How many of you do the same things in your private life as you do in your Hobby/Providing life?

I have seen 2-3 Providers that were just over the top and that caused me to be over the top as well.
(i.e, watersports, rough anal, submission, etc.)

And it was worth every penny (or should I say dollars - like hundreds of dollars).

But I can't imagine a Provider doing that on a regular basis with a BF and I can't imagine me doing it with my wife.  I like submissive women and alas she is far from it!!!!!

I would love to grab her by the hair and threw her on the bed spank her ass hard, FUCK her nasty and shoot a big load on her face.  But let me tell ya that ain't gonna happen.  I will gladly pay for that (you know who you R - wink wink nod nod).

But then I think how does a Provider actually allow a guy in her private life to do that.  I mean most guys aren't going to actually suggest that to a gal ya know.

Just curious  - RT

P.S.  One of the Providers actually pissed in a champagne glass and drank it.  After I witnessed that I thought damn!!!!!!!  What guy could possibly handle this woman every day.  BTW that is a TRUE STORY ALL DAY LONG.

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-- Modified on 1/16/2015 10:07:41 PM

...and the answer is usually yes, but it's different for every provider of course.  personally, I am probably MORE kinky in my private life than I will usually admit.

Plenty of kinky couples incorporate things like watersports and rough sex into their regular relationships and do stuff like that every day.  Is that so hard to imagine?  How do we bring up topics like our kinks?  We get better at admitting our desires and asking for what we want the more we practice.  Most experienced kinksters know how to negotiate indulgence in their particular interests.

I do know some providers are submissive for clients but are dominant with their personal partners, and vice-versa.  Some people prefer to do the opposite in their personal life as opposed to with clients, and some people prefer to stick with what they already know/love and do the same kinds of things with clients as they do in their personal lives.  Some ladies are vanilla in their personal life and kinky with clients, some ladies are kinky as all hell in their private lives and have a vanilla persona for seeing clients. As with many things, it just depends on the provider!

I know one major difference for me - in terms of whether I do the "same things" in my private life as in my provider life - is that when I am meeting with a client, my focus is on his enjoyment and satisfaction.  Even if I do focus on my own pleasure it is because I perceive that he would enjoy it if I did.  In my private life, my focus is more on my own enjoyment and desires

Don't make no difference if you're paying or not!

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had sexual content that rivals some of the kinkier things I've done with providers, but on the whole, providers are much more open to the kinds of things you describe (Which I do adore.)

Whether or not it is because the providers enjoy it or just allow it on the grounds of it being good business, I'll never know for sure, but I don't let that fact bother me either.

Regarding the civie gals I knew, there could be a factor that limits their kinkiness on the grounds of not wanting to reveal their true self too early in the relationship for fear that they'd be found too weird to be taken seriously for a LT relationship, but that is mostly conjecture on my part.

I've had a few GFs in my private life who were wild and really loved fucking. These mid term relationships (6-12 mos) were mostly sexual in nature ... and the rocked.

But as fulfilling as they were, they pale in comparison to some of the one time and ongoing sex I've had in the hobby. That's not a complaint! But these moments have been absolutely surreal. So much so that they'd match or exceed what is seen in porn movies. All I can say to that is LUCKY ME.

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Personally, I'm far kinkier in my personal life, and that really comes down to the fact that I have the ability to establish a deeper level of trust with people in my personal life.  I know that the people I play with in my personal life aren't seeing me as a means to an end or simply to have a fantasy fulfilled.  I also know that I'm not going to be judged for my wants and needs, and I won't have a review written about me should a scene or playtime go horribly awry.  

Professionally, my focus is on fulfilling fantasies and making sure that my client's needs are taken care of.  I absolutely love being able to fulfill these fantasies and create experiences that last.  I incorporate kink/bdsm work into my profession because it fulfills me on a personal level as well, but on lots of occasions, I'd like to take things further with clients.  I don't out of respect for their established limits.  If I happen to be the one that's on the submissive side, my clients thus far have also been respectful of my stated limits.  That said, limits change over time.  As trust develops, dynamics change, but one thing doesn't.. My client's happiness and satisfaction is at the forefront of the experience.  While I don't neglect myself, I only prioritize my pleasure if it fits into the session.

