Hello everyone,
This is my first post. I would like to share my story, if anyone is interested.
I am 58 and just ended a 38 year monogamous marriage. Like many people in troubled relationships, there was almost no sex for many years.When I moved out I figured  I was going to be a batchelor, maybe travel,maybe work my tennis game harder,  but after I got away from the emotional stress, got some health issues dealt with( my testosterone level was very low) I started to feel more self esteem and energy, not to mention return of my near abscent libido. So I began to realize that I was going to need a sexual partner-now,at my age finding someone is very difficult - I am not into the bar scene and I tried two online dating sites with no luck at all- finally, it dawned one that if I wanted some good sex I was going to have to buy it like anything else.......so I discovered TER and P411- got cleared through the later,spent hours on both sites looking for a provider that would would except a client with no provider references. I made a date and saw her last week What happened was wonderful - she was not only beautiful but very caring,especially when she heard my story. The sex was great but was surpassed by the intimacy and feeing of genuine concern. So I was in bliss for a day or so but this slowly changed to a feeing of anxiousness and quite frankly a 'crush "
Even now, a week later, I can hardly think of anything else.... I sent her a request for another visit when she returns to town-which so far she has not answered, and I am checking my mail about every 5 mins. I think the main issue is that she gave me, in that hour what I was desperately missing in my marriage.  So , what I want to ask the more experienced 'clients" on this forum- has this ever happened to anyone  else? Or is it to be expected? Or am I just crazy and need to go back to my  tennis game. So how does one deal with emotional attatchents with a provider? Should I see her again or just try to forget her.?
Some of you may be belly laughing by now, I understand - but if anyone would like to share it would be greatfully appreciated ,,...thanks, SW

I can understand how you feel.

Ya'll try to be kind now.

Steph

I'm not one of the more experienced clients here but it's happened to me in and out of the hobby.  
#1 advice:See some other girls.

You just start out on P411, meet a beautiful provider & she knocks your head off.  Here's what I like about your post: you admit to a 'crush', but you don't make any claims that she feels the same way about you.  That's good, because there's a 99.9 % chance that she doesn't feel that way about you.  Since she's a traveling provider, you may not see her for a while.  She probably has a few regulars in your town, & she may not return until they contact her.  

The disease of “smitteness” is common when you enter P4P for the first time. What you should do is not to repeat with anyone provider until you see attest 10 different providers. Once you do that, you will realize the reality of this P4P. Granted, you will form some connection, and will repeat with a few but you won’t be smitten like you are in middle school.

I am 60 and I like yourself had been married and in a monogamous relationship for many years. Thought my sex life was going to change for the better once I was divorced. Didn't happen.Don't like the bar scene, dating sight etc just like you. Found TER but just about the same time that I was downsized from my job which put a damper on my hobby life. One of the ladies I saw knew of my situation and offered me a discount whenever I wanted to see her (I did not solicit this). I have been seeing her exclusively due to my financial situation but certainly not as often as I would like.I also realize she's giving me a break out of kindness,not because she has any emotional attachment to me. You are getting good advise, see others. stop torturing yourself by checking your e-mail every 5 mins. Don't contact her again, you could scare her off. Just see other providers and you infatuation with her will eventually wear off.

I would add that you should enjoy your "crush".  You don't get many of them i life, and you have been newly liberated.  You have something in you life that you haven't had i a long time, and at our age, may not have many more!

...As another poster said search P411 for newbie friendly providers. See a variety of ladies. The feeling is normal while not everyone goes through it many do. Give the feelings time to subside.

Those pheromones will do it every time.  Thank goodness she is a traveling provider or you'd probably be waiting at her doorstep.

So, take others' advice and see other gals (traveling ones to be safe), and then see this first gal (If you still are interested.) when she comes back to town.

It is not beyond the realm of possibility that you two made a genuine connection, but that is rare.  After the second visit there, if these feelings are still there, you might want to reveal how you feel.  She may rebuff you and not want to see you again, or she may reveal her own similar feelings.  It can happen, so the question is how to best lay a proper foundation for developing it.

Especially given that this was your first time.  Don't sweat it, but also don't obsess.  Being overly pushy and weird is a great way to ensure that you won't get to see her again.  Definitely do what others are suggesting....go out and see other girls. It will help you maintain perspective!  You can develop a wonderful relationship with a favorite provider, and I encourage you to do so because it make great sex even better, but you need to realize that she is not, and will not be, your girlfriend.  If you can come to grips with that and take things for what they are, you will have a blast!

