I can't really believe guys do this. Maybe it's my mindset. Things I'd rather do than tell a provider 'I love you' -or- I was 'in love';
+Jump off any bridge, building, or cliff..
+Vote for Hillary Clinton...
+Fly a kite with a key stitched to it in a lightning storm
+Play with a Tazer.
+Walk angry prize-fighting pitbulls without a leash..
I'm kidding, but myabe I'm emotionally healthier than I realize, to think any of thse girls would 'love' you is marginally dellusional. I'm sure they are great guys, but to me the second they say something like that, you should DNS them..it's creeeepy..It can only lead to a bad end.
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes get overly 'open' with providers, tell them things I wouldnt tell girlfriends (confess anxietites or shortcomings, etc), or just be very honest with them - because - the sex and the openeness of them makes you feel at ease.I find MOST of you ladies are non-judgemental also, unlike MOST regular girls out there in the world..
That being said.. I see why feelings could happen for some I suppose, I still see it as a customer service....as therapy , you spill your problems on your therapist too, but don't profess your love for her afterwords (if female of course).
I definitely don't envy what you all have to deal with out there.
-M
Today I experienced my first repeat visit. Now I understand the true definition of ATF.
Today's experience was even better than the first (by about 1,000 times). I will admit that I am still seeing stars. In truth, this experience was so close to reality that I could not tell the difference (perhaps even better than the real world). Yes, I know I paid for it - but so what. There is no free lunch and men end up paying for it one way or another in any situation (any married guy knows this is all too true).
So, here is my question (guys and ladies both): Has anyone else ever decided not to see a provider/client again because the experience was just too good (too close to reality for comfort). I know we all want to live the hobby fantasy. But, when reality and fantasy collide something has to give. I do not know if I will ever choose to see her again because I could see developing real feelings for her. And, we all know that know that is a major warning sign. (How do you guys keep from developing real feeling for you ATF's when the sex is soo incredible)? I thought I was through the newbie stage but clearly this situation shows me there is a great deal more to the hobby than I originally bargained for.
With only a couple of exceptions, I have fallen in love with every provider that I have seen, one evening at a time. That's just who I am.
H - I understand. Although I will admit that I did not expect these feelings. I thought being a man I would be able to separate sex from emotion. Apparently not. All I can think about right now is that I want to schedule again for tomorrow (however, I am not going to do it).
Cmon... Do it... i dare you
-M
Yes, I've fallen in love with the same lady about six times now, and fully intend to fall in love with her several more. As long as we know the boundaries, it's a wonderful feeling that lasts long after she leaves. Then you can start looking forward to the next time you'll fall in love, either with her, or someone else. I've been pretty lucky, so far.
There's a lady in the next state that I just can't see anymore because she's SO beautiful, SO sexy, SO talented, SO . . . , well, you get the picture. I'm afraid I can't keep a professional distance from her and I'm not eager to re-demonstrate the adage that there's no fool like an old fool.
-- Modified on 1/17/2008 5:23:47 PM
and they often improve over time too, but I never thought the day would come when I found it so wonderful that I'd be afraid to go back.
If that day ever comes, I'm sure you'll all here about it here.
>
and they often improve over time too, but I never thought the day would come when I found it so wonderful that I'd be afraid to go back.
If that day ever comes, I'm sure you'll all here about it here.
>
Ad nauseum, I'm sure....
Luckily for me, she is in another city and I simply can't see her any more than I already do. If she lived within an hour of me I'd be broke, no question.
Plus, I try to see some of my other favorites too so that I don't get too fixated. But my ATF is so much like the real thing even a four hour date just flies by, and I never ever want her to leave.
Those were 2 of the traits I also experience. 1st time fly by, 2nd I didn't want to go (tried to obtain-purchase additional time in fact - no go), and 3rd - I can't get the experience out of my head now (but its only been a few hours. Christ, I hope tomorrow brings some perspective).
If the experience was that good, I always followed up. Fortunately, I can only recall once or twice where the 2nd round was disappointing. Guess I've been lucky.
In the one case where I was getting too close to a provider, I cut it off. One of the dumbest things I've ever done.
-- Modified on 1/17/2008 6:32:02 PM
"How do you guys keep from developing real feeling for you ATF's when the sex is soo incredible?"
