call, you went into a rant and started yelling at me. The topic of resolution never came up because you didn’t allow it to come up. I waited some 12 hours for you to cool down and reach out to me. I never received that email from you so I sent you one and I started this thread to solicit advice.
Like I’ve said above, I’m still waiting for a reply from you to resolve this situation. You know how to reach me.
Here is where you screwed yourself. As you described the situation in your initial post, it left out a lot of the data which Eve included -- and you did not dispute.
As originally posted, it leads your fellow hobbyists to believe one thing; but as augmented, it leads to an entirely different conclusion.
In essence, it starts to appear as though you attempted to manipulate others through selective lack of information in order to create a community consensus favoring your point of view.
Especially combined with the fact you are aliased and she is not, this makes you appear dishonest and manipulative; especially when juxtaposed with a provider with a well-known reputation for scrupulous ethics.
I'm sorry this situation got messy; but your approach did not help your case.
Yes, I have a bias; because I know Eve and have found her to have exemplary ethics and character. But even if I did not have that bias; you still screwed yourself through very selectively presenting the facts.
Sorry, I don't get your point. I paid a deposit to confirm an appointment. That appointment never happened and it will not happen. Regardless of the reasoning behind the cancelation, I believe that I'm entitled to a refund of my deposit since the appointment never occurred. That's the initial post and the essence of the situation. Everything else that occurred between us is hearsay and subject to interpretation. She interpreted certain info one way and I interpreted the same info another way. Such is life. No manipulation has gone on here.
Why should I be required to provide the blow by blow on a board to solicit advice from providers and fellow hobbyists about a situation? I just wanted to know what my possible options are in terms of getting my deposit back. I've now learned what they are.
I never wanted this in the court of public opinion. The choices of an alias, the skimpy detail, withholding the provider's name was done to solicit possible remedies without turning it into a spectacle. SHE decided to lay the situation out for everyone to see instead of responding to me privately. So now I have to deal with it.
For all of her bluster and lengthy posts on this matter, here is where we stand. She still has not contacted me privately to resolve the situation. She still has my deposit for an appointment that did not and will not happen. That's bad behavior.
-- Modified on 7/5/2010 12:31:50 PM
I have not visited Eve, but have traded PMs with her. My sense of her is that she is a top flight ethical person and a true courtesan class provider. If I had read more of this post and found that the provider was Eve, I would not have posted my outing suggestion. Outing is something that is done to providers who have no scruples, Eve does not seem to be remotely in that category.
I would be perfectly ok with her doing so. We are members of an escort review site so that we can avoid getting jacked around by ripoffs. You took a perfectly legitimate provider, cost her income, wasted her time and jerked her around. I would yell at you in a phone call if you did the same to me. Realize that you have responsibilities when making an appointment, you failed to meet some of the most critical ones.
Let's review my responsibilities
Nice, initial inquiry about an appointment - check
Screening info - check (obviously, it was to her satisfaction; otherwise, she never would have moved forward with the appointment to the point of canceling about an hour before she was to board a plane to see me)
Deposit - check
Hotel room location for the meeting - check
Does that sound like a person who wants to jerk someone around?
"3) In what hobbyist handbook does it say that a deposit has to be mailed via overnight mail with a tracking number? Must have missed that page."
It's not in any other handbook than the one titled "Common Fucking Sense".
Sure...use it as an excuse...but sending money with no tracking number and using a slow method is just cheap and stupid.
You'll pay ALL that money for the time and travel expenses...then go cheap as hell on getting the money there. Typical.
Hope you both work this out. Seems mistakes were made on both sides in a typical "he said, she said".
Things like "In what hobbyist handbook does it say..." and 'No Comment' is just more evidence that you, sir, are a client with almost no common sense, no fairness, or (perhaps) no experience in setting up anything more than one lousy hour of someone's time.
Eve is on sound ground on every count and your indecision, last-minute changes, run-around attitude, and me-me-me mentality are wholly indefensible.
After reading the thread gotta agree with SFGentleman.
Ms Eve Alexander had no hesitation about replying under ter name associated with her reviews.
Mr Peanuts still hiding in the gallery.
The entire train wreck was started before Ms Alexander was given time to resolve this in private manner.
