TER General Board

Re: Inappropriate Provider Behavior?
Radcow 315 reads
posted

I saw the regular tag you put on the other women, but somehow I doubt they were civilians. Civilians are not likely to want to hook up with men in a strip club unless she has her own agenda, which is clear since she was highly perturbed by your ATF. I guess in this case both of you were "cock-blocked."

I have a real question about something that happened this past Monday night.  I went to a strip club where a provider I have seen several times was dancing.  I would go on a limb to call her my ATF and we have discussed the possibility of off the clock time and she always puts on a good act of genunine interest during our sessions.  

Well when I first went in the strip club I did not see her on the stage or walking around so I figured maybe she was not working and I went to the bar to buy myself a drink.  There was a table where two regular women(they did not work there) were sitting not to far from where I was at the bar.  I made eye contact with one of the women and she got up and walked to the bar and stood next to me and ordered a drink before trying to engage me in conversation.  

We had small talk for a min or two while she waited for her drink but I chose not to seal the deal because I could see my ATF from the corner of my eye walking around the corner and making her way towards the bar.  The other woman who had shown non p4p interest in me went back to her seat at her table a couple of feet away before my ATF made it to the bar and upon seeing me was all smiles and hugs and she proceeded to park herself next to me at the bar flirting and whispering in my ear for the next 20 to 25 minutes.  

As this was was going on I noticed the lady at the table giving me or my ATF dirty looks and I mentioned to my ATF that I think this woman was interested in talking to me and I think that you made her upset and ruined my chances.  My ATF was like what girl?  And when I pointed her out her response was "So." Later after my ATF left I tried to get the lady's number and was met with a very rude and sacrastic "yeah right!"

My question is why would a provider care about who I talk to or sleep with of the opposite sex when I'm not with her and she is still charging me for sex?

Radcow595 reads

Its human nature and jealousy is as ripe with strippers and providers as anyone. The old word for what happened to you is "cock-blocked." Your ATF didn't want to share you with the other stripper, perhaps they are rivals at the club? At any rate, and as you said, you both were contemplating action off the clock or at the very least spending time together. Maybe she does have a genuine interest in you? That said, don't get involved with people who really aren't emotionally available to you on a romantic tip. Not sure what you are looking for, but in either case, none of it will be free. The other stripper was likely riding your jock looking for her own payday.

Just to clarify the other woman was not a stripper or a working girl just a regular patron in the club

Radcow316 reads

I saw the regular tag you put on the other women, but somehow I doubt they were civilians. Civilians are not likely to want to hook up with men in a strip club unless she has her own agenda, which is clear since she was highly perturbed by your ATF. I guess in this case both of you were "cock-blocked."

AintNoHumbleHo314 reads

I am a "working girl" as you say and yet I maintain full time civvie job.

People I work with and socialize have no idea that I escort.

So how exactly can you tell who is and who is not a working girl?

whoa - what do you mean "the other stripper"?  He refers to them as "regular women (they don't work at the club).  Now could be, as one thread suggests they were dancers from another club, or they could just be girls who also enjoy (at least) looking at girls and/or are attracted to guys who know what they like.  For them it could have been like guys going to ladies night - "where ya gonna find some dudes - hey, how about the tittie bar".

Huge leap Radcow, to say "the other stripper".

That aside, the balance of your thread makes perfect sense.

Because if I was "cock-blocking" on her other clients or potential ones I don't think it would be met with such grace and maturity on her part.

madiba51285 reads

who she felt was "out of bounds" when she came into the club to look for new clients.








-- Modified on 3/3/2011 12:49:54 PM

-- Modified on 3/3/2011 12:52:40 PM

First of all, what proof is there that this gal you saw before seeing your ATF was a provider?  Maybe she was there to hook up with someone, like you.

You flashed some green lights at her and as she was proceding through the intersection, you switched to light to red and embarrassed her.

Then to add insult to injury, you go back and expect her to go through the interesection again.  Not very likely.

How old are you?  You have some things to learn about women.

Hirogen306 reads

I swear that sometimes you sound like a woman right out of one of those magazines.

HirogensMom244 reads

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And no discussion of badgers would be complete without this one.

(Click link and skip the commercial too.)

HirogensMom202 reads

Thank yew so much fer yer kind werds abowt my littul HiroGyno's great sucksess!  He iz my littul Honey Badger! Now you must joyn the Hirogina Klub!  Submit to my littul HiroGinaHoneyBadger! Our motto is, "Honey Badger is sutch a badass!" (yew hafta lisp wen you say it).  (We all lisp wen we're around Hiro so he duzn't think his lisp iz a speech impedymint)

Posted By: mrfisher
First of all, what proof is there that this gal you saw before seeing your ATF was a provider?  Maybe she was there to hook up with someone, like you.

