A little background about me: I am a female novice who has a male friend that is a hobbyist. We decided to bring in a third with a provider he knew and liked. I asked that I be allowed to send an email to her before our encounter. In a nutshell, I explained that I was respectful of her limits and was happy to let things happen, BUT... these were my very detailed fantasies/desires and was there any chance of making them reality. Apparently she did not appreciate my familiar tone and I have a feeling was turned off by the fantasies. Needless to say, she canceled our meeting.

So here are my questions:

1. I now understand that discussing specific acts via email or phone is strictly off-limits for the provider's legal protection. But this is like walking up to a stranger and saying, "want to ****?' No limits have been set, no relationship built, nothing. What can a client do to make you feel more comfortable, but at the same time get things moving?

2. Regular GFE is fun, but experimentation and stretching limits is sooo much better. However, I get that this is a job for you and some things have to be kept for your personal relationships. Is it unrealistic to expect a provider to do anything more than fairly basic acts? And how can a hobbyist ask for more without scaring/offending the provider?

3. I think my friend and I have selected our next provider. Would you suggest that one of us is with her alone before having a threesome? And if so, which one and why?

So...not like we didn't have this chat just a few threads down.

But as a new brown envelope...do we have to guess who you have been before?

But on the oft chance you're really new here...were you screened by the hooker?  Probably not...so why should she answer any of your questions?

But as I posted down below in another thread on this topic....if hooker # 1 isn't interested...plenty of others are.  And what doesn't add up with your post is you claim johnnie boy knew this hooker.

Guess not as well as he thought  

...for you to know so much, you clearly know very little.

Your mistakes were clear as day, just as the answers to your common sense questions should be if you are really intimate and open with a seasoned hobbyist.

I'm not the type to be snide or attack and if you're questions are really based on the scenario you describe, I apologize and suggest you AND your hobbyist friend do alot more research before seeing ANY provider.

But for now, I call bullshit.

I get what you are saying about her not being receptive because I had not been pre-screened.  But at the time I was completely unaware of how it worked.  I just assumed that my being with him was enough.  And needless to say, he did not read my email in advance and would have shut it down immediately if he had known the contents.  

I did see the earlier post but it does not address my questions.  I am wondering how to help the provider feel more comfortable and quickly make the connection necessary for a truly enjoyable experience for all of us.  I was simply explaining how I tried to make that connection previously.    

And what is wrong with my username?  While not creative, it does describe my sexual orientation perfectly.

He has been screened, but she has not been. His emails were very descriptive from jump which I don't really like, because it sends off the vibe that it might be masturbation material and not so much LE lol.

There are ways of doing this without flat out asking and saying exactly what you want...that is the trick though. You have to find a way AFTER you are screened to get your desires across and make sure she is willing to accommodate you, before you spend your hard earned money and be upset that it did not go your way.

I assume she is a TER provider with reviews? If so, read the reviews and see what she is into. I will not see a new couple without a meet and greet for an hour over drinks which lets them decide if I am their type or not, and more importantly if I get along with that woman in the scenario...I am a bit of a bitch lol. Yes, I charge for this service because I still have to get ready and spend my time meeting with strangers, but is is a third of what my rate would be. If they decide to proceed, they pay the rest and if not, they just paid for the meet and greet.

Maybe you could ask if she would be willing to do something like that, but don't expect not to be screened just because you're not having sex.

I have to point out the obvious:  wouldn't a journalist pose as a guy on this type of board?  And what kind of article could even be written off of these questions?  Do you honestly believe the world is just dying to know how to make providers feel more comfortable?  I am only asking because I want every partner I am with to enjoy the experience.  Plus I know it's the only way to elevate this beyond some bad porn experience.          

And the answers are not common sense and research will not cure the situation.  I have read the reviews and most are generic.  It's like one person could have written 90% of them.  Men appear to be happy if you look like your picture and do not immediately bolt for the door after he cums.

