TER General Board

Re: In a word: Bingo! eom
DickWart 286 reads
posted

That is EXACTLY the word that applies here!

1carus1756 reads

This is going to be a wide ranging post, somewhat broader than the immediate scope of this discussion board.

I'm a 31 year old guy, pretty successful professionally, and pretty attractive or so I've been told - tall, slim, personable etc - and not just by my mother ;-)

I've had a steady girlfriend for the past 7 years.  She is pretty, and she and I are very similar, in terms of political views, interests, and so on (there aren't many attractive computer geek girls out there, she is one of them).

That being said, over the years we've been together sex has played less and less of a part in our relationship, and I don't see any likely reversal in that trend.

I can't imagine ever finding someone that is better suited to me than her, yet I feel like a big part of my life is missing.  I live in a college town and when I see attractive younger women and it kills me to think that the part of my life where I could have the excitement of pursuing and sleeping with women like that could be over.  It just feels wrong in my gut, like I'm not biologically built for that.  Maybe in 10 years, but not now.

Yet I don't want to go out and pursue other women, that game of cat and mouse would make my life *way* too complicated.

So, here is my question: Are escorts the solution to this quandary?  Are they maybe even the ethical solution?

You probably want to post this in the Erotic Highway.  I'm sure LG has a good input on this.

Ultimately you have to decide that for yourself. If you decide to hobby and you don't think she will be cool with it, you will have to protect yourself.

There are lots of hobbyists who love their wives to death and would not give them up for anything. However since sex is the only thing that does not exist, they hobby.

I wonder about the alias though if you are really new?

1carus515 reads

Yes, I'm new, both to these forums and to hobbying - I've yet to have my first actual experience, perhaps this week I will, I'm currently mulling it over.  I've reached out to a provider who I think is very attractive based on her website, and is well reviewed, although we haven't connected by phone yet.  I have butterflies in my stomach about the whole thing, a combination of excitement and dread.  I guess that probably isn't unusual :-)

Really I'm trying to get a sense for whether what I'm feeling is unusual, or of a lot of guys feel this way in long-term relationships, and whether hobbying has been a good outlet for these feelings, ultimately safeguarding their relationship with their SO.

Why are you still with her?  Just because she is an attractive computer geek?  It is possible to have a great relationship with a woman who doesn't share all of your interests.  I think you might want to expand your field of experience; seven years with the same woman and you're only 31.

A healthy male's eyes will wander and his libido will wonder until he ceases to breath.

 Sex becoming less urgent or frequent in a long term relationship is common for any of a hundred reasons. It is the shared interests etc that make a long term relationship "long term".

Escorts can most definitely prove a pragmatic anodyne to the instinctual polygamist in you. It will be your abilities at discretion, your avoidance to obsession, and your resolve against possible infatuation(s) that will determine many of the ethical questions.

You just described one of many scenarios that lead men to the hobby. Is it an "ethical" solution? Well, that's between you and your GF.

Keep in mind that paying women for sex is not dating. They don't really care how much of a catch either you or your mother may think you are. Be respectful of the lady and her time, be clean, be courteous and be generous.  

DickWart287 reads

That is EXACTLY the word that applies here!

your SO is not going to be happy if she discovers you having sex with another woman. The kicker is that paid sex with no emotional attachment gives you a much better chance of the relationship surviving that discovery.

My 25 year relationship would never survive a girlfriend. It would survive the "it's only sex" explanation.

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