On beautiful and rare occasions, my clients' needs align directly with my desires, and limits can be pushed in a way that we both enjoy and benefit from.  

Also keep in mind that what one person finds kinky, another person finds as mundane as chicken noodle soup.  People's kinks also morph and change over time, and I often find that people are willing to push boundaries much further once they've established a baseline of trust.  

I also wonder why you can't imagine a provider doing the things she does with you with a person who actually cares about her overall well-being.  Kinky sex isn't degrading in and of itself.  If someone is into degradation play, it's what he/she is into.  That doesn't mean that he/she has less value as a person, and if their personal lovers are into that kind of play as well, there's no reason why they shouldn't engage in that sort of play together.  It's almost like you're saying  "If a provider has a partner who really loved her, he wouldn't do the things to her that I do." The fact of the matter is generally the opposite, should that provider actually be kinky in her personal life.  If her partner loves her and respects her and wants to fulfill her sexual wants and needs, what they do sexually has no bearing on the fact that she is loved and respected by her partner.

In my experiences,  civilians are much more open with their sexual  desires.  
 
Seems logical to me, I'm paying a provider for her menu, not her hidden desires and private thoughts.

  Most providers I've met wait for me to take the lead, civilians are usually quite the opposite.
   

that what happens in a "session" is not "reality"; it is a fantasy (yours) that she is providing. In private life, she may not share your fantasy at all.... and sharing is what a relationship is about. Would you want the same every day, even if she were willing/able to offer it? Would she?

When we talk about "being sexual" or expressing our sexual desires, experience counts. Without the experience, you/she may not know what you want or even where or how to start experimenting and growing. Inhibitions are greater with lack of experience, and different people draw out different things from others. What works chemistry-wise with one person is not what works with everyone, all the time.

I would be happy to find a woman who trusted me enough to voice her fantasies and desires, share them with me, and feel secure that I would not judge her; and vice versa. Similarly, sharing boundaries and knowing they would be respected is important. Being willing to try new things for one another would be great, but how many are free enough to even have those conversations with ease and confidence? How many have the experience to know that conversation is important? Would either of you resent the other if experiences with others were brought into the "relationship" bedroom?

If you haven't had the courage yet to have those conversations with your wife, how can you judge her? How can she see you as dominant and submit to you if you cannot express your will or if that is not who you truly are in life? Which brings us back to the fantasy you seek elsewhere. And even there, not all providers are going to offer the fantasy you may want.  

I'm not a fan of your posting style, but I think you raised some topics worthy of conversation in this one. I hope more chime in with their thoughts.

Since I'm a quite old "newby"  my only private life that I can remember was with my wife, except for some drunken sailor stuff  
before I was marraid.  The wildest was a bbbjcim thriller in Manila, Phillipines. Other than that it was mostly just plain old mish.  My wife and I learned together what was considered kinky then but now is considered run-of-the -mill-ho-humm stuff. I think what probably is a bit kinky now was that on her suggestion I tied her arms and legs to the bed frame with some soft rope and tried to have my way with her. It proved too awkward and we removed the rope and went at it as usual. Mish Daty,69,bbbj, doggy and some indescribable positions. Always BB with Birth control pills  or later when I had a vasectomy.
THANKS FOR JOGGING MY MEMORRY !

And my wife loves sex. I can attest she is as kinky at home as she is at work, more sof even as she trusts me. Now my wife doesn't do water sports but most of the other stuff is ago. BDSM, multiple parter, cum on face, food play is done at home. My wife likes analysis as well but I don't tap ass. Sorry you failed to find a woman that is kinky as you.

It's not impossible. I had that for most of the years of my marriage. She would do just about anything, but was also very nice. Everybody loved her, including my family.

