I've been wondering about providers and client becoming "friends."

There are often questions about and stories posted on "off the clock" invitation by either provider or client for dinner, drinks, etc. There are also posts about donations being set aside and realtionship developing ranging from fuck buddies to significant others.

All of these might imnply a level of friendship, but might be more about personal chemisrty.

What I'm wondering about is more of the development, maybe even early on say at the first seesion, of a genuine platonic friendship.

Guys, has this ever happened to you?  If not, would you allow it to happen?

Ladies, have you ever found yourself connecting in that way? Did you allow it to develop? Or for business purposes, do you have a rule against such a thing?

I'll start by saying that a couple years back I had a provider give me all her personal information and ask me to spend time with her, off the clock, before we had ever had a session. This happened after we had met and spent time together at a few private events. By the way, there was no sad story or needs involved. We just clicked.

Anyone else have stories of this nature or thoughts on the subject?


HalfHour

This is a business transaction, I pay her money and she provides a service. Why complicate things with a date like relationship. I've had a few ladies try to complicate the relationship but the $$$ transaction always keeps it real for me.

.... I have never made it to the point with any female provider where time is extended or offered to me off the clock.

However, One extremely hot female that I consider to be a close friend of mine offered me a discount by throwing some of my cash back at me while trying to cover the time we spent together.

I do have friends in this lifestyle both male and female that I truly respect and would do anything within my capability to help, but this is without expecting anything in return.

Each gal is different and the level of involvement varies and also changes over time.

When you see someone intimately and for a long period of time, it's hard not to develop more than a business as usual relationship.

In most cases, things have worked out fine; though there have been a few cases where things turned out sadly, but such is life.

Keeping an eye on boundaries and treating someone the way you would want to be treated are the keys to avoiding problems and maintaining health and fun relationships.

I have many, many provider friends that I talk to on a regular basis. Some I have been intimate with, either on or off the clock. Others are just friends, you know the type that you have dinner or drinks with, share the important things in your respective lives, you know, Friends, and there has never been the slightest sexual tension or expectation that we will ever sleep together.

Not everything or everybody revolves around an envelope. I have also become friends with other people who I met through business, hasn't anyone else ever become friends with their lawyer, plumber, auto mechanic et al???

it must really suck to have to put this wall up between you and your clients.

Sometimes people click, how they meet should be irrelevnent.

That's one of the beauties of the hobby, I get as much pussy as I want. I can be perfectly content with having a platonic relationship with an attractive lady "without" having to try and jump her bones at the first perceived opportunity.

I think some men (and women) don't know how to have a non sexual friendship with someone from the opposite sex. Too bad for them IMO they don't know what they're missing.

that on the whole, for a man to suggest friendship or spending time tedoutside of the business arrangement is looked at as inappropriate by the provider.

I've never disagreed with that and haven't asked. My single story was, as stated, the woman asking me. I was surprised, naturally. But since it was her invitation, I felt no problem. I do wonder if my situation is rare however. I wouldn't think a provider would reveal that in a forum like this. Might not be prudent.


HH

I have several clients who are dear to me. We have had this relationship of sorts for over 6yrs and I care for them. There are very few who can move beyond that. Its just too complicated.
The lines and rules change when it moves to a friendship.
Friendships are equal and this p4p rhelm is very one sided. Not to say it doesnt happen, cuz it does but its not as simple as making friends.
It needs to be honest for the right reasons and often times it creates over the line expectations.
I have a client/friend who knows all about my real life has met my kids and we actually ARE good friends. If he wants to see Nicole he calls the Ho line and otherwise he calls my other phone.

Theres a very fine line and it gets confusing if both parties are not aware of the rules and honest with their trust.
Its a lot of work.
I dont like to mix and for the most part don't think for most its doable and fair to all parties.
Usually its unfair to the lady and the *friend* crosses the line expecting more.
The sex needs to stay out of the friendship, if you want to go there, pay for it wit her as you always have before.

well thats just my opinion...

I have several Ladies I have drinks with will chill with when they come to town but only 2 gal pals who have my total trust.

This can be a wishy washy business and you don't always know what someone elses motives are.
We are acting in a world that for the most part is not acceptable and I know how it would be or is rather to want to have someone to talk to about this who actually gets it. For several yrs I didnt know anyone and kept to myself, then I met Ally and Jill and they both are amazing women and women I honestly can trjust and talk to about anything work related or in my real life.
This happens over time and it happens unexpectedly so don't rush it. We need to protect ourselves more than the average person so choose your friends wisely.  If its meant to be you will meet someone who can be trusted.  I know it can be an isolating profession and thats one of the downfalls of this but don't rush it because you are wanting this wait it out n if its meant to be it will...

Friendships happen. It is not something like you just meet a provider (as a client) and say you want this person to be my friend. It has to be mutual. If it is not mutual then there is usually too much coming from one side and too little coming from the other. This is a recipe for disaster. Before too long you will be percieved as a creep and so much for the friendship.