You're having a perfectly normal reaction after your experience.  My advice to is to see a few other providers.  You will eventually get over the 'crush' and be full fledged hobbyist before you know it.  GL to you!

you simply unleashed that long dormant libido..now you have to put a personalized leash back on it..

This one event was the first time someone had been there completely, utterly, and solely for you on a physical and emotional level.  Or at least the first time in what feels like a lifetime to you, given the marital situation.

Maybe someday scientists will discover the reason for that.

Play the field. This is a service and what you are feeling is chemically induced and I can almost guarantee that she is not feeling anything close to what you are. This si the downside to GFE...you start to believe that how she is with you is real.........it is not.

Great advice

On finally getting something you've obviously needed for so long.  Also congratulations for finding one of the very nice providers out there who had a heart and treated you softly on your first post marriage foray.  Please, please please do not see that softness as genuine love from her.  She is a paid provider of a fantasy.  She was obviously very good at her job.  It is not uncommon to feel emotions for providers because of the intimate nature of what we do together with them.  Especially those in a true GFE setting.  Girlfriend Experience.  That's what you had.  If you want to remain in the hobby you must treat every experience as if it is temporary.  Enjoy your time but realize that you may or may not see the girl again.  Also, never assume that she truly cares for you, because most of the time, she doesn't.  She is doing her JOB.  If she is good at it, you might end up as you are now, lovelorn for a provider who is on to another city, or another John.  She will make 10, 20, a hundred other guys feel good and kindly disposed to her before she comes your way again, if she does at all.  Dollars to doughnuts, if you end up seeing her again you will quickly realize she is not the ONE for you, because you are only one of hundreds to her.  Like Mr. Fisher said, it's rare that a provider falls for a client, not unheard if, but rare.  If you see her again, tell her of your feelings, but be prepared to be rebuffed or strung out for days, weeks, months as she takes your love, your money and returns nothing but the service which she is contracted for.  If you want love, stay away from the hobby.  If you just want to get laid, then God Bless!

Not to get off subject, but it's amazing what a difference your generation and mine face.  Most my my clients are in the 50+ age range, the age of my parents, and I keep hearing that they've been married for 30 years!

After all those years of marriage no one can expect you to flip a switch in your brain and become Mr One Night Stand.  There are some powerful and complicated emotions at work here but I guarantee they are holdovers from your marriage and have nothing to do with anything your recent playmate said, did or even intimated. And yet you need to take control of those emotions and find the discipline to treat this thing as what it is:  an hour of paid for fantasy.  For now you might consider the advice of Grandpa from Little Miss Sunshine:  Fuck a lotta women kid; not just one woman,  a lotta women.

If you need to ask what constitutes "clingy," then you need to immediately stop, step away, and leave her alone (and then get out there and see as many ladies as your pocketbook can handle). I'm glad you got what you needed and you'll find others that will provide the same. The point of this is to just enjoy the best of each other and leave it at that. Here's to having a good time!

I have had chemistry with more then one provider in my day. There is nothing better then when you hit it off with a provider. Just be careful and remember where you are. Some providers will cut the relationship right off if they feel you are clingy. You can build many long and memorable relationships with providers. You can even end up best of friends. But she is not going to become your wife. Keep everything in perspective and take the advice given you on the board from people who have been there before. Enjoy the Hobby for what it is. Sounds like you're a nice guy. The women will appreciate it and you will have the time of your life

and there's even a danger when, in the mundane world, guys start believing that a relationship exists where there is none. Still, don't you think most are able to suspend belief and just enjoy the moment along with all the feelings it evokes?

He should see her way more than two times to determine if his feelings for her are legitimate, let alone to share them with her.

at this stage of the game - but rather, seek variety...  

an indication that she did her job very well.

There are a lot of societal factors at play regarding marriage, but the short answer is that people often get married because that's what everyone else is doing (family pressure, religious expectations of a lifetime coupling). People get married out of romantic idealism and/or security.  

So how does one deal with emotional attatchents with a provider?

But only to reveal his interests (Assuming that they are still there.) and allow her to respond.

Keep in mind I expect that some decent interval will have elapsed (2-3 months?), and the chemicals will have run their course.  Also, that he has had time to see other providers so that he has a point of reference.

At that point I'm hoping (Seeing that he is a bit of gray beard as am I.) that he can make some poignant overture that if not fully embraced, will at least not earn him a total rebuff.  

