First off, is it cheating? Does the fact that she is getting paid make it not cheating.
So, if you found out that your wife of 10 year was a SP, you would not have the right to accuse her of cheating because she got paid?
Let's say you knew going in. When does the act over come the job?
Now, even if you could get that straight in your head. What if she says. Well, I am still going to work - you knew I did it but you have to stop seeing other ladies. Well - wait a minute. She knew that I was seeing other SP's that is how we met. So what's the difference.
Ok, I have a headache. I am going to go sit in the closet.
Ladies and Gents?
Ladies first - for you all that have a SO that you met from a visit and are now in a geat relationship? How? I mean how do you deal with there concerns for your sefety. Or just the thought that if you met that way what is stopping you from meeting someone else that way on the next visit?
Now, I know you can run into anyone anywhere. But, lets be honest. You can sit at a bar all night and when you leave you will not know anyone that intimately.
Gents - Do any of you have or know anyone that is involved in a relationship where they are seeing a SP. (Knowingly seeing) a SP? What is the trick to not going nuts when she is on a visit?
Just looking for opinions?
I've never dated a provider but I am very friendly with a couple of ladies. I worry about their safety all the time especially one gal who does out calls. If more than a few days go by without me hearing from either lady I tend to text or PM just to say hi.
I can imagine it would only be worse if you were involved with a lady. It's just something you have to learn to deal with if you want the relationship to work. This may well be why, in most cases, it doesn't.
-- Modified on 2/17/2008 2:49:21 PM
I could not do it. (See Indecent Proposal... I'm the guy going nuts!) I suppose if the lady is going to remain in the business, YOU have a choice to make. DEAL WITH IT or LEAVE. Very hard. Sorry.
If you can get over the jealousy thing, then the next concern would be her safety. If she's screening carefully, not taking unnecessary risks, that would go a long way toward easing the mind.
Tell you what you CAN'T do is insist she call you like an agency... if you come off as a control freak, stalker or jealous husband. She'll run from you.
I guess hooking up with the ATF, might not be the dream come true!
and I expect that the chances are that I will do so again, but in all fairness I have never been heads over heels "in love" with any of them.
Except when I was much younger, I have been able to put what they do for a living out of my mind for the most part. Unlike some guys, I don't find it a turnon that my "girlfriend" is out doing other guyds, but I can put it out of my mind for the most part.
Falling in love is quite another story. If I were ever to fall in love with a provider, at some point I would probably ask her to stop provideing.I don't think that will ever happen to me. The finiancial realities of that type of situation are not lost on me, in addition, if she has to quit providing, then by the same token I would have to quit hobbying. I don't know if I will ever be willing to do that. I do know that at this stage in my life I am unwilling to commit to one woman, provider or otherwise. Ask me the same question a year from now and you may get a cpmpletely different answer.
OK, there is the problem
You said -
"if she has to quit providing, then by the same token I would have to quit hobbying."
So, in your opinion it is not messing around on her if you still hobby? So you can in theory go out with any lady you may meet and as long as she is paid a fee of some type? Then it is OK and not messing around?
Hobbying is not work? But being a SP is her source of income, which is work. Is there a difference?
As far as love? Well, I understand the financial thing. But that is the same with any couple.
Thanks for the input.
IMO as long as she is having sex with other men, whether paid or unpaid, then I am entitled to sleep with whoever I please. Having sex with other women does make the fact that she is providing much easier to live with. I think if a man is only seeing one woman, a provider that is still seeing other men, jealousy and other undesireable emotions will begin to creep into the picture.
OTOH, if I ask a lady to quit providing so we can be a true couple, then I would feel obligated to quit the hobby myself.
As far as providing being work, and her source of income, that might be a valid point, and one that has been argued(unsuccessfully) by several providers that I have dated. I still am sticking by my guns, if she is going to have sex with other men, I reserve the right to sleep with other women. It's not a perfect solution, but I am not a perfect person, nor do I live in a perfect world.
Thats how feel.
But it was EXPLAINED to me that it is a JOB. And that she is only seeing others because of work and since I knew that going in then I have no position to comment.
Now I can understand that I knew. I do not argue this point. But, there has to be some sort of realization that the job is unique. The simple fact, good bad or indifferent, is that in the end you are (Sleeping,Making Out,etc.) Call it what you want. But in the end you are giving yourself to someone.
I am curious as to what some of the ladies think?
If anything, this does play havoc with your personal life on all sorts of levels.
