Since it is "just sex" and maybe a little connection and escape;
Would you / do you mind if your ....boyfriend / girlfriend...husband / wife does this while you are both still in a relationship? Why or why not? Your thoughts if any?
I guess we all wonder if we lack something tjat our partner is searching for. I have learned more about the nature of men since I began my journey to the hobby. I truly believe that men more than women generally need a sense of hunt and duplicity. As much as I crave honesty and openness, some men need independence and privacy. So hard to have both...a conundrum at best. So yes, I would take a deep breath and try to see the bigger picture. I know that the spice on the side is innocent and enriches my life indirectly because it keeps my man on his A game sensually with me. He is wide awake and exploring...not sleeping into the mundane routine of work/tv/sleep.
The first I can and have accepted as "Just sex" OTOH having a woman that is supposedly my SO randomly hooking up with other guys would be completely unacceptable to me.
Fidelity is a two way street though, I would never dream of asking a woman to be "faithful" to me if I weren't prepared to "forsake all others" in return.
I'm opening a can if worms here but I'm not in a relationship so my choices are my own. If a partner could satisfy me sexually and asked me to be excludive, I would if I valued that relationship.
Actually, I only "cheated" on one woman in my entire life after our relationship started to fall apart ... deep in disrepair. Then she sued me! Not lol!
So it probably would be hard for me unless the relationship was totally open. I prefer monogamy. .. at heart, I'm s one woman guy.
Posted By: GaGambler
The first I can and have accepted as "Just sex" OTOH having a woman that is supposedly my SO randomly hooking up with other guys would be completely unacceptable to me.
Fidelity is a two way street though, I would never dream of asking a woman to be "faithful" to me if I weren't prepared to "forsake all others" in return.
Although I am sure there will be some dishonest and hypocritical ones though.
Personally I tend to agree with you, I have never been much on "cheating" myself either, but this is a site created for those who do. For me the way I usually keep from cheating is to rarely make such promises in the first place, but when I do make such a promise, I don't take it lightly
during the last brutal years of my marriage, it would have been a challenge to say no. Let's just say a long reign of my ex using sex as a weapon ... that was rarely used ...lol
Stay honest IRL tho. I guess there are some guys in that cold, cold situation that need some .... warmth?
Different story for me, I simply lost interest in my wife sexually. My wife and I were "age appropriate" but during the last two years of our marriage she aged at least 20 years while I pretty much stayed the same. The last six months we were together, we most likely only had sex once a month, (my choice) which seems like a lot I suppose compared to some of the horror stories I hear here, but it's not the way I was going to live my life
While not entirely the same Im experiencing a similar situation as you did. She lost interest in sex in general and while 7 years older than me the age gape seems to be growing rapidly. If I knew how to participate in the hobby safely a few years ago I would have probably ended it then when things were at their worst. Now I think its just going to make the whole thing easier to end when it happens.
Well pussy wasnt entirely the reason I held off. Lonely in general was one of the reasons, I had lost touch with so many friends it was unreal plus most were now married with children. I was somewhat depressed at the time, I had just started a new job after being unemployed for awhile making a 3rd of what I had been and not really in position to support myself alone. If I had access to a provider back then it would have certainly helped with the confidence and motivated better to figure out how to overcome the problem. Im hoping this year I can position myself so that I can break away. Im just glad we never had kids, finding a place I can take my dogs is going to be bad enough lol.
We are all adults and having restrictions in a relationship is outdated. Just be upfront and respectful to all parties involved. Also don't let anyone stop you from being happy.
Posted By: escalade1964
Since it is "just sex" and maybe a little connection and escape;
Would you / do you mind if your ....boyfriend / girlfriend...husband / wife does this while you are both still in a relationship?
The problem is usually one person gets "more" than the other. Jealousy begins to build up and the relationship falls apart. I have seen it happen over and over.
My wife and I participate in the "Lifestyle" or swinging. Every couple we hook up with is a joint decision. Either can veto. We both have vetoed couples that were interested in us. This may seem strange but some we will do oral with some but actual sex is a different decision. Works for us.
There is a group of five couples that either of us have carte blanch with. You don't have to ask but we still do anyway. Communications and knowledge of intent is the key.
