So I think I am dating a hooker?  I have since left the hobby since I started dating this girl, but I get the feeling she is a hooker?  Im not sure.. I just have a feeling.. She always leaves her phone on silent and turned over.  The few times I have seen her phone she has like tons of text alerts.. her phone vibrates alot which means its ringing.. but they are always a number she doesnt know and she will not answer it!  Takes her phone with her everywhere!  We have been with each other for multiple days on end.. and her phone is super secretive!   I dunno what to do!  We get along great... tons of things in common.. she talks about sex all the time!   Its not that I would be mad or anything at her if she was.. hell Ive been in the hobby for many years.. I totally get it.    I just dont know if I should ask her?  and to top it off she hasnt had a real job since we have met but has never asked me for money!  I have tried searching her here on TER but havent found anything

If she was, she would probably tell you, and also take the calls, though excusing herself in the process.  She wouldn't be liable to turn down so much business.   The calls are probably from her mother.

We rarely get one of those these days..  

It would be off-putting to me if a girl I was dating just asked me out of the blue if I was a sex worker.  

I am not a sex worker either... I am just a Man Ho... LOL

a private life.  I have had RL relationships with over a dozen over the years, for durations of 4 months up to a year, and as long as their work does not interfere with the time she spends with me, I don't mind.  I would feel the same way if I was dating an actress.  The things they do in front of the camera are not real and she is not emotionally involved, so it means nothing to me.  Same with having a provider as a girlfriend.  

I still want to know what my potential gf / partner does for living though.  I wouldn't mind it either, but I don't want to be in the dark about their occupation.

Does she have an overabundance of lingerie?

Does she have dozens of white envelopes stuffed in a drawer?
Does she have boxes of condoms delivered each week?
Does she have to check her phone to remember your name?
Does she have the 5-gallon lube dispenser by  her bed?
Does she use phrases such as "CIM", "DATY" or "BBBJ" in conversation?
When you asked for something special, such as anal, did she respond "YMMV"?

a "special" gift for humor.  They should not have made you ride to the comedy club on the short bus.  That was so unfair.

Ignorance is bliss.  Just pray she is a hooker.  If she is not, you probably don't want to know what is behind all those phone and text messages.

While some of your evidence may suggest she's a sex worker, I don't think constant calls or texts from unknown numbers is remotely suspicious.  I get those all the time too.  They're telemarketers.

This does not pass the sniff test. Personal occupation or professional goals are usually discussed on the first date or within the first series of dates. Not to mention, occupational small talk occupies about 60% of normal conversation. What do you talk about with this woman? Given she does not discuss her occupation or bother to make up a fake job, she fails the “cunning” woman test miserably. So, Either she is a hooker without a good backstory or an admirable sense of shame, or she is from an independently wealthy family. In that case you’ve just hit the jackpot and you might have a sugar mama in the make. Enjoy the private jet travel and feel free to quit your job.

There are local boards you can check, even other nationwide boards (PM if you want that info).  You can try googling her number and see if it pops up.  Either she's really popular or you're the other dude.  I think asking her outright would be very offensive towards her, either she is and will get irate at you for insinuating or she isn't and it could be very hurtful towards her feelings.  I would tread super lightly if I were you, and be sure that is info that you want to know.  I have dated a couple of escorts, but I meet them doing this and it turned into something more, but even then If I asked they wouldn't admit to still providing, rather that they had scaled their menu down to just massages and bondage type stuff.  

When I am meeting with other people, my phone is on silent (not even vibrate because that's distracting) and it's face down on the table. I don't need my biz being displayed to others. The phone is big and fits in my pants pockets while walking around but too uncomfortable while sitting so it's out and on the table.
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I get a zillion alerts, most of it spam, junk, and other stuff I don't care about. ("You recently bought adhesive tape. Here's an offer for more adhesive tape!" LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID FUCKS!)
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I totally ignore numbers I don't know or recognize. Some I even block.
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I take my phone everywhere.  
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My phone and its contents is my biz and no one else's. If someone wants a phone number from my contacts, I look it up and let them copy it down. I don't say, "Here's my phone. Flip through it until you find what you're looking for. Please don't use my banking app or CC app or TER app. If the phone locks up while you're looking for the phone number, here is my password to unlock it: #########."  
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I do those things and I am not a hooker.
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Ask her some leading or triggering Qs to see what she knows:
1. You know Bob, my best friend? I think he's jealous that I've got you. And he wants to get laid and asked me if I know about how to find a hooker? I have NOOOOooooo idea. Do you?" "What do you think it would cost Bob to hook up? I guessed $10,000. What say you?"
2. "I was reading an article on the internet the other day that said 99% of prostitutes are trafficked. Really? What do you think?"
3. "Some Congressman wants to repeal FOSTA/SESTA.  Is that a good idea? I don't know ..."
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Find some Qs to get the conversation going. Polite but directed Qs that might get her defensive juices flowing: "What are you saying??? There is NOTHING wrong with escorting or only fans. Even AOC said, in defense of the postal worker in NYC, "Sex work is still work.""

