Liam Doherty said in a thread a while back:

Which got me thinking about a new thread/question for the guys. Ladies feel free to chime in as well- would also love to hear how you feel your clients would answer.

What do you look for in an encounter? Are your exploits more of the slam-bam kind? Are you looking purely for someone with skillz and the right hair color and measurements? When you repeat, do you do it because she has all of those previous attributes, or do you do it because there was something you can't put your finger on that made you go back?

Or are you the kind of guy who looks for something more in an encounter- yes, the right body type and look and skills, but also something more- someone you can have an actual conversation with (I have seen many guys post how they're NOT interested in what we have to say), someone with whom you have chemistry? or do those kinds of things bore you/scare you off?

How often do you think of certain ladies after you've seen them? Do you think purely of the physical aspects of your time together, or do you think about her as a person? Do you think about what you talked about together, how she smelled, what she was wearing? Do you focus on something when you remember her? How often is that a negative thing? How often is it a positive thing?

And finally- do you enter an encounter hoping to find someone like Liam described above- someone you would like to see more often? Or would you rather it be fun, but one and done? And why?

are you trying to confuse these horndogs that frequent this forum?  I will try to answer your questions in order, OK?

1. look for someone that attracts me.
2. not slam-bam
3. def want skills, hair color does not matter, seen all kinds of measurements
4. I repeat because I enjoyed her company as well as her talents
5.  seen many diffenent body types, but not interested in BBW's
6.  love to be able to converse on an intelligent level with my date, and I am def interested in what you have to say
6.  think of many ladies after seeing them, some not favorable, most favorable, think about how much I enjoyed the entire experience with her.  What she was wearing does not weigh heavily in my thoughts.....
7.  never look for a one and done.  unfortunately, like many of my hobby brethren, economics plays a major role in my return visits, not my desires.  there are many ladies I would love to see more often, but the wallet is the final determinator.

Hope this helps, and that you are having a wonderful year!!!!!  You will always be special to me.

Swim
xox

But you're not confused...

Thank you for answering, Swim! And you'll always be special to me, too. For many reasons!!

All tell me my pics got their attention first, but in the end my website is well-written and that's what hooked them and made them decide they had to set up an appointment.  They assume I'm educated (which I am) and can hold a real conversation.  Most of my regulars want a well-rounded girl.  I'm not a 10, but I am hot in their eyes.  Nor am I an acrobat in bed, but I do keep it exciting and fun.  I can have a conversation.  And I'm sincerely I care.  That's what I'm told, anyway.  I have my own opinions which vary from time to time.

I jumped into this for the thrill.
I've met a few wonderful women along the way.
But recently, as pure chance would have it, I spent some time off the clock so to speak.
This was after the usual meeting had ended.  
Neither of us had plans. I asked her to dinner. She had no other appointments.
It ended up as an impromptu date.
We each left our masks behind. We were each more real with one another than either had been w/ our own prior exploits.
It took me to a new level. One I am putting behind me.
To crave, to expect such a thing again would be torture.

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Ah, just messing. Ok, first off, you and the swimeister need to get a room! Oh...you already did. Sorry. He's over on the Newbie Board telling a tale of when he...um...failed to live up to expectations, shall we say? lol. That wasnt with you, was it Sarah? No, of course not. I am sure he was all stud, all the time. lol. Maybe his handle should be "Softly"Swimtrekr? No, no, no. Thats not right. lol.

Ok, I really changed how I hobby. I started off booking very short appts. And, to be honest, when I first started, I am one of those guys that didnt care what you had to say. Now, I still dont care but I pretend to. lol. No, I book longer sessions now, I like the pre-game time, the pillow talk and I really do like the "connection" part of the biz.  

Sometimes I am shocked that i go back and see a girl a second time, when I judge it from the time I first meet the girl. Sometimes I am slightly dissapointed in their looks, I think the session might not be that great, and she stuns me with her good nature or her crazy good skills or her charm and personality. So many times my initial reaction is off.  

I am always looking for someone I can see again. For me, getting to know someone makes the sex better, maybe b/c i feel I can be more open about what I want to try or ask about menu options. Plus she hopefully builds a trust in me and allows me to do things as she trusts me as well. The first meeting is almost always great b/c its new. The second time is great b/c you have that whole "reunion" thing going on. Then at that point, imo, it either goes up from there for future sessions or it starts to deteriorate and time to move on.

