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Re: I hear ya
deshafted 354 reads
posted

Hi Sexy Carolina :) Thanks so much for your response.

I think that is where I failed, I wasn't always so confident and comfortable with my body...but at the same time, I longed for his eyes and his touch to show me that I was still beautiful, a woman needs to feel these things as well, just how a man wants to feel desired. Losing his touch has done tremendous damage to my self esteem, and something I am still trying to work so hard at regaining everyday. He was never very good at vocalizing his feelings for me and has always been an introverted man - I have always been the one to initiate love making with him and continuously pamper his ego. I never declined his advances when he needed me, I loved making him feel like a man and relieving any stresses he had. However, as time went on, he stopped reaching out for me and any advances I made towards him became declined, which hurt me so deeply. We went through a few difficult times financially and ended up moved across the country. I worked full-time and did everything I could to keep us on our feet as he took a few years off to decide what he to do career-wise. With all his spare time and perhaps a quarter-life crisis, he started drifting from me emotionally and fell deeply into this world.

I don't think he will ever return to the man I once knew. I've pleaded and cried with him to help me understand, to go to counseling, to help me help him in any way I could. He insists nothing is wrong and that everything is fine. This is the 3rd time that he's had an account on this site and he has a lengthy list of reviews that I've read in such detail, each word and description piercing and slicing every inch of my heart slowly over the years. I've know about this for some time now, and each time I discover what he's done, he has asked for forgiveness and promised me to change...but words become old and the cycle still continues. I think I've finally come to the realization that he is only using me as a domestic and financial provider, so that he can continue to lead his double life. It hurts so deep and my tears fall every night, but after I am able to settle all our debts, our home foreclosing, and many other troublesome issues, I will free myself from this situation. It is like watching your life slowly uncrumble infront of you and all you can do is sit amongst the ruins and hope and wish for a miracle that will never come.

deshafted2115 reads

Hi everyone, I'm new to TER. I wanted to be a VIP and make some friends in this community - both male and female. First of all, I am a woman and a wife in my late 20s who loves my husband very much and enjoys sex with him (and in general) greatly. I guess you could say I'm a nymph and there was nothing I wouldn't have done to blow his mind.

However sadly somewhere along the way, my husband lost all interest in me. I've been baffled and confused for so long, I didn't know what went wrong. It was by accident that I discovered this site and found his reviews. I've always done my best to be loving and intimate with him and have done everything in my power to make him love me again but everything has failed :( It is hard to compete with the beautiful women in here who pleasure you and massage you with their bodies and words. It's come to a point where he is now addicted to this site and the women here and we no longer have a real relationship. We simply live like brother and sister and I carry the pain, suffering, and embarassment of being alone and horny every night.

I don't hate him for what he's done. If anything, it's made me want to try harder to be the woman he wants. But sadly I have also come to the realization that may never happen, and sex and temporary pleasure will always be greater than honoring the sanctity of marriage to him. I totally understand the desire for variety that humans want in sexual  companionship and the power and allure of beauty. That is a trait that women have as well, not just men. It just saddens me that there are probably hundreds of women just like me out there who have broken relationships and feel lost the way I do. I'm just sad and lonely, and wanted to come here and talk to people who live in this world and see if there is any more understanding I can gain. I don't hate the providers either, this is a job and it pays their bills, and I'm pretty sure most of them enjoy what they do greatly. If I had the confidence of some of these women, heck - I'd do it too.

Are there men or women (providers or non-providers) here that would like to talk to someone like me? Again I'm very open minded and am not here to bash the community at all. The services offered here do benefit some men and everyone has their reasons for why they seek the services offered here. Thanks for listening. I'm not sure when this msg is going to be deleted so if you want to write to me, feel free to drop me a msg sooner than later.

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Reasonable451 reads

On this board, you will probably get a very wide range of responses, some of which you may need a very thick skin for.

You are treading in waters that maybe too deep for some, especially those more like, and sympathetic, to your husband's position than yours.

You will get some empathetic responses, but please prepare yourself for more harsh ones too.  This isn't a judgment on prospective responders, just a natural result of the diverse community we have here.

I wish you well.

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Sexy Carolina1040 reads

Before I started in this business my husband had to go live in Amsterdam for a year. That kinda wrecked my marriage. Not only was he a workaholic but in Amsterdam he became addicted to a few other things.

I guess you can say I see both sides of the coin.
I can understand why men who are married for thirty years contact me (their wife undresses in the closet)...I understand the husbands' needs for intimacy.

That is just one description I can offer up as to why men seek out certain services.

What I would like to be able to do is share with you what I have learned.

