I'm in the midst of packing, preparing to go away for four days with a gentleman caller.
A girlfriend of mine just returned from her first extended date - a week in South America. She's absolutely exhausted and called me saying "I don't know how you do it." She asked me how I manage to find time to breathe, get my personal space without insulting him.
Which got me thinking. I really depend on extended dates as a the core of my Companionship, so my girlfriend thinks I'm absolutely insane and made of metal.
Mostly I think it comes down to compatibility. I've never had to be "on stage" the entire time. I don't feel any pressure to be totally perfect, charming, with makeup and hair done to the 9's the whole time we're together. If I can't be myself, then we can't go on a trip together.
It's an awkward conversation to have, telling someone you aren't willing to spend several days with them. Even if you get along wonderfully, there's the issue of not agreeing on the same foods, having totally different sleep schedules, having totally different ideas about how to spend your time at the chosen destination. One bad trip with a good friend could end the possibility of all future dates - you have to develop a sense of compatibility outside of the bed and sharing dinner.
I've only once had personal space on a trip become an issue. In five days I literally had him at my side the whole time. Every time I showered, every time I stepped out of the room. When I'd check my office email he'd sit beside me and read over my shoulder. If I got up from our table to walk over to the bar and get another drink, so did he. Every time I started to read, he'd start a talking about something, so I never got passed a paragraph. Admittedly, I got claustrophobic. Needless to say, we never had another vacation together.
Mostly because I travel with gents on business trips, I generally get half the day to myself anyway. However, even on vacations, I don't have to say "I need x hours a day to myself." We just naturally sort of do our own thing every now and then - a good travel companion isn't possessive of your time. I can sit down and read a book in peace and quiet for a while without him being offended. I can say, I'm stepping out to check a couple of shops that caught my eye and will likely grab lunch while I'm out, and he'll just find something cool to do on his own. The vast majority of the time, I find he wants some personal space as much as I do.
I have found it important to tell everyone I need at least x hours a day to do work for my office, so I don't fall too far behind. It sucks coming home to a sea of work and panic.
I have noticed that upon my return home I'm always exhausted. I usually crash for about two days. I avoid going out, I avoid my friends and family, I just go to work, come home and relax and sleep longer. It doesn't matter how much fun, how comfortable I am with my date, how relaxing the trip was, as soon as I'm home, I feel totally drained. That remains a mystery.
I suppose companions are always hyper aware of their dates, in a way we might not be when away with a SO or friends from my private life. I think companions who have years of experience tend to subconsciously be aware of their partner all the time - putting themselves aside in a million little ways to always ensure the comfort of their partner. You don't even know you're doing it, it becomes second natural instinct. One of my travel companions makes a point of forcing me to choose what we do a few of the days, even if they're things he doesn't like. It seems to drive him crazy that I'm happy to adjust to his desires most of the time. I do admittedly feel bad pursuing a selfish interest, even when my partner demands it.
I think that becomes a habit that's hard to break. I hear many companions talking about having difficulty being self fulfilling in personal relationships, because out of habit they put the needs of their partner above themselves.
In part, I suppose this might be true because the business of compensated companionship tends to attract people who are natural pleasers anyway. They get some kind of psychological "fix" in the satisfied sigh of another person.
