I really have a BIG issue with providers asking me if I am married.  I mean damn come on.  Is that information you really need to know?  The one thing I and most other guys don't want to think about during or after is the WIFE.  How about the suspension of reality for 60 minutes.  I have no wife, no girlfriend, nothing but 60 minutes to spend with you.

So I guess the cat is out of the bag that I am married.  And let me state very happy in my marriage.  The hobby is really stress relief and variety for me.  Working a commission only sales job is not for the faint of heart.  This hobby helps me be more productive at work and home. As stupid as it sounds some guys golf and some guys hobby.  

I am not ashamed to admit that when the provider brought up at the end of the session the question of are you married.  A tremendous wave of guilt washed over me (I have been at this hobby for several years by the way).  And the image of my wife flashed before my eyes.  It did not ruin my afterthought of the session but it seriously chilled it.

And damn it happened again today with a new provider.  As she said it I thought "what's the point".  So of course I lied and said no because I did not want to tell the truth or say NOYB.  It's weird but I don't like the thought of lying about my marriage to anyone.

So please don't ask about marital status.  What's the point?

Some want to talk about their lives and some don't. Some take their rings off and some don't. I personally don't care about someone's status. Maybe they're not married but still have a very significant other. Every situation is different. Sometimes a client says certain things that lead into talking about their personal life. I just go with the flow. My take is that you wouldn't be hobbying unless you loved you wife very much. Having an affair - now that would be bad. I believe the hobby has saved many a marriage. As I've said to countless clientele (when the subject has come up), why give up a marriage, children, grandchildren, mortgage, retirement, etc. for something as superficial as sex? And this is one of the most important reasons for the envelope (as far as I'm concerned): it's a business transaction. Nothing more. You sound like a very devoted husband - as it should be. -e

I understand your issue.  At one time I had it as well, though it has passed.

One reason they ask is that they want to make extra certain that you leave with no evidence such as a smudge of lipstick.  That your most recent experience involved the question being asked at the end of the session would be indicative of that.  I'm of the opinion that is an indicator of a good companion who would like to see you again (and doesn't want to get calls from your wife).

A worse event happened to me.  I was asked during the recharge period ... and about children.  The yes and no answer led to a discussion how she would never get married unless she wanted children.  She was foreign, so I cut her some slack, but probably not the best choice of discussion topic on her part.

And to end on a more serious note, the fact that you lied to her may be indicative of it being a deeper issue.   Earlier in my life I had done the same thing and felt the same way as you about lying (and also used an alias when posting about marriage).  I got over it when I became comfortable with the idea (truth) that the ladies really didn't care about my marital status and would see me again regardless.  It's terrible when you walk out of a session and the warm glow isn't there.

I like knowing who among my gentlemen friends are married and/or have SOs.

If I know a man is married, I will settle for a light body spray instead of my favorite perfume. Instead of wearing my sloppy whore red lipstick that leaves a nice ring-around-a-dick, I will instead go for the lipstick that won't rub off come hell or high water. When you are getting ready to leave, if I know you are married I will give you a thorough looking over to make sure you arne't walking away with any stray hairs, etc that will give you away.

So yes, knowing that you are married is a useful thing to know. It lets me know to make sure you walk out my door looking as if you just left the office, instead of the den in iniquity where I just had my way with you

If a client wants to talk about his wife/family at home, I let him bring it up first...  There are plenty of other choices for conversation IMO.

xoM

and it does not bother me in the least.
Most times it is just small talk, and means absolutely nothing.
Sins pretty much summed up another reason why, from a provider standpoint. I think she is spot on.

Ladies, your answers were great.  Your being so conscientious of the guy and his confidentiality (making sure there are no lingering hints of impropriety) speaks volumes about you.  I am very impressed.

Then talk about the weather (EOM)

I was in NYC and called an Asian massage escort agency and they sent over the cutest 90 pounds of Japanese coyness that I had ever seen.  I was smitten in ten seconds.

Her normal thing was the usual massage and HJ, clothed in very sexy underwear.

I just had to see more of her and I made a pretty indecent proposal, if you know what I mean.

Well, we had been chatting previously and I guess I must have said I was married (Which is pretty common small talk fare and I never thought anything about it.)

However, now this gal of my dreams is complaining that she can't go any further because she's afraid that my wife's soul or something will be staring down at us from the astral plane or something like that.

I must be a pretty convincing fellow (or perhaps it was my wallet 8o) but she did stay and we got pretty down with fun stuff (No FS though, she drew the line there.)  She made me jump through hoops just to get her panties off.  I never had so much fun.  I ended up taking them off with my teeth.