You flashed some green lights at her and as she was proceding through the intersection, you switched to light to red and embarrassed her.

Then to add insult to injury, you go back and expect her to go through the interesection again.  Not very likely.

How old are you?  You have some things to learn about women.
Well for 1 I never said the other lady was a stripper or a provider that was radcows assumption. She was a civvie IMO and as far as my age Im 29. Sure I need to learn things about women or I would not be paying in the first place. Perhaps I went back to her after the fact because I just had CONFIDENCE in myself. As for anyone else like Hiroshima who thinks Im am naive yall need to actually READ my post before attacking or you would have CLEARLY READ I said she puts on a good act of interest.

Where you referring to your ATF's behavior?

What was wrong with hers?

AintNoHumbleHo244 reads

Of course, she WAS a stripper in the strip club she works at and he was a customer.

sauberschwantz208 reads

when you become friends with a stripper you will find that their attitude is "if they want the guy to pay for everything ...you re a customer ,if they insist on paying for some things (like breakfast)  after they get off work they are a friend

Posted By: mrfisher
First of all, what proof is there that this gal you saw before seeing your ATF was a provider?  Maybe she was there to hook up with someone, like you.

You flashed some green lights at her and as she was proceding through the intersection, you switched to light to red and embarrassed her.

Then to add insult to injury, you go back and expect her to go through the interesection again.  Not very likely.

How old are you?  You have some things to learn about women.
I agree wholeheartedly with this post. Why would you go back and try to get her number when you had a chance to but chose to be with your ATF? Seems really arrogant. As a woman I can tell you that had you NOT been shot down, I would have been surprised.

I agree with what Radcow wrote, but it could also be simple math. For every cup you fill with someone else results in less change in your ATF's pocket.

shuddaknownbetter401 reads

Geeeeeezzzzzzzz Louise ... are you guys that freakin' naive when it comes to strippers, providers
or even ATF's.

MONEY !!! MONEY !!! MONEY !!!

CASH !! CASH !! CASH !!

Wake UP will you...
Read this providers blog...should tell you all you need to know.

Go back and read thru previous posts on her blog.

Hirogen239 reads

SKB,you are an honorary member of the Hirogen Club.

It does amaze me how naive some hobbyists really are. Even after years of seeing hookers some of these guys actually think it is about them and not the money. It is really pathetic.

HirogensMom203 reads

You don't gotta doo nuthin you don't wanna, xcept kleen out mah yeest infekshun with yur tung, jest like yoo alwayz doo!

I am not sure who start this post, but any way I would like to clarify some thing here! I only can talk for myself and on behalf of some escorts and woman I meet thru to life.

I have be a provide for many years, I am succeed in many ways I like my clients 85% they are wonderful another 15% not comments, I truly don't need to work anymore if I wish I could retired today, Whatever I like the job and I believe many man need the service, Off course is about a service and any service has the price!!

ps:: Do you expect go to a restaurant and eat for free??? Not and I don't think that could happen... So providers, escorts or courtesan are here to provide a service.

It's not matter what is your situation, it’s a matter of choice.  So see a  provide is a easy away to get what you want... that would be great if in a real world every single person could have what they want, when they want..And everything was give for free! That would be a wonderful world. And I am talk here in general way.

The fact is man always pay, not matter if is for the wife (pay during the marriage or after the divorce.)
Girl friends play mate etc... A man that can’t provide some thing (good life in general) for a woman, normally is alone and don’t succeed in any kind of relationship. Maybe you not agree but that is the reality and the true. Unfortunately money is Key for the happiness. Relationship with out money doesn’t stand up. Don’t succeed.

The fact I like my job. But I would only date for free if I could have only the man that’s appearing on my dreams. Has it’s not like to happen so I am still charging for my time.

At the end of day, whatever… we live in a world where woman become more independent. Remember the 3 big dreams for almost of us is married a handsome millionaire. So money is always in woman mind. Money buys almost everything.
Unfortunately are not many out there available.


-- Modified on 3/3/2011 3:42:21 PM

JUANCABRON144 reads

with that view point you will probably find a handsome millionaire who is a wife beater , who will have the attitude "if I can't have you no one will  I have paid for you "

she was at her job to make money - as an experienced stripper I never really liked females in the club unless they were throwing money at me

StripClubBouncer205 reads

"I would go on a limb to call her my ATF and we have discussed the possibility of off the clock time and she always puts on a good act of genunine interest during our sessions."

