I just been reflecting on my family situation and planning some moves and thought about getting a mistress. I occasionally pulled one-nighters while on the road, but lately haven't traveled much, so looking for other alternatives. My constraints are that I have to be home before dinner, but during the day I occasional get a few hours off and mornings are pretty open.

I saw some of you guys talk about having mistresses, and I'm just looking for some advice and ideas. Like I've been talking to some girls and got a few phone numbers, but not yet sure how to proceed and I'm not the go with the flow type of guy, more like making shit happen type, so I want to sketch it out a bit in my head on how I'll be making it happen so it doesn't end badly, or I get caught or something, if I can avoid that.

Like I'm not sure where to go for dates and such, cause it'd be ackward when I run in to somebody I know, though may be I can think of some good explanations before hand. For phone, I figure I'll just use my hobby phone, and just get a hotel room or find a girl that's got her own place or whatever. Also I try not to lie to girls about my situation, though some have not been receptive, but I'm sure I can find some that'd be Ok. But as far as ides for dates and other stuff that I haven't thought of yet I would appreciate some help and advice.

Also you can PM me if you don't want to share in the open. Thanks

Forgo the mistress. She won't be worth it in the long run. You've already landed here and you can buy time and affection with the NSA label. Why worry about cheating and lying and sneaking around? Find someone here such as "Eve925" that nurtures the longer, more fulfilling engagement. You'll be better off.

-- Modified on 4/16/2010 9:40:40 AM

Don't shit where ya' eat.

pro will be as concerned with discretion as you are , incall will address the "where to go" question, you shouldn't have to worry about your home situation nor lying to the lady... And it is understood that there are not to be jealousies and bonded emotional attachments.  Courtesean modeled providers ARE mistresses, many of us exist specifically for the role and scerio you outline.

Or, I wish you well navigating the civvies world in your pursuit, unfortunately I have no advice there though am sure the gents here can give you more insight.

Love,
sola

Are you crazy?  One's bad enough, why would you ever want two?  There is going to be hurt feelings on one side or the other and the risk is too high for what is, after all, an impossible relationship.  If you want unfettered, unconditional love and affection, get a dog.  Preferably a rescued pug.

The Mistress angle ain't what you are thinking it is.

I don't care WHO the other woman is, if it ain't p4p; she cares about you and at some point she's gonna want a monopoly.

When that happens -- Katie bar the door because your life is headed on a one-way-trip to suckville.

P4P is the way to go. Get yourself a courtesan with an incall.

But let me warn you about something.

YOU could get attached. Unless you are made of carborundum; dropping by and seeing a true courtesan nearly daily ... it won't take too long for an attachment to form. Pretty soon, a day without hearing from her will be like a day without sunshine.

And your life is STILL headed to suckville, just not as badly as the first way. Because at least you won't come home to find a pro sitting in your living room chatting with your wife mutually plotting your destruction. LOL

You have a wife to whom you're not really attracted too either physically or emotionally and now you want to bring a mistress into the mix. Have you seen what happened to Tiger and Jesse James recently?

It's that feeling of elevated heart bit that I get when opening with a hot babe I just approached at a takeout or bumped into while picking groceries  - sometimes I'm off on my game and get told to fuck off, but I sometimes I close and it just feels GOOD. Don't know how else to explain it.

And I don't drive expensive car or wear expensive watch, or anything too fancy, not too confuse anyone, I'm no one's sugar daddy, so I know that the responses I'm getting are genuine, and THAT gives me motivation to get better every day.

I've had a mistress. She was 21 and hot, and I know how you feel - because it's not like a provider where there's no strings attached. It's addicting on a different level - including the heart. Didn't end well. She wanted me to leave my other half. She began to demand things, and it's hard to say NO when she purrs like a kitten. My other half knew. It's bloody messy. Good thing I didn't get divorced as I was forgiven. In short, unless you want to give 50% of your asset in a divorce, go for a mistress.  It's going to cost you !!! Be forwarned.

With a courtesan, no one will be bothering you after your session. And you have peace of mind at home. With a  mistress, she can call your wife. That danger is there. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Are you going to be compensating this mistress or are you looking for a lady to have an affair with sans a fee?

One way or another you will be paying something Larry and if you're looking for the cheap route, it can get very expensive all of a sudden.

