My current SO is a provider. Nights and weekends are for us; during the day, she sees clients and I either play with our sub, see providers or chase amateur tail. No probs - works fine for all of us. But then, we are an unusual little family....
On another note - my 99 year old grandmother in Germany knows about my lifestyle. Though she'd like to see great grandchildren (becoming less likely with my advancing age..) she says:
"this is the prerogative of a man who has means and does not have familial obligations".
Perhaps it's not such a rum old world after all...
put this snowball in a very hot place. Watch it be destroyed.
My SO in no uncertain terms stated (back in the days of the Spitzer incident) that there is no way she would tolerate me seeing a provider. Well, she never used the word provider but the message was perfectly clear to me
my wife if she knows about my extra-ciricular activities, (although they are not really extra) she would probably say that she does. We just don't discuss it. She can't, so we don't, and haven't for years. She does little things that tell me she knows. One is that whenever I'm leaving to go on a trip, she'll ask if I have enough cash. Even though she knows I have plenty in my pocket, she will hand me an extra two or three hundred.
I was a victim of that very same conversation, and my little lady knows that I "know of some prostitutes". It's a long story, but suffice it to say that she doesn't understand why a guy "would do that".
In fact, female friends who aren't your SO will change their whole opinion on you if they find out you hobby.
The gulf between civie women and providers is quite amazing. It's like women can't comprehend women in the business unless they've been in the business.
During the Elliot Spitzer thing, I remember how they had providers on first, and then the women activists against prostitution. During that "discussion," they had one "Madam." None of the activists would talk to the Madam, or vice versa. The sides simply presented their POV and ignored each other.
It also says something that Larry King had the activists on separately from the providers.
Few women in general can identify with providers who like their profession. SO's are the same way, only more so.
You must be smart and think and do nothing in knee jerk fashion, ever.
You must when and how to keep your mouth shut.
You must carve out and independent life of your own
You must have things you do on your own and do not do out of the ordinary stupid things.
You must know what to share and what not share, hard concept for a culture trying to find common interests to impress girls from the age of 14 and trying hard to find common interests in everything. Too much togetherness with you SO is killer in the long run.
Last but not least, never, never get cocky and think you are smarter than everyone on the planet. If you do, you are doomed!
She knows that men are always horny, and that men always look at pretty women and fantasize about doing more. We joke about some male friends of ours who claim that they never look at a woman other than their wives (sure!). She believes that men have a hard time being faithful. She knows I have the opportunity when I travel and kids me about this, but I can tell she is only half kidding. Once or twice she has half jokingly said "just wear a condom". I mumble something about my lack of time and energy until that line of discussion ends.
She would definitely be more upset if I had an affair (unlikely) than if she knew I hired escorts. But I'm still not going to go into this with her because I don't want to have the discussions that would ensue - "How much money did you spend? Why do you have money for that and not X? You tell me you are still attracted to me, but then you go and..." We don't need that and I think it would be destructive.
nature has imbued both sexes with the desire and ability to enjoy sex with multiple partners - partners which he/she may not choose for a life-mate, but rather for simple enjoyment in the moment. Many people repress this because of external, culturally inculcated factors of course. For men and women to claim exclusivity in a relationship is counter to our design. Sexual expression does not have to be associated with exclusivity or possessiveness. In fact, to do so, or expect such, is unnatural, and creates distortions and stresses in relationships that lead to an inauthenticity and lack of transparency, which is damaging to any real relationship.
Bad movie but it makes the point...I would be the inspector hanging outside of the library with my entrails dropping to the cobblestone.
While I do believe that the emotional attachment connected to a civvie affair would be worse, in the end it wouldn't really matter. My kids would be cashing in my life insurance policy...
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