1. As long as you  continue to Pay$play the song will remain the same unless you take her shopping with your Credit card OTC.

" We had small talk for a min or two while she waited for her drink but I chose not to seal the deal because I could see my ATF from the corner of my eye walking around the corner and making her way towards the bar."

2. If she isn't your GF coming around the corner there is no reason to back off a new prospect.
You will increase your odds by not acting wimpy.
If you act kept yet you are not, you ruin any chance you "might" have had

" Later after my ATF left I tried to get the lady's number and was met with a very rude and sacrastic "yeah right!""

3.Asking for numbers in a strip club is not the way to get her number
Acting like you don't give a damn {in a polite way} will more often find her asking you,for your number.
Strippers and civvies in strip clubs are accustomed to guys asking for their number.
Guaranteed  The guys who don't ask will garner more interest.




Listen, you went to a strip club where your ATF was working. As far as I can tell, your ATF did nothing wrong.

You said the civie "went back to her seat".
You are now available, and your ATF "proceeded to park herself next to me".

You then told your ATF that another lady was interested in you and she messed up your chances.
Your ATF asked "What girl?" - She was probably wondering if she accidentally blocked another stripper, and would have to deal with a cat fight later on.

When you pointed out the civie, your ATF's response of "So." exemplified that your ATF is there to work, and who cares about the civie.

Where in the story do you give the impression that your ATF cared a wit about who you are sleeping with?

You may be kicking yourself for missing the chance with the civie, but that was all you, and nothing to do with your ATF. If a woman comes on to you, that is your chance. If you pass it up, and she later snubs you, that is the risk you take.

Another post I agree with! When I read this I thought the provider did something really bad like showed up at your job demanding to know why you haven't seen or called her or she called you up at night while your phone was near you and refused to hang up. I was awaiting to read about some bad behavior but I must have missed it. What inappropriate behavior did she display? I am still waiting to read that. She said so. And.... where is the part of her behaving badly?

Posted By: gsee60606
Listen, you went to a strip club where your ATF was working. As far as I can tell, your ATF did nothing wrong.

You said the civie "went back to her seat".
You are now available, and your ATF "proceeded to park herself next to me".

You then told your ATF that another lady was interested in you and she messed up your chances.
Your ATF asked "What girl?" - She was probably wondering if she accidentally blocked another stripper, and would have to deal with a cat fight later on.

When you pointed out the civie, your ATF's response of "So." exemplified that your ATF is there to work, and who cares about the civie.

Where in the story do you give the impression that your ATF cared a wit about who you are sleeping with?

You may be kicking yourself for missing the chance with the civie, but that was all you, and nothing to do with your ATF. If a woman comes on to you, that is your chance. If you pass it up, and she later snubs you, that is the risk you take.

Whether people like to admit it or not, there is a hierarchy of social stigmas and these generally all stem from a female's insecurities (obviously, females who aren't insecure needn't put others down to make themselves feel better or justify/rationalize what they themselves do).
 
GENERALLY SPEAKING:
Married women look down on women who are "only girlfriends" to someone...  if that girlfriend was any good, she could 'land' the guy and get a ring/house. **They also tend to look down on all other categories below for the same reasons as are listed.

Girlfriends look down on women who are fuckbuddies.... at least they 'have' the guy and presume it means they're monogamous and somehow special.  **See above

Fuckbuddies look down on anyone who takes money (strippers/escorts/etc)... at least they're choosing who they fuck (the presumption is that the "money takers" don't) and they're fucking for the pleasure of it (again, the assumption that the "money takers" aren't) and they 'deliver' instead of just tease.  They also tend to look down on married women and girlfriends since they've given up the freedom to fuck anyone they want.

Strippers look down on sex workers of any stripe.... at least they don't have to lay on their back to get paid, they just tease.  Most I've met aspire to be girlfriends or married, even though they tend to think themselves better than married women/girlfriends (all their praise and ego strokes are based off being better looking than the average female who 'couldn't' strip).

Escorts look down on streetwalkers... at least they have a nicer work environment and see a "better" clientele, are not (presumably) drug addicts (which SW are presumed to be) or diseased (again, the presumption against SWs exists).  Escorts also tend to look down on strippers since all they do is tease and the escort feels it's better to "deliver" the goods.  Some look down on wives/girlfriends as being incapable of keeping their man satisfied or he'd not be visiting the escort and look down on fuckbuddies as they're doing the work and not getting paid for it.