I made special trips to NYC several times over the next few months to see her, and each time it got better and better.

Then, the agency told me she had left suddenly.  Her private cell phone number that she gave me was disconnected.

I'm still majorly bummed even thinking about that, but the memories of her will last a life time.

To you Keiko, where ever you are.

Personally, I never bring up that subject and would rather not touch it, even with a 10 ft pole.

I figure, if a gent wants to tell me- OK and if not- OK too.  The idea of a session is to be as GFE as possible, and asking about the wife is a buzz kill.

I do have some clients that have been honest and as was already pointed out, it does help to  know that information.  Only because I can give them a really good look-over as they walk out the door.  You'd be surprised what can happen in a session that may make the wife suspicious.

On a site note- guys, if you DATY, please make sure you scrub your face and gargle with mouthwash before heading home.  She will smell it.

XO
Melanie

I never take my ring off, so it's obvious. I don't bring it up but I don't have a problem if it comes up. If it got into detailed questions ("Tell me about your wife - what's her name?") I'd probably become evasive, but that's never happened. I don't get uncomfortable if my family status comes up in conversation and I've never felt that anyone tried to push the boundaries - and I don't push the boundaries, either.

So many guys seem to be focused on "the fantasy". Not me. I like the reality. I'm older, and the opportunity to spend an intimate hour  or two with an attractive, willing, uninhibited younger woman who is willing to accept me without complaint for a brief period of time is better than any fantasy I could concoct. I love every minute of it, and since it's the reality I enjoy, the reality of my marital status doesn't ruin the experience.

I think I would feel better about it if I could explain to my wife that it's just a harmless hobby that brings me relaxation and satisfaction and takes less time than golf, and that it doesn't have any impact on my attachment to my family. Somehow, I don't think she would see it that way, so I appreciate the perspective of the ladies above who inspect their guys before they leave to make sure there are no give-aways.

I've read many reviews over the years and very few ever mentioned perfume a lady was wearing, so a safe bet, unless you are actually going out on a dinenr date, would be to just use the light body spray anyway.

Unless a man tells a provider he is married or has kids, the topic should not be brought up by her. Just as men should not ask the lady if she is married or has kids. The 'asking' is what causes the line to be crossed, since permission was not given. If people truly believe that you are just 'paying for the time' then don't seek more of a 'donation' of information. Allow it to be offered instead.

I hear you. That would be awkward but many clients usually just say so. Or I assume they are either married or at the very least living with someone. This is true in many cases in my experience anyways.  

I hate when I go to get a massage & they ask 'how is work?'

But then I noticed that I sometimes ask my incall dates if they have to go back to work.

I'm not sure why they would ask but I guess mabey nerves.

Mabey they were new ladies.

Sara

However, I agree with the original poster in that the question has no relevance.  Two consenting adults want to engage in pleasant conversation and whatever follows for a period of time (usually 1 or 2 hours or maybe longer).

many ladies feel safer hobbying with a married man rather than a single guy who might be more apt to become abusive, a stalker, or who knows what.

In my case, I hobby because I don't want nor need the "drama" that comes with having an affair or a one-night-stand.

-- Modified on 4/19/2008 9:23:57 AM

I'm married, always wear my ring- so never an issue.  I've never had a provider ask first visit as the gals I've seen are top notch and make the session all about the two of us anyway.  

After I've known a couple of the ladies well through many visits- they've asked out of curiosity and interest in me- didn't offend me at all.  

However, I usually don't like to get in to extended discussion- don't want to turn the session into me whining about my marriage and the gal having to listen!

Now here's a twist that always intrigues me--  I've had two providers volunteer info about their situation (I never ask) and it turns out later that they were totally fabricating the info they volunteered!  Both cases saying they were divorced- a few disparaging remarks about the lousy ex, etc.  Turns out both are married.  WTF?  Why volunteer info about your situation to begin with, and why a lie?  Amazes me.

In nearly two years of providing, I have never asked a man if he is married, or if he has a significant other.

I am simply making the point though, that it is good information for a lady to have.

