Sorry Mike but I'm just not seeing a problem here. NSA sex with a provider is just that, NSA sex. If it feels good do it if it doesn't then don't.
I just ended a 26 year marriage in which I spent about 20 of those years seeing and fucking every streetwalker I could find in the 80's and 90's followed by Craig's List and finally TER ladies up to now. I have already asked myself whether or not I am going to keep seeing escorts if and when I start civie dating. The answer is a resounding YES!
Seems there has been a lot of moral issues posted here of late. I hope I am allowed to continue the trend and on the right board.
I am by no means a newbie. In the 80's and 90's visited the SW scene and one of the 1st internet sites devoted to this endeavor. I guess in that time I met over 1000 ladies, mostly BB never a STD. I know lucky. And yes I have been tested. Part of that time I was married and just didn't care that I was cheating, I wanted what I wanted. It was the idea I could pick a lady up and have sex. My last marriage, I gave up this lifestyle and started swinging with the wife. anyway, that came to an end. The swinging and the marriage.
let me say most sexual encounters were really unfull filling. I have been wo a so for over 3 years and think a met a lady I will get along with and have some good sex. I have read reviews of her.
Now my problem, I have meet a civie that is going good,, no sex yet, but willing to wait with her. I met her on a internet site and told her (its true) I took down my profiles on those sites and I am just seeing her. Problem I am horny and would love to have sex while am waiting for the civie, but feel I am cheating and possibly messing up a really good thing.
I am sure I will get a wide range of responses (I hope) but please help.
I never could understand the relationship between sex and morality. I don't know what Gd wants so I try to judge acts by what they do to others. I understand that most people are jealous and, when I refrain from fooling around, it it to protect the feelings of someone else, BUT I don;t understand it. I honestly would be happy if my wife was having a satisfying affair. We don't have sex and I hate to think her sex life is what we have. More than that, even when we were first together, I would have been happy for her if she was off at some conference and met someone and had a great week end of sex.
This blind spot prevents me from moralizing as long as those involved are truly consenting adults.
You are seeing a civie and waiting (this is always hard for me to understand, anyway.) Why not enjoy some great sex in the hobby which poses no danger to your civie relationship. One reason for abstaining is the reason I have abstained for almost a year. I have a steady girl friend (for the past year) who knows all about my slutty activities. She is jealous and has asked me not to indulge. I have told her I would abstain for at least a year. I have because I am against not keeping promises. (There was no forsaking others mentioned in either of my two wedding's vows.)
Sex is to me wonderful sensually and a wonderful way to have an intimate contact with another person. I have never got the immorality part.
Sorry Mike but I'm just not seeing a problem here. NSA sex with a provider is just that, NSA sex. If it feels good do it if it doesn't then don't.
I just ended a 26 year marriage in which I spent about 20 of those years seeing and fucking every streetwalker I could find in the 80's and 90's followed by Craig's List and finally TER ladies up to now. I have already asked myself whether or not I am going to keep seeing escorts if and when I start civie dating. The answer is a resounding YES!
I've a pretty good idea that what you suggest falls within your zone anyways.
What I would look at, if I were you, is the part about finding sex unfullfilling. Why on earth do you put all the money, time and energy into something that is leaving you flat?
I would never paricipate in the hobby if I felt that way, unless I had an addiction that I wanted to get rid of, in which case, I'd hie myself to a therapist.
As it is, I might be addicted, but I love it.
The more common name for such a situation is a hobby, thus the term.
Now you say you have met someone with whom you enjoy the sex, but is this a repeat of a pattern or did it just take that long to find someone you liked?
If the latter, then that's a drag and I hope you are fine with things now. But if it's the former, you need to get more understanding about your sexuality so that you can enjoy it more.
As for the two I just meet. One is a civie and we are both waiting in the sex, I have been burned my ex-wife. I have no problem waiting with the civie, I think it can be very special.
As for paying for sex and it not being satisfied, well after many visits with the therapist, I think it was my view of myself, fat , ugly not wanted. So I turned to pay for play. Most were very unfulfilled .
A few were SO wonderful!. Last week , before the talk with the civie, I went to ML and almost did not finish. Nice girl, but no sparks.
So, I have this CL girl, well reviewed that I think we could have a good time together. BTW meet a few woman off of this board, only on review for me, but she was great! Sadly she has moved on.
Any way, if I see this CL I feel like I will put the relationship in danger because I am not being true to the Civie or myself. But the other part , says I will have some fun, its been 2 months and not try and ruin the civie thing by trying to force sex too soon.
So, you mean the gals were unfullfilled, that's different. Don't let that bother you. That's why it's called pay for play. The envelope more than makes up for that.
you took matters into your own hands as it were? 99.9% of guys do & the other .1% are liars. The point I'm making is adult males need some release. How you get it is your business.