Men and women both need intimacy. They need to feel desired. They need to be able to share in the bedroom and in every other part of the home.
Everything. Why come together to begin with if after a few years you decide that you don't want to be touched THERE.
Women need to understand how sexed men are and men need to listen and lend a hand to womens' needs.
Women need to feel more open with their bodies and also accept the changes their bodies make as they age, realizing that their husbands will worship every inch of them regardless of those changes. Women need to be more oral in the bedroom and less oral at other times.
If you take the time to understand what makes your partner happy and give more than you take you stand a good chance at happiness.

I will add one more bit of information I have picked up on. There is nothing more wonderful than an orgasam. I would highly recommend every adult have one a day. The daily grind is no longer. Every day is like a Friday and there are no more Mundanes! The only way you can top that is if the two people that shared that O were more than just coupled....they are the two halves that make it whole.

But that does not happen in our society. Here is the other kicker. It sometimes only takes five minutes. Five minutes to make your partner feel like they are on top of the world.

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keystonekid701 reads

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deshafted355 reads

Hi Sexy Carolina :) Thanks so much for your response.

I think that is where I failed, I wasn't always so confident and comfortable with my body...but at the same time, I longed for his eyes and his touch to show me that I was still beautiful, a woman needs to feel these things as well, just how a man wants to feel desired. Losing his touch has done tremendous damage to my self esteem, and something I am still trying to work so hard at regaining everyday. He was never very good at vocalizing his feelings for me and has always been an introverted man - I have always been the one to initiate love making with him and continuously pamper his ego. I never declined his advances when he needed me, I loved making him feel like a man and relieving any stresses he had. However, as time went on, he stopped reaching out for me and any advances I made towards him became declined, which hurt me so deeply. We went through a few difficult times financially and ended up moved across the country. I worked full-time and did everything I could to keep us on our feet as he took a few years off to decide what he to do career-wise. With all his spare time and perhaps a quarter-life crisis, he started drifting from me emotionally and fell deeply into this world.

I don't think he will ever return to the man I once knew. I've pleaded and cried with him to help me understand, to go to counseling, to help me help him in any way I could. He insists nothing is wrong and that everything is fine. This is the 3rd time that he's had an account on this site and he has a lengthy list of reviews that I've read in such detail, each word and description piercing and slicing every inch of my heart slowly over the years. I've know about this for some time now, and each time I discover what he's done, he has asked for forgiveness and promised me to change...but words become old and the cycle still continues. I think I've finally come to the realization that he is only using me as a domestic and financial provider, so that he can continue to lead his double life. It hurts so deep and my tears fall every night, but after I am able to settle all our debts, our home foreclosing, and many other troublesome issues, I will free myself from this situation. It is like watching your life slowly uncrumble infront of you and all you can do is sit amongst the ruins and hope and wish for a miracle that will never come.

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Sexy Carolina340 reads

The bottom line as far as I can see it is this. You need to take care of you.

Like what you see in the mirror. Like what you see inside your heart.
YOU Make your day.

Learn to love to spend time with yourself.

And don't forget to spoil yourself.

Love Thyself

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TwinkleFingers586 reads

Holy Tear Duct, Batman - I'm nearly crying...what a wonderful writer you are! :-D

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Siglo VI396 reads

how many guys read this post and half way through said holly shit! this is my wife posting this?

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keystonekid501 reads

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deshafted345 reads

I think I speak on behalf of every man's wife on here. I understand every man's situation is different, but if you are married, all I ask is this: be honest about your emotional and sexual needs or feelings with your wife. If your wife is unwilling to try or understand your needs, I feel you and understand why you are here. If you feel you have an addiction, please seek help. And if you have ever seen the woman at home who has walked beside you in every step of your life cry at night, and you genuinely love her, please do everything in your power to bring her happiness and make a change in yourself. Or, please just set her free. Honoring your wife is the most important thing you can do in your life.

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hotplants374 reads

Deshafted,

The tenor of your post suggests that you feel like you need to change in some way to make your husband change.  You say you want to “try harder to be the woman he wants”. But you can’t make yourself into the woman he wants. You can only be the woman you *are*. And, there is no rulebook that says you’re supposed to do all the work to make your marriage work.

You don’t mention whether you have tried to engage your husband in a direct//honest/non-confrontational dialog about what’s going on for him—or maybe explored the option of couples counseling?  Or let him know you are aware of his extracurricular activities?  Or if you might be open to the possibility of joining him in his extracurricular activities (assuming that is something *you* would genuinely be comfortable with, and were not doing  *only* to please him at more expense to yourself)?

While you appear to be very willing to try working through whatever is going on, it sounds like each of you may have different ideas about the meaning of “the sanctity of marriage”. And to find out if there is a middle point where you both can meet,  he has to pull some of this weight too. If you find he is unwilling to, at least, extend you the courtesy of an honest disclosure of why he has left your marriage sexually (and maybe emotionally as well) then you have to decide what that means to you, and what you need to do to take care of yourself.