OK, I haven't read this other post that's been mentioned, so I might be behind on some of the info.  However, I will impart some things that I've learned in finding playmates to join myself and my husband.

First, people will tell you to 'read the reviews'!  In fact, I think I noticed that someone already has.  The problem here, and something you're probably already aware of, is that finding a review written by a woman or by a couple is nearly impossible.  There are a few women on these boards, and you can read their reviews, but that limits your potential play-pool so greatly, it becomes almost useless.
Most positive reviews say the exact same thing "she was hot, she gave him a kiss, there was a hot BJ, they fucked through a number of positions, she was a great conversationalist, and she made him feel welcome/special/wanted".  I'm not knocking the reviews, as they do contain a lot of info, but almost none of it is helpful for your needs.  Even when it's a review of a two-girl session, it's almost always focused on how well they attended to him (which is to be expected, as he is the customer).

Furthermore, you cannot trust the "Yes-Really Bi" notation on the provider's profile.  I'm not saying it's often wrong, but it's really a crapshoot.  Did the guy who selected that really know?  In a two-girl situation, did they pleasure eachother?  Or did they just put on a show for him?  Even when it says 'no' for an answer there, it's still rarely accurate.

So, what to do:

Email her.   You were right in doing this, it just sounds like you were a little too forward or blunt.  A simple introductory email should suffice, just to let her know that she's not just dealing with one side of a couple.  I tend to include a photo (after all, it's only fair, since I've seen hers) and just simply ask "do you entertain couples and play with women?"   It's a clear question without any specifics.

After the first email, if she says that yes, she does, THEN you can send another email, only this time, don't ask a question, simply state what you yourself enjoy.  Essentially, just let her understand where you're coming from, rather than you interrogating her about what she will and won't do.  It allows her to respond with "I don't think I'm the provider for you", which is a good thing, as it allows you to find someone more suited for your tastes.

Honestly, finding someone to play with a couple can be a pain sometimes.  So many hassles to run up against: "Sorry, I only play with men" (when they have a couples rate on their official site), "My rates for women are higher" (this one I really don't understand) and, the worst, "Oh, I love playing with women" (when it's so obvious that they have no interest in it...but by the time you see that, it's too late).

I have read many of your posts and hoped you would reply!  You have a friendly and common sense approach that I like.

I like the idea of a meet and greet - it would take some of the pressure off of everyone.  And I don't think you are wrong to charge for it.  It's about paying for your time and company.        

I had not even thought about me being screened before reading the responses to this post.   I know P411 is the common but it feels weird.  Almost vulnerable???  I know - I just need to suck it up.

And to your Chicago couple - I would be worried that she is not really into it.  That could be awkward.  

Have Fun!    

THANK YOU!!  Great advice and exactly what I was thinking.  Did you get verified through P411 or do you use references from past providers?  And do you give specific examples or just ask about certain acts?  There is a difference between do you DATY and will you lick my clit while I ride my man reverse cow-girl.  Subtle nuances...  lol.

lol...yeah, 'subtle' differences

We've always used references from past providers, but there's always the difficulty of finding the 'first one' (our first was a friend, so we didn't deal with that hurdle).

As for if I get specific, not that specific, no.  That's really for two reasons...the first, yes, I'm respecting the 'rule' of not discussing the actual acts, but, more importantly, I find that stuff to be far better if it comes organically during play.  It comes off as more mechanical/detached if it's a specific pre-date request.

The most specific I'll get is saying that "I'm very orally-oriented", and that I also "love playing with my (rather large) strap-on (both giving and receiving)."  Really, instead of asking what she'll do, I just talk about what we like to do.  

... have happened is that the provider who you called may have thought that you were his wife or SO. No matter how much convincing you tried to do with the provider, it didn't work out. It's HER loss, not yours.

Since you have found another potential provider, go have fun and let us know how it all worked out.

I think you may have better luck if the provider clearly states that she will accept a 2nd female for the session. If the provider cancels the session, you have your answer. Don't take it personally.