I like that attitude, i mean its a pretty definitive separation of sex and love, but i agree, if your escort now GF is still in the biz, then you should be entitled to get your rocks off as you please with other providers, but all the stuff that happens in a 'relationship' you save only for her.
Still easier said than done of course, it leads to a complexity most ppl aren't use to i think.
Having a SO when you are a provider is easy when the provider is: 100% comfortable in her skin and loves her work; is completely honest and upfront with her SO.
Having a SO when you are a providers SO is easy when the SO is: incredibly self confident; loves her unconditionally; LOVES being her personal tester for all the new tricks she wants to try; is completely honest and upfront with her SO.
If he wants to date other women it has to be someone who will sleep with both of us (I prefer blondes).
Hope this helps.
Juls
I met the love of my life as a client. The first night that I met him was supposed to just be a two hour outcall. I drove home the next day feeling like I'd been hit over the head. Never having been in love before (seriously), I was as giddy as a school girl in the first few months after I met him.
We have what can only be termed an extremely unusual relationship though. When we first met a little more than 18 months ago, he was working on a project that brought him to my city about once or twice a month. A year ago in November though, he was transferred off that project, and now spends almost all of his time overseas. So the times that I am able to see him now are few and far apart.
What makes it more unusual is that I know I love him, and I also know that although he cares for me very much, he doesn't love me the way I love him. He is a widower, and I know he loved his wife very much, so that honestly doesn't bother me.
How do we handle my occupation though? It is ironic that when we are together, I am the one who avoids mentioning my work, and it doesn't bother him at all. We continue to use protection even though he doesn't sleep with anyone else. We both agree that it is wiser and safer.
And as to whether I may meet someone else that I might fall for. No. I waited all my life to find him and didn't even know it. I won't find it again. He is the ONE.
A'hhhhhh,
OK, I get the hit in the head feeling. But, you are avoiding the main chunk of the question.
What if he was transfered to your city? So you now see each other alot and he falls for you. NOW WHAT? So now you have mutual friends and everything is fine. If he sees another SP is he cheating on you?
What if you are together and you have to leave for an hour and come back, and upon getting back you are told by someone that while you were gone he was pacing and just looked like a cat on a hot tin roof. Would it make a difference? If you contimue to work, are you now cheating on him? If you are working is it OK if you get paid and cheating if you do not?
Like you said, he is the love of your life. May it be that the reason he does not feel for you in the way you want is the job? Does he know that if he pursues something further that you may simply pick the job over him?
I do not know? This is just a very odd thing. Emotions can suck at times.
Alas! I wish I had better answers for you.
I honestly can't even imagine how I would handle trying to juggle a relationship that was closer to home while continuing to work. The questions you ask are the main reasons why I never thought I would even consider or try to have any sort of relationship when I started providing. I certainly wasn't looking to meet someone when I met my SO. (Funny how it works that way).
I don't know how I would handle needing to leave for an hour, or more likely, needing him to be gone for an hour since I primarily do incall only.
Regarding cheating. That is a tough question. As I said, I know he doesn't sleep with anyone else. I know that because he tells me that, I have total faith that he is telling me the truth. Given the long months between our visits, (our last chance to see one another was last September), I would have no problem at all if he saw someone else. I've told him that he should. Would I feel differently though if he were living in my city, and we saw each other any time we wanted? Yes, I am afraid that I would. Simple as that.
As much as I enjoy my job, it IS in fact a job, and I wouldn't be sleeping with other men if I were not getting paid for it. He is different. He knows he is different because he knows I will drop everything at the drop of a hat because he e-mailed me to say he's in (fill in the blank) for two days. He's different because there is absolutely nothing about me that he doesn't know or can't ask about. I let him know in every way possible that he is different. If he is living in the same city as me, seeing me as often as he wants, and still paying to see other women, then that relegates me to the dumb pussy who gave it away for free. Now, if you happen to find some ladies who are willing to pay you for it, then you can say that sleeping around is the same thing because its just a job for you too. If that was harsh or blunt, I do apologize, but that is how I feel about it.
To be perfectly honest, I don't believe that providing is compatible with relationships for most people. There are a few rare ones who seem able to balance the two, but I believe they are the exceptions, not the rule. I think the only reason my relationship is able to function is because of our circumstances. Neither of us really feel we have any right to have any expectations of the other, so we each go about our lives 90% of the time, and when we are able to, we spend some wonderful quality time together.
Sorry my advice is a mixed bag of yes and no answers. I don't think anyone can really tell you what is going to work for you. I suspect from the tone of your posts though, that her continuing her occupation is going to be a deal breaker at some point. Here is hoping you find a way to resolve it before that happens.
