A question for the providers.  When traveling, I often visit the same cities for business, and have developed a couple ATF's in the places I regularly visit.  I usualy get evening multi-hour appointments (e.g. 7 or 8 pm) since that hour is late enough to be clear of any business meetings/entanglements, and after the sessions, usually go dine alone at a restaurant.  I have wondered how these ATF's (each of whom I've seen many times over several years) woudl react if i asked them to join me for dinner post session - of course if they have anotehr apppointment I would understand, but they are low volume providers, and I sense that basically when I leave them (and I know them wel enough that they now host me in their homes), they simply eat alone in their kitchen.  I'd love to invite them out for dinner, but my budget could not afford it...

As a provider, would you be offended or think it cheap if a hobbyist asked you to join him, but mentioned that it would be off the clock (other than dinner which of course would be my treat).  I would not expect any additional post dinner sex, but I enjoy their company enough that I think if would be a nice conclusion to an otherwise enjoyable night.

ladies your thoughts?

If your relationship is cordial and she seems to enjoy your company (have sessions gone over, she asked you to stay a little longer, etc) it should be fine.

You may just want to say you are hungry but not looking forward to dining alone.  Ask if she knows a good neighborhood place nearby, etc.

Judge her body language and if it signals green light, ask if she like to join you..."my treat".

I have been asked for off the clock time for socializing from a few providers.  Pleasant company is pleasant company, right?

Some ladies may feel as if it's crossed the line from a professional appt, to a civie date. Understood you're just looking for a dinner partner but remember, low volume or not, she may want to keep personal & pro companionship seperate.

I'm sure they're plenty of ladies out there that can blur the lines....I personaly don't like to. Even having a good rapport with your atf, be careful how you bring it up. Many ladies have clints turned stalker(ish) and I wouldn't want them to put you in that catagory. You know, "oh boy, I hope he's not falling for me" kind of thing.

just be prepared to be turned down.  Sometimes ladies will, sometimes not.  There is another concern not listed  by the lady above, and that's that something that might be a one-time thing might be expected by you the next time you come into town.  Many ladies shy away for that reason.

If you still feel like asking after receiving the advice from here, I'd suggest that you approach it by saying something like, "I'm headed out for a bite to eat and I'm just wondering if you would like to join me if you don't have other plans?  I know it's a one time thing and I wouldn't expect you to do it again the next time we see each other."  The "if you don't have other plans" allows the lady a graceful exit without having to explain to you all the reasons why she won't see you off-the-clock, if she doesn't have other plans.

Twice. It was the first time meeting with each lady. Also, we made a connection during the session that was more personal than usual (She felt comfortable with me). But the most important and maybe the ONLY factor was that I THINK SHE WAS REALLY HUNGRY. I mentioned as I was leaving that I was going to stop somewhere for dinner and asked her for suggestions. Since she was hungry, her eyes lit up in obvious approval.

I think that if I had tried to set the dinner up ahead of time, it would not have worked out. My guess is that they wouldn’t want to set a precedent. Breaking the rules, spur of the moment is more acceptable.      

why don't you ask her ahead of time? Some ladies have a special rate just for that sort of date. Perhaps the ladies you're thinking about make that offer. I've been on several, and enjoyed every one.

If you're really clicking it's really fun to spend more time together.

Spur of the moments can be great.  It sure wouldn't hurt to ask.  Just last week I was starving after a date.  He mentioned on his way home he was going to stop and get something to eat.  Maybe he was hinting around to see if I would have joined him...and  maybe if I had stepped up to the plate I wouldn't have eaten  home delivery Chinese.

With someone I've seen a few times and that I hit it off with, I may not mind.

I like to do a little extra for a few guys whom I am cozy with. I don't too often because it seems to be a big way to blurr the lines and then they expect it all the time.

The difference in the donation is usually minimal, and it's a wonderful way to get to know one another a bit better. There have been a couple of "off the clock" dinners, but there were other circustances involved. One was after a M&G, and the other, the lady suggested it after our date. Both, lots of fun.

I saw a lady during a weekend afternoon and we had a very pleasant but not extraordinary meeting.  She was an attractive lady, dressed in a fashion that suggested some culture in her upbringing, well spoken, and at the end of the meeting she asked me whether I'd like to take in a particular movie that was then very popular.  I couldn't do it because of a prior commitment but I have always sort of regretted that I didn't go.  Perhaps it could have been the start of a very nice friendship.  Perhaps it would have been simply a movie after a meeting. I'll never know, though.

.. it's actually nice to be asked, especially if you're on tour, and looking forward to one more solo restaurant meal.

