is it karma, revenge, or just being petty?

This is nothing earthshaking but I am curious if there is a difference in opinions between the guys and gals in my scenerio:

Three years ago (before I entered this biz) I dated a handsome  professional. His best friend at the firm was very smart and capable, but average looking in appearance.

There seemed to be some rivalry between them, in that my boyfriend was slightly jealous of his friend's faster rise through the firm; and the best friend seemed to be jealous of my boyfriend's easy success with women.

I was quite serious about my boyfriend, even thinking marriage, so it was a huge shock to find out he'd been having a long affair with another woman. We broke up, went our separate ways, and I haven't had any contact with him in ages.

Flash forward to one week ago. Guess who emails me for an appointment? Yep, the best friend. I know he doesn't recognize me because my hair is a different color and style from when he knew me three years ago, and of course my name is different.

At first I was going to decline with a vague excuse, but then the devil in me decided to go ahead and make the appointment;  we are supposed to meet later this week.

I would never tell him I know him from the past; I truly want to protect his privacy and feelings.

However, I am really looking forward to this appointment, and he is going to have one fabulous time.LOL. The anticipatory pleasure I have is not because of the comfort level from already knowing him, but because I feel it is payback time for me to sleep with my cheating boyfriend's rival.

OK, so am I immature and petty? Or is it karma? Does anyone think I should cancel the appointment?  

I know how tempting it is to want to take revenge and settle an old score. Especially when it presents itself so sweetly. Believe me, I have been there and done it. Think of all the ways this could possibly back fire on you. You may not get the response you are looking for and end up hurting yourself more.

Revenge is better served cold, and Karma takes care of herself. The best revenge is moving on and doing well. But if you decide to go ahead and keep the appointment, then you rock his world and give him the F*CK of his life time. Just my two cents.

Play safe and have fun,

Megan

Was he a nice guy that you would not mind spending time with?  If so than fuck his brains out and have a great time, you deserve it.

Careful if you do this.  You should have a contingency plan in case he recognizes you because if you spent any time with him, he is going to pick you up by speech tone, speech pattern, and mannerisms if nothing else.  Not picking someone out by a altered picture and name is one thing when he sees you in person, well.

If he knew your old boyfriend and any of your other friends, I would be ready to get outted.

Re:is it karma, revenge, or just being petty?

Sounds like the the germ of  script of a romantic comedy. Likelihood is that he'll recognize you. As the previous message noted, ther will be other things familiar about you despite your hair color and style. Don't movie goers recognize Angelina Jolie whether she's Blonde or Brunette? My advice is to wear sunglasses and put on an accent!

Seriously, if he's patronizing (odd word btw) an escort, it would be hypocritical of him to be bothered if someone he apparently knew no better than as an acquaintance was one.

So the issue is your comfort. If you have no problem w/ his knowing your occupation, go for it. Of course this info may get back to your old bf. This might be troubling...or it may be a tasty part of the revenge.

If it doesn't feel right, though, pass, at least on the "escort" route.  Since you have his info, let a bit of time pass, then "happen upon" him is some way. Coincidences are the spice of life. This way you can enjoy him (sexually or not), enjoy your revenge, and keep your professional life private.

Are you inferring that once a woman has scheduled a date, she must go through with it?

Re:is it karma, revenge, or just being petty?

I'm surprised no one has given this take on it.  I would stay away from doing the deed.  The problem is what happens once you lay it on him and rock his world?  Well, for one he will probably come back for another turn and look for the same earth shattering romp that you had previously.  Will you be able to do the same thing again or will the revenge factor have taken the edge off the flame?  You have to think that you will be using him without him knowing.  I would say that if you want to go through with it you need to come clean.  Honesty will clear the air and I'm sure since the best friend was envious of you ex's proweress with the women then he will have some form of revenge as well.  And I doubt very seriously that he would want to let his friend know what he got.

Would your ex-boyfriend (assuming he would hear about it) tell your family members?

If you would have no problems with the possible consequences, then go for it.