Ok,
you actually did answer my question. In a somewhat round about way.
You say -
"I would have no problem at all if he saw someone else. I've told him that he should. Would I feel differently though if he were living in my city, and we saw each other any time we wanted? Yes, I am afraid that I would. Simple as that."
So, not to be rude. But, being in the same city seeing each other all the time and you were still working it would not be OK for him to keep seeing other people? So, you can go get it and he waits at home? Interesting? See, even if your getting paid. He is till sitiing at home while your being intimate with someone else.
You say -
"If he is living in the same city as me, seeing me as often as he wants, and still paying to see other women, then that relegates me to the dumb pussy who gave it away for free."
So if your working and lets say doing 10 to 15 calls a week (I do not no random number). And he is sitting at home and waiting. What does that make him? I may not be the most intelligent apple on the tree, but I would guess if most gents were getting it at 10 to 15 times a week from there SO your business would be a little slow.
Anyway, I do appreciate the input.
It is funny in a sad way. You seem to have found the man of your dreams. But yet in order for it work it seems that it is best that you only see each other every other month or so. Not to be rude but, Don't you find yourself asking what if?
Well, Good luck to you to.
Ok, my first two responses were relatively gentle, but now the gloves are going to come just a bit (but only just a little, promise).
What this thread boils down to, and it took you several posts to come to it is - you don't like her job (lets ignore the fact that it is how you met her). Because you don't like her job you either want her to quit (without actually asking her to quit), or you are either going to 1. 'cheat' on her too (tit for tat I guess?) OR 2. hold it against her that she is 'cheating' on you.
You said....."So, not to be rude. But, being in the same city seeing each other all the time and you were still working it would not be OK for him to keep seeing other people? So, you can go get it and he waits at home? Interesting? See, even if your getting paid. He is till sitiing at home while your being intimate with someone else."
Yes. Welcome to being the SO of a provider. The situation with my significant other IS quite different. If you want to be in a committed relationship with a provider though, what you just described is pretty much how it works. Its her JOB. Unless you would be willing to give up whatever it is that YOU do for a living, don't ask her to. Some provider's might not be concerned if their significant other is seeing others, but I suspect most would be. Have you even talked to her about this??
To answer your last question...."It is funny in a sad way. You seem to have found the man of your dreams. But yet in order for it work it seems that it is best that you only see each other every other month or so. Not to be rude but, Don't you find yourself asking what if?"
Yes, my situation is highly unusual. Sometimes I find myself amused by the irony of it all. Having been a complete commitment-phobe my entire life, I cannot help but chuckle at the cosmic joke of falling for a man I ony get to see a few times a year. One the other hand, I also suspect that the rarity of our get togethers also contributes to the longevity of our relationship. Do I ask myself 'what if?' Only every single day. I wouldn't dream of asking him to give up a job that I know he loves though, and as long as he has his job, his feet are never in the same place for more than a day or two. I won't ask him to give up a job he loves, and I don't recommend you ask that of your lady love either.
Your situation and mine are quite different. My SO and I are both content with the arrangement we have found ourselves in. My best advice to you is to love your lady for who she is, not what she does. There must be something special about you that she sees, and it ain't the sex. We get plenty of bad sex, mediocre sex, and good sex. So whatever it was, it goes above and beyond sex.
If you really love her, your choice is to accept what she does and love her for what she offers you that you know she does not offer her clients - or walk away. I suspect walking away may be your only choice. Based on what you've said so far, I don't think you are emotionally equipped to be the SO of a provider. Don't feel bad, most men aren't.
PS. One last bit of advice - don't speculate on how many men she sees. Nothing good will come of it, and chances are, you vastly overestimate the number. You certainly did in my case 
Years ago, Phil Donahue had a couple on his show whose least happy year was the one in which they lived together. Once they moved an hour or two's drive away from each other and saw each other only once or twice a week, they were happy for "the long haul."
I swear WOMEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, whether it be one or 100 the number does not matter.
Like you said yourself.
"Do I ask myself 'what if?' Only every single day. I wouldn't dream of asking him to give up a job that I know he loves though, and as long as he has his job, his feet are never in the same place for more than a day or two. I won't ask him to give up a job he loves, and I don't recommend you ask that of your lady love either."
What it comes down to is what do you love more the Job or the Person. Pick?
TELL ME THIS IS NOT TRUE. BE HONEST
You ask hime to leave his job because you want to be with him and the questions will be the logistics of working out the move and if he could get a transfer and the income etc.
