Not all that long ago - but long enough that we both laugh about it now - I'd made a date with someone I'd seen before and had a connection with.  It was in DC at a really nice hotel (BTW - providers and guys, if you want a GREAT hotel recommendation in DC ping me).  She arrived late and hungry and I met her in the bar and ordered her food and drinks.  Anyone ever had an Amber Manhattan?  that's a digression ...

We were upstairs and she saw the huge tub and said she needed a bath.  Naturally this is what I was hoping for as I had bubble bath on hand ... (and what guy doesn't?)  

We'd had a good time in the bar and were both a little buzzed and the bubbles were great and the water was warm and I'm a photographer (mostly tabletop stuff - no nudes - so no bragging here but she saw my camera) so she asked me to take some pictures and we had fun with that ...

Then I joined her in the tub - oh my God what a great tub - and she was sitting on one side and me on the other and her foot was ... er ... you know where, and I was enjoying that and then I smelled this smell and I was thinking - wow, I'm really hot down there and then I was thinking .. no that's under water ... and I looked at her and, OH MY GOD!!! SHE WAS SMOKING SHE WAS SOOO HOT... and I almost came ... is there an acronym for that?  And then I realized that she WAS smoking ... there were candles on the edge of the tub and her hair was on fire and OH MY GOD _ SHE WAS!!! smoking ...

Talk about a mood killer!  I made her dip her head in the water and she spent some time in the mirror and she looked fine (but oh my god the smell of burning hair is not a good smell!) ...

She left ... and came back the next day with much shorter hair (I'm a short hair guy and thought it looked great and would have said so even if I didn't) and we had a great time laughing and talking about it ... and other things ...

This got me to thinking - this can't be the only thing like this that's ever happened ... what are your stories?   If we can't laugh ... F(*&k it!

I was giving a gentleman a massage.  I had rubbed his shoulders, back, and hips and was now working on his hamstrings.  That's when it happened.  He farted.  That's not so funny, but I happened to be looking at his butt and, this is no lie, his butt cheeks clapped.  I think it is a very high compliment for my massage skills that his gluteus maximus were so relaxed that they were moved by the passage of colonic gas.

a date in Washington, Dc.
My date suggested we go for a walk on the Mall. It was Memorial weekend and I couldn't argue the point. After all, I planned this tour just for that very reason. I was excited. He took the Metro to my stop in Crystal City and we were off on our adventure. After our outing we would return to my place and explore more intimate monuments!!

So we are walking over the bridge along side the Rolling Thunder. That was crazy!!
We make it to almost all of the monuments and we are lucky enough to see the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
.
My date is not only handsome but he is a History Buff. I have the perfect tour guide. He and I are trotting right along and we end up at the National Gallery of Art. That place is awesome and he seems to enjoy everything as much as I do. I order some prints and have them shipped back home and now we are off to China Town!!

He is very excited about a Tapa's restaurant he wants to share with me and so we continue on in anticipation of this wonderful meal.

We arrive and are seated. Menus come and so do tall glasses of icy water. I look up and notice my date dipping his napkin into his glass of water to cool down his face.

We order our lunch and we both excuse ourselves to use the restrooms.
Later we are back at the table ready to eat.
My date takes a bite and then tells me he needs to be excused to use the restroom again.

The restroom is down a spiral staircase on a lower level. I watch him get up and walk the 15 feet or so the stairs and then I see him collapse and faint.
I run over to his side and YES... He comes to.

Well kinda!!  

After resting for a bit we made our way straight back to the Metro and to my place. At that point we part ways and he returned home to reboot!!

We were never able to get our SEXY on, but just a month or two ago I heard from him!!

This Memorial date happened 4 years ago and it is still with us!!

He asked me if I remembered our date and OF COURSE I do. If I ever get back to Dc again He and I will start the date lying down!! I bet we'll finish it about the same way!!

     Love    Sexy Carolina     xoxo

-- Modified on 7/16/2008 11:37:18 PM

I met a lovely young lady at her hotel room and we spent some time chatting with each other.  At one point she stood at the end of the bed and invited me to join her there.

We both hopped on the end of the bed at the same time and the mattress flipped up and dumped us both on our backsides on the floor.  The expression on my face must have been as funny as the expression on hers because we both burst out laughing uncontrollably.

After righting the mattress and crawling carefully on the bed, we proceeded to have a very nice and playful date.

The only one I can think of happened in Washington DC in the mid-80's. I was with a provider and getting great oral stimulation when, because of the way were were positioned, she started putting her foot in my face. She wasn't kicking me and there certainly wasn't any damage done, it just struck me as humourous. (Of course, it would be real hard to damage this face any more than it already is.)