I honestly cannot fathom your belief about scheduling and cancelling. I have the right to cancel any appointment at ANYTIME. All providers have this right. I may screen a client, accept the appointment, and then reread something in his email that freaks me out. Or I may read something on a message board that he wrote which isn't conducive to my style of date. As a provider, we aren't obligated to see anyone EVER - before the appointment is made, after the appointment is scheduled or even when the client arrives to be entertained. Again, ALL providers have the right to refuse service to anyone at anytime.

If she cancelled an appt. because she was having her period, would she ruin her reputation, no.

Do you set out to ruin a provider's reputation because she cancels on you.  Either you have a very thin skin or a low threshold for rejection.  I wouldn't think twice if a provider cancelled on me for a good reason (death in the family, illness, etc.)

I think you are hot for some reaseon to put this girl in harm's way because I can't believe this guy isn't going to make the connection once he sees this girl in person.  If she is attractive enough from a photo to make the guy want to call her then she was probably attractive enough when she was his buddies girlfriend that he noticed her.  He may even be thinking she kind of looks like that guy's girlfriend.  And this is some kind of fantasy on his part.

I just don't see any benefit to this appointment that makes it worth this kind of risk.  Because if the two guys are business rivals, there is no way the new one is not going to mention to someone, somewhere he fucked his ole rivals girlfriend and she is a hooker.

(Not that what Xara is contemplating doing is exactly "cheating", since she is no longer in the relationship, but I think it is a similar situation).

Men cheat for a variety of reasons, some simple, some complex, but women almost always cheat for the same reason:
They want to get revenge.

If women have to be the victim and cheat for "revenge", they must never independent enough to cheat because of boredom, lust, unfulfilled fantasies, looking for a better relationship, vanity, longing for power, etc...right?

And of course, even if we took the stigma away from female sexuality (a woman who wants sex without love is a "slut"), they would never behave more like men...right?

Recent surveys don't bear this out.

you do have the right to cancel at anytime but you should have done your research prior to accepting the appointment, after all you are the one doing the screening. you seem to have a very nonchalant attitude about cancelling appointments. i was brought up to follow through on my comittments not walk away every time i change my mind.

you bring up some valid points for cancelling. but that isn't the reason we are talking about. you are trying to change the point of this thread. she knows who this person is she accepted the appointment now she should follow through. i don't see how she is in harms way. why is she in harms way? do you know this person that she scheduled with? is he a sicko?

You seem to think that seeing a provider is a god given right, and that my pu*** is open for business to whomever chooses it. Wrong, wrong, wrong. If you want that kind of guarantee, I suggest you try a government contracted escort who must adhere to the guidelines of the EEOC.

What kind of bullshit survey in Maxim or Cosmo did you find this?

[sic]

The old saying "There's a first time for everything" applies here  for two reasons.

First: InterestingWomen and I agree on something. For those that are scratching their heads, it's a private thing between she and I.

Second: You have the same right as any other business person to reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for ANY reason.

Therefore, if you are uncomfortable going along with this just tell him, by email if you wish. It goes without saying that if he has paid a deposit, you will of course have to refund that. But if it really bothers you, cancell, and if he makes a fuss, Oh Well!.

Take care, and good luck!


P.S: IW, just so there is no misunderstanding here, I was not trying to be repeticious here. I admit that I probably should have read the entire thread before making this response. I did however, reach this conclusion on my own. I guess it just goes to show that we do have some common ground. Scary thought huh! LOL.

Take care of yourself.
Cliff.

-- Modified on 8/6/2003 10:29:19 AM

The surveys I quoted were several, but, of course, I wasn't writing them down as I read the articles.  None of them were specifically about cheating, although several of them asked questions pertaining to fidelity.  One was from an Australian public health study, one (I think) was a University of Maryland study, and one that I actually can find a link to is an Ohio State University (at Mansfield) study.  Of all of them, the OSU study is the least comprehensive, covering a small number of subjects who are within a particular demographic.

However, the point I was trying to make by mentioning these studies was that it has been documented that there are many factors that go into how comfortable some women feel with their sexuality, and that these factors (like the "slut" stigma) influence some women's sexual behavior and motivations, and that saying that most women cheat only because they want revenge is a strong generalization, and that it puts women in the position of being victims instead of making their own decisions.

I also base my hypothesis on my own personal experience with one mother, two sisters, one ex-wife, and several ex-girlfriends.  Some of these women have cheated, and only once was it for revenge.