Serpius

No, I would  not say p411 is vulnerable. The issues were obviously from another continent from what I gathered, and not in the U.S. Besides, there is no reason to have anything personal on that site to begin with. If your hobbyist friend agrees to vouch for you and has a solid reputation with a history of reviews, his vouch might be accepted. I mean, I don't know how it works with the female hobbyists (hate that word lol), so the best you can do is just send Gina an email and ask what the next step is.

Many providers are couple friendly, so just look for that and contact a few telling them your situation. The worst thing that can happen is she says she is not interested. I look so forward to seeing my couples and at times female only dates, and I bet a few other providers do as well.

Many women who don't do anal know the only way to be eligible to get 10s is to include the "Really BI" option, even when there is no way on God's green earth to prove that. She can have couple's reviews, and it not mean a damn thing. It is really easy to tell which women here are REALLY bi because most are called dykes for being so.

I don't know what part of the country you live in, but start there on the regional board with maybe an ISO post. Just put out a feeler saying you're a woman and that you are interested in a couple date with your friend. I bet you get a buttload of PMs, but you will need to buy VIP before you can receive them.

-- Modified on 11/6/2012 11:23:19 AM

"My BF/GF and I love doing x." That way she is not admitting to what she will do with the couple, but getting the hint out there that she will in fact do it. Saying she enjoys specific acts with a BF or GF, is saying only that. I have even seen this on provider websites before, and thought hmm, that's a good way to do it.

I will also add that 'most' providers skilled in couple play, will know that many variations are expected and most will be glad to oblige. You might not be able to lick her ass or put a 9 inch toy in it, but the switching up, double bj, face sitting whilst he fks her are usually standard couple play.



-- Modified on 11/6/2012 1:29:17 PM

Do you honestly think that publications don't like juicy stories about the life of prostitutes? That shit sells. I know this because I'm a writer (not a journalist). Do I need to send you all the links that were published THIS year alone? I can already think of about 5 different directions these questions could be taken.

I can guarantee that if you were a man posting these same questions, some of the other folks on this board would have been all over you like white on rice: calling you a thousand kinds of idiot, discrediting you because of your lack of reviews, and telling you to do some research. But to stick to the issues at hand....

Question #1: What can a client do to make you feel more comfortable, but at the same time get things moving?

It's pretty simple dear, submit to screening. Your research didn't mention that? A provider is comfortable when she knows who you are, and more importantly, who you're not.

Question #2: Is it unrealistic to expect a provider to do anything more than fairly basic acts? And how can a hobbyist ask for more without scaring/offending the provider?

Did your research say anything about PSE/doubles/S&M?  These are all representative of acts that are more than "fairly basic". You really think it's hard to find providers that do more than lay there? I have to chuckle at that.

Question #3: Would you suggest that one of us is with her alone before having a threesome? And if so, which one and why?

If you'd like to spend the additional funds for a meet and greet, in addition to the session, go ahead. But it's not really necessary if you've already been screened.

Those are my answers, and they are all rooted in basic knowledge about the hobby. Good luck.

I've always found the logic of needing to designate 'really bi' to get a 10 on a review strangely flawed. I highly doubt most men "really care", or could even tell the difference. That connection makes the whole designation on a profile pretty useless if you want to find a provider that REALLY IS 'really bi'.

I know. What's logic got to do with it?...lol...

What you list as standard couple play would cause me to come away with a rather negative review.  All of those actions get filed under "not really Bi", as they all have her attention on the man.  Been with too many who think a couples sessions is a two-on-one, and just make me feel like I'm imposing when I try to play with her or want her to play with me.  

Oh, and I agree with the comment about "Really Bi" being a silly answer on the profile.  Instead, TER should have some indicator of couples or women reviews.  Not anything that would change a score, but just a little mark or searchable category that indicates she's had such a review.

it is a group effort so every party is fked, sucked, and satisfied. Be careful what you wish for with truly bi or gay girls though hon...you might just be left out altogether. When I see couples the focus is always more on the woman, and that is for a variety of reasons usually stipulated by both of them.