BUT, he asks you to quit. HOLY HELL - It is all about what you do. PERIOD.
Funny when you asked him to quit I bet what he does never even got brought up.
WHY?
The job does Bother me. Thats a given.
But you can not in all honesty compare your job to his? COME ON! Who at his office that he sees for 8 hours a day 7 days a week can he tell you about intimatley. Well? Who? H'mmm?
I guess in the end your right. Dating and being a SP are not a good idea. It forces you to choose between your Job and your SO. I do not know about anyone else and I sure will not speek for anyone. But, I do pretty well, and if you know in your heart that this is the one? That once in a lifetime shot with all that it might incase from your future, kids, family etc.
And all that goes down the drain for a job? I have had a few job's in my life. But I yet to have one that I would think was good enough to give up for a family?
Damn what do you do at your JOB that you love that much?
A'hhhh there we are now are'nt we?
I don't know where you got the idea that I asked him, or would ask him to quit his job for me. I would never dream of asking that of him. He loves his job. I know he loves me in his way, though not the same way I love him. I am fine with that. I accept him for who he is, and I accept the limitations of what he can offer me emotionally. I don't make demands of him, and he makes none of me. Its why we are so compatible.
Ok buddy, you don't seem to be getting it, so I'm going to be REALLY plain this time - you do NOT get to decide what she will or won't do. You just don't. Its her JOB. It is what she DOES for a living. You KNEW that going in. It really takes a special kind of arrogance to actually expect her to choose between her job and you. Simple as that.
If you choose to continue seeing other escorts because she continues to work, well it is her decision how she wants to handle that. For myself - it is absolutely cheating. As far as I'm concerned that just makes me the dumb pussy who is giving it to you for free.
What is the difference between us? You are paying a woman to provide for you. Meanwhile, I'm getting PAID. Whether I get off or enjoy it is secondary.
It comes down to this. Love her or leave her. Accept her occupation or not. If you just can't get over it - and clearly you can't - then do HER a favor and walk away. If you love her as you say you do, she deserves that.
One last thing, when you say things like "You can't honestly compare your job to his", I start to wonder if you really have any business seeing providers at all. Clearly your estimation of us is rather skewed, and not in a healthy way.
Good try to twist at the end. "skewed" ?
LOL, Just the oposite in fact. I totally agree that a womman has the right to do what they want.
But we are not talkimg just about them, as much as it seems you want that to be the case.
And I have not anywhere said that she can not work?
But as you like to put plain!
Then lets be plain. You can sugar coat it as a job or a date or a visit or wahtever? In the end you are F-cking someone. And if you are in a realtionship with someone that you claim to love and he excepts the fact that you are doing this.
THEN YOU HAVE SOME NERVE TO TELL HIM CAN NOT DO WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Don't do as Ido just do what I say? What the hell is that about.
Like you said yourself. That would make you the dumb one giving away free pussy.
So in turn then, if he did stop because he loved you and you kept doing it then that would make him what?
The dumb ass sitting at home waiting for leftovers?
My propblem is not the job. It is the double standard used by some ladies who continually use the "it is my job" to try and somehow excuse the fact that they are doing something with someone else.
Maybe you are right about one thing though. Your relationship is a long distance one. And it does make a big difference. You are not seeing that person everyday. Who knows your whole mind set may change if you did.
I do appreciate your comments though. I disagree, LOL But I do appreciate the fact that you are at least voicing an opinion.
I don't understand why you are treating this discussion as an argument. Her relationship with her SO is specific to them, and nothing that you can say will change the dynamic of their relationship. Your opinion is based on very limited information bundled together with your own personal bias and baggage, and you are getting very worked up about it by projecting yourself into their relationship. Calm down.
Good luck to you Sin. I am glad you have found the ONE.
S, you're a remarkable human being.
Not an unusual thing for me, btw.
Is her safety your primary concern? Or the notion that she is cheating on you?
If it's safety, there are lot's of guys married to women who do dangerous work every day- like female street cops, firefighters,etc...
One big difference in your favor though is maybe you can talk her into doing incall only- that way you can hide in the closet with the door cracked open so you can watch the action just to make sure all that screaming she is doing is orgasm related only and not her imminent demise. I'm sure she would appreciate your efforts in ensuring her safety.
Of course, if the whole cheating question is paramount in your mind, then maybe you should keep the door closed when you're in that closet so you don't have to watch... hope this helps.