This civie relationship is "companionship only" at this point. You're not shopping for other companions. You are giving this relationship every oppportunity to devolupe naturally.
Think in your mind... How long have you been seeing her? Where does she think this is going? (LTR?) What is the likelihood that this will happen?
At the same time, guys that are horny out of their minds make really bad choices. (Witness my first marriage which should never have taken place.)
Your feelings are the only ones that matter. If you find NSA sex to be too much emotionally, then you have answered the question. Only you are qualifed to make this decision. skb
No one means to judge you. We are each trying to project our feelings for your consideration.
In general, I think the best clue to what is going on is how one feels after. If after visiting a provider, the experience was exhilarating and the person feels pleased that is one thing; if he feels depressed and guilty and regretful after, that suggests the sex he had is really not satisfying or healthy. The experience should be for pleasure not the guilty relief of pain.
I really know its my own feeling and so far, everyone has been great. Dr Joe, really said it all( at least almost all)
Most times I wonder why I wasted the money, other times I am higher then any drug. I am sure the new provider and I would have a wonderful time, its how I would feel betraying trust in my own mind. I don't know how she would find out, but I would know about it. And like I said, it would make it easier for the real relationship not to have pressure to have sex.
Even when my ex and I were swinging, most of the sex there was bad, but I kept trying. If you play golf as an amateur and you hit a good ball 1 time in a round, you keep coming back thinking it will happen again.
I guess I am used to getting what I want when I want it and I don't want to wait. BTW I'm 55 and the civie girl has just been a few dates and its going very nice
Mike, Could it be that in the civie relationship you are not making moves to have sex because of the possibility of hobbying? I agree with the previous posters about seeing your provider of choice. I would also have a chat with your civie friend.(About your relationship, not your hobbying)
Like how long have you been dating? Have you made a commitment to her or just to yourself? I have a regular and he sent me a note last week. It said Sexy, the reason I haven't been by to see you is that I am dating a civie.
This was not the first time I have had this type of email.
If you feel so strongly about not messing up a really good thing. self-service might be your best bet. My best to you
We have been dating less then a month. 4 dates so far. Last weekend the kiss was the most passionate kiss I have EVER received!
The commitment was made by her 1st. That she is not dating anyone and would not be meeting anyone else of the dating site.
I guess after so many years of no morals, and living the " good life" with swinging. I am starting to have morals. I know we/she will not wait that long. I would think less then 1 more month. I have no idea how long this will last, but she is a very special person. Turns out my sisters daughter grew up with the civvies' older daughter. So, all the qualities I think I see in her, my sister has confirmed as being there.
I guess in my heart, I knew I should just self service, but part of me wants what I want and NOW!! I know a little kid, sometimes it hurts to be grown up. I know in my own mind, I would be cheating on myself and that would hurt. If things don't work out I will be back to the hobby and maybe the swing lifestyle, just us males are so not welcome..LOL
We give comfort, physical pleasure, emotional freedom and no long term strings..
This can be very accomodating
Will it hurt your current situation any...
You could find the sex you waited for was more of a tease with less sensual value...
But you also could find that sex with a provider is very unfulfilling other than the momentary rush and physical pleasures..Since this is what you have found in your private life anyway it will be fine for you.
The best sex I have ever had was more mental and emotional than physical...A passion that comes from deep within...I was young and hadn't had so many miles of baggage so it was easy to not cloud things with expectations.
Hey mike I think you should follow your heart in this situation. I my self made my x husband waite 3 month before I would have sex w/him BC I needed to know we would have more then that. Now in the end we didn’t make it. But I do believe bc I waited I had 10 great yrs with him and would have not missed it for the world. If you jump in to soon it tends fades that much faster. All you will lose by abstaining is a few months of orgasm . PPPPifff so what right. Beside you can still jerk off oh and I would ask how long she expects you to wait that’s not unreasonable. Good luck Livie.
A month and 4 dates and you had a passionate kiss the last time. I'm not sure how long you think you have to wait. She may be thinking to herself, "When is this guy going to make his move already?"
If she's not ready for the horizontal mambo by now she may not be as sexual and you need.
I take it she would not be OK with your hobbying on the side. Not too many are. From reading here even the ladies in the business are not OK with their SO's continuing in the hobby.
It's not a moral decision really. It's your decision to honor or ignore a desire of your (maybe) SO to be faithful to her, assuming fidelity is something she values. If you want to progress in your relationship with SO, you ought to cease the hobby.
Every one was so nice and had great ideas. As far as someone saying "she is wondering when I will make my move" we talked about that. It will be soon, but it will be mutual. Its just in the past I did what "I" wanted when "I" wanted it! This is the 1st time I have EVER gone slow in my life. I love the hobby end of this and if it doesn't work out with her, I will be here playing a lot more. So I Hope some of the woman will give an old guy turned newbie a break
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