Here is the link to the article about the OSU study:


-- Modified on 8/6/2003 2:05:57 PM

Maybe this is the beginning of a blossoming new romance between us?

LOL, stranger things have been known to happen, to me anyway.

Take Care

ignoring the facts dont make them disappear.

she agreed to meet the client and she accepted the appointment.

she should keep that appointment.

if she changes her mind that is a bad business practice.

have a good day. goodbye.

that's where you two like to "hit it off" ... isn't it?

[sniff]

But the information you provide about the real studies makes up for it.  Great resource for anyone who wants to think about this issue, not just emote.

"Almost always" being the opperative word, here. I cheat on my husband because sometimes I'm just sick of the dick and I need a little p***y! I have no revenge in mind, and I've never done anything with anyone for revenge OR to make someone jealous (which is an excuse ALOT of girls use!). I love being bi, but I don't think my husband would be as supportive of my feelings. I think he would still consider it cheating, which IT IS! My point is, I'm blatently fooling around behind his back. All without any hidden agenda. Now how many girls have you heard say that?

and have fun, be safe, and ride the hell out of him. (like a true equestrian)

eom

I blew it.  I didn't follow the thread (thanx, Di...takes one to know one, eh? .  

I was thrown off when I saw the word "survey" in the Lady's post, and I didn't deduce that she was using it to refer to where Telling gleaned his hypothesis from.  However, Lady...it still doesn't answer how you are so familiar with the contents of Maxim and Cosmo! :P (Kidding!  Just kidding!!!)

BTW, Lady, I share your spelling fetish.  I know our boy Singleton is smarter than that.

Re:is it karma, revenge, or just being petty?

Wouldn't revenge of being sweeter three years ago and without being "hired" ?  Also would you really want to risk him realizing who you are?

XOXO Charis

Orthodox was dead on with that one.  So whatever you decide to do, base it on that reality.

Immature and petty?  Not for feeling the way you do.  I can see myself taking similar delight under the right circumstances.  But to proceed without reckoning with the consequences would be immature with a captital IM.

Maybe you should just enjoy the fact that he contacted you, and that you've told us all about it, and let it go at that.

And for God's sake ignore that idiot Rustproof.

As other have said I think Xara should cancel this date unless she is prepared to deal with the potential fallout from going through with it.  If she is going to cancel she should cancel as soon as possible to allow the gentleman to find another provider.

In your post you state that you have the right to cancel an appointment an any time for any reason. You do have that right however it is one thing to cancel an appointment for next week and another to wait until a guy shows up at your door to cancel the appointment.  Waiting until the last minute to cancel an appointment without a damn good reason shows a lack of respect for your clients.  It is in the same category as guys who book outcall appointments and don't answer the door when the provider shows up for the appointment.

Hopefully you are not really dealing with your clients in that manner.

-- Modified on 8/7/2003 5:12:17 AM

Re:is it karma, revenge, or just being petty?

It's been so long why would you even care?  I know I'm hot I don't need confirmation from my ex's friends.  Don't let other people have so much influence on you.  Just know it was his loss and you move on. . . NEXT PLEASE!

Re:is it karma, revenge, or just being petty?

Really!?!?  I don't know what's sweet about it anyway!  I love great sex, but don't consider getting a man turned on or off any big accomplishment.  I mean most guys can get turned on in their sleep.

sometimes I will see someone in my business and I realize that there is going to be conflict to the detriment of the client or myself which will in some way affect the relationship adversely.

I don't feel it is a problem to back out at that point.  I think this is the type of situation where she was going to use this guy for her own gain if nothing else with a substantial risk to her or her client.

Sometimes you can do an intitial screen to the best of your ability and something will come up later which is problematic.

I don't this is a question of her somehow ripping this guy off so I just don't see the need for her you honor this contract.

But I do understand where you are coming from.

I still think your advice is wrong, and more important, dangerous in this instance.  But that's no excuse for stooping to personal insult.  If making one foolish statement makes one an idiot, then surely I'm an idiot many times over.

Got carried away in the heat of the moment and I'm damned sorry.

i am just pointing out that there are far too many people that make a comittment without thoroughly thinking it through, then come out and cancel or just don't follow thru. this type of beaviour sickens me.