So, I reached out to an independent provider that I’ve known for a year, and in a moment of emotionality she told me she’s dying of breast cancer and doesn’t want to see me,

Since she’s in late 20’s early 30’s, I’m assuming she’s either having a false positive or early detection  

We have some history, I have known her long enough to tell her I have genuine care and feelings for her and I told her last year ,  

But her being a jaded provider,she didn’t believe me until I proved it to her in a certain way

Anyway, we decided to keep it professional and I assumed she didn’t feel anything for me,  

But her telling me in a angry frustrated way cancer has been detected and she’s having surgery, has me thinking why she’s telling me this

Also, shes seeing others after telling me

So she doesnt want my money, but she wants me to know

and she is telling the truth, and not making it up, I have independently confirmed it

What's her diagnosed stage?  Dying implies something like stage 4, where it has spread to other organs.

Im guessing its not advanced, still early stages, could even be just multiple lumps

Shes young, and any young woman is going to be scared,

But I dont know her exact diagnosis

they would not be performing surgery on her. So, at a minimum, she's confused.

Yes, she’s confused,  

The question is why tell me at all?

Why is she seeing others but not me,  

I’m confused if she wants me to reach out to her as a person and not a provider

It’s good that you’re able to offer her emotional support. Don’t push it, but continue to be there for her.

when you say she doesn't want your money.  It sounds to me like she has decided that because you professed your feelings for her, she should be able to get some money out of you without any work except a good sob story,  If she is seeing other customers, then her affliction is not keeping her from working, so there is no legit reason for her to not want to see you, unless of course, you don't tip, have an STD, or chronic halitosis.  I would be both cautious and suspicious in your shoes.  Based on the facts you have shared, this whole story doesn't add up.  

 
With that said, if she has decided that you are real-life boyfriend material, she may be considering taking your relationship to a higher level.  However, from personal experience, dating a provider in real life is not for everyone.  You have to be okay with other guys fucking your girlfriend.  If your mind is not in a place where you can handle that, don't even try it.  Maybe she is hinting that she will fuck you for free if you become her real-life boyfriend.  That would explain why she doesn't want your money.  Just don't have any illusions that you will save money in the long run.  Being a boyfriend always costs more overall than being a customer, and this may be what she is looking for.  

Youre right something is not adding up,  

Before she told me about her cancer, I offered to see her for a few appointments which would have given her $1500-2000 all together, plus I give her gifts, like gift certificates, and I’m decent looking guy, workout, and my time is mostly spent on pleasing her

and she was upset and accused me of playing mind games with her,  which I think means that she does want me as emotional support, but we only have a provider client relationship  

Yeah, I have no idea how this will play out, but I feel like I got screwed  

Other guys get to have fun with her, and I get to emotionally support her probably without any sex

Okay now I think I understand what you’re asking. First of all, don’t expect anyone who is dying / thinks they’re dying / having a cancer scare to make logical sense all the time.  

 
I think with getting that news and planning a surgery, anger and frustration is a very natural reaction. Ditto to wanting to go through the process of telling someone about it who isn’t your close family, before having to tell your family. You didn’t share a lot of the backstory but it sounds like you two had a kerfuffle over you accidentally catching feelings for her. So maybe she thought here’s someone I can talk to who might actually GAF.  

 
I know you didn’t want to share all the gory details of your history with her and nor should you, but the little you shared didn’t make sense. “We decided to keep it professional” does not jive with “she doesn’t want my money.”  To me, deciding to keep it professional means you kept seeing her but you both remember it’s JUST transactional.  

 
When did she say she didn’t want to see you as a client anymore? If it was a while ago, don’t assume she still doesn’t want your money. She’s staring down the barrel of medical bills on top of not being able to work for a while to pay her regular bills.  

 
“I’m confused if she wants me to reach out to her as a person and not a provider.”  Yeah that’s a tough one. Just listen to her and try to be supportive. Us guys have a tendency to hear problems and jump into fix-it mode. A lot of the time women just want to be heard, have somebody “hold the basket” for them while they dump all their stuff in it. Really listen to her and look for what she’s saying she needs. I’ve sometimes just said to someone hey I really want to be supportive but I’m not sure what that looks like right now. In this moment what do you need.  