Many guys who hobby are lonley or trapped in loveless-marriages that they cant walk away from. Then they see a provider who enjoys what she does and does such a good job, that the dude starts to want more than a client-provider relationship. This is not a friendship, this is a void that is getting filled by the wrong person. A recipe for disaster. I have made this mistake before and went on to hurt myself as well as the provider.

If it happens then enjoy the fruits of a genuine friendship. If you have to force it or induce it, than get ready for trouble. This goes for friendships with everybody not just providers.

Business, not match.com. I hate when clients think they can take it one step further and ask me to go to lunch or anything off the clock.

Posted By: HalfHour

I've been wondering about providers and client becoming "friends."

There are often questions about and stories posted on "off the clock" invitation by either provider or client for dinner, drinks, etc. There are also posts about donations being set aside and realtionship developing ranging from fuck buddies to significant others.

All of these might imnply a level of friendship, but might be more about personal chemisrty.

What I'm wondering about is more of the development, maybe even early on say at the first seesion, of a genuine platonic friendship.

Guys, has this ever happened to you?  If not, would you allow it to happen?

Ladies, have you ever found yourself connecting in that way? Did you allow it to develop? Or for business purposes, do you have a rule against such a thing?

I'll start by saying that a couple years back I had a provider give me all her personal information and ask me to spend time with her, off the clock, before we had ever had a session. This happened after we had met and spent time together at a few private events. By the way, there was no sad story or needs involved. We just clicked.

Anyone else have stories of this nature or thoughts on the subject?


HalfHour

I've met some wonderful ladies here. Thank you for everything!

i think that seeking friendship in the hobby is a mistake. i also think that rejecting friendship in the hobby is a mistake. one finds and discovers friendships, whenever, wherever. often they can be found among business connections in the civy world, why should the hobby be immune to finding a friend?

i maintain a friendship with a couple of retired/UTR ladies. no envelopes have been exchanged for some time. we check in on each other from time to time. we almost never discuss "the hobby" anymore.... and no there is no "friends with benefits" deal! LOL!

there are also a few ladies who i've never met or only met in public, who have for some reason watched my back and enabled me to avoid some problems. naturally when someone does you a favor like that you are disposed toward being friendly. i hope someday to meet them and see who they are up close and personal. when things calm down perhaps we'll meet.

Ladies in this biz are just regular folks. They clock in, do their job, clock out, and go on with their lives. No reason why a client can not become a true friend as long as he can keep his head out of his ass and not confuse her work with herself. My absolute BFF is a provider who I still see as a client on a regular basis. I have been a client for about 8 years and her best friend for a couple of years. In the recent past, I have been best friends with another provider and real-life friends with others.

Just to be clear, for me friendship includes accompanying each other to family events, her playing with my grandson, and me playing board games (and getting beaten badly) with her kids.

My point is, why should this be worth noting? We meet through a business contact and become personal friends. If you see this as anything more, then you do not understand how completely the ladies I have known are able to separate their work from their lives. In my experience, there is no gray area between being an on the clock client and an off the clock friend. They are two totally distinct animals. I have heard many stories of guys who were in the running as candidates for friendship, but they just could not keep the two worlds separate.

Some can handle friendship and some can't. Those who can have good time on or off the clock. It is all individual preferences. Just like some people make friends easy and some have difficult times. May be introvert, extrovert kind of personalities.

I have many provider friends, some call and want to have drink.

Like the poster said, they are Regular people, just like you and I and if you behave as if they are, possibilities are there.

I have a provider friend that we often go to movies, dinners, or see a band play. I have babysat her child and she has come over and helped me paint. I have helped move her incall on more than one occasion.

We have both called each other when we need to to talk both professionally and privately. People can become friends under any circumstances; regardless of how they met.

We are all human and have human responses. If you like someone you just like them. What is so hard to understand?

In business there have been people I worked with on other companies or consultants we hired  and me and the other individual have hit it off friendship wise.  We will go our for beers or go out for lunch and I am not being billed for this consultants time. In non mongering transactions its quite common for off the clock time with someone.  You could have something similar if you happen it hit a friendship up with your hair stylist or maybe a restaurant server that you like friendship wise.

I get it though.  You are creating a fantasy that the monger is someone interesting and you enjoy his company.  If you are going to go out with someone and you don't naturally enjoy his company it is more work for you without being compensated.   Also if there is someone you personally like you don't want to be taken advantage of where he expects a dinner with you before or after he pays you to fuck him and possible spray his spooge over your face.

For those and other reasons it makes sense for sex workers to keep a work life separate from her professional life.

but this is p4p & not the place to be looking for friendship.   I have a friend relationship with my Fav ladies...  within bounds...   I don't expect anything more and have not been disappointed.

real lasting friendships with providers.  Two remain friends with me now literally decades after there is absolutely no sex between us and they are both long out of the business.  Whenever sex was involved I paid in full always.  
The friendship ran both ways and I would say off the clock involved either no exchange of services or I would be providing the kind of reasonable help I would to any friend so the friendship part was fairly balanced.  When  lunch or dinner was involved (and this never happened in connection with sex) though I always picked up the tab and do so today.
I was never asked for money only help on occasion and we often exchanged advice or small favors.
It never got romantic in the slightest way and, as I say, any sex always was fully and gladly and completely paid for.