The marriage went south when the sex stopped. I guess she couldn't be both forever.

The universal truth is that a woman cannot be both a good wife/mother AND lover/fucker.

That is why I pay good money to the latter so I can be all I could be like the old army ad used to say.

activity and have two different impressions of what they just did.

It seems to me that most of us want both personas in our wife, as do some/most women, I suspect.  The problem is that most women are unable to be both and generally evolve over time into full-time Madonna/mother -- they become their own mother.  The reason that most married guys P4P is likely because we accept that our wives, who we love and who our children need, are no longer capable of being the sexual beast who we lusted after... and who they at one point likely enjoyed being, too.

soooooo NOT true, my wife is a GREAT wife, an EXCELLENT mother and a GREAT and KINKY lover/fucker, she is a submissive but likes it dirty!! we are starting to explore the deeper side of BDSM, such as bondage etc, oh and she LOVES anal!!!!   guess not everyone can be as lucky as me!!! LOL  

I am in the 4th long-term relationship of my life (7 years, then 7 years, then 11 years, now 6+ months).  My current flame knows about the hobby, and for him it's a HUGE turn-on.  It's actually morphing to the point where I'm getting the feeling that perhaps he is thinking more along the lines of a cuckold relationship (he has even used that terminology).  

Sometimes our sex is soft & sweet, and I'm more of the submissive recipient.    

Other times he is dominant and rough, and I serve at his pleasure.  

Other times I am dominant, and he becomes my man-toy who will perform in just the way I tell him to.  

Other times we are both wild hormone-enraged animals who go at it like 2 angry lions.

**In my hobby life, I find the experiences to be much the same --- running the entire spectrum of what "could be".  And each new visit with an established friend could bring out a side of him (or me) that we haven't shared before.**

I blame it on the cycles of the moon, lol.

the sex is way better!

I have done way kinkier stuff with boyfriends than with johns.
 way kinkier!

  when I am head over heals going crazy for a guy, both on emotional level liking his personality and being and also liking how attractive he us, I cant do that with clients. I am good at what i do but its never gonna be like it is when its with a guy i find drop dead gorgous, I am way kinkier if he is hot, I dont get customers that are my types like ever so, no i d say personal life sex is hotter.  

 

 
not for any amoint, I act the best i can, but no john will ever experience how i am with a man i am actually attracted too.

 
   I think the ladies are proberly way more into it when they are also attracted to him and chose him

Not your own, I know exactly what i like in my real life, i have posted pictures of "my type"
   thats funny he thinks we only are kinky if money is involved.  

I know in my oersonal life, sex NEVER is an act that drains me,  

 
I never have sex where my neck hurts after or I am worn out in my personal life, we BOTH are having fun,

 
I nptice in the paid apts alot the time the guy definetly knows he is paying you, You know he is oaying you, and it just plain isnt gonna be fun its gonna suck.  

 
i dont fuck to point i am sore or tired in personal life but have had clients arrive and expect a un human performance of me, forgetting i am female, half thier weight and proberly cant beat thier dick off for them as hard as they do it at home them selves,

 

one guy i could get him off, I tapped out, finally,  

 

he went to finish himself off, when i seen the jack hammer self pleasuring he had to do to cum, i was like holy shit! and he thought i was gonna be able to do it like that?????

 

even as strong as my arms are, i lift weights and have alot encdxuraNCE I NEVER COULDVE DONE IT THAT HARD, THAT FAST, FOR THAT LONG AS HE HAD TOO,
 to get himself to cum,

In my personal life sex is ALWAYS fun and exciting and energizing.

 
with the johns it can sometimes be exhaustong , they arent thier to see you have fun, they are there cuz they paid you and want to see how much energy they can get from you.

 
not all them , but some of them,
in personal life i would never suck a guys dick til my neck is sore,

in an appt, sometimes guys will expect this of you, then still be mad at you after if you didnt do it good enough!!!!!!

I dont date outside escorting, that is my dating life.