 
That’s all assuming you are willing and able to get enmeshed in all this. It’s no joke. If you’re starting down this road it needs to be as a FRIEND who sees a friend in trouble and is willing to help. If all you can think about is how this might spin into the romantic relationship that YOU have been wanting then I suggest you find a graceful exit because you’ll just end up mind-fucking her and yourself. If you’re trying to be a good human then cool. If it becomes a different relationship later through that, fine. But if that’s your only goal then leave her alone.  

 
[the way you talk about her seeing other guys but she won’t see you kinda sounds like jealousy from over here. If it’s purely confusion, fair enough. I’m just gonna gently suggest you really look inward and check on that.]

 
Then again, for all we know, she could just be tugging the heartstrings and all she wants from you is money. There’d be nothing wrong with that if the two of you really did “decide to keep it professional.” You’re gonna have to feel your way through this, like a blind man at an orgy. Is she talking about how some money would really help everything or does she seem to need a friend with a shoulder / ear?

This is incredibly helpful,  

Thank you for your post,  

Yes, I effed myself in ever having a provider relationship with her again,  

I will have to be friend to her without romantic expectations, and yes,  I am jealous she is with other guys without effing me, because she and I have incredible sex, usually high intensity with experimentation. I even know she’s provided with a girlfriend of hers and was hoping I would get to experience that, but probably not gonna happen now

Yeah, I just have to be helpful supportive human without expecting anything in return, if her diagnosis is serious she may not even be able to provide for awhile, but hopefully no mastectomy or chemo will be needed

Some other notes, we live very far apart in different states, she’s UTR no ads, she has a regular job, only provides every few months when she visits different city, $1000/hr, she’s never reached out to me for appointments, whenever I visit her state she invites me to her apartment instead of coming to my hotel, last time I saw her was in November, I send her thoughtful inexpensive gifts every few months to her home, she also knows I’m involved in medicine, I also follow her on Instagram with 50k followers, she personally told me last week about her condition and then just revealed it to her followers this week

What does this mean?  Is she looking for the big payout, not the chump change you initially offered?

She's lying to you and so is your independent source.

My twin is a cancer survivor & now she is battling an extremely rare infectious disease. She was in denial for a a very long time. Now she has 100% accepted the fact that she is clearly disabled. No one wants to think anyone at that young age is actually fighting for their lives, but it’s happening everyday. You just don’t know. Be kind. Be compassionate & have empathy.

I will be praying and throwing good Karma your sisters way QB. I am sorry to hear this.

No doctor is going to tell her she is dying if it is at all still in the treatable stage.
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She said she's dying (late stage/last stage).  You say it's possibly in the early stages.  I mean why would you even venture an opinion on it?

Look, she is a young woman who was just diagnosed with or have detected something related to breast cancer,  

Shes in a highly emotional state, of course in her mind she is thinking the worst, and thinks she is going to die,  

She left me a voice message not with a full medical report but what about what feelings shes having,  

And she charges 500-1000, so she could have seen me and could have made 2k or more if she asked it from me, but she didn’t even want that

This means I gave her a gift from her childhood that cost $20 that touched her in a emotional way that is not given to her very often, and that I would only know about her childhood if I listened very carefully to her stories and remembered her months later

And again, she knows how much I love to see her for sex, and she charges $500-1000, should could have gotten at least 2k or 3K from me, instead she just told me her diagnosis and that she doesnt want to see me

TBH, sounds like she might just be telling you to take the hint. She knows how to contact you so if she is looking for something she can initiate, particularly since you seem to have confessed your feeling.

 
If you do have sincere feelings, meaning you really care about her wellbeing, I'd say take her hint, respect her wishes and leave her alone. Don't try to initiate any further contact. Trying to second guess what she might be saying (and seems like she is not one to be indicrect) is likely going to be you imposing your feeling on the story and you'll get it wrong.

Probably best to honor her wishes.

Yes, I will, stay away, but still offer support

On one hand, I’m surprised she was so honest and upfront with me, I guess she doesn’t see me as just a client

But as a horny man, I’m still jealous she’s seeing other clients and she put me in the “friend zone”

Sounds like a hooker setting some trick up for the long con.

She's trying to create distance between you and her. She doesn't want to see you anymore because you are getting too close and attached and she is starting to freak. You are becoming too much for her and she doesn't want to deal with the burden of a client who wants more than she is willing to give. She knows your feelings and doesn't reciprocate them. She doesn't want a relationship. She only wants to make money and only wants to be intimate with you when getting paid. She probably doesn't want or like the cheap/inexpensive gifts you get her even if they are thoughtful because she doesn't want to think of you outside the business relationship. She would appreciate thoughtless, expensive gifts more. She knows that your increased generosity has already come with increased expectations from her that she is not willing to meet. That's why she keeps seeing other clients, they are less emotionally taxing. They're just fucking her, not trying to forge a pseudo relationship. You think the things you are doing for her are nice but in reality they are probably very draining while she is already dealing with cancer.

