how cum most reviews are almost word for word exactly the same?
Is there a class guys go to? night school seminar?
it's truly weird.

Creative writers are few nowadays .
Ernest Hemingway, we’re not 🤷🏻‍♂️

Mostly that’s true. I just read a review the guy dumped a load in every hole lol.  In general it’s ymmv.

the buxom wench appeared to be of the finest breeding despite her appalling profession, with cream colored skin, red cheeks touched with the slightest rouge, a pleasantly plump body rounded just where it should be, and green eyes that bore into one’s soul!

I’m here to read the fantasy reviews. I have years of free VIP days. I loot the like button on well written reviews. The majority of reviews I read are boring & routine.

Obviously everyone has a right to their own reviews style and all. But it's always helpful to imagine yourself in the shoes of someone who will read your review for information. And then ask yourself, would your review help yourself if you were to make a decision based on it?  

I hate that shit.

“I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!”

I've used the "treat her well" comment to refer to providers that were extra kind, nice and sweet. I tend to reserve it for providers that are extra bubbly and not guarded and jaded. They put you at east right away and you can let your guard down and be less defensive. I've also seen it used for new providers, almost like a hopeful plea with other mongers to avoid turning a sweet heart into a jaded provider. Those are the ways I always have interpreted it and that is how I have used it.
.
I use the YMMV reminder when I got a "level of service" that was higher than prior reviews indicated. For example if a provider engages in DFK and BBBJ with me, but prior reviews indicate that the provider was not doing it or into it, I will put YMMV. If my experience is in line with other reviewers there is no need to put YMMV even if it is a great review. I've noticed one reviewer in my area seems to consistently rate providers lower than average and describes awful experiences with otherwise very highly rated providers. I don't know what is going on with him but if I review the same gal as him I'll put YMMV.

I always like it when reviewers brag about their penis size in their reviews. There is one guy who always mentions his "7 inch cock" and whether the girl "struggled to take it" or "took it like a champ." It always gets an eye roll out of me.

the hobby itself is somewhat predictable and the process of seeing someone, which has been perfected over the years, has become cookie-cutter process.  Unless you are a professional writer, in how many different ways you are going to be able to describe  the process which involves making the appointment, typical 2 call system, and actual deed.  Not very many....  

She greeted me, we kissed, she blew me, I ate her pussy, we fucked, then chatted with the little time we had left.

I guess I should take his advice

charming

well we hope nobody treats her like shit

it's all been written a million times.

one out a hundred people with penis have a really large one. (that's 40 million large dicks!)
it's not unusual enough to mention I agree.

I don't even know what a typical 2 call system is!

more interesting would be a tidbit about the conversation you had.

For those of us who have had to give out and also receive performance evaluations, I don't wanna speak for everyone but I never heard someone say they're not creative enough.

That’s like a guy bragging about how tall he is at 5’10”. One inch above average is not the bragging point. I’m sure he’s trying to make up for his below average confidence.

If the topic of conversation is memorable, then a provider may recognize/realize who you are based on that. Some reviewers are deliberately trying to avoid this.

Why would I care about it? As someone who reads the review I couldn't care any less what size you are unless you specifically  mention that she wasn't able to handle it or on the contrary felt loose.  

Well there is a pretty large range between treating someone shitty and not treating them well. The phrase is not used to suggest most mistreat the women but rather a way of saying "I think she is great and want her to feel like staying around/returning."  I suppose most who use that term could more accurately say "make her feel especially welcome here" or something to that effect.

Especially if those services aren't widely advertised by the provider.

What would be TRULY be helpful for ME would be if they discussed:

Melvilles style was never about super details. But more about metaphors alliteration allusions and such. It was a bloated/heavy style of course, especially compared to minimalistic curt style of someone like Hemingway, but it never was really about details.  

You text her / call her when you are on the way and then again when you get to the incall and she gives you the hotel or apt #

Agreed.  I'm not here for Penthouse Forum style reviews.  

Singing in a Scottish accent?

And after it was all over, she refused to take my money and instead she paid me.

I saw a touring gal a few times and every review said covered BJ.  

At least she got 10/10 maybe that’s why 😂

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned it, but reviews are also used as a way for guys to get off. Sometimes it gives the reviewer one more time to relive the appointment and fantasize a bit. Also there are definitely dudes who use the reviews for JO material. That's why some review sites encourage guys to be descriptive. So if a guy mentions his dick size, its because he wants to brag about it or he is fantasizing about having a big cock.
.
Anyway, speaking of Penthouse letters, did anyone ever read that thing? I got my hand on a copy when I was a younger dude and all the stories were gay, like literally gay. It all involved stories of guys wearing panties and getting fucked while their wives or GFs watched. I was super confused by it. I wonder if that was the norm or I got my hands on a special issue.

I just saw a movie on Tubi the other night where a client said this to the main character (who was an escort). lol

Otherwise I could read 2-3 reviews and know exactly what I’m going to get. Instead I need more like 10 or more reviews to get a clear picture of a particular providers’s session.  In reviews I want a little of these;  looks, personality and demeanor, experience and skills, key service like dfk, bbbjcim, fiv, the ways she makes guys cum, any specialties, final impression, and desire to repeat. That gives a pretty full picture! A generic I got a blowjob and we fucked review doesn’t help anyone in the decision to see that provider.

There does seem to be an unspoken template of sorts that a lot of us have learned to follow over time.

Exactly! Like giving them a microphone, a spotlight, and zero fact-checkers.🤣🫣

In Roman times, it was considered “uncivilized” to have a big member…lol

When the reviewer says "thankfully she brought magnum condoms with her".

a time travel machine, or what?  

he was a mag because he had the smallest dick in his gym class in school.  Lol

Check out this famous mural from Pompeii.  

From Monty Python's incredible "The Life of Brian." Although there was a poster on P&R here years ago who called himself Priapus.

-- Modified on 8/21/2025 9:19:35 AM

Per ChatGPT:

posting on this thread that wouldn't mind having Biggus Dickus as his slave.  Lol

A guy reviews the same girl twice so you'd think that there'd be similarities with maybe alittle twist on the reviews. But some knucklehead reviewed the same girl twice and on the second review, it read like he didn't even know her. Not even a "I met XX before but this session was different" or something like that.
It was a strange set of reviews but when you consider the reviewer...it was par for the course so not surprising

Guy scores her 8/7