Rather than replying to her messages Mr Peenuts decided to "ask for advice".
What possible advice is needed in this situation? It was attempt to manipulate Eve and to solicit public outrage at big bad provider.
Finally, based on Mr Peenuts writing style, I can't help but to imagine that he works as attorney for SEC or something equally inefficient and time wasting.
If anything, Ms Eve is guilty of being too patient with someone who while claiming to be "seasoned hobbyist" should practice a bit more.
And for that she will be spanked by me personally!
Lina
You're wrong. No one would have learned the provider's info before she revealed herself. This thread was not intended to manipulate anyone. I have a problem and I wanted to know whether I had a legitimate basis to seek a refund by giving my side of the story. That's what this board is for. People do it all the time.
At the time I created the thread, it had been 24 hours since our last contact. That's enough time for a provider who canceled to get back to you, especially one who has a track record of getting back to you in a timely manner such as Eve. And instead of replying privately to my email message about a refund, she decides to get on the board and lay everything out for everyone. Sounds like she is the one trying to solicit public outrage, not me.
I'VE talked to the lady. Not about your dumb-ass. But she's cool and tops in my book.
Yeah, I know. WTF does the village idiot know. I know enough that you're a fucking pussy and a stupid mother-fucker.
And how do I know that? Because I AM! Stupid, yes. Pussy, no.
Oh yeah, I know a HELL of lot more of this situation than I care to share.
Just fucking grow a pair, chalk it up to experience and move the fuck on. Dick.
You felt uncomfortable and cancelled. That's understandable. Keeping his deposit is not. I couldn't tell from your post whether you planned to return it. That might have been your intent all along.
However, please note that I did not cancel. He failed to maintain even the most basic form of verification, and I wasn't going to get on a plane until I heard from him, and he called me after it was possible for me to make my flight. This isn't an issue of being "uncomfortable." I get "uncomfortable" when you place a roach in front of me. This is an issue of my immediate physical safety, and my rules for engagement are clearly posted on my contact page. Verification is a must. It should be a no brainier that if your only form of verification vaporizes into thin air, and the lady chooses to double check on such, she is going to question the situation and opt to not enter foreign territory until she is sure of the situation.
However, I would sincerely like to understand the logic behind your thoughts here. It seems you are trying to express an opinion that you feel is "fair." What then, is fair about my loss of two days worth of planned dates plus another 36 hours due to travel related hoopla (travel research, getting things in order at home, mani-pedi and assoc. grooming, packing (a fashion like game of tetris hell in and of itself)), etc, etc.) not to mention the 500 I should lose (according to your opinion) due to lost travel fees. Am I to throw this in the "shit happens" pile because this individual dropped the ball on maintaining his verification? I am honestly open to thoughts and opinions here, so I do ask in all sincerity that you help me understand yours.
I can understand the client wanting the money back because of no meeting, I can also understand the loss of income to the provider and the cost of a ticket.
Just cut it in half, 1/2 to provider, 1/2 to client. Not the best resolution for either, but not the worst.
b-
If verification is such a huge deal (as it should be) then WHY was all this other stuff going on?
You "lose" two days of planned dates plus 36 hours of "hoopla"....why?? If he wasn't verified to your standards...no other discussion should have taken place. Period.
So he was "on" a verification site. Got that. Did he have any references there? Was he simply "on" it and that was good enough for you?? If so...it doesn't seem that your screening practices are stringent enough.
If you're so busy that this "cost" you SO much time...then why would you do it? Why would you pursue this thing if the verification wasn't done to your standards...and you had so much else going on. Easy money at home. It would make more sense, IMHO, to simply tell him "this is how it is...this is what I need...as soon as you want to give me the info I need...THEN we can discuss particulars". Doesn't sound like you did that.
At first blush it would seem that if you lost time...it was due to your poor business practices and putting the cart before the verification horse.
Not insulting...just an observation.
Exactly. I let my verification site profile expire because I thought that everything was in order once she forwarded me the deposit directions. When she called and complained about my profile not being on the site, I offered to reactivate my profile immediately to get everything in order. She said no. She couldn't make the flight. And she never asked for refs from other providers, which I do have.