As a much youger man, I was having a relationship which I should not have been having with an older...  and married...  woman.  It was accidental... on my part, at least...  the result on an accidental collision & 2 bodies tumbling in a heap, a kiss by her & my brain shut dowm.  But I digress.

On one occasion we had motored out in a 16' outboard runabout, anchored in a quiet cove and spread beach towels on the floor boards to get it on.  Other boat traffic was passing by a short distance away, we could hear them & the splashing of their passing but as we were below the gunwales we could not be seen.  It was quite a thrill as were could see the clouds & sky.  As we regained our composure, we became aware of a small plane going by.  It would have been indiscrete to sit up but from our reclining position, we both waved.  The plane waggled his wings!  

We continued to carry on the torrid affair under the noses of friends & family without ever getting caught although everyone could tell something was going on.        

-- Modified on 7/17/2008 1:12:28 PM

Talk about a big mood killer!

I had seen her a few times and we were very comfortable together. After a very nice evening, I was driving her back to her apartment, when she asked if I would like to have breakfast on Sunday morning. I said sure, and asked where she would like to go. She told me to come to her place and she would cook breakfast. It was just breakfast, and nothing more. When I got to her place, she came to the door in her little Suzie Homemaker apron, and promptly introduced me to her small son, and her very large husband. I don't mean "fat" large, I mean "body-builder" large. Imagine my surprise. After the shaking subsided, we did have a very nice breakfast, and I actually had a good time. I kept waiting for the conversation to turn to, "So, how's the sex with my wife?" but thankfully, that never happened.

No wonder he had heat stroke ...

He looked fit, said he was fit and we both had on our tennies. A few times we sat and rested and even shared a few touches..but our goal that afternoon was to explore. I sure do wish he had felt better. No one was more disappointed than I.

Love       Sexy Carolina     xoxo

Many years ago a married woman and I had the hots for each other and decided to run off for a weekend to a resort town about 80 miles away.  I have no idea what she told her husband, but Wendy got loose for the weekend and off we went.  While we were standing in the 'snake line' to check into the mega resort, we heard a female voice yell 'WENDY!!!' OMG... are we busted?  I happened to be looking at her face when the voice cried out behind her and she was taking a drag on her cigarette at that moment.. swear to God she inhaled so hard it incinerated her smoke right there!!!  She looked around non-chalantly (sp?) to see who had caught her checking into a hotel with a guy who was NOT her hubby.  Thank God there are more than one 'Wendy' in the world and it was some woman greeting ANOTHER of them behind us in line!!!  I'd pay $100 for a pic of her face when we heard her name called out!!
MVR

After several exchanges of "Mutual Gratification" all good things came to an end.  A quick wipe up in the bedroom we both pulled our clothes on and bid each other good night.

I imagine it was over an hour that I spent recovering from this event.  As my blood flow returned to normal I dragged my butt into the bathroom for a "proper" clean up. Little did I know that I would have a follow-up event to cherish from this meeting!

While the basin filled with water I removed my slacks and then started pulling down my thong. (Yes....thong!)

"Ouch!  WTF?!    I'm STUCK!"

Yes....  something had attached itself to me and my thong.  So, crouching down and slllooooowwwly pulling down the thong again, I try to discover what the cause was.

It was RED....

"Oh Jesus.... I'm bleeding!  Blood dried and caked in my thong! "

Well.... almost.

On closer inspection I discovered that it was not blood after all, but some other substance that had come between my "jewels" and the thong.  Of course that didn't make those hairs feel any better about being yanked out!

Around this time I figured that I might as well shut the water off.  I was going to need something a little stronger.  But first...  a trimming was in order.  Luckily I did not have to waddle into the kitchen for scissors.  My manicure set was handy even though the scissors in them were small.  (Waddle to the cabinet..waddle back towards the sink.)

After some careful snipping I was free.  Now if you're thinking that the first thing I did was try to figure out what I was stuck to.......  you're WRONG! The next thing I grabbed was a hand mirror for a closer inspection of my own private-self!

Luckily I could find no residue from the foreign material that was in my thong.  OK....  finish washing up and then worry about the thong.

It was chewing gum. “Big Red” to be exact. While I couldn't verify it.  I am fairly certain that the jewels smelled "cinnamonly" fresh!

As I put away everything in the bathroom I couldn't stop laughing about how I must have looked.  (Waddle..waddle) I kept waiting for the words "STUPID" to appear on my forehead every time I glanced in the mirror.


I did contact the owner of the gum.  After several minutes of hysterical laughing she opted not to claim the remains.  Apparently she did not need the added protein from my formerly attached follicles.  

I was seeing my favorite provider one night in my rig.  ( this sweetie is WAAYYY too hot to be a lot lizard, but I digress...)  Since she is a repeat, and I knew she is squeaky clean, I decided I just HAD to daty.  I really wanted to return the favor for her making me feel so special.