Perhaps for you there should never be any evidence after the fact, but sometimes I do enjoy a down and dirty session that is more PSE than GFE that leaves us both looking like something the cat dragged in but with big smiles on our faces. For a married guy, that probably isn't ever possible. But for some of the single guys I see, I know when they are about to knock on my door that I can pull out all the stops and not give two figs if I leave him covered head to toe in slutty red lipstick, or smelling as though he took a bath in my perfume. Ahhhhhhh So much fun!

if we have a boyfriend, what our real name is, if we go to school.. what else is on the list? lol  I guess we all want to keep our real life out of the room.

if what you (whether provider or hobbyist) are seeking is nothing more than a business only, pay for play transaction with a warm body/wallet, then true there is no point or purpose in asking about marital status.

however some of us are in this for something a bit different, a bit more than that, so personal questions are asked and answered. i always ask about a gent's marital status and look for a truthful response, however well BEFORE any meeting takes place. why a girl would decide to ask such a thing after a session i have no clue, probably just trying to make idle small talk.

Unless they tell you otherwise. ('You' being generic and not directed specifically to SOTF.) A handy thing to have at any incall is one of those 'tape' lint brushes. Guys like to feel pampered and giving him the once over before he heads out could be an incentive to come back again, knowing the care being exhibited.

I learned the hard way to keep one in my car after a blonde I saw had left a few pieces of 'evidence' on my trousers.

Now, back in my youth, I saw a few ladies who left scent all over me. They knew I was single since I offered that info up on our second date. I think her name was Mrs. Robinson.

On another note, something I would never have thought I needed to do, but...
I found once that a particular condom used actually left a 'ring' near the base due to its snuggness. It took hours for me to try and get that to fade away. The plus on snugness was I lasted a lot longer, but the minus was the marking. Talk about bad evidence. Good thing I was 'too tired' that night for any activity.

I would ask about your marital status in order to

1. give you a chance to open up and vent, if you need to. This is extremely common and makes lots of guys feel better. They gain a feeling of connection, because you can now understand them better and help them move past their frustration and anger at their wives' lack of sexual interest, etc.

2. get an idea of what you are missing at home and fulfill those needs for you. Sometimes guys are very closed about what they want, and even if you try to pry them open with all the sweetness you can muster, he will refuse to be interactive and then blame it all on you once he leaves feeling dissatisfied. At least knowing if he's married can create a tiny bit of understanding and empathy that might really help him to relax and open up, sexually.

I'm single so I don't mind being asked if I'm married.  As a poster above mentioned, I also like the reality of the hobby. I enjoy talking about my personal life, and if the lady does too, great. If she doesn't want to, that's fine with me as well.   I will never ask her about her personal life. If she wants to share something with me, I leave it up to her to initiate that.  There are lots of things to talk about, and if personal lives aren't a possible source of conversation, then other topics can be.  It's really no big deal to me.

-- Modified on 4/19/2008 3:32:39 PM

Do you mean no woman has ever tried to see how far down she could leave a nice lipstick ring? What a shame

there are many reasons to inquire and I agree with them all really, but Lilli is right as well. What brought you here to this hobby has a great deal to do also with what you hope to get out of your experience and what you will put into it.
You may feel its prying, I don't believe its meant to be, and I don't believe its meant as judgement, which you may feel it is to a degree or you wouldn't take it so harshly. Maybe it forces you to judge yourself just by the question being asked. Well stop that...Just enjoy your time with your playmate and try to see its just another question like what do you do for a living, all part of you and who you are and why you choose to be here. All these questions can really help the Lady to understand you better and make your experience geared for you. Some woman just like to know the inner workings of their Gentleman, it can change the way you interact with each other. It is a very intimate and personal business so aspects about your personality like what you do, marital status and all is a part of you. You can always politely answer and change the topic also. So good luck

Nicole

Another thing I thought of after I posted is mabey she liked you. Some gals are looking for Mr. Right you know.

Sara

I don't typically ask (I honestly assume you all are, so unless a guy brings it up I don't generally say anything.)

However, I've been on doubles with friends who have asked and I noticed that it seems to be without any malice or ill intent, but rather for a variety of reasons:

to make conversation
to figure you out, compartamentalize you and place you in a nice safe category for themselves so they trust you more

Other than what I've noticed, I can't say for sure, but I'm sure it's just chit chat. Other than that, I believe in the suspension of reality in an appointment so unless you ask me about my studies or other such matters, I am more than willing to leave the personal stuff out and chit chat about sexuality, pop culture, media, etc... if that's your deal. If not, I'm content to warm ya' up with a good makeout session.

Katie

I once had a session which was kind of a role play.  She asked about the wifey and created this whole sexual aura of me cheating on my wife.  It was unexpected and very hot.  I still would love to recreate the energy of that one time session.

Just a different slant on the question.