Let's face it, time becomes a precious commodity when we are in our fifties.  To wait an undue amount of time is a waste of a very precious resource.

I have personal experience in this matter as many of you know.  My results came out quite satisfactory.

Reality is... it is a service.

As one lady confided in me in exasperation, "I didn't get into this to have to constantly break up with people!" Yes, they cry and beg and plead and won't go away. Just going by the numbers of how many she sees vs. how many you see, she's going to encounter a higher prevalence of BSC clients than you will of BSC providers (I'm using the universal she/he/you here). It's in her best interests to be on guard.  

I have heard several "stories" from friends/people I know/know of that have ended marriages where they have not had sex in long periods of time (1, 2 years, etc.).

...to have found the type of provider first time out that knocks your socks off Spiritwind2014.  Perfectly natural to feel the way you do coming out of a bad marriage with little intimacy, and experiencing what you've been missing for so long.  Now get busy looking for your next provider.  You are going to meet other providers who genuinely like men and your time spent with them will reflect that.  See, here's the wonder of P4P:  You can fall in love all over again and again...one hour at a time, without the drama that seems to hover around most long term relationships.  Get a few more encounters under your belt, and you'll be able to revisit favorites without the emotional attachment.  Shouldn't be long and you'll just be another one of us happy guys who can't seem to get the grin off our face.  Good luck, and welcome to the hobby.

...all the men who get emotionally attached to doing business. I can understand it. The art of the deal, the rush of a successful trade, getting the better of the next guy, the money, the prestige, the absolute power, the freedom..I get off on all that. But I know none of it is real. The portfolio can tank; the money can go bad; war, disease, an accident--it can vanish in the blink of an eye.

It's a promise, I promise not to have sex with anyone else for the rest of my life, and women can simply refuse sex, and or use it as a tool to get their way. And oh, you can't look at porn and take care of yourself. And the man typically always loses, it's always the man's fault according to the court system.

And people have been handling breakups for as long as I can remember. On their own. Without help. Or talking it over sometimes as their way of "dealing" with it. Grownups usually just live through things. But like I said, those are grownups. I think the OP is grown up. You, RT, OTOH, are still a punk. No one reading the OP and then reading your post will be baffled as to which are the thoughts of a level-headed person.

Glad you had a great time, it's an emotional cleansing that you needed. However, she has heard the bad marriage story so many times she knows exactly which of your buttons to push. She probably could recite it better than you can. You thought it was a connection, to her it was a script.

But they need to be boxed and removed till the next session. I am not saying his feelings are not real, but they are based often on a lie manufactured by the hooker in order to produce the illusion he is after.

Both parties are not on their best behavior, both parties share real life truths and the lady can say no to sex and demand to be pleased in a real life situation. Also she does not have to put up things she might when working.  

Of course I am mercenary, I get paid to do a job...you are no different. You are a whore to your company or your clients.

-- Modified on 9/22/2014 1:23:22 PM

Never will marry and as for kids, never had the desire to be a host to a nine month parasite and possibly ruin my body. Call me selfish and I will answer yes! At least I know what I didn't want.

I would be so incredibly self conscious if I were stinky that I'd never be able to maintain an erection. I always manscape at least a day prior and shower, shave brush my teeth apply deodorant, light cologne just before a session and if its incall, I take another shower just for her assurance that I'm fresh. Damn, I'm there to have fun, I sure don't want anything to get in the way of my fun, especially something that I can control like my hygiene.

very true - too bad the folks who scorn us don't understand that.

There are 6 billion people in this world, our species doesn't need me to contribute to that number. And besides, being a Darwin fan, I'm not the best looking guy, so why add that to the gene pool.

If you read her reviews you'll likely find that she's made others feel much the same way. Another well regarded GFE provider might have provided a similar experience. Some ladies genuinely enjoy their work and are so good at this they can create a very convincing fantasy. That is, after all, what they're being paid to do. If you sincerely share your feelings about her she might not see you again.

It's just the pathetic cheap shots at hookers because we can make decent money doing this that pisses them off

Fuck the Hell out of me, send me away with rubber band legs, until next time.

Hey make as much as you can, doesn't matter to me. I have criticized guys who complain about what ladies charge. FYI, my boss is me, I invest my own money for a living.  

Members of the OTHFB  club. Because they don't want you pulling from their prospective cash cows. I'd rather travel to see a hooker than settle for any of them.

