have you been in a committed relationship, while actively hobbying and managing to keep it a secret?

 
No fair counting any time between committed relationships (e.g. Married, divorced, hobbying while single for a few years and then got a girlfriend - the 'single' period doesn't count).  I'm referring to only time where you had a SO, and were still actively hobbying.  But, you can add the periods (e.g. In the above situation, add the married and girlfriend periods together).

 
Follow-up question:  If more than 10 years, to what behaviors do you attribute your success in maintaining your secrecy?

I have never lied about my lifestyle to my SO’s. Why get married, or involved in a serious relationship if you have to hide? I never cared for fake partners. Honesty works well with me. Even if I was married my husband would know & still support me.  

I am interested to hear the lies one tells to continue hobbying for a decade & never get caught. Maybe she knows & just doesn’t care because she doesn’t want to suck, or fuck you. My Daddy always used to say if your not doing it, then he’s getting it somewhere else.

though not sure it was over-all a success, as I ended up divorced and a lot less financially well off, but on the other hand I am better off in terms of my life overall.

 
No real secret about it other than to be as discreet as you can.   I was lucky that my wife was a bit clueless about it, but one or two incidents un-did me.   I was seeing gals about once a week, mostly during work hours.

about other people's lives.. Everyone's situation is different..  

 
So if you are trying to just start a thread for chit-chatting that's fine, but don't try to draw too much inference from other people's experiences.  

 
Personally speaking, never cheated, but again a fair disclaimer would be that I only have been in couple of relationships that lasted only a few months..  I sent them bitches home packing real quick.. LOL..

-- Modified on 4/24/2023 9:35:49 PM

20 + years, but its not for the faint hearted.  

Been at it about a year and a half.  

 
Had, what I would consider a close call recently, and thought about how impressive it would be if someone was able to stay under the radar for a decade or longer.

 
I know one of the rules that I"m breaking, is not using a burner phone (although I try to stick to email as much as possible).  I think about getting one from time to time.  But, I don't know where I would put it where I could check it regularly, but it would be guaranteed to never be found.

No...No...No...  Don't do burner phone..  Burner phone is great to stay under the radar of LE, but when it comes to wifey it's a whole different ballgame.  Where are you going to put the burner phone?  One slip and it can get you in trouble..  

 
Remember the scene from Breaking Bad when Walter accidentally reveals that he has another cell phone.. If you haven't watched the show, I would recommend. Very entertaining and great acting by Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul.  Actually, TBH there is no bad actor in the show.  

 
Anyhoo, sorry to digress... back to the point..  Get a Google Voice or a Burner App instead.  Much easier to fly under the radar than actual phone.

Surprising 😯

32 years.  I work hard and treat my significant other very well so I take care of home and family and she has mo reason or inclination to be suspicious when I “work” late or go off the grid for a while.

I have collected several old smart phones due to failures like the battery, or unreliable operation, or out of date technology. A functioning burner phone would be hard to spot in the pile.

We had stopped all sex about three years before I started, so I have never has any guilt about it.  I do know that she would not understand, forgive, or forget if she ever learned,so I follow some strict rules to try to ensure it remains secret.  First, absolute anonymity.  Other than initial p411 verification, I've never provided real life info, including photos, to anyone else.  Second,no paper trails for payment that don't have an alternate legit explanation. Third, always schedule at a time when I have an alternate regular activity on that time and date.  Try to hobby when one of us is out of town.  Finally, always use private browse, burner phone app, and try to remain diligent in general.  Hopefully I can succeed for another 15 to 20 years.

After 20 years of hobbying, I think compartmentalization is key and it's not easy for everyone.
When I get home at night, I never check on hobby things. Be present with the wife. Give her all my attention when I'm there. Be affectionate and do all the normal things we've always done.
Work is the same, I have some down time like today where I can see what's up, but never let it interfere. If you have a government job, all the more important to leave the hobby at the door. I know people who have been busted big time at their govt contractor jobs. One got put on probation, the other did as well, but didn't stop and lost his job. Know your priorities. This hobby is not one of them.  Don't get me wrong, it's fun and is important for my mental well-being, but there is a time and place for everything.

My work hours can be unpredictable, my wife was in the same industry and knows it.
I have found that leaving the house in the morning at a regular time and going to an appointment before I go into work (late) is easier than trying to have a cover for coming home late. My job can be flexible like that, If I say I have a doctor's appointment next week and will be in by 12, they just put it in the schedule. I think I'm lucky in that regard.

I use a Google voice number and a burner phone. Curly's comment about it being found would be catastrophic is not off the mark. I keep my in my backpack that has a lot of electronic stuff in it.  
Having the burner phone allows me to hand over my phone to my wife at anytime without fear of her finding anything.
As for checking the phone, I don't. Unless I am setting up an appointment I don't use it. Google Voice is great for texting.  
Protonmail for email is a great solution. I used to use Hushmail, but while I was on vacation I didn't have a chance to login every 14 days and they closed the account.

A low frequency is also a help. If I was doing this more than once or twice a month it would be hard to cover, with work AND home.  

I like the morning appointments because sometimes a girl may be wearing too much perfume. (Ladies please don't)
The lingering perfume on my shirt makes me nervous because I KNOW my wife will smell it. By the end of the day it has dissipated mostly.

I also set up habits with my wife that she expects. I don't answer her phone calls while at work, so she knows not to call me. Even when I do I am brief or will answer a question "from someone in the room." Giving the impression that I'm busy. She will text me and that's OK. Even then I keep it short. If she texts that it's urgent or calls repeatedly, then of course I will answer.  

 
On a side note:
I almost got caught the other day. I went to see a lady in the mid morning, like 10:30. I was driving around picking up things for our meeting and my wife texted. My iPhone sent an autoreply that I was driving. She was like, "Why are you in the car right now? Shouldn't you be at work?"   I told her my workmate and I were playing around with changing autoreply messages and I must have set something incorrectly.    
Here's how to do that on iPhone, if you need to know:
    Go to Settings > Focus and tap Driving.
    Tap Auto-Reply under Options.
    Select an option, like No One, Recents, Favorites, or All Contacts.
From there, you can also customize the auto-reply message that people get when they message you while Driving Focus is turned on.