I am amongst those who needs to feel both physical attraction as well as a genuine personal connection. I think about a number of the particularly special women that I have met when I see their posts and with a smile, recall the time and intimacy that she shared with me.  Sonetimes I  recall our conversation, or what she wore, or  a particular physical feature whic stood out in my mind.  Occasionally I will see something that reminds me of her and mentally remind myself that it would be nice if our paths could cross again one day ( since I am essentially only a hobbyist when I travel for business).

-- Modified on 4/15/2013 10:56:30 PM

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It is definitely not just skills - or some physical attribute which encourages me to repeat with a particular lady. There are some ladies that I do think about during the day; not exactly sure why. She may not be the prettiest, or have the best body; or the best "skills"; but there is a personal element which sets her apart from the others. A wonderful "natural" smile; a great listener, someone who makes you feel within 5 minutes that you've know each other for years. Now that's a "girl friend experience."

so far who has been into the one and done thing seems to be BIB, who I am presuming is younger than the other gents who've responded (presumption based on the use of "dude" in many of his posts, and a reference to surfing somewhere)- esp those who agree with Swim.  

For those gents who like Swim's answers, were you like BIB when you started? At what point did things start changing with regards to what you were looking for? Was it an age thing or a time in the hobby thing?

And there is a plateau in the sex and/or chemistry. The 3rd date is like the make or break for me. Not in every case but if the 3rd date is awesome as well, thats proly someone I will see often. Also, after three dates, if the convo starts to lag, thats not a good sign either. If we are out of interesting topics after only 6-8 hours or so, proly not going to get better.

I can see that. I wonder if the women with whom your engagements start to deteriorate have anything in common? Like something you could look for before booking her? Have you thought about this in retrospect? Over time have you noticed that you've gotten better at choosing women with whom the 4th date is as fantastic as the first?

method of choosing ladies changed over your time in the hobby? What do you look for now that you wish you'd known about earlier?

So its not something i can read in a review. Chemistry is SO hard to determine beforehand. Even those civie dating sites can have all the personality traits lined up, views on sex, religion, politics, etc but if the ever elusive "chemistry" isnt there, it aint gonna work. And the only way you can find if you have chem is by going on the dates! Its a vicious circle I tell ya! lol.

I am sure that your perception is correct, Sarah. Us "older" hobbyists are generally looking for something much for profound and meaningful than a wham - bam, slam dunk. You said it yourself a long time ago - I seek "bounded authenticity" along with electricity.  
I am still relatively new ( only 3+ years) but I think it is true that my ability to define for myself what I am looking for in a hobby date has refined over time. I am also more discerning in my ability to determine whether a particular provider wil be a good choice for me, knowing what I am looking for.

And Sarah - you are a special woman and a real gift to this hobby world!

Spot on..

Initially it's great responses on the board that will attract my attention for providers that I don't already know... Then checking out their pics followed by what their sites actually say. A well written site tells me plenty..

I'd comment on yours but It's not opening up for whatever reason.

Cheers!

I guess that's the box of chocolates theme- you just never know!!  But it has to be so much fun for a guy here- so many women to choose from!!

Thanks for your response and for your kind compliment.

How did you start refining your interests? What was one of the first changes you made in your searches? Did you have any disaster encounters?

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I'm well under many provider's minimum age requirement, and probably younger than most anyone else on the forums here in my mid twenties, and I haven't had much experience (not all my experiences are reviewed yet), but I definitely have one provider I'm going to visit again because of the connection.  

To me, she's the least attractive provider I've seen (she's not my preferred body type at all, way too thin, and I wouldn't have seen her to begin with if her pics were recent), but she's also the only one that made me feel right at home there instantly. The way I feel about it, it's one of those things where you just hit it off with someone else immediately. You can tell that if you met them outside this world, you'd easily become good friends or more.

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When I first meet a woman I am nervous. I might not let on but I am. I look for a provider who can settle me down and make me comfortable. after that I then want someone who can pull me out of myself. the sex doesn't have to be crazy kinky or anything (sometimes it helps) but cares about the experience and can go with me fully into the moment we are sharing. Just getting off? I can do that better myself and save money too. The woman does have to be attractive but there is a large range of attractive. finally I have to have some kind of verbal interaction. there is intro time and recuperation time and cleanup time that needs to be filled and one word responses get frustrating, but be careful, it can go too far the other way too. I have not repeated because the lady is too open and try's to pull me into her drama. Or I guess you can say the same thing in one word..chemistry

Had I started much earlier maybe I would have been like that. If I weren't single I might be more like BIB. However my personality isn't really like that so I'd most likely have had the same approach then as now.

Yep, when it gets to be more like a marriage than p4p, I am out.  