I don't, I do have feelings for her. But I also know what the relationship is. If I could afford it I would see her every week, but I can only afford once a month. The money aspect is a great way to keep from seeing your ATF so much that you start to cross that business boundry. I am sure to limit myself in any communication with her as only pertaining to setting up an appointment or answering a missive from her. She is too special a lady for me to screw up, I like the time I spend with her and will not do anything to jeopardize it.
b-
-- Modified on 1/17/2008 8:46:40 PM
I thought I was the only one to ever experience this. Fortunately for me, there is enough of an age difference between the provider and me that it keeps me able to maintain a degree of realistic perspective about it. That allows me to keep going back!
You can call it what ever you like but the fact is that you are spending time with a beautiful woman. That is not fantasy, that is reality.
I'm having the best sex of my life right now thanks to a couple of amazing ladies that I see as often as my schedule permits. That sex is real, the ladies are real. Would I stop? Hell No! Why? The point of the hobby is to have a good time. Do emotions come into play? Of course they do and I wouldn't have it any other way!
You hit it right on the head!!!!!
Um let me see... The experience was so close to real love-making that I decided not to see the woman again? Is that what you're asking?
Um... duh? 
There is one girl that I can't stop thinking about for a week or so after I see her. I wish we had met in the real world and not in the hobby. I want to see her everyday. But I don't.
My advice is to have a lot of variety in the hobby. See a lot of different girls. Don't ever see a girl 2 times in a row. If you find an ATF like that, go at least 2 months between meetings. That way you don't get too close or let feelings build up. She will fade from your mind if you see other girls and let time pass. Then a couple months later you'll think of her and you can go see her. Then it's a lot of catching up and it doesn't get too involved. Just fun. My ATF I have seen 3 times total (the first being last August. I am planning on doing an overnight with her about 3 months from now or so. By seeing other girls you find that there are a lot of other girls that you can really enjoy just as much without the deeper feelings. Keep yourself grounded and good luck!
MS - that is some great advice, but a tall order. 2 months might as well be forever. However, the thought of seeing some others on the short list may make it possible.
I just need to switch my thinking from the southern little head in a northernly direction.
I had two mediocre experiences my first two hobbying attempts, then a series of awesome GFE visits that were indeed confusing. Luckily at the time, there were multiple threads (as there usually are every month or so) about "falling in love" with providers and beyond the boundaries relationships. Thus plentiful good advice from those who have gone before us!
My early solution to "falling in love" and thus being a pain in the ass to the provider or a fool was to keep seeing many new providers until I had my "head on straight"
Now that didn't exclude continuing to see the ones who "really rocked my boat"- in fact, it allowed me to continue enjoying them without being a fool! The result was a handful of providers I saw repeatedly and thoroughly enjoyed.
The key is self honesty- admitting to yourself where you are in your freedom to "have and follow feelings"- if you are hobbying due to needing NSA relationships due to commitment you aren't willing to leave, then keep it NSA!
Occasionally a hobbyist may run into a provider where the relationship is very special for both parties. I've dealt with that too- different subject, but requires a lot of honesty on both to sort that out. And the testimonies of those who have gone before us seem to weigh heavily in the direction of eventual heartbreak for one or the other.
-- Modified on 1/17/2008 8:55:27 PM
Here is a view from a provider...
I have 2 gents I see regularly that have told me they are "in love" ~OMG~ Instantly scary... Luckily, they are not the stalker types (well one was sort of).
My first advice is that you really cannot fall in love without really knowing a person WELL and in many different scenarios both good and bad. It takes time. So it is lust, infatuation, or being very much "in like". The healthy thing to do is take a reality break, see a few other ladies and by all means still see your ATF, just keep it balanced. This will keep you focused better and the time you are "away" makes it better when you return.
If you saw her unlimited times, day in and day out, although I am sure you doubt it now, it would get stale. (look at married life, lol) It is not that she would be any less incredible, it is just the fact that a man needs variety and a lady needs to not feel too smothered. (Or at least I do not care to feel as if someone is a little too "leg-humpy" as I call it.)
I did not mean that as an insult, but one of my guys was driving me batty calling several times a day (my time is valuable and my minutes are limited) texting me, & e-mailing me at least twice a day. I was freaking out. We had a few heart to hearts and he is doing a lot better now.