....a few friendships develop with providers over the years.  As said above, these things develop naturally.

For those of us with a wife or SO, however, that complicates the issue.  I simply couldn't take the risk of developing a true friendship with a hometown provider.  To be seen in a restaurant, bar, etc. with an attractive woman who isn't my wife (or my sister) would raise a lot of unpleasant questions.

Having said that, with providers in other towns that I visit, I don't have any problem developing a friendship, especially if it's a destination I visit a few times per year (or more).  I will be visiting a very dear friend in about a week, who also happens to be a provider.  We will have some fun in the room, and she will be properly compensated for that time.  We'll also have great conversation and a lot of laughs among the other fun; and once we're finished and cleaned up, we'll also have some fun outside the room.

It can be done, for sure.  Now, would it raise awkward issues if I no longer wanted to see her as a provider?  Yeah, probably.  But lots of things in life have risks; that doesn't mean they aren't worth the risk, overall.

and what makes things difficult when developing friendships in the hobby (I've made a handful of good friends over the years).

It's usually a "secret" friendship.  That means, if something happened in either of our lives (serious illness, hospital stay, even death), who would contact me or he?  Our families?  I don't think so....

The rules and boundaries are similar to  being a mistress- we can't openly meet, call at any hour (even when we need a friend to talk to), meet their friends or family, attend their daughter's wedding, the things that friends do.  

So, the friendship is very limited.  And, once the line is crossed and we spend time off the clock, unless things are clarified up front, when does the clock start again....if ever?

I met a hobbyist four years ago who is has been a very close friend.  When we decided to do the friend thing, we stopped all client/provider activities, and any payment exchange.  It's just easier that way.  

So, more friends mean less clients.  It's worth it, though.  But, there is some heartache and loneliness, too (at 11 PM, I can't just call any of these "friends"...I have to wait until the coast is clear)....it's the price I pay.  

Great post, by the way.  Thank you!

Posted By: HalfHour

I've been wondering about providers and client becoming "friends."

There are often questions about and stories posted on "off the clock" invitation by either provider or client for dinner, drinks, etc. There are also posts about donations being set aside and realtionship developing ranging from fuck buddies to significant others.

All of these might imnply a level of friendship, but might be more about personal chemisrty.

What I'm wondering about is more of the development, maybe even early on say at the first seesion, of a genuine platonic friendship.

Guys, has this ever happened to you?  If not, would you allow it to happen?

Ladies, have you ever found yourself connecting in that way? Did you allow it to develop? Or for business purposes, do you have a rule against such a thing?

I'll start by saying that a couple years back I had a provider give me all her personal information and ask me to spend time with her, off the clock, before we had ever had a session. This happened after we had met and spent time together at a few private events. By the way, there was no sad story or needs involved. We just clicked.

Anyone else have stories of this nature or thoughts on the subject?


HalfHour

"Dear XX,

If you're reading this, it's been great knowing you, cherie. But I'm dead, now. More details are coming separately. Thanks for the many wonderful memories. They helped more than you can know.

Hugs, (please don't be put off by the necrophilia of it all, LOL!)
Claudius"

However it doesn't necessarily work the other way, often. A provider friend went in for a surgical procedure and she said, "If you don't hear from me by Wednesday, I died." I hope she was teasing. It's not like I haven't spoken with her family....

As a happily divorced man, I would have no problem with any provider that I was friends with, meeting my friends, family etc.

and no I don't consider my provider friends a seperate category of friend who have to follow any different rules about calling me just to chat, when they have a problem, when they have news in their life they are just dying to share, etc. My friends are my friends, I don't consider them any less a friend because of how we met or what they do for a living.

I'm getting married soon, and I mentioned it to the client that I am closest to - the one I would most consider a friend.  We laughed at the prospect of my inviting him to the wedding.  Obviously I never would - mostly because it would make my fiancée uncomfortable (yes, he knows I'm a provider).  But I'm sure my client's wife would object too..... lol

She is now retired, I gave her the way out she needed. Friendships can work if both parties want it, nether party tries to abuse the situation, clear rules are in place, both parties are able to be open about it, and both parties can separate the professional fantasy from the friendship.

With a provider who've I seen both on and off the clock before.  We're planning on a hike and then lunch. Not sure if we'll go bcd, however, I'll bring the donation with me, just in case.

She's wonderful in and out of the bedroom.

How often I can't really say.  I have seen hundreds of ladies over the years. One, my ATF, has become a dear friend, another who is now retired is also a very good friend.  The others came and went the way most P4P relationships do leaving fond memories but nothing else.

In both cases I did not ask for time off the clock.  It was offered and the sex is the one thing that is never free.

I have a provider/friend. We hang out somtimes "off the clock", I may get discounted or even other arrangments. We do favors for each other. She's even met one of my kids. However, there is an unsaid yet said boundery line that neither of us cross. When I visit as a friend I speak to her and look at her differently than if I'm going for a paid session, and vice versa. I don't know, maybe its just a special chemical balance.