Please contact me privately so that we can settle this once and for all.
I understand why and don't think that your doing so will hurt your standing with hobbyists that you would want to be in a locked room in a compromising situation with.
I have been ripped off by providers during my hobbying life. Your position is NOT ripping anyone off, the opposite, I view it as principled and the type of conduct that any reasonable business person would employ.
You have to admit that letting the profile "expire" would seem odd to anyone. So you sign up...get a few references...then decide to just let it vaporize? To someone who plans on being in this "world"...it would seem that verification site membership would make sense....especially if you don't want to give out much personal info.
Lifetime membership is cheap as hell...especially for someone who can fly someone in and pay travel expenses.
So she didn't ask for refs from other providers...you didn't offer them right from the beginning. Looks like both teams dropped the ball.
I have found that verification sites don't always eliminate providing personal info. A number of well-reviewed providers still require personal info in addition to a verification site user name. This makes me think that their utility is ultimately limited. I'd rather use direct provider references and TER White Listings long term. The profile was used to get started, in line with the advice many newbies have received on the newbie board.
On the cheapness thing, $100 is $100 to me, regardless of its proportion in the overall scheme of things. I'm not going to spend $100 if I don't see the benefit.
Yes, we both dropped the ball.
Eve's website is crystal clear about how she runs her business and what you need to do to arrange a date with her. Everything you need to know and do is outlined clearly.
When I have seen Eve, I was PREPARED to meet her business requirements and we sailed through the process. I sense that you simply were not prepared to meet her standards and provide the clarity, information, and finances that she asks for.
Had you been more cooperative and better prepared, you would have had a great time with this lady instead of wasting our time with your ludicous post.
Hmmm....you speak awfully loudly for someone who cares to partake yet doesn't give back in any way.
The only thing "ludicrous" is your thinking you have anything to offer other than blatant White Knighting in a community you just take from.
Go back to STFU.
I was prepared to meet her requirements. Otherwise, I would have never gotten so far into the booking process that I was asked to send her a deposit and given details on how to provide it. The situation went into the toilet when I had to reschedule due to a last minute commitment that I was notified about. That last minute engagement was to occur on our original appointment date. Like she mentioned, her schedule for the summer is tight and only one new date could work for the appointment so we chose that one. The new date required preparations for the final arrangements to get sped up. Obviously, important things got overlooked.
Had I known before I sent the deposit that the original appointment date did not work, I would have held off on sending it before confirming a new appointment date and a new set of business requirements. As it were, the deposit was in transit by the time I learned that I needed to reschedule. I really wanted to see her so I went ahead with the shotgun rescheduling. That was a mistake.
To rephrase from my original post:
"If your membership is gone, that raises all sorts of questions-did the service discover you are in fact LE? Did they discover you were harming ladies? Did you pull it yourself so as to cover your tracks because you are planning on harming me? After all, flying out of state means I am not only in a greater legal mess should something arise, but if you are planning physical harm, I am completely removed from my support system in Chicago."
To lay it out another way-I verified him-checked his membership, he had a couple of provider oks. Before I leave, I check it again, and "poof!" it's like the thing never existed. There was absolutely no way I could preemptively know that his only form of verification was going to up and disappear, particularly given that he failed to disclose this membership cancelation to me beforehand. So please, please do explain where the poor business practices kick in.
Did you read all of my post or just the last sentence?
Did you do anything other than just check the verification site? Contact the other ladies listed? How did they "rate" him (yes..they do that there, in a way)? Ask him for more than what might be on the site? Contact those ladies? Ask for white listings? Get his TER handle and research is board activity and posts? After all...it is YOU that's leaving your comfort zone and support system.
If he's not smart enough to overnight the deposit..then why didn't you dictate how things should be done?
Again...if safety is such a concern for you in a situation like this...then why did ANY discussion take place about arrangements...and you start running around setting things up? That's the part I don't get.
You're busy at home...according to you...making money...turning down appointments for this guy...and he's 'sorta' verified.
All I tried to say is that the two things you are saying....don't make sense together.
Safety and verification are paramount if you are traveling...but all you had to go on was a glance at a verification site (which, if you know how it works, can be easily faked). Just seems you would have done more if it was that important to you as you are saying now. And yes...he could have offered up more in the beginning.