Just keep it simple. Enjoy the time there is and "smell the roses" along the way.
I wish you all the best!
C
-- Modified on 1/17/2008 9:11:08 PM
C - interestingly enough on a previous encounter (with another provider) she told me how she would have clients who would tell her that they loved her and she would blacklist them and never she them again. I thought it was strange at the time that anyone could fall in love through the hobby. Well, now it's not so strange to me at least that one could develop strong feelings. One can not underestimate the powerful intimate impact of the sexual act (like I have done for the past several months). Especially when the stars align and everything seems to be perfect.
The solution has been laid out by many vetts and a few providers about "do's & dont's" all of which is appreciated. I will be implementing the cooling off period or refrain from seeing her altogether if my emotions are not 100% in check. The thought of greener pastures and new experiences is also very helpful.
I can't really believe guys do this. Maybe it's my mindset. Things I'd rather do than tell a provider 'I love you' -or- I was 'in love';
+Jump off any bridge, building, or cliff..
+Vote for Hillary Clinton...
+Fly a kite with a key stitched to it in a lightning storm
+Play with a Tazer.
+Walk angry prize-fighting pitbulls without a leash..
I'm kidding, but myabe I'm emotionally healthier than I realize, to think any of thse girls would 'love' you is marginally dellusional. I'm sure they are great guys, but to me the second they say something like that, you should DNS them..it's creeeepy..It can only lead to a bad end.
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes get overly 'open' with providers, tell them things I wouldnt tell girlfriends (confess anxietites or shortcomings, etc), or just be very honest with them - because - the sex and the openeness of them makes you feel at ease.I find MOST of you ladies are non-judgemental also, unlike MOST regular girls out there in the world..
That being said.. I see why feelings could happen for some I suppose, I still see it as a customer service....as therapy , you spill your problems on your therapist too, but don't profess your love for her afterwords (if female of course).
I definitely don't envy what you all have to deal with out there.
-M
I am sort of more like a guy in the way I think, and men do love to chat with me because I am so open minded and non judgemental (and I usually have a great story to compare, lol), numerous times I have been told I am like a guy friend with the right parts, lol. I guess the intimacy in being able to speak your deepest darkest thoughts is more of a bond to most, because they could NEVER tell the lady in their life, but yeah, we have to know that while it is great to have "all that" it is still not really "love-love" (for lack of a better phrase)
My best experience on the planet to date was a threesome with two ladies - one my regular provider, and one of her good friends. To this day, I can still remember the thing that was the sexiest, hottest thing I've ever seen: I was doing one girl doggie while the girls 69'd each other. Not only did the one girl lick the other girl's pussy, but she regularly took my cock out of the girl's pussy and sucked on it. She also took my full load in her mouth and then made out with the other girl.
Fuck. I think I need to go rub one out now just thinking about that day.
Anyway, to answer the question, I happened to only see my regular provider involved in this just once more, since she admitted she was developing feelings for me and we either needed to take it someplace exclusive, or end it. So I ended it. I don't want a girlfriend / wife who eats pussy and cum. That's why I go to a provider!
Keep uping the tip until it really hurts your wallet. That way you get to keep seeing her, but the financial pain will knock out those thoughts of "love".
Then PM me with her name so I can collect my commission, j/k.
I had some less than satisfying experiences when I began hobbying about a year ago. Then I had a great GFE date and it was so much better than any previous appointments I had prior to it. I repeated with the same lady and found that each date got better. I can only afford to hobby once per month, or else I'd probably want to see her every week. I also live 2.5 hours from where she is located, so that also helps keep me from emptying my bank account. I look forward to our dates very much, but am always aware of boundaries. With the budget constraints and distance I am from her, that helps to keep things in perspective for me in this hobby.
She is a well respected provider who I had been admiring from a far and circumstances finally got me to her door. Her demeanor was that of an old girlfriend who still had feelings for you and the session was as if you were in high school again and visiting that girlfriend while she was babysitting the neighbors kids. The kids were asleep and you were both in the master bed, the clothes came off and you ravaged each other. It was not akward or uncomfortable and I am concerned that to go back it might replace the existing memory with one that might not be as remarkable. Whether to keep the existing memory or go once more into the abiss. xbanker