First off, is it cheating? Does the fact that she is getting paid make it not cheating.
So, if you found out that your wife of 10 year was a SP, you would not have the right to accuse her of cheating because she got paid?
Let's say you knew going in. When does the act over come the job?
Now, even if you could get that straight in your head. What if she says. Well, I am still going to work - you knew I did it but you have to stop seeing other ladies. Well - wait a minute. She knew that I was seeing other SP's that is how we met. So what's the difference.
Ok, I have a headache. I am going to go sit in the closet.
Ok, I'm thinking you'd probably wanna keep the closet door closed. Just listening to all those orgasmic screams will be tough enough. But, the good news is that at least you'll know she's safe. And I think we all agree that safety comes first!
You know, a side benefit to the whole hide in the closet thing is you might pick up a tip or two on technique. Let's face it, when your woman is fucking dozens of men a week, there is bound to be a guy in there somewhere who can really ring her bell, you know? So there is always that.
I'm thinking through this cheating angle you are struggling with and I gotta admit- cheating is bad. I caught my friend cheating at checkers once and I had to fold up my board and go home. I had got up and gone to the pisser- when I came back into the room, I saw him moving the checkers. Needless to say, I was very upset. So I know about cheating, let me tell you.
But checkers have rules. They're spelled out right on the back of the cover on the box. My friend was deceitful and violated the rules of the game.
What I'm struggling with is how exactly your girl is cheating? She isn't being deceitful because she is right up front about what she is doing. She isn't even being unfaithful if she never agreed to be only with you... Help me help you. Explain this cheating thing will you? Until then, I say stay in the closet and focus on the safety concern.
To answer the question you asked about- "If I found out my wife of 10 years was actually a SP, would that be cheating?" Damn right! With all the money I've given her over the last ten years, I'd say she definetly cheated me out of a lot of sex I should have had coming. And trust me when I tell you that she ain't no $300 an hour cutie pie-she'd be $50, maybe $75 an hour tops. So I'd absolutely be looking to get my money's worth if I found that out-- yes siree bud!!
-- Modified on 2/17/2008 10:29:50 PM
For sake of argument.
You and him move into together. Fine. He knows what you do. Fine. He keeps workning at his job. Fine.
You come home one night and he is leaving to go see another provider. FINE ?
Should be? You knew he saw providers when you met?
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE.
Brother it sounds like you are either getting or have gotten in a situation you do not need to be in. There are somethings that are better left alone, everybody sees a provider for a "different but basicly the same reason" all of this "cheating" and she is still "working" providing etc is bullshit (imho).
This is some very unneccesary drama (maybe you like that?) and i know some people feel a special connection to some people, but it is what it is a "hobby" not the love connection. For the ones that have found "love" or a "special connection" i applaud you but there are some places you just don't try and find a SO. TD2 i do not know you or pretend to feel your emotions because know one can, but I would leave this shit alone, have fun don't get wrapped up in a roller coaster of drama and "deceit" (i really don't see how one can call it cheating or being deceitful it is their "job".
sorry for not using an alias
uc
The situation for me already ended. I was just looking to see what type of opinions some people had.
Again, another great response but no answer.
Simple question
YES OR NO ?
If you meet a SO as a Hobbiest and start to date does she have the right to tell you to quit?
Why is you going out any different then her?
Both people are screwing?
IMO If I am "dating" a provider she might ask me to stop hobbying, but I doubt that I would agree.
Living together is a different story. If two people are living together and sharing a life, then the providers POV that her sex outside the relationship contributes to the household (income) as opposed to his hobbying,which is an outlay of household money, is a very valid point
I would like to add that I have never and I doubt that I would ever marry or live with a working provider. I would have to be completely in love with a woman to ever making that type of commitment. If I ever do fall that far in love again, I doubt that I would want to share her, even if it were just her body, not her heart that i was sharing. Just my opinion, which I am sure is not worth the $.02 that I am not being paid for it.
Wait a minute. LOL
Lets not complicate this with living together.
I am talking about dating. I would think if it got the point of living together then this all would be a mute point anyway. I would hope it was worked out by then.
But you do agree that if you are dating (DATING) that since you both went into with eyes wide open then neither side has a right to tell the other to stop what they are already doing?
Now, with that being said let me ask you this. Your live in scenario is financial based? I know alot of guys who blow more then a few hundred a month on hobbies? Cars, Season Tickets, etc. SO, if you both move in and the money is not the issue? And you were both up front about it from the get go? Then A hobby is a hobby. Why should you quit seeing if she wont quick working??????