The comment about poor business practices applies to knowing that if you have what they want....you make the rules...and if they don't like it...they can go elsewhere...especially if you are making money at home.
Just sayin'
Since you asked, I'll tell you.
Please forgive my bluntness in advance, but here's my thinking: you took his money and then didn't show up for the appointment. He provided you money up front in good faith and then you backed out of the appointment. You say you didn't cancel, but I'm not sure what you call it when you don't show up for an appointment.
He should have been verified to your satisfaction prior to your request for a deposit, travel arrangements, the foregoing of other appointments, etc.
I can see things from your point of view but I can also see things from his side. He was told that he was verified. He sent the deposit. You had booked your flight. And then you don't show up. Of course he wants his money back.
Not stopping on the plane was your decision. It might have been the right decision, but it was still YOUR decision not to go through with the appointment. So yes, I do believe you owe him his deposit even if you're out of $500. It was your decision, not his.
You a little more so than him, but it doesn't sound like he was intentionally trying to mislead you in anyway.
When you say "not to mention the 500 I should lose (according to your opinion) due to lost travel fees," I'm not sure if that's the amount of the deposit or if that's the difference in the airline ticket.
Maybe you two can agree to split the deposit? I don't know, it's an unfortunate situation to be sure. For what it's worth, I thought you stated your case very well.
She was jerked around. She lost valuable income from hobbyists that follow through on dates and are professional. She lost valuable personal time that could have been better spent. If the guy had jerked my business around like he did Eve, his ass would be in court being sued.
How did he jerk her around. He made the appointment. Got verified. PAID the deposit. Is it so wrong of him to actually expect her to get on the plane and go through with an appointment he had partially paid for?
I can understand her side of it. I truly can. What I don't understand is your comments about him jerking her around. He sent her a substantial amount of money!
It barely pays for the aggravation factor.
As czcodger points out, in any other business model, the customer would be getting hauled in to a court.
The guy was a time waster. He likely cost you more money that his deposit and travel fee cover. You provided a sound, agressive defense, doubt that any attempt by him to out you will work. If he uses the personal information that you provided him, go nuclear on him. He will have something to lose also once you dig it up.
Time wasters don't send deposits, book a lovely hotel and plan a full day of various activities for 2 people to enjoy a charming city. I've lost time and money too. So you're wrong there. This is not about outing anyone. I just want my deposit returned.
I am so glad you stuck up for yourself!!!! Good for you!
of this situation.
I would have been too mad to think strait, much less write all that out.
How you can put up with that level of BS is beyond me.
I would never try to meet a lady if didn't trust her with my real name.
I would never change the dates around unless someone had to go to the ER.
You're an idiot for thinking even for a second that you will get a refund.
The word 'refund' is not in a Provider's vocabulary. You are speaking a foreign language, and when you use that word she hears Charlie Brown's teacher talking.
The definition of 'deposit' in a provider's lexicon is money given to her in case YOU cancel. It does not apply in any way to any definition that implies that YOU might get it back.
Rule #1 - when you give money to a provider for ANY REASON that money becomes hers and you will NEVER get it back.
Period.
For any reason.
Go now and learn from your experience.
I obviously have no horse in this race, as I don't know either of the main players (though I DO want the necklace Eve is wearing in one of her photos), but PROVIDERS are NOT the only business-people who KEEP a deposit if things fall through.
Deposits are given in good faith that the depositer is going to follow through with whatever he/she has made the deposit on.
I want to buy a pup and have to send the owner a $200 deposit. If I don't follow the owner's directions, she is going to keep my deposit to make up for the preparation, time, etc. she has to do to ready the pup for me.
Same thing with wedding halls, carpet cleaning rentals rentals and website design. If I don't follow through on the dang rules, they're gonna keep my deposit.
If he had cancelled the appointment, she would be right to keep his deposit. But she cancelled. So she should return it. It's that simply. Providers always try to find excuses for not returning deposits.
I have had a deposit - quite a significant one returned. Caveat: circumstances there were vastly different than the one described here.
Of course! It is!