Girls I'm attracted to are early 20, usually in college, hot, tanned, fit, shallow, stuck up on themselves, Paris hilton wannabes. I had enough sense not to marry one, but still, that's what I'm attracted to.

I know they don't respond to nice approaches, they do fall for "I don't give a shit! So do they have feeling or not? I don't know, but they def looking for the rough edge, and getting fucked one way or the other. Like don't get me wrong, there are nice girls out where, but not many, and I'm not looking for one.

....you can't afford the mistress.  It'll be alot cheaper in the long run, will turn over for you when you need it and will still look good in the morning.

There's plenty enough emotions with Favs.  By all means do not lie to them.  Mistresses are all about emotions & yes, that'll bite you in the ass.  The least costly s*x is s*x you pay for upfront.
skb

It looks like you made out allright in the end, but how did your wife find out in the first place?

I'm hoping to be able to keep it undercover with reasonable precaution. Like I'd stay away from coworkers and neighbors, so it would be somebody I meet in public, and use a nickname So it would be a anonymous and nothing too serious. But may be I'm just dreaming and that's not how it works. Appreciate the story! Thanks

I agree Forgo the Mistress... this is what the hobby was designed for. I'll give you a few reasons why this is probably a better situation for most.

I'll get clobbered for this... but here are 10 reasons NOT to go with a Mistress.

#1- there's no need for a playful dance, flirting, using a dating website or dating in the open. Being a hobbist gives you a selection of partners to choose from that you will likely find some connection with.

#2- Since most appointments are made very business like you won't have to expend the extra time (or energy) maintaining communications between trysts.

#3- If you plan ahead and select well reviewed providers you limit your chances of finding a complete 'nutjob' hell bent on exposing your secret and destroying your family life. Google: Steve Phillips

#4- No clinginess... no strings... no emotional baggage.

#5- No real chance for guilt. Having a mistress, like it or not takes maintenence of some relationship., Feelings get hurt, guilt sets in. When I make an appointment with a provider it's like I've treated myself to a great massage or trip to a spa. It's a treat... nothing more. Just my way of justifying the experience.

#6- Because the hobby is expensive... I budget and limit my experiences, just like any hobby. In the end I probably would spend less than the dinners, hotels and gifts a mistress would prefer to receive.

#7- ATF's are golden and variety is the spice of life. Even great sex with a Mistress could leave you longing for more or wanting less at some point. In either case your heavily invested.

#8-When you end a relationship with a Mistress how do you go about the breakup... complication, complication, complication. When you end a relationship with a provider you simply stop seeing them.

#9- I love woman... that's plural. I also love my wife. If I wanted to limit my love between two women I should just become a polygamist.

#10-I can walk away from the hobby any time... much more difficult when emotions are a factor.

I don't know how old you are but if you're attracted to these type of women, what do have to offer them to get them to be your mistress?

Money is a great leg opener for the younger ladies if you're not a young, good looking nasty boy. So unless you pay up what incentive do these young hot, fit chics have to suck your dick?

Great points. If someone just had to go the mistress route, get one with money and her own agenda. Poor women have too much time on their hands and will be a pain to your existence. Tiger, the billionaire, dated these nimrods because he could use them, and manipulate them with his means. But in the end, they got him good.

just finding some "civie" woman that you can date at your whim and take to a hotel to fuck when you want...that will probably blow up in your face in a very bad way.

Most women don't like being the secondary relationship where the man gets what he wants and she gets to whatever limited relationship he is willing to give to get what he wants.

You have already said logistically you would have difficulty taking her on dates, you would get a hotel or just go to her place for sex during the day  so you could be home with your family by dinner time.

Now, realistically, how many women do you honestly think are waiting to have a "relationship" where they can't go out and she gets to be a daytime booty call so he can be home to do everything else with his wife?

...and even if you find one that is willing to take that role, how long do you think she will happily stay in her place?

I grew up with a dad that cheated on my Mom with his "mistresses" (he would give them a place to live and take them business trips as well) and invariably after 6 months or a year or whatever the "mistress" would call my Mom (or my brother or I...they didn't really care who answered the phone...granted this was in the days before cell phones) and explain how they were with my Dad and how my Mom should let him free so they could be together...yeah, happy times that.