As I said before. I have dated several providers, and I have had this very conversation many times. I agree with you,I feel no obligation to be "faithful" to a provider, unless and until we are both being "faithful". Even if I don't act on it and see other women, in the interest of maintaining my self esteem I would have to keep the option open.
As far as the live in situation goes, I can see the woman's POV, but it is a situation that I would never find myself in. It's just not an acceptable arrangement to me. Fortunately I am in the financial position that the money issue would not be such a big deal. OTOH I would not be interested in "rescuing" a woman from providing and throwing money at her,as long as money is in the equation you never know if she loves you or the money. at some point(the earlier the better) you have to take the money out of the equation to find out.
I am married to a well know lady here and I can assure you that there is no way I could hobby on the pretense that she has sex with others so it is ok. She does it for only one reason and that is to help with the bills as we are both coming out of marriages and or relationships which took financial tolls on us. Her working is only temporary and will end soon. There is a huge difference between the work and the rest. We both dislike the fact she is working and thus work towards the end. We love each other like no others before and we went into this full knowing the tough road ahead. We talk about each others concerns and respect each others wishes. It is hard work but it is so worth it. We love each other for who we are and not what we do. I must ask myself how could she have fallen in love with me and trusted her life and her (our) kids lives with someone who used to hobby and all the deceipt and lies that go along with it. I have not had the urge nor desire to hobby in the 4yrs I have known her. True love is unconditional and has no boundries but trust. And this comes from an extremely jealous man. It can work but cannot be forced. It just happens if the good lord wants it to. We are no doubt soulmates and have been through so much more than hobby related issues. This if anything has brought us closer together. Best of luck to all. Peace.....
Working together towards a common goal is what truly cements a relationship.
I normally have a smartass remark for most occasions, but not this time. I hope it all works out for you.
Having been there and done that I can say it can be so rewarding. It is no different from a normal relationship as long as you understand it is just a job for her. Easier said than done at times but overall I know my wife is coming home to me and also that this is only temporary now as we both came off bad marriages or relationships which basically made us both start out all over again. As long as you are honest with one another and listen to each others concerns then all will be well. It is not something to be rushed or forced but love is love and if it is real then you cannot deny it. My wife provides much less now than before we moved in together and got married and I know if it was not for our financial obligations she would not work at all. We have our ups and downs as far as work goes but never do we fight. If I ask her to stay home she will cancel and do so as will I. Neither of us likes nor enjoys what we have to go through but at the end of the day we are soulmates and there is nothing better. All I know is I love my wife like no other before, I hate what she has to do for a living right now, but I know that in a short time we will close that chapter in our lives and open another. Is she cheating? NO...Do I hobby anymore? NO....The desire to do so is gone and I can honestly say I have not looked at another woman with the "I wanna do her" thought....But then maybe it's because I am so lucky to have such a beatiful woman in my life who satisfies me ion so many ways. Good luck to any of you who are involved and just remember to talk to one another. And I don't mean about details of sessions as that would be fatal.....Peace
First, I will give you background so you can see my unique situation.. I have considered posting this somewhere...
The man I am with is the ONLY man I had been with up until July 2006.. That's right!!!
Unlike the stereotyping that I get I was not some pre op/shemale/gay male screw everything in sight person.. I was very reserved, a loner, a person in the background..
I met this man at the beginning of my transition, he is arrow straight, former LE.. There was no sex between us that involved my 'extra' part..
He popped my 'cherry' in July of 2003 after my SRS.. We had a great relationship that slowly went down hill..
In 2005 we had barely had sex at all.. Being below the "no-sex" numbers - less than 12 times in the year.. In Oct of that year I had a very bad work related accident... Which disabled me permanently.. It damn near ended all that 'we' had work for..
I was the 'bread and cheese' winner of the household.. Dual degreed engineer, my specialty, reverse engineering..
From July 2005 till July 2006 "sex' was nonexistent like less than 6 times..
As you may know or if you don't, as a post op female you have to dilate with medical stents to keep functional depth.. It is one of the most degrading things I have every had to do.. I hated it!! And since I was not sexually active I watched my depth get less and less... DEEP depression set in... I was slowly losing the most precious thing in my life, my vagina..
One day in July 2006 I had a blowout on my car.. I needed new tires.. But being out of work and money tight I did not know what to do.. So screw it I used the mortgage money to get a set..
Here I was.. Mad, depressed, pissed due to the trouble I was having "with no customer service" were I was at.. Brace on my leg, dirty and hating the world that day..