Just once. Only once, was I an idiot...
backstory --- she was my ATF dancer. Been seeing her for 3 1/2 years. When I show to the club, she hangs with me all night, drinks with me and only leaves a few times to do the required stage time and make the rounds. When she'd dance for me, table side or VIP she would always forget how many dances and then undercharge me. I'd offer her a tips and she'd say no. (If I was looking for a girlfriend I might have asked her out, but I didn't.)
Idiot time --- one night, we'd been having fun and I was extra drunk. I told her "Come on! Let's go to VIP" she said "great!", I said gotta stop at the ATM (by the bar) she went with me, I took out $100. IDIOT MOVE: I handed it to her and said "here take this now" she said ok and "I'm going to go to the little girls room first" I went to VIP and waited 45 minutes. She never came. I went to the doorman and asked for her. He told me she checked out about 45 minuted ago.
LOL!
situation in the first place? Was this your first date with this provider, but you decided to fly her to where you were? If so, that's a big chance you're taking, on the possibility of having a crappy date for a lot of extra money.
Best bet, stay away from ANY deposit situations! Too many things that can go wrong to be throwing money out the window! As Captain Obvious stated, refund is not in a provider's vocabulary. Although there are some hollow statements that are used to make you think they give a shit. Like "I'll make it up to you", or "I'm really sorry, I owe you one". But I digress!
Best way not to lose a deposit, is not to get in that situation in the first place. DUH!!!!
I've considered flying a few highly desired ladies into my city, but this is what has always stopped me. I've heard too many horror stories about providers canceling and not returning deposits.
Top flight providers are available in every major US and foreign city if you plan ahead. I do not set travel dates for that reason, nor do I pay a provider to travel to me. Plan ahead when you travel and use dates with top traveling providers when you're home based.
kind of funny...
one minute I side with Eve the next I side with Peanut. Now, I don't think either were in the wrong.
In all honesty, seems like both took some shortcuts that in the end came back to bite. More communication would have helped, but those opportunities were missed or didn't happen on time.
I hope the two can work this out.
All the best!
-Jordan
never go on the cheap, when setting up a very expensive date. You may get lucky, but more likely something will go wrong, and it will blow up in your face. Sounds like you were overextending yourself, regarding your resources of time and money. That's a set-up for strong emotions to rule when things start to go south, and those strong emotions can hasten the process.
This back and forth is so amusing that I am going to submit it to Judge Judy.
Although I am a man, I can not support Mr Peanut; he just seems a bit an idiot (though a rich one, who then becomes cheap). Eve writes very precisely what she went through (and she had more patience with Peanut than I'd have had); and I'd love to hear Judge Judy cut him off and send him home -empty handed.
It doesn't matter how well reviewed they are. All you can do is wait and hope.
Stop thinking with your dick once in a while.
Never had a problem when sending a deposit; always made sure to send it in a timely and fast fashion. If the date is a few K, the deposit a few hundred, it always seemed like not using FedEx (or UPS) with tracking because of the extra $25-30 was peeny wise and pound foolish.
I agree with 6lover9. I've given deposits to ladies on many occasions for many years; never had a problem. Just be sure you know them (from a prior appointment) and they are reputable. It's that simple.
original post: "I quickly confirmed a date and location and sent you a deposit in line with your instructions. 2 days after sending you the deposit, I learned that I needed to be somewhere else, making the original appointment date undoable."
Now, where would you be if Eve had just said, 'nope I can't do it,' regarding setting up a new time and date. You'd be out the money because, in effect, you canceled on her. How is it that you failed to mention that to begin with? You seem to not take into account that Eve was under no further obligation, to expend any further effort, to set up a meeting with you.
To follow through and every reason to cancel and keep your money.
I don't care who the provider is, how well reviewed she is or how good her reputation is. You will eventually get burned. For every guy who makes a post like this, there are dozens of others who are too embarrassed to do or say anything.
You are an experienced hobbyist and should have known better.
It was good that you used an alias although I have little doubt that your handle has already been circulated among providers and maybe even a few boot licking hobbyists.
I hope you learned your lesson, and although Eve has some White Knights, her reputation is also tainted.
Both of you should resolve this matter and put it to rest.