That is really good clear insightful advice you posted BU. Thank you!
Maybe The Love Goddess should keep it archived to keep it handy. This sort of "Ive fallen for a provider and cant get up" post happens all the time.
Yes you guessed it - I fell madly and passionately in a lot of LIKE (probably should read LOVE) with a provider.
Please kick my ass and set me straight.
I don't what did it. I am a hobbyist with experience and I have visited many girls over the years including some of the nicest, very well reviewed ones here on TER. But this girl has hit me very hard. I made a connection with her that I don't have with my others.
I am in a bad way.
Set me straight before I go nuts or ruin her business (she is UTR and does it part time) Which is maybe why I have fallen for her because she has a life and I am relating to her as a real person.
Help me boys. Please! Help me!
-- Modified on 12/7/2010 12:36:52 PM
It's not a connection, it's her doing her job well - remember that. Whenever I get tempted by making a "connection", I think of the provider with all the many, many others before me and and after me, who have doubtless made the same 'connection'. Sounds harsh, but I hope it helps. She is a real person, just not the one you met for your paid hour.
Good luck.
You can't Trust a big butt and a smile!
.....tell her exactly how you feel and your problems will be quickly solved for you.
And if she returns with an "I Love You too" then you will have the subject matter for a completely new thread.
Good Luck !
..........or, you could try some of this! WHAP !!!! SMACK !!!! 2x4 TO THE HEAD !!!!!! SLAP !!!! YOU DUMB FUCK !!!!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT YOU ASSHOLE !!!!!! GRUNT !!! (KNEE TO THE BALLS !!!!).
If this doesn't work, try another dose in the morning.
Feel better now????
Get six cloves of garlic, a gallon of Chinese mustard, two gallons of vinegar and stay away from me for at least six months.
Or, go see the Love Goddess, that's what she's there for.
(Erotic Highway Board, in case you didn't know.)
Is to get shitfaced and show them what an ass you can be.
For some reason, they still put up with my shit? Well, not all of them. 
virtual foot. 
But, I know what you mean. I know this woman, who is not an escort, but married. It's been over thirty years since I was so strongly attracted to a woman that, her being married, nearly was not enough of a deterrent to stop me from pursuing her.I feel the same way with this current woman. Both she and her husband could make my life a living hell, and still the urge is strong. What might be telling is, that she looks much like the married woman I was so attracted to over thirty years ago.
When it hits there is nothing you can do to stop it. If you are not an addict of any vice you have a good chance of walking away. If you are an addict of any vice you are in trouble. my weakness has been bartenders. 4 so far. 3 i actually had some fun with 4th one going on ten years got into bed twice and got kicked out both times ( long story) never fall in lust with a chezh. With providers so far I have not had that problem. good luck
Take Romeo's advice. No matter what anyone says, it is NOT ALWAYS just about the envelope. Behind the ads and the slick websites and the fancy clothes, there are PEOPLE, and you never know what people are thinking until you ask. And don't be afraid of making a fool of yourself - I do it plenty, and it's sometimes rather entertaining...
.....that advice will most certainly see to it that his problem controlling his feelings will come to a screaming halt real quick.
All calls and texting blocked, emails blocked and a love interest never to be seen again.
I could be wrong but that's my best guess.
unending calls and texts, flowers every day, try to control her every move. She should run from you, yelling and screaming, in no time. rofl
and if she reciprocates your feelings, then forget every thing I said and remember it was romeogolf's advice, not mine. lmao
There is nothing more out of our control
than the desires and longings of our heart.
Not sure who said that, but man, no truer statement was there ever uttered.
The heart simply wants, what the heart wants.
I'm sending you a virtual hug.
Jaycee
Ok, I know what most "hobbiest" think of us providers, its all about the envelope...and yes initially it absolutely IS! I dont know what you look like, your likes or dislikes, your scent, your sense of humor...you get the point. We definitely DO have to look at what we do as a job, that IS what it is...UNTIL we develop a "relationship" with some of you. We see you a few times a year, a month etc...we get to know you, your situation, as you do with us. Some I still look at as just a job, although, I must say I NEED to find something I like in each and every one of you to want to see you again, envelope or not.
