I joined a couple of vanilla sites and one for kinksters about six weeks ago just to see what would happen.  What happened is Jack Squatt !

...prior to meeting her I was moderately  successful on AFF & other similar sites.  The M/F ratio is certainly skewed and you have to work to hook up.  You can't just build a profile and wait for women to beg to meet you.  A single woman on the other-hand can sit back and pick and choose from a daily flood of emails without ever using the site's search button.

I suggest creating a fake female profile similar to what your looking for.  It'll give you a good perspective on who your competition is and how to word your emails so they stand out from the rest - one immediate thing in this regard is to refrain from sending out cock photos; 90% if guys do and 50% of women immediately delete these messages.

We're currently on a few swinger sites looking for the elusive unicorn and I have to concur with what was said above about those sites: save your money and go to the bar or a swinger's meet & greet in your area.

My profession requires me to spend a lot of time in nightclubs, and I have to respectfully disagree on several accounts - 1 you don't need to be under 30, that is for sure.

There are certain clubs that cater to a super young crowd, yes. The way they market themselves would never attract a large over 25 demographic.

But the average age of patrons to an upscale nightclub is late 20's to late 30's and there are plenty of 40 somethings present as well. These aren't the kind of clubs where a $5 cover, or "I know Pookie", gets you in the door.

I'm not saying girls are readily available for men old enough to be their daddy, but a ten year age gap is not going to hold you back. The key is though, you can't just be "standing around or dancing" as you said, you have to mingle. A reasonably good looking and well put together guy who knows how to approach a woman without being overbearing seldom fails by the time the night is done. It's a numbers game. For older women, the acceptable age gap seems even larger. Gotta love them cougars.

As for attracting "moochers" via your VIP accomodations, yes, I admit most trendy clubs are gold-digger havens. If that's a problem, those ones are easy to spot. Look for a girl, who is alone or in pairs, hanging around the VIP with no table of her/their own. Clubs let these non-paying girls in the VIP for a reason, which I'm sure you know.  

2. You absolutely do not need to be stocked up with recreational drugs. I never am. That tactic even if shady, works, but by no means is standard practice. Get caught and you'll be shown the door head first; club owners don't let people fuck around with their liquor liscenses. More and more these days, they are being held accountable for everything that transpires in their venues. Liquor does fine on it's own. If a girl has gone out with the intention to, or at least an open mind to the possibility of, hooking up, it's only a matter of finding the attraction...and maybe a few jag bombs. The ladies become the aggressor more often than you might think.  
   
Yes, many bars ARE far less pretentious, no arguing that. Depends on what you're looking for though. Bar flies aren't all that different from VIP gold diggers, they just tend to be skankier with much lower standards. Me thinks that things that come a little TOO easy, are seldom worth it.

Well there you go - if you're only using AFF to find single guys for you then you have the perfect venue. For a time, we left that option open. Though from experience, I know you have to dig through a lot of shit on that site to find one even worth considering. Many reek of desperation.

Strange protocols in the lifestyle is one way to put it. That's a big reason we took a lot of breaks from it, our final one being permanent. It was less drama going "vanilla hunting".

It feels like highschool sometimes, very cliquish, and sometimes plain childish. "Jet-setters" over here, "young and pretty" over there, "bdsm/kinksters" in another corner, etc. etc. Dare to cross the line and stray from your "group" and you're shunned. Rediculous.

You're dead on about sexual focus being in large part between the women. She considers herself bi but always leaned more towards men and found it very annoying that girl on girl was a perpetual expectation. Some women even twist the perception of their own sexuality and call themselves "bi-comfortable", which is another way of saying, 'I don't like girls but I'll pretend to so we can get some play.'

Some only get into it for girl-girl, but to be honest, I think it boils down more to a lot of the male halves being too insecure to let their woman fuck another guy, even though they themselves get to share the pussy. I've seen it plenty. For me, watching her was half the fun.

Anyway, I'm biased I suppose, in that I don't particularly like using the internet as a means of meeting people. Meeting someone in person seems far more genuine because you're not meeting under a pretense, or with expectations already in place. At the very least, it's much easier to tell who's disingenuous.