A man walks up to me and said "hello" filled my ear with kudos and gave me a business card.. He was in town and hoped I was the kind of girl he thought I was (TS)... Asked me to call him later..
I thought the guy was nuts, no way he is who he said he was.. CSO marketing for a very big hotel chain..
The more I thought about it the more appeal it had..
I called and we set up a 'lunch' date.. I had anything but lunch on my mind.. This was the first time I had ever thought about this in earnest..
We meet and I "had" sex on the brain.. After lunch he said what to do now?? 'Your place' I said 'I want you..' He had a suite at one of the hotels in his chain and we went there..
In the end he offered a $250 gift.. I declined went to the bathroom cam out got my purse and left.. At the car I found the cash in my purse...
Nothing else happen until about Oct - Nov.. I found the misc romance section of CL and post an ad..
I stated dating wild and free.. Some of these guys offered compensation, gas money, gifts, got hotel rooms - most didn't.. Then I ran into "Mr. Big' and got gifts for even the smallest meeting.. This was March 2007...
Then the SO gets the big secret shocker...
One day while my SO and I were having a great weekend.. I lost the ability to keep lieing to him and broke in to tears telling him I was seeing other men and some paid me and I was NOT going to stop and was going to push it to the next levels, full time provideing.. I also told him about my new found interest in Gang Bangs... The first I had been to was just 2 days before this weekend I told him..
He was shocked to say the least... BUT it had a strange effect... At first it was awkward for him.. Me dating and banging away.. It changed quickly, especially after I ask him to be my Guardian at Gang Bang...
He watched as over 35 men have their way with me over the course of 4 hours.. He saw first hand the fun I had. He was floored..
To my knowledge he has only been bothered by one man.. A man who offered me anything and everything to be his exclusively.. Even offered to buy me a condo.. I damn near took it.. He had already picked it out - right next to his business - next to the park where he took daily walks.. The catch.. No more dating and be at his beckoning call (he is married)... My relationship with him ended in Dec with "me or escorting" your choice...
How does my SO take my Escorting?? Truly I am not sure.. We talk about the times I have. I always ask him does it bother him.. His reply is "NO", that he sees how happy I am in what I do and I know he is genuinely turned on by my new found sexually..
He has been here when I have guest over. Out of sight like a 'church mouse'. He has met 3.. One by accident, one he had to meet "the man who had me screaming for 4 hours" and the last one.. Well works for the same shop he does.. I came up at break one day...
I am sure that on some level it bothers him.. Cause he knows I have met some really super hot guys.. All the way around super who have rocked my world... TOTALLY...
But we have an open line of communication..
On his side I encourage him to 'date'. I have even offered to provide a 'provider' of his choice to him.. We attend swing parties and clubs.. He is free to date and have sex with whomever he pleases..
He knows when I am in 'work' mode and 'home' mode, that is something I had to work on.. He reaps the benefit of them both.. When in work mode and I have had a really good day he knows he is in for the 'naughty girlfriend' experience.. Me being tweaked out on endophines from sex all day.. In home mode he knows I am a loving, caring 'wife' type tending to the needs of the house and home..
Does work interfere with 'our' time?? YES.. I have canceled our plans to see a client - several times..
AND I have sensed when conversation bothers him, like when he snapped a pencil when I was going over my day..
But in the end he knows where my heart is and that is with him..
I personal believe that a strong couple can deal with this kind of relationship.. I saw it in Germany were the wife worked the brothels in Frankfurt during the day as a job.. I see it here knowing 5 married providers who are also swingers.. I have a sexual relationship with ones husband on a regular bases.. Hell they met at a drag bar.. He thought she was a TS playing a drag 'KING' not queen...
If you were going to have a SO that was a provider you would have to come to grips with what she does.. Knowing the hobby and the business.. On the same token she would have to understand that you are a man, a hobbyist and you have varied needs that she cannot fill.. So she too should get a grip that you should and will see others..
How do deal with it?? IMHO you have to separate the two.. It may be hard but you have to draw a crossable line, a soft limit.. Communication is key.. Being open is required!!!
AND
Always put aside time together.. Just as I have canceled our plans together I have said "NO" to clients and told them why... "It's my time for my life"
I guess to many girls get 'caught' in the numbers game for the $$$$.. I read were many are alone and in self isolation as a provider.. I think it comes from 'hiding' there lives from the world..