They didn't like being second string, they weren't happy with a free rental property and seeing my dad when he wanted, so they all made the effort to force something more.


i would suggest either you get an ATF and maybe a second for when the first isn't available, and book when the you have the mood to, or look into a sugardaddy deal with a woman.

With an escort you are paying for time, each encounter.

With a sugardaddy deal you are paying for availability.  You are paying a monthly allowance for the woman to be available when you can / want to see her.

If you want something more akin to a relationship the sugardaddy thing is probably the way to go, but don't try and turn a "civie" woman you meet into a "sugarbaby" go to sites like sekking arangements, or sugardaddy, and find women that are looking for that type of situation or see about getting a monthly deal going with an ATF.

You want an anonymous mistress?

Yeah that will go over well.
She gets to be your comfort girl while getting nothing too real from you relationship wise and she won't know anything about you?

I doubt too many will be lining up for that.

You asked how "the wife" found out...wives know.

From you other posts, what you want is a shallow, stuck-up young woman, that is hot, that you don't date but meet for daytime sex at a hotel or her place...

So, what exactly do you bring to the table to get that?

You say they fall for the "I don't give a shit" attitude so you think that means they don't feel anything?
Wrong, they fall for the guys that treat them badly because they are desperately trying to get his approval, get his attention, they are playing out Daddy issues with the men they meet.

They fall for the "don't give a shit", because they need to win the affections of the guy that acts like he doesn't care. They are needy, they care and probably put more of who they are into their ability to get you to love them than women that look for a nice guy.

They are emotional roller coasters, and when they skip the tracks they take everyone out with them.
...and if you are the one riding that coaster, you are the first casualty.

Basically, you are going to hurt the young lady you want to make a mistress because you just want a  comfort girl and she wants acceptance, you will hurt your wife, if you have kids you will hurt them and if you care at all if you lose your wife and kids or at least the respect of your kids (they know when a parent cheats too...I was five when I figured out my dad had a GF...he had had some before but at five I figured it out for the first time) you will get hurt too.

You want your rush, and no matter who tells you it is a dangerous game where no one really wins you still want it.

I change my advice...
get a divorce and then lead on and fuck around with as many superficial stuck-up collage girls as you want that way at least when they break down you are the only one they will hurt...since you are the only one that will benefit from your mistress you should be the only one that gets hurt by her as well.

I took some time to process the responses, and now think that I don't really want another relationship or have any kind of sugar daddy arrangements, it's not so much the money issue, as it's just that I don't want to do that.

Thanks for sharing the story! I still don't know what I want to do, but I'm now pretty sure I don't want a mistress. That arrangement that your dad had sounds horrible.

Unless you're prepared for your mistress to one day tell you "Leave your wife for me" or you don't get sex.

Your wife will take 50-60% of your assets.
You could go broke, if your wife's lawyer is good.

I know a guy that had an expensive mistress, and his life was hell.

Now he has a $100,000 car, and he seems very happy.

after an hour or two, you pay the lady to leave.  Why would you want a sugar-daddy relationship with all the baggage that comes with it?  

Talk about drama; fuck buddies don't exist for established businessmen without eventual consequences.  Steve Phillips is no longer with ESPN, Tiger is, well you know that story and it isn't over by a long shot.

NSA anonymous fuck buddy.

Mistress path can be simplified by getting into monthly arrangements with Courtesan.

As other posters pointet out, number of ladies offer this type of engagement.

But, they would be very likely seeking compensation, screen you seven ways to sunday and establish their boundaries upfront.

All of this is exactly opposite to what you seek - anonymous thrill of chase of free nookie.

Lina

>>> NSA ananymous fuck buddy
That sound about right. On the upside I'll stay in the legal territory. Don't know if I'll pull it off, but I'll try

Sorry for the alias, but there is a good reason.

My first reaction to having a mistress when you are married and want to continue hobbying is that you are out of your mind, but after some thought I decided that there is at least one question you need to ask which if you answer "yes" to, MIGHT make having a mistress a good idea.

That question is:

Is this person so great that even if we never had any more sex, I would still devote my life to her well being?

Balls back in your court.

I'm off to play cards with my buddy King Hiram of Phoenicia now.