It's not always possible to say yes, due to scheduling, and sometimes it's not preferable (due to thinking you'd rather gouge your eyes out with a spoon than spend one more minute with the guy), but with a guy you like spending time with? Of course.

Just try to make sure you couch it in terms that let her know what you expect, and what you're offering. You need to convey, as you said, that this is just a dinner offer, and that you don't expect her to provide 'dessert' in return.

A nice comment along the lines of "Listen, I'm going to grab a bite to eat when I leave - if you don't have plans, would you like to join me? I hate eating alone. I'll drop you off as soon as we're done, or call you cab if you'd prefer."

I'm going to try the spontaneous questions.  I'm a regular, the sessions always go over and she never seems in a rush, and I know a fair amount about her personal life. She also almost always seems able to fill my desired time, so I sense a rapport.  I just feel bad leaving her at night when I know she has not yet eaten, then I eat alone.  it just seems a natural thing to do. I live quite a ways away, so she knows its not a stalking thing, she just happens to be an older woman closer to my age and we hit it off together.

If I haven't booked my evening or an overnight while touring I usually wind down at 8p or so.
If I am privileged enough to have a gentleman guest with whom I have chemistry and feel comfortable with I definitely accept invitations to dinner or post-play drinks.

We're not robots.
While some girls scoff at "off-the-clock" time in all instances, you will find that many, when comfortable with a guest & alone traveling love to break the monotony of staring at the hotel T.V. or dodging other business travelers trying to pick her up.

It varies, ask with a smile & no expectations-you'll be surprised.

You never know... she could be down or she might not be into it. If she's your ATF, she may welcome the dinner plans. Who knows. Then again,just because she's low volume (as am I) it doesn't mean that she's not running out the door to meet up with her friends.

Katie

Excellent advice, Mary. We need to get together next time you're in town, off the clock

I would definitely take Mary's advice, hon.

You may ask, but if the lady says "no" then don't persist on asking or making her feel awkward if she turns you down. Perhaps she has a boyfriend, kids at home, tired from the day and then the appointment, etc.

But that is a nice gesture on your part and nice of you to ask.


Hugs,
Ciara



-- Modified on 4/24/2008 7:39:12 PM

But guys, please don't assume a lady is lonesome when enjoying her in-room service meal. For me, it's one of the very few treasured moments I have to myself when on tour.

Conversely, as others have pointed out, when the chemistry is right and you feel like stepping out, it can be quite fun. My take has always been that the gentleman pays for the drinks and dinner in exchange for another hour or so of my sparkling personality. Yeah, yeah, I know. More like dour. But hey, each to their own! -e

If the drinks or meal is not right after the session, but a number of hours later (after the provider has another date or so).  Then what is more appropriate:  the John call the Provider later.  Or the provider call the john later?


On one trip, near the end of the session, I asked about a specific type of place to eat (which I often do) -- not a full long dinner, but a type of snack.  The lady provided a suggestion or two as well as saying she really likes that type of snack.  She had already told me she had another date that evening.

I told her I often go out very late to eat & offered to pay for the meal if she wanted whenever she was done for the evening.  She seemed bubbly happy & told me to call her later if I still felt like it.

How would I know when she was done for the evening?  Or if she was just playing the game?  And I didn't want to be a stalker.  So I told her, I was going out anyway & whenever she was free that night give me a call if she was hungry & it would be my treat.

Well, I didn't get a phone call.  No big deal right!?

What *REALLY* surprised me was that I still felt hurt that she didn't call.  I had a good laugh then & now that I felt stood up.  
I guess I'm not a robot either!  

You put it great Ally Moore.  I'll still ask the next time & continue to not have expectations.



-- Modified on 4/24/2008 7:54:22 PM

While I can see why many ladies would enjoy a bite to eat when on the road, my story may well be called, "One bad apple..."

There was a fellow who traveled to my town once a month and he always booked at 6pm for two hours.  Each time he would ask me after if I was up for a bite to eat, as he was going to get one on his way to the hotel.  Of course, at 8pm, I was famished and enjoyed eating with a friendly face!

After four visits in a row like this I started to wonder if he was booking over the meal hour intentionally.  Sure enough, the fifth time he scheduled he asked me to dinner.  I demurely declined claiming other plans and let him know in the future he was more than welcome to schedule an actual dinner date with me, that I so enjoyed them!  I never heard from him again.