I'm so happy to be a young woman of this generation.  Way more options that my mother had.  (Marry at 20, kids immediately, stuck with controlling and annoying husband (lol), no money of her own).

I disagree with others, if you like her stick with her.

They are all my ATF until the next one. It's your money so spend it however you want. I learned to see several girls. That works best for me. I just find that most providers are at their best on the first date. I've used the "ATF" term in the past, but now I see how silly that was, and is. To me, this is all about variety and keeping it drama free and fun. Just my .02.

-- Modified on 9/22/2014 8:23:28 PM

This isn't life or death.  If you make a mistake, you'll recover.  

I come late to this thread, but I see that each contributor has his/her own take, and the results are contradictory.  Bottom line:  You are old enough to have learned a few things about yourself and others (if you haven't by now there's not much hope), although the hobby may be somewhat new for you and is often mind-blowing esp at the beginning, but the best course is to follow your own instincts but keep your head.  Those who warn against loving too much those who depend for their living on servicing many customers make sense -- but you can love a little, and enjoy each other to the fullest mutually possible.  Just remember that she can appreciate you, enjoy your company, and enjoy blowing your mind and still not be able or willing to make any kind of commitment.  At the opposite extreme, those who denigrate "hoes" and deny there's anything more than getting off are full of cynicism and miss out big time.  Choose your own way but be aware of the pitfalls.  That's not exciting advice but that course has served me well and I'm a lot older than you are!

I love you, today."

Thanks for that. SW

And lets face it, there are plenty of guys taking advantage of newbie hookers...kinda evens things out.

Thanks for that. SW

Thanks, that helped.
SW

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful replies. I was astounded to return here and see how much discussion my post brought.  
Just a few things for clarification, as I obviously gave some the wrong impression-

I feel you friend.  I'm a newbie as well and we have a pretty similar backstory (I'm a bit younger is all) and have had similar feelings towards the provider I started out with.  Fortunately she is in another city but when I passed through that city less than a week later I booked her again.  Which in retrospect may not have been the smartest thing to do.   It's too easy to extend the fantasy beyond the time boundaries of the session.  

I don't know if I'd ever use the L word, but I like the concept.  As a newbie that was the big surprise for me.  I guess in my mind I saw it as much more business and porn like and not so intimate.  In fact, I had that kind of an experience with a stripper once and it left me kind of empty or that I could have gotten the same result jacking off.  So when I decided to do my homework and find a real high class girl for my next experience.  And it did all the things to me it did the OP.  It was about much more than the sex.  And sure during that time in the afterglow when you're together, snuggling, talking about whatever ... that can feel like romantic love.  The dangerous part would be to think that lasts beyond that moment.  

This (the "reflections on replies" post) just made my night. Good for you!

-- Modified on 9/22/2014 11:47:28 PM

I'm probably making a big mistake. But I have an ATF that I have been seeing for a long time. I do tell her I love her. Because I do love her. I love her as if we were two really great friends with benefits. If I was single, I might change that tune. Maybe. Don't know.

There ya go, my friend.  get both of em.  Nothing wrong with that.  

I totally relate to this.  There are a small few that have a piece of my heart.  I have some clients that are really "old friends" and I love them as such.  I got off the phone with one last night and he said "I love you" and I said "I love you too."  But, neither of us meant in a romantic way.  If anything, I know who he is "in love with" and it's not me.  But, sometime, in the moment, you feel a more romantic and less friendship love.  But, this love doesn't stand the test of time; It is a dream, a fantasy, a chemical deception.  Yes, even providers can get caught up in the moment, this is a passionate profession.
 

might very well have had the capacity to genuinely care about you during your meeting.  But bear in mind that unlike you she has not gone years without feeling a human embrace.  She most likely has listened to many lonely men pour their hearts out and share their deepest secrets, and that is certainly a wonderful service, but the odds that she reciprocates your feelings of attachment are zero. To her, you are another cock to $ervice and it is attached to a nice fellow with a puppy dog story.  Enjoy her company from time to time to the extent that you can afford the money, and even allow yourself to indulge in a feeling of emotional closeness during the meetings, but Do Not Obsess because that would be destructive. Wishing you all the best, D

it's more the children of the fifties that grew up with the moralities that you describe.

and unfortunately many young women of your generation still fall into the same trap of their mothers, and their mothers before them. I am glad you have avoided that trap.