As part of carefully choosing a battlefield, I always try to look at the upsides and downsides.  To me, if I liked the woman and wanted to have a relationship with her, there are too many downsides to asking this question.

First of all, it kind of sounds like you are jealous.   Anyway,  do you trust this female?  If so, then don't worry about anything.  

If you've developed feeling for her. And it sounds like you have.  
  I would ask her directly. Something like honey... It seems like you get a large number of calls. I'm just wondering, is it business related or something else?  
 Just be aware of her body language and if she looks away when she answers. This should give you a good indication of she's telling the truth.

If you can't trust her when you are dating, it won't get any better.  Red flag.
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Enjoy what you can, but set your self for an eventual ejection.

What gave you the first clue? Did she return with more money then what she started with?

Check your vocabulary prior to inquiring because any respectable woman of leisure would not want to be referred to as a hooker.

Please no disrespect, but you have terms like “stewardess” and you have “flight attendant”, you have “janitor” and you have “building custodian” and YES you have “escort or call girl” and you have “hooker”.  

and children know you are a "woman of leisure" and make your living selling sex?   Being a hypocrite is not a good look on anyone.    With that said, when used here, hooker's more a "term of endearment" among long-standing members.  Most providers know it's not intended with any disdain or malice, and is no different than a provider calling me a "John" which does not offend me at all.  "Johns" are random guys who pay you for sex and you don't remember their names.  That's me in a lot of cases where I'm one and done with a particular girl.  If I ran into her someplace and she said to my face, "You're a John I entertained a few years ago", and I that's I said, "That's right, and you are a great hooker", neither one of us should be offended.  Don't you agree?  What is the difference between a "woman of leisure" and a hooker, anyway?

It's got to be the lamest tag of them all. And, no, I don't want to debate whether this is a hobby or not. Even if it is, (and I don't agree) the term is lame.

to understand that a term that’s not offensive to them can be offensive to someone else.

more descriptively accurate, like "Cocksucker?"   Have you ever told any of your friends that you see "Women of Leisure?"   Talk about getting laughed out of the gym.  The women here that can hold their own with the guys are the ones I like to see in person.   Beauty alone is not enough to get my business.  It also takes personality and intelligence.  The ones I see don't try to artificially elevate themselves above the other ladies AND their potential customers by using misleading marketing terms like, "elite", "upscale", "selective" or this latest corker, "woman of leisure."   Only newbies buy into that shit.    It makes you want to heave.  There are ways to show consideration and respect without being a suck-up.  You will get further in life by treating everyone the same.  The mere fact that you recommend being deferential to one class of people means that you also have no trouble treating another class poorly.   I treat everyone the same.  

Maybe the term "anal engineer" is more respectable?

-- Modified on 5/16/2022 10:42:06 AM

Bia’s right. Caller her a “hooker” is a dick move. Escort, provider, sex worker, etc.

Or, Testicle technician?   Just don't be disrespectful and call her a foreskin floozy.  Lol

everyone the same is a foreign concept for you.  Carry on.  

How about  Unlicensed or Uncertified Sex Therapist or Relationship Counselor?  Your naive friend would think she has a degree in Psychology in a legal profession.
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-- Modified on 5/16/2022 5:44:36 PM

that you treat everyone the same. You don’t do that on TER, and I doubt you do it elsewhere.  But please carry on with your lies, you’re exceptional at that.

A-Fuckin'-Men!
Truley lame!

This topic turned to connotations of synonymous words.  Different people have different connotations of some words, and when these words apply to a characteristic of their lifestyle, there can be tremendous contrast.  Those on this board, both SW's and clients, fit this phenomenon.  I've been in brothels where the gals used words like whore and hooker with no derogatory intent.  I've heard more than one claim to be the "best whore in the store".  Those words seem to be very acceptable in a brothel, but escorts generally don't work in brothels nor do they stroll the streets.  And they seem to prefer tags like provider, SW, etc.