To the gents - if you ask, make sure you can gracefully take a no.  Honestly ask yourself if you are simply being nice, or if you are trying to take advantage.  If you are simply being nice, it should not hurt you to realize that the lady may have other plans or priorities.  If it is accepted, enjoy it!  But do NOT expect it every time you meet.  

xoxo,
S.

so it's already covered on the clock, some very special ladies that know me well, I've booked time with a lot, and they know I never take advantage of them/their time...

have done much with me off the clock as well- long chats after the session, lunch, dinner, movie, a little shopping excursion to a lingerie or bikini place....   comes with friendship, trust, and NSA- i.e. no expectation.  And as you mentioned in your question- during these times there is no physical contact, just friendship.  The two areas never cross or get blurred.

When I am on tour, as Morgan said above, it is very nice to have someone offer to take you to dinner.  It is lonley on the road, as you business travelers already know and a dinner companion is usually welcomed- provided the chemistry is right.

However, as Sola also rightly pointed out, you shouldn't take that as an invitation to take advantage.  It is a fine line, but if you examine why you are asking that should guide you.

A friendly lunch/dinner here and there is great but when I realize a guy is trying to capitalize my time I always shy away (usually from seeing him period after that line is crossed).  It may sound harsh but this hobby works- for both sides- because there is a clear boundry to keep everyone's feeling from getting too involved.

One of my fondest memories is from a tour to DC last year.  A gent booked a 2 hr with me and as we were finishing he asked if I had been out for dinner in the area.  I had not, so he took me to Maestro (http://www.ritzcarlton.com/en/Properties/TysonsCorner/Dining/Maestro/Default.htm)

It is still one of the most exquisite meals I have enjoyed to date and he was an extremely interesting dinner partner.

Great question

XO
Melanie

-- Modified on 4/24/2008 10:33:11 PM

-- Modified on 4/24/2008 10:34:17 PM

as I walked into the room, she said "I'm really hungry"  I had scheduled only 1 hour...

At least three times during sex, she said something like.. " are there good restaurants here"  "I hear that XYZ restaurant is really really good"  "is it true that ABC Restaurant serves great fish?"  "Are you hungry too?"

At the end of the session, as I was preparing to go she said "I hate to eat alone"

I got the hint (Smart aren't I!??)  and asked if she would like to join me for supper...  She got dressed in 3 seconds flat, walked out the door and said, "well are you coming?!!!"

Needless to say - this was off the clock... my ackward moment?  When I walked her back to her hotel... as we parted - all I could think to do was to shake her hand!  at the elevator - dumb dumb dumb.....

and yes I did see her again!  Nice lady.  

Had similar happen Bizzaro-  had a dinner- time two hour set up once, got to her place and she opened the door, walked out right past me, and said 'you hungry?', you're taking me to dinner!

The rest of the evening was a blast!  Never did see a clock- finally had to leave before I turned in to a pumpkin.

to have them planned somehow would spoil the treat - or at least that is how I see it.  I've told the story many times of my encounter with one highly regarded lady in Wash. DC.  That evening could never be repeated... just too many co-incidences that occurred that pulled off the evening... I went in for a 90 min appointment at 2 PM in the evening... when I left, all the restaurants were closed... not once in the evening was there any request for more money - it was all about something else....  

never had sex quite like that before or since...  it was simply raw animalism... hey, ya hobby long enough, and well, things happen.... and just think.. as we guys hobby, and see ladies less frequently than ladies see guys... what must their stories be like...!   makes ya wonder.

I feel so stupid, now I realize where the provider was hinting at in my last session.

At the end of the session she said I'm hungry and I said I'm not! I totally blocked the issue.

I hope I'm getting the hint next time!

A somewhat different scenario. There was a lady I saw frequently when she was on tour always for an overnight or longer. Once I happened to be in her home city with part of an evening free and sent her a note asking if she would like to join me for dinner while making it clear that I had obligations later on and had no expectations of dessert. She texted me back a short while later that she would be delighted to join me. While I did bring with me a small gift of something I knew she particularly enjoyed I knew that it was not necessary to do so. It was a wonderful, relaxed experience and just the antidote to an otherwise nutty trip.

-- Modified on 4/25/2008 9:09:50 PM

My best in that regard was a four hour dinner date with a provider new to me-  it ended about 3:00 pm the next day when the hotel started calling the room demanding the room back as we were four hours past checkout time!  While I'll have high hopes for the rest of my life-  I don't expect to ever be lucky enough to have a repeat of that one!

and in some instances I might join a regular client if I had no other pressing plans (which does not necessarily mean another appointment).

My time in between appointments is always full of a variety of other activities, which is one of many reasons I don't do off the clock meetings.  Sometimes me eating alone means I can also catch up on email correspondances or other online conversations at the same time, ya know??  There are just not enough hours in the day sometimes... :-/

xoM