he lives relatively close by...we get along very well...he is single and so am I...I am not looking to get into a LTR with said gentleman...but again, he is a great guy and close by...would I be over stepping my boundaries by asking him to meet me for a drink some time off the clock? turn off? turn on?

That depends...what are you looking for "off the clock"??  His assumption will most likely be for sex, am I naive in thinking you literally want to meet him just for drinks?

On the other hand I have met several providers who I've seen "off the clock"...but just for dinner or drinks.  I enjoy the companionship, don't mind being seen with a beautiful woman, and understood it probably wouldn't lead to free sex.  I was prepared if it took that turn but it never did so we just enjoyed each others company.

Simply being asked wouldn't freak me out, its my option to "just say no".

A complete turn on for him...unless he feels you're over stepping his personal client/provider boundary.

Be careful of the signals you might be giving. He may interpret them as you like him and are willing to have sex for free (you lose a client). Or he might just feel that you genuinely like him and giving him extra time off the clock (you gain a good reg you love spending time with).

You might have to set the boundaries in the sweetest way possible so as not to blur things if you decide to contact him and ask him out for drinks.

I am in the same situation. I have thought about asking him to get together off the clock. But the reality is we met because he wanted to pay me for sex. Yes hes a great guy, yes the sex was amazing,and yes hes incredibly good looking and we had off the charts chemistry. But facts are facts. I wouldnt have to lie to him about what it is I do, but in the same sense the fact that we met this way just doesnt sit well with me. Unless all you want is sex and no strings attatched *which is hard to do with someone you have great chemistry with and are considering seeing off the clock* then id say get over it.

You will need to tell him what the expectations are since you will have thrown out the usual boundaries.  You will need to be honest about how you see the relationship.  Just friends?  Lovers?  Friends with Benefits?  Client/Provider and drinking buddies?

You have to be sure what you want so that he understands.

Having drinks with someone you have NSA sex with??? What could be more natural than that? Of course it could lead to misunderstandings, but just read some of the crap posted on this board. Everything can be misunderstood, that's no reason not to enjoy life.

My advice is to go have that drink. I enjoy "off the clock" activities with many providers, some lead to sex, most don't. If he really is a "great guy" he won't misread your intentions. My guess is that if you really are doing this to jump his bones, you will probably be the one to have to make the move. lol

As far as turn off? or turn on?, I would have to say, definite turn on.

I have had drinks with many providers often. Some lead to play time and always pay and some don't.

Both are adults.

Some like to make much ado about nothing. Opinions and advises are like you know what? Everybody is got one!

This happens a lot.  The two things I'd add are:

--Look back on how the sessions have gone.  How he treats "get to know each other" time in the sessions is probably a good indicator of how he's likely to act off the clock.

--Probably best to make the first one at a time/place where moving from drinks to sex would be a little difficult.  It sets a tone that "it isn't the intent".  Things can change if you both want later, but try to set the expectations up front.

Then go ask.  Odds are he'll say yes, and odds are it will go just fine.

As long as you know what you want, then tell him.

Friend with "payable" benefits? Client that meets for some off clock "friend" time? Do you want to keep him as a paying client, or maybe turn him into a friend that has some extra fun sometimes?

If you know what you want, then express it to him. And by that I mean tell him directly and bluntly. Don't try to be subtle about it and see where it leads. Guys don't do subtle.

b-

I agree with balathazar, be direct and blunt.

Just take it slowly. Invite him to a steak dinner (works for me) or what ever his favorite food is.

Keep it away from your incall if possible or make it a long drive. Have a good evening of wine, dinner and song. Get to REALLY know each other outside the confines of BCD P4P. He might not be all that, ya ever think of it going that way?

Or perhaps it just that a great friend that you provide some extra benefit time with but still expect the envelop otherwise.

That's how I would like to have it handled if it were me, and it has been me. And it was handled in  similar manner.

You are both easily able to come to terms about some other ideas taking it slow. After all, what's hurry. He is likely out tonight with another provider. Yikes I just had to add that for reality. lol

...OTOH, I'd love it!  lol

Whether you ask or not is your call. In someways, I see the client-provider relationship as being similar to a patient-shrink relationship. However, In this case I would never say never.