No, I have never fallen for a client, I am VERY good at separating my 2 lives, however, that does not mean I do not genuinely like alot of my clients. Then I realize I see you, one, two, three hours at a time. You are showing me your best and I definitely am giving you the best of me. As most GFE providers really try to do. I have had over the course of a year more than 5 clients express their true feelings to me. And, to be honest I was flattered, but said the exact same thing to them. You only see the best of me. And, I am not in a place I would consider anything outside the type of relationship we have now. A few, admitted they could not see me anymore. Of course I understood...but a few understood and I still see them when they like. What Im nicely saying, is we are not all alike, NO most of us do not and would NOT consider a real relationship with a client, for MANY reasons. So, its not always personal guys...and we are NOT all the same money hungry heartless bitches...
It IS all about the envelope. Most providers are in a way 'heartless bitches". They probably need to be to separate themselves from their emotions and the reality of what they are doing. My question is , how do you do it and when you look in the mirror do you wonder where the real girl or woman went? Nah, you probably don't -Benjamin Franklin just winked at you.
They are just like any other girl out there. They have hopes and dreams. They need to be loved and are capable of loving in return. When they are not loved they feel hurt like anyone else. They are real women, that does not change because of there job. The ladies I know that are in this are anything but "heartless bitches". They feel just like anyone else.
Now, you sound judgmental and jaded. If you think you are hurting these ladies and making them any less of a human, why do you see them? If I felt that way there is no way in the world I would ever see them. I guess maybe you are a "heartless bastard" as you are involved with the sex for money thing as well. If there is any shame in this it is on both sides of the envelope, and I don't think there is. You are not better then your partner in crime.
Yes the envelope is important for the ladies but I guess so is your pay check to you. My paycheck is very important to me but it is not the only reason I run my business, I get to help people and that is important too. For many ladies, they take pride in making our day a little brighter and happier. They help people as well and many get some satisfaction from that.
Yes, there are some "heartless bitches" out there, just like anywhere else, but many are caring individuals that have some basic integrity. I am sorry you cant see that.
After all, is love a bad thing when the recipient of that love is deserving?
The real key, it seems, is to get reins on your behavior so that it doesn't manifest in such a way as to harm the loved one.
Love is not necessarily about possession; so it is entirely possible to love someone and still have them roam free.
Be well.
Go down this road and if you get lucky, so be it. I doubt that you will and if by the smallest of chances, things work out, well you'd make someone's top ten. On the matter of her doing this part time, well, know that you are likely not her first choice. Under-the-radar providers usually have one or two suckers waiting in the wings to pay most if not all of their expenses. You may have won the prize so think of it that way. Now, if your falling for a provider is the thing that really is bothering you, then join a long list of guys that couldn't help themselves.
snap out of it! odds are she is like that with practically everyone else she see's. some girls just do a fantastic job at creating a scene where you feel like the only one she does what she does with. i have a regular i am seeing now, and if it weren't for the consistent reviews that tell the same story of what i experience, i would have fallen hard for her by now, she is that good! that and also from experience has taught me not to go down that path no more, been there, done that. if by a longshot you do tell the girl and she does feel the same way, just know that practically everything will be stacked against you. while i did enjoy a short time, it was an utter train wreck at the end. understand the girl you pay by the hour is probably not the same girl outside of that arena.
another thing i like to do is i like to remind myself, from my past experience, that chances are every girl that does this is pretty fucked up(i know thats probably not the case, but let me believe it) that will keep you pretty grounded, at least it does for me.
Thankfully, it turns out you're just a sucker for love.
So what is it you want us to do...tell you what you already know? Because you do already have the answer to your own question, at least as good of one as you'll find here. That's why you came on here telling US what to tell YOU; to "set you straight"...twice, in fact.
Shots in the dark here - not knowing you or the girl in question, but if it applies, and it often does, please consider the following:
How do you feel about being in a "real" committed..albeit lopsided (unless you plan to be full swap swingers) relationship with a woman who fucks other men...other men who may be; better looking, better endowed, better in bed, more successful, funnier, more charming...add more if you like. She also likely makes more money than you so your financial wherewithall can't be used to leverage your insecurities when you can't do shit for her that she can't already do for herself. I have often seen how affluent types think everything can be bought.
Or, in layman's - how much self esteem do you have? Be honest with yourself. I can tell you from experience, it will take a lot to date an active provider.