Those married provider couples I know hide nothing.. Everyone around them knows what they do and who they are.. "Stage names" hardly exist or are a play on their real names.. We share many clients with each other and have all met at the clubs with those same clients.. It is part of the "benefit" package we offer once you meet us one on one.. At clubs and parties we are a sure thing.. Just remember that at our next one on one.. Many of us get gifts at the club when we play openly...
It really is a matter of each person comfort level... You just have to find that 'zone'.... With the right person..
I hope this is helpful and provides a bit of insight... I can only express the ideas from my life and what I have found.. My life is very unique, in so many ways they are not countable...
What if you were dating and this arrangement was brought to your attention?
Yeah, I like you to. we can see each other. It is just that when we meet to you know. You can pay for it?
WHAT THE ????????
Or how about this one?
Oh, I have not seen you for a day or two and when you get there, Come on lets go to bed. But I am tired from working all day?
EXCUSE ME?
Tired from what? I may have to put up with the job? But I am not waiting in line behind your clients either.
OMG???
Wanting you to 'pay' in a relationship?? That is WRONG...
MY BF gave me a dollar once.. :s
Now on the other one..
You have been away at WORK, she has been working..
You are happy to see her and 'waited' for her.. She then turns you down for a bit of civie fun..
Not right..
She may be tired.. Take a nap.. Get a back rub.. have coffee. But needs have to be attended to..
I have tended to my BF when I was flat worn out.. You put on a happy face and do thy best.. Sometimes it works and the juices flow.. Others it just tanks..
I will say this also.. When I have put off my personal life and time to see a client those sessions are usually mediocre at best.. I lost a really good client this way.. He insisted and I caved to him.. It was not a good time for him or I .. It cost in losses on all..
Setting aside time together is prime. Required!! Needed!! Just as time for yourself is..
Let me just say that what you describe is not a relationship worthy of any time. That is not how it works and if that is your experience then run and don't look back. This is in no means the place to find love however that said I was lucky and did. Was not looking for that to happen but if it is natural then it makes no difference where or how you meet someone. Heck I met many in the bar scene back in the day and that sure didn't work out. If you look for love chances are you won't find it as you will have expectations. Love is natural and only you will know it when it happens. Peace......
It is one of the potential pitfalls of dating a provider. It has also caused me to end a relationship with a provieder in the past.
We got along great, but she had little sexual energy left after working. I can understand her POV, but I need a healthy sex life in any relationship that I am in. To make a long story short, I ended the romantic relationship, but we still remain friends, and no, I do not see her professionally
Personally I think if RedHot Megan would have kept her nose out of your business, Quit feeding you lie after lie, Poking her nose where it didn't belong .... You probably would have went on to have a great relationship with that girl.
H'mmmm
That is a straight forward response. But does not really refer to the topic at hand does it?
The problem is not that someone may stick there nose into a particular topic, subject or into someone elses business for that matter.
The problem would be that that person had the knowledge of a private matter to be able to stick there noise into it in the first place.
Gents, let me ask? You have a SO, any SO, wife, friend etc. And you do something with her and the next thing you get is a call, email etc. whatever telling you what you were doing from someone you met once?
Would you not be asking yourself what is going on?
As an example I do not know you MrJRQUES. But you know a little. H'mmm, so who did you talk to?
-- Modified on 2/18/2008 4:30:22 PM
If you can't do that, you should not be dating, regardless where or how you met.
As far as your question about "meeting someone else" I am quite sure that all of the wives of my married regulars would be asking that same thing if they ever find out.
Kisses~
Crysta
Back in the late '90s, in my first year in the hobby, I stumbled into a relationship with a provider. The sex was good but not amazing, but we shared a personal chemistry and some common interests. Within months of our first meeting, I was introduced to both her kids and her drug addiction. She got clean, and eventually found a different drug, and the rollercoaster ride lasted for years.
Usually I handled it okay. Once in a while, she would introduce a female friend to the business and I would gladly serve as her first john. Other times, I worked as her driver (no screening back then), and those were the worst times. Sitting in a car while she was in some guy's house or apartment, waiting, worrying if I would need to kick down a door and save her. One time, she came out five minutes after going in. I was worried that something had gone wrong, but it was just a john who popped quickly. There were no MSOG back then, just one and done.
What was my trick to staying calm? Good music and good book. The driver situations were harder, because a book wasn't practical, but sometimes I could listen to Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on the radio for some laughs. Also, there were things that she did with me that she didn't do with the johns, or with me when I was just a customer.
See it for what it is. Can't make a ho a housewife. If you're stressed about a sex worker banging other dudes, you're too mentally invested