Just remember:

- He may not want anything outside of P4P sex.
- You need to be especially honest with yourself about where you want this to go, before you ask.
- You need to be really clear with yourself and with him about the terms of the arrangement, no matter how pedestrian they may be.
- Remember things could change at anytime and it could "get out of hand", and you could lose a great client.

The question isn't whether you'd be overstepping your boundaries; but rather whether you'd be overstepping his.

But my view is "nothing ventured, nothing gained."

If you never even TRY, you have already failed.

You are an intelligent woman in touch with your own ideas and motivations. You are far from naive. You know the risks. But you also know the rewards.

I would encourage you to give it a shot if you are so inclined. And I think the approach you are taking is entirely ethical because he is aware up-front of what is going on.

To Crimsonlass and ClassyTaylorVIP, This happened to me a few years ago. A provider I had seen a few times and seemed to really click with, called me up one day and asked me to get a drink. I was surprised but I agreed. She told me later that whenever I would call for an appointment, she would try to schedule me late in the day and not schedule anyone after me because she loved talking with me afterwards (not that the sex was bad either haha).

Anyway we met in a restaurant/bar and had a great time hanging out. We kissed goodnight but did not have sex (at least that night anyway). One thing led to another and we ended up having a great boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that lasted a couple of years.

Yeah I was a guy that had seen providers and she was a provider. She would sometimes joke that she knew my past and was going to tell my girlfriend about it. She continued to provide while we were a couple although I discontinued seeing anyone else. Eventually after a couple of years, we parted. It was amicable and we remained in touch for a few years afterwards. We occasionally got together as friends for a drink or dinner.
I did not see her as a client again though.

Anyway the point of this long story is I think both of you should go for it. It may not work out but you never know until you try. It may turn out to be great like it did for me.

Dear Crimsonlass:
I was just wondering did you want to be social with this person and did you want to really included him in your circle of civilian friends? Do you think that he is a quality of person that you would enjoy and are you ready to change the parameters of your relationship? Although you said that you are not looking to get into a LTR, I am thinking it is obvious that he could be slightly more than a client. The question is are you at a crossroads with the nature and scope of the relationship that you would like to have with this person.

Is it NOT possible that two people could just enjoy each others company?  Geesh!  Go for it, why not?  I've met ladies for drinks, taken them to dinner, OTC.  It never lead to any irreversible psychological trauma!  It never lead to any free sex!  It never lead to some twisted gut feeling that we must now mean something more to one another!

Some people like to take themselves too damn seriously.  You don't need to have a speech prepared if you do meet, outlining exactly what all of this does or does not mean.  As the Nike ad goes.......Just do it!

You set up a precidence going forward and he will expect to spend more and more time off the clock to the point that he will feel he doesn't need to pay you for any of it.  I have done this with several former clients I have enjoyed my time with them but I only have kept them as friends and see them socially off the clock but no bcd time as they decided that because we were such good friends they had no need to pay.  It is a very soft line in the sand and it is hard to go backwards once you cross through it.  

I actually go out to dinner with one of them and his best friend but help him hire other girls.  He will pay them but won't pay me....because we are friends.  I just explain that I have to leave after dinner (I really do like the guy or I wouldn;t except the dinner invite) and he will have to find bcd fun elsewhere. lol

Sara thank you for your insight and honesty. Very well put.
M9

much to ponder now BTW I have been out with him otc but only after our sessions...thus, I thought it would be nice to see him otc every now and again...to me, the better you know a person, the better the sex...I think everyone would agree at least on that point...

Some provider/client relationships do work. I have had several experiences like this, and while nothing lasts forever, my relationships with providers have been by and large more successful and less drama filled than my "civvie relationships".

Do what makes you feel good, realize that there are risks in any relationship, and go enjoy yourself.

-- Modified on 6/12/2010 6:42:12 AM

then give it a shot.

The worst that can happen is that he'll always find an excuse to say he's busy; but he might say yes and it could be quite a rewarding thing.

That you've had sex already so that tension should be almost nil (sorry, watching US/England WC game).
Also, the need some would feel to lie about our shared 'lifestyle' is moot.

Relax, enjoy each other.
If that's it, so be it.
If not, good luck to you (both).

I'm sure he'd be very happy especially since he doesn't have to pay for yout time this time around.  If he's not involved yeah I'm sure he'd enjoy it.