Streetwalkers look down escorts/strippers.... they're soft and spoiled don't know what real "ho'ing"/hustling is.  

Of course, these are incredibly broad generalizations based solely on my personal experiences with women in each category and I'm sure there are tons of examples of ladies who do not fit any of the above categories - I just haven't met many of them!

Understanding the above dynamic, it makes perfect sense that your ATF escort/stripper would make a snarky comment about a civvie lady.  It also makes perfect sense that the civvie lady would think of you as beneath her because of your interest in the stripper.  I can just imagine the train of thought running through her head, "Oh so now that that dirty stripper isn't giving you the time of day, you think *I* want to talk to you?  Ha!  As if!  Now that I know you like those cheap, sleazy dancer types, I'm too good for you!"

And even if you totally disagree with all of the above, there's also the simple fact of irrational female jealousy as MrFisher so adequately stated.

right about now a fuck buddy is sounding pretty good, followed by providers.  strippers, streetwalkers, wives and girlfriends are out!

Very well said edrienne :). So true and thoughtful :)

Doubtful.  Those two girls were probably pros...

madiba51233 reads

been women.

But none have been there to pick up men for a one-night stand.

Most women at strip clubs fall into one if three groups:
"Girls' Night Out"
Lesbians
Women who are there with their husbands/boyfriends

Posted By: Bostonguy57
Doubtful.  Those two girls were probably pros...

StripClubBouncer278 reads

Lot of civvy girls in strip clubs
Military civvies , when strip clubs are near Navy bases.
Other than that, not much civvy girl action in strip clubs, unless it's male dancer night.

LOL! Have you been in a strip club lately? They're crawling with civvie chicks looking to meet guys. That's an old cliche that unescorted women in clubs must be pros. A lot of em are off-work strippers from other clubs, tho.

Why not?

As for civie/pro:  Sometimes the line does get a bit blurry.

StripClubBouncer190 reads

Plenty of them . Not Bi but total lesbian. Muff diving only.
 They are some of the club's  best hustlers.

AintNoHumbleHo245 reads

I am thinking u got lucky. Explicit instructions where to go and what to do there would be more appropriate. And obviously the woman did not have full glas with some kind of liquid at her disposal or u would be wearing whatever she was drinking.

Seriously. U make out in front of a woman with stripper for 25 minutes, and expect her phone number????

As for stripper's behavior - you came to her place of work.  

Her work is to dance naked (or almost naked), then make rounds in the club, come over to CUSTOMERS and woo them so they will buy booze and dances.

Wtf did u expect her to do?  Its not like your atf works in a freaking library. She is a stripper and you expect her not to hit u up for dances/drinks in the only place where she actually has to do it!

Now, if she did so in any other public place where she ran into you by accident, different story.

Lesson learned? Don't pick up one night stands in the same place where people's job description is to grind their naked ass in your face.



Well you went to her place of work to see her, and then you became upset when she came up to talk to you because she "cock-blocked" you? If you were out looking to hook up with girls.. why did you go to your ATF's job?

I don't really see where she did anything wrong here.

Regardless of your chronological age, if your original post is correct you acted very immature.  Let me explain.

The title of your post is “Inappropriate Provider Behavior?”.  There are two ladies in your story, your almost ATF who is a provider, and the “other woman” who you say later “I never said the other lady was a stripper or a provider that was radcows assumption. She was a civvie IMO”.

So, your question must be about “inappropriate behavior” by your ATF.  I do not see anything she did that counts as inappropriate.  You come to her place of work, she sees you and comes over to flirt with you for 20 minutes.  Instead of reciprocating you chastise her for getting in your way with the presumed civie.  And that is her inappropriate behavior?  No.  If you were so concerned about the new woman why did you turn your back on her for your ATF?  That’s quite an insult to any lady, to tell her as she is flirting with you that “look over there, I would rather be hooking up with her than you right now.  You are my second choice for the evening.”  You publicly insulted her in front of her co-workers.

This might come off as not too bad an insult if your AFT were not your ATF.  But you started this out saying there was genuine interest and OTC discussions.  Do you really think that means it is 100% a job for her?  Of course the money is an issue, but if she has genuine interest enough to talk OTC with you there are genuine feelings as well.  So of course she does not like being told she is second choice to a woman you just met a few minutes ago.  Are you really that self absorbed?