FWIW I am mid fifties, didn't get married until almost thirty, and I am VERY happily divorced with no plans to ever get married again, and although I have enjoyed many a LTR with sex workers, I am the furthest thing from "clingy" that you will ever meet, hence my ability to enjoy dating active providers without making either one of us nuts

Actually, it was even less than that, AND I was drunk at the time. lol

Seriously, I dated a provider for the better part of a year, and we both knew there was "something" more than hooker/john chemistry within the first couple of minutes of meeting. Now granted I did not profess my undying love for her the first time we met. i did however  give her my number (she worked for an agency) and told her I would love to take her to lunch the next day, but that she would need to call me to make sure I wasn't misreading things. This led to a "real" LTR with her that lasted many months, I think I saw her four times in the first week, and those first four times were the only ones where she actually accepted any money, after the first week she never took a dime. So, yes it can happen.

OK, that said, in general it's a VERY BAD idea to share feelings of love/infatuation with a hooker after having only met them a couple of times, especially if he is new at this. I've seen literally thousands of hookers, and I still occasionally misread signals

Many of them turn into lifetime parasites. lol

and yes, I am just as selfish as you are, which is most likely why I am so happy with my life. I am too selfish to even own a dog, or even a goldfish for that matter. I often get up in the morning with no plans of going anywhere, and before the sun goes down find myself between the legs of some women I have never met in a completely different country. People with jobs, wives, kids, etc can't even imagine doing something like that.

You sound like a sweetheart.

You saw your proctologist, broker, banker and attorney in the last few months.  You paid them for a professional service. The only difference here is that this professional service was more intimate (well, ) and pleasurable (hopefully).  How many of them have a crush on you?  

-- Modified on 9/23/2014 2:02:15 PM

Thanks. Did you read my second post? I didn't have the slightest thought that I was anything more to her than an everyday paying customer. This whole thing is about MY feelings, not hers. I would pity anyone naive enough to pay for services thinking that they might get a girl friend out of the deal. That was not the point of my post at all.........
SW

I'm stealing that one ...

I think you hit a nerve in the community -- probably due to how genuine your post was, which I admire.

What many people in long term relationships and those who may not be experienced at all might feel these "love" feelings, but it is important to understand this is just an outlet and to some entertainment.. however... it is not that all SP's separate themselves entirely and just think of their client as "just a cock", as I have read someone in this thread say. Sex is bonding but it is important to keep those emotions in check and respect this industry for what it is.... a service, an escape, therapy... whatever it is to you is between you and the provider... but keep yourself in check and understand in any relationship whether it be with a provider or your significant other in vanilla land... money changes everything.

Your clarification reveals that you are in good shape.  Enjoy to the fullest and keep your head.  You got it right the first time.

I was fond of a lady a while back whose famous departing line was the above, uttered with sincerity and a hug, and then a warm, slightly cynical smile.  Long-timers may recognize who she was.  She wasn't making fun, just riffing on a simple truth.  While she was in our area she was vastly popular but at some point she decided she'd had enough and needed to get out.  She'd made enough $$$ probably, but her life wasn't simple and I hope she made it to where she wanted to go...which I'm guessing was a simpler life with maybe one stable love relationship, no intrigues, and good friends.  Not bad, all things considered.

Wow. Thank you for your kind advice!
SW

Thanks for that. This particular thing, though, was way beyond conscious control .....it just knocked me over. Having competed in martial arts for many years, I am quite used to keeping my emotions out of the picture . But in this situation I was absolutely helpless. That is why I wanted to know if it was part of the deal.....

Omg, that was the kindest thing I have heard in a long time. Thank you!
SW

I want that guy on my massage table right about now!!!!!

a guy who has spent his entire adult life being faithful to the same woman really has no point of reference to deal with "feeling for a hooker"

Forget what I said earlier, "real" feelings are impossible to deal with in this business for at least the first 100 hookers that you boink. So the OP should go out, fuck at least 100 other women, and then if he still feels the same way about this woman (or even remembers her name by then) he can let her know how he feels.

is that better?

Very well said. maybe i was right and you simply need to stay away from comedy because this post was spot on.

I appreciate your honesty and content for knowing what you do not want. I wouldn't label your desire to not have children as selfish... I do believe your position on children has got to be the least feminine thing I have ever read.

Sometimes it's part of the deal, and sometimes it's not. You got lucky the first time out of the box. (Pun intended). Just think if it had been one of those experiences where you leave thinking "I wish I'd gone to the dentist instead."