Don't buy into that "they're just normal people" shit, like it's the same as dating a civie. Yes, they are indeed normal people. But that logic doesn't apply because it is not the people involved we are talking about, it is the circumstances. This is by no means a conventional relationship.
Providers may chime in under here and tell you different, but if you want to know what it's like to run a mile with a midget on your back, you don't ask the jockey, you ask the horse. Straight from the horses mouth: think long and hard before you act on this. It ain't for everybody. If you think you're a mess now - jump in with both feet and your eyes closed; it CAN get worse.
But, if you're of the same ilk as say... the Dos Equis guy, you should have no issues. Knock yourself out.
I fell in love with a client. Once that happened, neither heaven nor earth could have moved me to take his money again...if he mailed the money to me, I would have used it to buy a present for him. If she returned your feelings, she would have dropped hints already. At the very least, she would have asked you to dinner, or shown a (sincere) interest in spending time with you in your personal life.
Yes, chemistry can be completely fabricated. I channel positive energy from some area of my life, and apply it to that short interaction with a client. Once I flash them that genuine, from-the-heart smile, and start an engaging conversation, something happens...warmth flourishes between that person and myself, and things go from there. Once they're out the door, I'm in my sweatpants, on the couch, back in my own world, the client completely forgotten (till next time).
It's happened to me a few times, that clients have fallen for me. It was completely unwelcome, awkward, and uncomfortable for me. Even though I had to refuse to see them again, they wouldn't always leave it be, feeling deep down always feel that I could be 'bought.' Even more so than other jilted lovers, hobbyists just can't accept a no, and I think that's because we girls are always telling them how great they are in bed =) I understand how it can be confusing.
Bottom line is, if she hasn't said anything, an offer of love or a relationship will be very unwelcome to her. I would advise taking a break, with some excuse about travel or money. Don't bother her too much over phone or e-mail...just try to forget about it. Perhaps the best way to do that, would be to have fun with a new friend?
That is really good clear insightful advice you posted BU. Thank you!
Maybe The Love Goddess should keep it archived to keep it handy. This sort of "Ive fallen for a provider and cant get up" post happens all the time.
It does get amazingly annoying to go through these manifestations of love on somewhat regular basis. Downside of being good fantasy.
Is there a chance these feelings can be mutual?
Possibly.
Will it be easy? Hell no. It takes a lot more to convince provider to date than it does to convince a civvie.
Yes, chemistry can be completely fabricated. I channel positive energy from some area of my life, and apply it to that short interaction with a client. Once I flash them that genuine, from-the-heart smile, and start an engaging conversation, something happens...warmth flourishes between that person and myself, and things go from there. Once they're out the door, I'm in my sweatpants, on the couch, back in my own world, the client completely forgotten (till next time).
It's happened to me a few times, that clients have fallen for me. It was completely unwelcome, awkward, and uncomfortable for me. Even though I had to refuse to see them again, they wouldn't always leave it be, feeling deep down always feel that I could be 'bought.' Even more so than other jilted lovers, hobbyists just can't accept a no, and I think that's because we girls are always telling them how great they are in bed =) I understand how it can be confusing.
Bottom line is, if she hasn't said anything, an offer of love or a relationship will be very unwelcome to her. I would advise taking a break, with some excuse about travel or money. Don't bother her too much over phone or e-mail...just try to forget about it. Perhaps the best way to do that, would be to have fun with a new friend?
You do not state if you are available. If you are, you could honestly tell her your feelings. If they are returned, you can explore where to go from here. If they are not mutual, she'll probably (wisely) refuse to see you again.
Or you could stop seeing her on your own & get control of your emotions. I rotate Favorite ladies for this reason.
Best wishes,
skb
...the accomodation i had to make in my own mind was just because i fell in deep like with her, she doesn't have to reciprocate. did i really think she would fall in love with me and we live happily ever after? now she's simply my ideal woman that i put on a pedastal and enjoy when i can. i think everyone needs someone to love, the hard part is realizing that it's one way and you have to reconcile yourself to that, and get your love back once a month or whatever. also, my atf that i'm refering to also told me she was part time, only saw old friends, etc., but i later found out her list of old friends was MUCH larger than i thought....so my point is you think you know her but you don't
Thanks for the advice....What you are all basically saying is that I should stop thinking with the big head and let the little head lead and find someone new to stick it into. Which is the way us hobbyists are supposed to behave anyway.