I think this scares some people off. But as long as everyone remains within the boundaries of this special relationship, I feel there is nothing to worry about. And for me, that's the "juicy" thing that happens.

That's a shame. Drama has no place in this little fantasy world! It should be fun!! A very good reason to not repeat.

Immediately following my divorce I more often sought personal re-affirmation and "connection". Ten years later I still keep mostly to "favorites"; but I'm more service menu and appearance focused when shopping, or repeating.

LOL...and nothing wrong with that either. I get rather bored with guys who constantly use this thing to fall in love. I did not sign up for that, don't need that "approval or assurance" factor, and am pretty much satisfied with the men I attract. A wham bam guy does not bother me, because he is still paying for 2 hours, regardless of what his intentions are. If a guy truly ONLY wanted a hole to fill, he would never book more than a half hour.  

Personally, I don't want some married man thinking about me when I am not with him....I simply don't need that kind of drama in my life. Guys who look for too much in this thing, freak me out.

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Dining Experience.

In every City there are a variety of restaurants that have varying menus, prices, and dining experiences. ("The Bread and Circus") Everything from Mickie D's, Applebee's, Rosebud, Tavern on Rush, Del Frisco's,Charlie Trotter's, etc.... you get what I mean.

Provider's are similar, different menu's, prices, and experiences.  There are the slam bam ..... variety, inexpensive, quick, fulfill your appetite.  $-1/2

Then there are the GFE's (body type, menu, skils) a bit more sensual, sexy, a larger, more refined menu, and provide a nicer atmosphere, and experience.  $$- $$$  

Then the fine dining experience, (body type, skills, erotic menu, ambiance, ..) not only is there the exotic/erotic menu selection, but the menu is unique, tasteful (pun intended). The ambiance is suited to the situation, and the experience is exquisite, mwuah!!  
Of course the fine dining experiences are varied as well, and they tend to be,  a create your own  "a la carte' " experience.  Both of us are the chefs, servers, and the diners.   $$$$+

In either of the above scenario's you generally get a good experience, but even the finest establishments have bad days.  
You get what you pay for.

My preferences range from the GFE to the fine dining.   Many times I find the potential Fine dining establishment that is at a GFE experience, I'll stop in, have a drink, peruse the menu, and have an appetizer on the 1st visit.  if I like the experience I go back again, and it moves on from there.

many times I'll have the fine dining.  1st time is checking it out, have a drink and  something from the menu.  if I'm adventurous, I'll dive right in and go all out.

As for the lingering  effect, most of them linger well past the date.  That's the point right?

Most recently I have a couple particular places I visit.  
One is a bistro hunting adventure with her. We are looking to find that absolutely perfect out of the way bistro, not crowded, but has a sensational menu where we try everything on it.  and becomes our own experience.    

The other is Our search for artificial intelligence. A one of a kind experience where, together, we go where ...........      

Probably won't go to again.

And then, a particular case ........ that was so delightful, with a great menu, was served to perfection, I decided to go all out. So I made the reservation, tipped the maitre d', asked for a special menu, and when the day arrived, the place was closed due to unforeseen circumstances.... I re-booked for the next day, and barely made in the door, ....... my reservation was cancelled.  How Rude!!!   I was mad!  Though it is fine place, and I hope it does well, I don't think I'll dine there again.

And cannot wait to go back.

I found this one accidentally on purpose, at a recent cocktail party, I met this Absolutely Stunning Dish, Draped in Passionate Red, and rarely  served in Chicago, but when it is ...... Ahhhh! what a Passionate Treat!  

I love tasting the fine delicacies this hobby has to offer, and occasionally offering my critical reviews.

Now if I could only find a venue that would pay for my reviews! http://www.theeroticreview.com/library/style/i/emoticons/teeth_smile.gif

In any case

Consider that there might be a variety of reasons that one finds usefull information here.  And that the reasons will determine what one is looking for.

For example, a married man vrs single, man in 30s, a man who prefers SW, Strippers and Escorts to having dates and or a girl friend, someone working on a "Bucket List".

While we all drink from the same pool, we aren't the same animals.

Deprived

agree, by third date you know if it's time to move on.

felt a "connection" with a provider like that.  

There is always something that happens at each appointment that reminds me what this hobby really is.

Many hobbyists say they feel it but I think it's mostly one sided. I've read that they've had ATF's for years so I'm sure in those cases the lady feels an attraction/friendship at some level.

could be thrilling, or notwithstanding good judgement, disastrous

actually do read our sites! That makes us very happy.