-- Modified on 11/6/2012 3:30:20 PM

If there is an attractive women in my sights, I don't see anyone else in the room. And all I want to do is get as much of her as I possibly can.

In which case I would assume she does want 'more'...or at least equal? focus on her?

or am I confused again...haha?

of course I am not going to piss her off by making her try and feel intimidated by what I do to her man. It is a slippery slope in dealing with certain couples. Some are all for everything, whilst others will only allow the hooker to go down on the guy and nothing else. It is usually all about the woman being pleased, and trust me...I have NO problems with that ha ha.

I guess I got lost about here: "Be careful what you wish for with truly bi or gay girls though hon...you might just be left out altogether"

You seemed to be responding to the OP as if she was a man----who would be the one potentially left on the sideline if he brought his GF along to meet a provider who was 'really' into women.

Oh nevermind...you got the right idea as far as I'm concerned...lol..

Playful is a guy with reviews ha ha. Swingsbothways is the girl.

-- Modified on 11/6/2012 9:59:43 PM

But playful started the exchange by saying: "I will impart some things that I've learned in finding playmates to join myself and my husband"

Now, in my world, "myself and my husband" could very easily mean two men. Here on TER I was assuming a boy/girl arrangement.

I meant vulnerable in the sense that I am moving from a "tag along" to an active participant.  It's like coming out of the shadows.  You know?  

And you are friendly.  In the posts I have read, you are straight forward with a touch of silly.  Either that or we are both bitches.  : )

Posted By: London Rayne

No, I would  not say p411 is vulnerable. The issues were obviously from another continent from what I gathered, and not in the U.S. Besides, there is no reason to have anything personal on that site to begin with. If your hobbyist friend agrees to vouch for you and has a solid reputation with a history of reviews, his vouch might be accepted. I mean, I don't know how it works with the female hobbyists (hate that word lol), so the best you can do is just send Gina an email and ask what the next step is.

Many providers are couple friendly, so just look for that and contact a few telling them your situation. The worst thing that can happen is she says she is not interested. I look so forward to seeing my couples and at times female only dates, and I bet a few other providers do as well.

I agree - an organic experience is much better.  Do you try to see the same provider most of the time?

He did have a provider who was nervous because she thought he was "surprising" me with her.  And that would be a valid concern. The last thing she needs is to be stuck in a room with a woman who could turn jealous or who was never really into it.  Yikes!

Darn it London - all of those things are great but I do have a fantasy of rimming another woman and [gently] penetrating her with a small vibrator.  I need to find someone as deviant as I am.  : )

Yes, it would be a big mistake for the provider to not realize the woman is the driving force in this situation and she should follow her lead.  I personally like watching another woman give my man a BJ.  More so if it is my hands in her hair, guiding her.

Don't worry, you followed the thread just fine, yes, I am a woman.  London just reached the wrong conclusion because my husband wrote most of our two reviews, definitely understandable.  Since we always play together (except for one special arrangement) this account is effectively 'ours'...however, when posting here, I'm always the voice behind this name, my husband uses the alias attached to it.

Your user name is just fine. Achilles2012 is on his own little trip. Nothing you need to be concerned with.

For a provider on TER to qualify for a  “10” in a review, regardless of how stellar she may be, there are certain criteria she has to meet. One way that can happen is if her profile indicates she is “really Bi”. (even though she may not actually be ‘really bi’). Hence the silliness of using that search criteria if you're actually looking for providers who genuinely enjoy women.

I am a lesbian in real life. Any comments about that in this thread that are nothing more than oblique references to some completely unnecessary board drama.

PlayfulBP and LR offered some good advice.

Good luck out there!

The only thing I allow in my butt is a semi hard c*ck under 5 inches lol.

I know it is totaly gross!  I experimented a little but never allowed it before my current partner. It takes a HUGE amount of trust.  

And under 5inches???  Then you are disappointed vaginally and oraly.  : )