We also do things together with new friends that we make. In the same room or general proximity of the other. When she hooks up with other ladies it is a little different since the other dudes and I aren't involved. Unless we have been invited to watch.
If either of us hooked up, outside of our lifestyle rules, than we would have a problem. It would be cheating.
Simple and complicated at the same time. Works for us and I get some free multi partner fun besides straight up swaps.
Posted By: escalade1964
Since it is "just sex" and maybe a little connection and escape;
Would you / do you mind if your ....boyfriend / girlfriend...husband / wife does this while you are both still in a relationship?
If a person picks the right types of partners and very upfront with them. Then the chances of your open relationship failing drops. I do agree communication is very important!
Posted By: Stickythong
The problem is usually one person gets "more" than the other. Jealousy begins to build up and the relationship falls apart. I have seen it happen over and over.
My wife and I participate in the "Lifestyle" or swinging. Every couple we hook up with is a joint decision. Either can veto. We both have vetoed couples that were interested in us. This may seem strange but some we will do oral with some but actual sex is a different decision. Works for us.
There is a group of five couples that either of us have carte blanch with. You don't have to ask but we still do anyway. Communications and knowledge of intent is the key.
We also do things together with new friends that we make. In the same room or general proximity of the other. When she hooks up with other ladies it is a little different since the other dudes and I aren't involved. Unless we have been invited to watch.
If either of us hooked up, outside of our lifestyle rules, than we would have a problem. It would be cheating.
Simple and complicated at the same time. Works for us and I get some free multi partner fun besides straight up swaps.
Posted By: escalade1964
Since it is "just sex" and maybe a little connection and escape;
Would you / do you mind if your ....boyfriend / girlfriend...husband / wife does this while you are both still in a relationship?
If marriage is the end goal and most relationships do not end in marriage then what makes open different than traditional in "success" rates?
If talking about open marriages...again, if something like 50% of them end in divorce anyway, why are we singling about openness as a relationship ending factor? Isn't money, kids, mismatched libidos, etc the cause of more relationships being ended than openness?
The 50% number is a myth. No one really tracks divorces in the US. That number was printed in a story in the 80s and continues to be used. Its nice and easy. You can google it and find many stories debunking it.
Even if it was correct it doesn't mean what most people think. It doesn't mean that 50% of couples divorce. It means 50% of marriages end in divorce. That number would include the large number of second marriages, third etc. The number of 30+ year marriages, in the US, is much large than people realize.
Brief tangent but divorce is the single greatest destructor of wealth in this country.
All the things that you mentioned impact the stability of relationships. The vast majority of married people that enter into "open" relationships are having other problems at home. The hope is that having other relationships will stabilize things. They rarely do. All your other problems will be reflected in the jealousy that will arise if one does better that the other. People rarely make a public announcement to family and friends that they have an open relationship.
Its the same with swinging. The people with good solid relationships can enjoy the change in partners. If you have problems it can be like pouring gasoline on a fire. I have seen and heard the meltdowns.
Posted By: YourMysteryDate
If marriage is the end goal and most relationships do not end in marriage then what makes open different than traditional in "success" rates?
If talking about open marriages...again, if something like 50% of them end in divorce anyway, why are we singling about openness as a relationship ending factor? Isn't money, kids, mismatched libidos, etc the cause of more relationships being ended than openness?
Most people are not honest with their partners or themselves and that is why many relationships including traditional marriages fail.
Posted By: YourMysteryDate
If marriage is the end goal and most relationships do not end in marriage then what makes open different than traditional in "success" rates?
If talking about open marriages...again, if something like 50% of them end in divorce anyway, why are we singling about openness as a relationship ending factor? Isn't money, kids, mismatched libidos, etc the cause of more relationships being ended than openness?
I was married to a provider back in the day and yes we met "at work" lol. Like some other "mature" mongers around here, I have dated women in and around our game for years.
I have always thought that to be a good BF or GF of anyone in this business requires you to be very secure in yourself. Not jealous at all. I'm not judging, but generally many guys can't be an SO of someone in this business, the envy and jealously the "oh shit who is she fucking today" mentality sinks in. Some guys start out thinking it would be cool to date a "professional" but after the novelty wears off and it does fast for insecure guys, relationship over.