 Anyhow, after an extremely hot and extended session, she came harder than I've ever seen before- she literally came all over my face!  Not really squirting, but my stache' was dripping.  Legs shaking, gasping for breath, priceless "holy fucking SHIT!!" look on her face- guys you know the one!

 Now for the funny part- as I was working my way back up the bunk to cuddle with her, my sock became stuck in the velcro holding the privacy curtains shut.  Being me, I couldn't stop myself from yelling " HEY, get off my sock bitch!" at the curtains.  This made her laugh so hard and suddenly that she cut the cheese!  I quickly assured her that it was alright, and that it happens, but she was mortified...  Of course, being a gentleman, I thanked her for waiting till I was done- which brought on another fit of giggling.  (thankfully, with no gas that time!)

 The rest of the date was great, but that was a first for me!  So, any of you ladies ever pooted during a date? (her word)

for my date to arrive.  Earlier in the day I had called the agency and given them my room number 864.  Well about the time of the appointment, my cell phone rings.  My date asks me what room number?  I told her 864 and she then says she is standing outside my room but had knocked on the room across the hall (863) and no one answered so she had gotten concerned.

I quickly let her in and we laughed about it later.  Sometimes you need something out of the ordinary to help break the ice.

It was my second visit with this lovely lady and actually my first repeat with anyone in the hobby. She invited me to her house to eliminate room costs which was very nice of her. However she neglected to tell me about her pooch, no not that one, the four legged kind.

Once I arrived and was warmly greeted with a sweet DFK by my lady friend wearing a sexy cut T-shirt and pair of sweat pants I met “Honey” - 100 pounds of love disguised as a Lab retriever mix. So after a few minutes of slobbering (the dog for me and me for the lady) my friend decides the dog needs to go outside. She rummages in her freezer for a bone and pulls out something the size of a cow’s leg, throws it out the door and Honey happily follows. (Searching in the freezer did wonderful things to my friend’s T-shirt BTW.)

While my friend and I were enjoying various positions on the floor in front of the fire, Honey became restless and began barking. My naked friend carefully hid behind the door as she opened it to let Honey back inside so as not to disturb her neighbors. She assured me that the dog would not bother us as Honey was afraid of the fireplace and never came in the room when it was lit.

While I was in the throes of an amazing DATY experience, I felt something cold and wet nuzzling my hind quarters.  Apparently, Honey’s curiosity about the noises coming from the floor overcame her fear of the fireplace. (Side note: My friend can get very vocal sometimes.)  Honey had decided to investigate, and the first strange thing she came upon was my ass. I froze in mid-slurp expecting a great deal of pain at any moment.  

Given our positions and my friend’s vocalizations, I was sure the dog would think I was hurting her mistress and would attack me in her defense.  Instead, Honey began lapping at my butt cheek like it was covered in peanut butter. I began laughing and it was only at that point that my friend became aware of what was going on between her feet.  We both spent the next five minutes alternating between embarrassment and hysterical laughing. My friend still teases me about my “getting kinky with her dog” and when I make the occasional house call, I am sure to bring a new toy for Honey.   (Name changed to spare the animal any further embarrassment.)

Her husband is fully aware of her providing. In fact, as I found out later, they are into the swinger lifestyle.

I used to travel more than I do now, which is hard for even me to believe.  I was a sales guy and I'd be in a different hotel every night.  So one night I call the agency and tell them my room number and jump in the shower while I wait for this massively hot gal to show up ...

And wait ... and wait ...

About a half hour late I call the agency and say, where is she?  They say she's there - with you.  I say ... uh - no, she's not.

Turns out I gave her the wrong room number.  The agency told her I was a regular so no worries.  Meanwhile, some guy down the hall thinks he's the luckiest guy on the planet.   She doesn't answer her phone during the appointment, so it's not until she is leaving that they both realize what has happened.  He's understandably just fine with it.  She's understandably not.

Lucky for me, the agency thought it was funny and she and I hooked up a few weeks later (with a special tip for her) and had a great time.  

So I finally got a date with this beautiful redhead, and the location is a 2** hotel, in an area right by the interstate, where there are many similar hotels.  I drive in the front entrance, park, walk around, climb the stairs, and cannot find the room number. So I go back downstairs, get in the car, drive around to the other side of the motel, spot the room number, get out, climb the stairs, knock on the door - no answer. After several knocks, I call, and after several minutes of very confused conversation "I'm at the room! No you're not!" I finally realize that I've gone past her room, and am knocking on the door at the next motel. The motels shared a parking lot, and in the dark, the difference in paint color was not apparent.

I still love redheads, but I'm more careful about which building I'm in.

Anon