But I am personally not much for the wham bam. Well, I should qualify that: wham bam is lovely if the chemistry is right and there is a lot of respect from both sides. The day I just tolerate someone's presence in my bed is the day I think I should leave this gig behind. I am too much into my own pleasure and peace of mind to waste time on someone who I feel doesn't deserve what I am doing for him. I put a lot of myself into this work and so I get more satisfaction from men who are demonstrably appreciative of my efforts. As it is not necessarily my main source of income, I realize how privileged I am to be able to operate like this. I am also astute enough to not engage with someone who reeks of needy in an unhealthy way. After some time in this biz, you can smell it on someone very easily and quickly through their communication.

It's not approval or assurance. I don't need anyone but myself for that. I do want appreciation. But this is the case for me no matter what income-generating activity I am doing.

Now having said all that, I will also say that each person has their own desires and goals in our little arena, and by all means, I am very pleased that everyone seems to find what he or she wants here. I also agree there is nothing wrong with what BIB wants- nor is there anything wrong with you also liking that. The good thing is that hopefully people of like minds can find each other easily here.

Interestingly enough, the wham bam appealed to me much more in my young and wild civvie days. I would have wretched at the thought of "tender, loving, etc." back then. Now, I am all about that. So in answer to my own question below, I think age definitely has something to do with that.

distrustful or trusting of people in general initially?

How vulnerable you feel probably has a lot to do with how you approach this. I wonder if this will change again for you in ten more years? I wonder if people get bored with looks and menu? And that's what makes them seek out something more. And do you tend to do longer engagements or shorter ones? Probably goes hand-in-hand: Longer for more of a connection, shorter for menu/looks? And do your favorites keep you satisfied as far as the connection goes, so you don't need to actively seek that? If your faves retired, would you seek to replace them? Or continue as you are? Sorry to sound like DL with all the questions!

It fits perfectly. Everyone grabs a quick bite from time to time, and we are ever so grateful that establishments for this exist when we need them. Not everyone can do the fine dining, nor does everyone wish to

Thank you for your response.

Yeah, I didn't feel it with the others, for sure. Even with the one I felt it with, I can tell she was exaggerating or acting for some of the time. There were other, more truthful moments though, like the first 10 minutes or so where we just talked, or the end where we just talked, where it felt very different. These parts were completely natural and spontaneous, which wasn't even close to the case with the other providers I've seen. As a potential affirmation of whatever innate chemistry was there, before I left, she mentioned she'd want to go out to eat next time.

No delusions about where this is going, for the regulars here who might start some shit over that paragraph. It's a certain type of relationship, and that isn't changing (seriously, "real" dating can vanish from the planet and no fucks would be given), but it should be clear to nearly anyone who has half a brain when they either get along extremely well or not with someone they meet. Even though this is in a bit of a different setting, a lot of the same judgment applies.

I've personally found that true intimacy and "connection" lends itself more too lasting friendship than simply satisfying prurient desires.  
Any petrol-head would jump at the chance to take a rented Ferrari onto a race track for some "hot laps"; but those "laps" would likely be more conservative if one OWNED the Ferrari and/or regularly depended on it.  

  This is not to say that either a rented automobile OR fellow human should be driven like you stole it; but levels of understanding, empathy, and personal investment do factor in our overall temerity and demeanor with them.

  Ten years of internet hobbying has afforded me with both ATF & friendships that assuage the human "connection" issue while allowing for the occasional "lets see what she can do" track day

but the "wham bam thank you ......" I find is the 1/2hr -1 hour variety only to fill a hole and get his/her "rocks off", and the cost is usually a buck to a buck and a 1/2, as opposed to the 2 hour variety that generally has a couple of cups and other options, and runs $$$-$$$$ or more.

If either had their "world rocked" per se', I would expect that experience to linger on.
Outside of a friendship, and nothing more,...... that a married guy was thinking of her all the time.  would be freaky, and vice versa.  

No one needs "fatal attraction" drama.

I completely agree, this is not a venue for Love.

yes, it's my nature. not a people person.I'd rather have 1 or 2 real close friends than 20 acquaintances.

the one on one with a provider is good though.( at least for a while

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"As a potential affirmation of whatever innate chemistry was there, before I left, she mentioned she'd want to go out to eat next time. "  

"but it should be clear to nearly anyone who has half a brain when they either get along extremely well or not with someone they meet. Even though this is in a bit of a different setting, a lot of the same judgment applies."

this could be an example of "chemistry' as it's called.  

I know this: A provider would not say something like "I'd like to see you again..." if she was uncomfortable with you or got a bad vibe from meeting you.