Anthony6 - the kick to the nuts helped. LuckyIrishPrick- no altar boys were available. I think there was a synod meeting. BU - where are you located?
Ho Hum. Yes, the heart is a lonely hunter.
-- Modified on 12/9/2010 12:54:13 AM
But are you ready to be her SO?
LuckyIrishPrick is right about the difficulty in having a relationship with an active provider.
Every time she is seeing a client she is going to be putting on her "A" game as it is her job and often the client will be putting there best game on as well. It is not possible for her to put on her "A" game all the time with you as her SO nor is it possible for you to put on yours all the time. Humans just can always be at there best and because of the amount of time spent with each other you will see each others not so good side.
This can lead to feeling of both jealousy and inadequacy. Both poisons to a relationship and must be constancy. You must as her SO be willing to support her even when you are hurting because of her job. You can never ever use her job as a weapon as it will hurt her bad.
Self doubt will be there even if you are a very confidant person. If your already prone to self doubt like I am, it can be almost unbearable. It can make you question your manhood when you here about how she enjoyed her time with her clients or if does not share it can seem like she is keeping secrets and that can be even worse. Lies are doubly damaging as trust in such a relationship is already strained.
You will likely worry about her safety as escorting is not as safe of a job as most. It is on line in the danger department as a police officer or repoman. Can you deal with it if something happened to her?
This is on top of the normal relationship stuff that all couples go through. Trust me I know about what I am talking about as I am making it work. If you are not ready take on all the above plus all the other drama that comes from a relationship you are not ready to date a provider.
If you are not ready to take it to the next level you need to take a beak and see other providers or get yourself a nice civie SO instead.
If you are ready to take the next step, her about your feelings. She will likely shoot you down as she likely does not feel the same. These ladies are often great actresses. If she does feel the same, I wish you luck as you will need it.
"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide. No escape from reality. Open your eyes. Look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy (Poor boy). I need no sympathy. Because I'm easy come, easy go.
Little high, little low Any way the wind blows Doesn't really matter to me, to me"
-- Modified on 12/9/2010 4:32:23 PM
I have yet to fall in love or even "like" with a client. That being said, I am a very antisocial person outside of providing and really shy away from relationships. In fact, I have had a "boyfriend" in 2 years. I only started providing this year.
I have a couple of clients, one in particular, that feel that I really like them or we have a deep connection. As much as I try not to be an asshole while providing, in real life not so much , I try to be upfront with any clients like this. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or any kind of relationship. I don't really need anyone to go to lunch with or talk to. Let's just enjoy the time we spend together and leave it at that. Because at the end of the day, though I thoroughly enjoy my job, it is a JOB. I'm there for your pleasure with no strings attached.
There are times I spend more than the allotted time with a client, but just enjoy it, don't take it as any signs that I want a relationship or I want to see you outside of hobbying. Because then it puts me in a position where I have to be very blunt and kind of ruin the GFE experience.
I'm not saying the provider you are speaking about doesn't have any feelings for you. She very well may. I think it's just best to think it through before admitting to any feelings in case she doesn't feel the same, because then it turns into an awkward situation.
Hope everything works out, either way
What some providers do not understand is that it is not about you. It is about us. It's about the fantasy and the memories. We seasoned ballers know that it will end. It always end, in one way or the other. Either we become friends or we lose contact. What's important is not whether we have these strong feelings or not; it's that we acknowledge that we will have feelings, whether we want to or not, and a choice has to be made as to whether we entertain those feelings or reject them. I choose to enbrace them, love them, and cherish them. I don't want to be a rock. I want to have those memories so that when I am older, and all I have are memories, I can call them up and say - yes, I loved her - I enjoyed every moment with her - I knew it couldn't be anything more than what it was, but during that time, I had a time; a moment in the sun, when I loved and felt my feeling, and I didn't care that it would hurt when it ended. I would rather feel the hurt than not enjoy the joy. I would rather suffer the withdrawal than not be the exployer and taste all she has to give, because in the end, I want to feel joy, love, hurt and cry, before I die.