While my perspective is that the path to follow is one that allows you to be emotionally healthy and happy—whatever that is--and two wrongs don’t make a right, yadda, yadda, do hear this Deshafted:  

You don’t *have to* carry the “pain, suffering, and embarassment of being alone and horny every night” Your husband has already set the bar here. He has taken sexual monogamy off the table in your marriage, without your consent and, in all fairness that door swings two ways.


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LiannaGerrit485 reads

And that is how I became a provider. Kendall

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deshafted340 reads

Hi Hotplants,

Yes I've tried to confront him and talk to him about this a million times over the last 10 years - confronting him about my findings, asking him to go to counseling, etc - each time unsuccessful. He simply stares at me blankly and insists that everything is fine. He tells me that he thinks our relationship has no issues and he wants to keep it as is, which really hurts me. He admits what he's done and apologizes, but time and time again I still find him here.

I know that I cannot live my life like this forever, and that I can only be who I am, and that may never be enough for him. Now, all I can do is move on and heal.

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Snownfire763 reads

a provider on this board and he booked an appointment with you?

That would get him talking to you!

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deshafted333 reads

I actually thought about that, as weird and desperate as that sounds.

How would one become a provider here? If only I had the confidence...

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SillyRabbit345 reads

Ask the providers on the board What to do and what to expect, and what to watch out for. (don't ask me, I'm just a guy) ... but ...

How would one become a provider here? on TER?

(Search for past threads for info on this topic, or perhaps someone with more complete info will personal message you).

To get reviews posted on the TER REVIEW DATABASE  you have to have seen a client, and encouraged him to write a review of you (assuming he has heard of TER and is a member.

The review he submits will not get approved by TER unless it has a link to a website where your services are ADVERTISED.

You could be an independent provider and manage your business yourself, place a website ad, or you could offer your services to an agency (who will keep a booking fee for handling the phone calls).  Agencies can be reputable or they can be crooks, and this fact will reflect on you. Real photos -blurred if necessary- are encouraged. You can go to the clients house "Outcall" or host yourself in a hotel room "Incall"( I guess your house is out of the question).

Craigslist.com will let you post a free ad (they have a section "erotic" personals where escorts post.  It is rather like a discussion board post, wher it gets buried under all of the new posts and falls to page 10 in just a few days.  Guys worry about being ripped off from craigslist ads.  The ad will also expire in a month? 3 weeks? But may stay active long enough for a guy to get his review approved by TER.

You can also work "under the radar" and get clients by word of mouth, (if you don't want a lot of clients because you are not sure if you really want to pursue this).  A part-timer who provides a great time will come to the attention of the community quickly, particularly if she is attractive and at a lower than average fee rate.

You can visit the chat room where guys will get to know you a little bit first and will then want to make an appointment with you.  

You can participate in the discussion boards, like you are doing now, and if you put a link to your ad when you post, that will encourage guys to look at your website and perhaps make an appointment.  

Providers also have a link by their handle "see my TER reviews"  and then VIP members can just pop right over to your reviews page to check you out. Word of positive sessions will bring you TER clients, who of couse, are the best, most well mannered clients to have.  

I don't know how TER knows that you are a provider and get the "see my TER reviews" link and not the Client Member's  "Sillyrabbit has 14 reviews" link.  It must have been selected when I registered?  I do not know the answer to this, but a provider or a query to TER can answer that.  

If you enjoy sex, then you can make a lot of money doing this.  A good looking lass in her twenties who shows a guy a good time can buy an expensive large home in Los Angeles while her friends are working at starbuck's for $8 /hr. Guys here (not the wackos out there)are just looking for some hot affection, and will treat you well.

Do remember that providing is illegal. Selling your TIME is not, but try to convince the police it was only Time.

I am sorry to hear about your marriage situation.  I am still single, and always imagined that marriage would be the greatest thing to happen to me.  (Great Sex 10 times a Day!  WhoHoo! ).  I hear the disillusioned tell their war stories, and I am saddened.  But Some clients are just nice single guys that like to chase cute girls for a "sure thing".

Best of Lick,  I mean, Luck.

-SR

Hey everyone, Did I say anything incorrect?

-- Modified on 7/18/2008 4:03:05 AM

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SillyRabbit296 reads

In the June 2008 Playboy, there is an article called :

"46 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT CALL GIRLS"

#36 Mentions Call Girl fashion and quotes from the book Turning Pro: A Guide to Sex work for the Ambitious and Intrigued,  by Magdalene Meretrix.

I'm sure there are others.  Help anyone ?

Interestingly ... #2 is a prominent mention of the TER website, and what it does and what it says about call girls.  (A high profile mention like this has to be bad, isn't it.  Or is this the slow path to acceptance and legalization.

Governor Spitzer is mentioned 3 times.

-SR

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