I've had women who work in the sex business tell me that I'm the perfect BF, I'm old and have money. hahaha Seriously, I never want details of a lovers day but I will always ask "did you have a lot of fun today and did you make lots of money?" I do help with marketing advice and of course will always have her back.
So, yes it can work, but it's not for the fragile ego crowd. BTW, I also like vodka. LOL
I've always wondered why some guys who's SO is a sex worker get so jealous. After all, she has chosen YOU to have an emotional relationship with and to have sex with for free. That is a privilege that should be cherished!
She is a sex worker, and she enjoys her work. I had issues at first. I had concerns over the fact some of them are hotter than me or would be a better lover. I feared I would lose her. I never was the most confedent of men when it comes to women.
But in time I learned, while I am not the best lover or the hottest guy out there, That isn't why she loves me. And doing this myself I learned this is just sex. I never fell for any of the ladies I bedded doing this.
My wife fuck others, and fucks them well. They keep coming back for more. She likes many of her regulars but she doesn't love them, she doesn't go home with them. She comes home to me, she chooses me. She loves me. And I am the luckiest man in the world because of this. I don't mind because I know my wife loves me and I her, and honestly what else matters. Sex is just sex after all. Sex is not love or commitment. You can't by that.
When I met her she was one. I was never her client but I new what she did from the start. After a while we went from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend and she decided it was time to retire. I never asked her too. We later got married about a year after we started dating. Six years ago her business failed and she returned to this. At first it was rough. I never had a strong desire to get a little on the side. My wife wanted this. She is the most sexual person I have ever met and loved sex work. Please note she does this because she enjoys it. I make more than enough to pay the bills. Her income is just fun money for her to spend.
I couldnt date someone seriously and then they become a provider. To many questions, jealousy, and secrecy. Seems like the relationship would be heading downhill following that path. For me and any previous relationships it wouldnt end well.
However I think I could date someone that was a provider for a length of time and be ok with it in certain situations. I would have met them while they were already involved in the hobby. Before the relationship even evolved I would have already had to accept their position and its something the relationship would have been built around openly.(Hope that makes sense and came out right).
While not even close to the same thing I have dated strippers before and it never bothered me in the slightest that that was their job, actually one was one of the most fun girlfriends I ever had. At the same time I wouldnt feel to good about having a girlfriend or SO suddenly choose that profession without it causing alot of heartache and issues.
OTOH, i will concede if I were in a relationship with a non hooker and during our relationship she expressed a desire to start turning tricks I doubt I would be ok with it. My ego would have a hard time accepting that she needed more than I could give. Any woman who starts being a hooker while in a relationship is obviously not getting enough of "something" at home. Either she is not getting enough sex, enough money, enough fulfillment, SOMETHING is lacking in the relationship for her to start hooking, and I don't think either my ego or my brain could accept the fact that I was not "enough" for her.
Now a woman who was already doing this when we met is a different story, She is not betraying me or cheating on me (unless of course she lies about it) and I don't feel any less of a man because of dating a hooker, but yes I have to concede knowing I wasn't man enough to satisfy my woman to the point where she started seeing other men for either sex or money, or both, would not sit well with me.
Oops, I have to walk that statement back a bit. When I was much younger, well over thirty years ago living in LV I had a civvie GF who did become a hooker, she and i talked about it before she started and she told me how she was thinking about turning tricks to make some extra money. I was barely out of my teens and wasn't about to get jealous about her turning tricks with some "old guys" and yes I was fine with it and we weren't that serious anyhow, but at my age today I don't think I would be so understanding.
But as long as she never told me or flaunted it in my face, sure, let her get her rocks off, I do. Mainly I do though because she isnt into it. When she is, its great and I dont feel the need to see providers as often, but thats rare. Now if she was getting it on the side and denying ME, now then.I'd have a problem. I never deny her sex or oral whenever she wants for as long as she wants
I definitely would not want my SO seeing escorts, unless we had an understanding. If I was in a relationship, I would not see escorts unless my sexual needs were being neglected by my SO.
As for providing, sure! At the end of the day, it's a financial transaction, she's not going to leave me for a client (hopefully).
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