As far as the second woman, MrFisher said it perfectly.  You made eye contact, inviting her over.  Even though she is a woman at a stip club you want to assume she is a civvie with no stripper or provider interest in your wallet.  Either way when she does come over you accept her presence and start talking.  She is now thinking you are interested.  What else is she supposed to think?  Then another lady shows up, your ATF, and you dispose of the civvie-who-probably-is-not-a-civvie.  Costing her $$$ if she is working there, and slapping her ego in public if she was working.

I admit you get high marks for, in a very short amount of time, insulting two women who showed interest in you.  And then you think their actions were inappropriate?

You may be 29, but that sounds like the thought process of a teenager as far as understanding women.  It is also part of the explanation why many very attractive young ladies are seen in the company of much older men.  From a selfish point of view I thank you for your actions, but for your sake I hope you do listen to what some of the respondants here are telling you and change your mindset of women if you want to avoid this kind of situation.


In a related thought your last sentence calls into question what you think the definition of an ATF is, but that is another line of thought for a different thread.

The inappropriate behavior to me was not "cock-blocking" but "cock-jocking."  I made a conscious choice to choose my ATF over the other woman so I am not blaming her for that entirely. Quite frankly I know women get jealous and sometimes the ho you know is better than the one you don't.  Why risk a good relationship, even if p4p, over some chick that may or may not be willing to fuck me? Anyways to me cock-jocking is when a girl gets so flirty or clingy towards you in a public arena that gives the impression to onlookers that she is "laying claim" to you and that there is a possiblity that you are either in a romantic or sexual relationship with this person. While I am in a p4p relationship with my ATF I prefer for it to be discreete and not obvious to other men and women in the club.  I felt that 20 min of engaging me in conversation was WAY TOO LONG considering she was at work to make $$$ and meet potential clients and the fact that I was not attempting to offer any $$$ for dances or a session for later that night.  Admittedly, I did not have a serious interest in the other woman from the story but if I had then it could have been an issue for me or ruined my relationship with my ATF. Also I feel lucky the behavior of my ATF did not raise the ire of other men or put me in a precarious situation of jealousy with other men who could have approached her earlier in the night.  I would have no issues if my ATF wanted to give me a hug and maybe hang around for one song but to be "all in my face" when she is not my GF is an issue I have with any woman not just a provider. And FYI I went to the strip club to see women dancing naked not my ATF.

Posted By: OldTraveler
Regardless of your chronological age, if your original post is correct you acted very immature.  Let me explain.

The title of your post is “Inappropriate Provider Behavior?”.  There are two ladies in your story, your almost ATF who is a provider, and the “other woman” who you say later “I never said the other lady was a stripper or a provider that was radcows assumption. She was a civvie IMO”.

So, your question must be about “inappropriate behavior” by your ATF.  I do not see anything she did that counts as inappropriate.  You come to her place of work, she sees you and comes over to flirt with you for 20 minutes.  Instead of reciprocating you chastise her for getting in your way with the presumed civie.  And that is her inappropriate behavior?  No.  If you were so concerned about the new woman why did you turn your back on her for your ATF?  That’s quite an insult to any lady, to tell her as she is flirting with you that “look over there, I would rather be hooking up with her than you right now.  You are my second choice for the evening.”  You publicly insulted her in front of her co-workers.

This might come off as not too bad an insult if your AFT were not your ATF.  But you started this out saying there was genuine interest and OTC discussions.  Do you really think that means it is 100% a job for her?  Of course the money is an issue, but if she has genuine interest enough to talk OTC with you there are genuine feelings as well.  So of course she does not like being told she is second choice to a woman you just met a few minutes ago.  Are you really that self absorbed?

As far as the second woman, MrFisher said it perfectly.  You made eye contact, inviting her over.  Even though she is a woman at a stip club you want to assume she is a civvie with no stripper or provider interest in your wallet.  Either way when she does come over you accept her presence and start talking.  She is now thinking you are interested.  What else is she supposed to think?  Then another lady shows up, your ATF, and you dispose of the civvie-who-probably-is-not-a-civvie.  Costing her $$$ if she is working there, and slapping her ego in public if she was working.

I admit you get high marks for, in a very short amount of time, insulting two women who showed interest in you.  And then you think their actions were inappropriate?

You may be 29, but that sounds like the thought process of a teenager as far as understanding women.  It is also part of the explanation why many very attractive young ladies are seen in the company of much older men.  From a selfish point of view I thank you for your actions, but for your sake I hope you do listen to what some of the respondants here are telling you and change your mindset of women if you want to avoid this kind of situation.


In a related thought your last sentence calls into question what you think the definition of an ATF is, but that is another line of thought for a different thread.

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