 
Also dude, friendly reminder but you know nothing about her. You only know the person she pretends to be while getting paid to spend time with you. She has a whole life outside of that hotel room that you are not involved with and know nothing about. There is no way you could have any feelings for her because you don't really know her. She understands this better than you. Providers, by and large, are amazing women and I am grateful I get to spend time with them. On the other hand we have to recognize the relationship we have is professional, even if lines get blurred from time to time.

 
Remember guys its called the "Girlfriend Experience" not the "Girlfriend."

to get screwed, but it's usually intended to be in a more pleasant way.   Lol

-- Modified on 6/2/2024 4:11:06 PM

Greedy corporate capitalisti are still using them in America because  they own the politicians through big money  donations and legalized corruption  through  and through. The FDA (food and drug administration) is a joke. Our politicians sold us out (both sides).
They act like they don't why cancer is killing us more than anywhere else. Greed and more greed is  the reason for all this cancer. These processed  food in particular keeps  getting worst.

Maybe she's feeling like you are falling in love with her and that's not what she wants. Although she should just say it !!!

You are absolutely right, thanks for clearing things up

I hate the fact that I got emotionally involved,  

The problem is we agreed to be professional, and I saw her a few times after the fact, and I know about her other clients  

But she did get emotional feelings for me, that’s why she didn’t want to see me recently and why she told me about her cancer

Yeah, it’s probably over seeing her as a provider or anything else

Thanks

My first impression was that you two hadn’t hooked up at all since you professed your feelings for her.

My new impression is that you agreed to be professional, but you’ve failed at that effort. Maybe that’s why she ended the escort side of your relationship.For a guy who claims to be OK with her being an escort, you sure seem fixated on the other guys she’s screwing for money.  Reread this thread and count the times you mentioned other guys.

I think it would be better for your own peace of mind to focus on the good times you had with her as a provider, and not dwell on it being a sex based relationship you no longer have. I mean imagine how awkward the dynamic would be now if she hit you up and proposed a paid date? You harboring feelings for her, her friend zoning you, you seeing her in person, dropping an envelope, talking about her cancer diagnosis, fucking her, then leaving her and going back to your real life.  Is the sex THAT awesome that you would really want to endure that dynamic? From a mental health perspective, I don’t see that being good for you in the long run.

I would hope the OP listens to your words of wisdom. The OP got caught up with this girl, whether it is "love" or some other deeply held "feelings" or whatever is the case, he formed an attachment. Attachments are usually not good and girls can sniff them out and it makes them uncomfortable, but it is possible she had feeling for him too. I say possible, but not likely but who really knows?  
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So I agree, the best medicine for him is to go cold turkey and move on. MUCH easier said than done, but each day he delays, that will only add on another day of grief down the line. Good post CKS.

Yes you are right, she smelled my attachment a mile away, I kept pushing for date appointments after when we usually just did incall appointments

I’m coming to better a better place mentally to stay away,

But I would still like to salvage the provider relationship, because yes the sex was that good and intense, that’s why I’m little jealous of her clients,  

Damn it!!  I had a good thing going with a UTR sexy beautiful woman that I had amazing sex with and who only saw limited clients

For me the problem was that she was so good at GFE, when i first saw her independent of an agency, I didn’t know she was still working, she didn’t charge me for sex,  I only paid for dates we had  

plus she has no website/ads where she lists hourly rates, services, etc

Thanks for your comments

I mean do you really think this is true or is this something you want to be true? It seems like you're using some delusional thinking to cope with reality and rejection here. It seems like she told you she had cancer to a) explain why she couldn't see you anymore and b) let you off easy so you would respect her decision. She's trying so say "its not you, its me." Even if she was catching feelings (A BIG IF AND HIGHLY UNLIKELY) it means she has made the decision it won't work for her.

1. The provider has cancer
2. You have confirmed (I'll assume that you did it in a way that didn't jeopardize her privacy, it's not a good assumption but I don't wanna open a can of worms here) that is the truth.  
3. The provider told you that she doesn't wanna see you anymore

 
You had feelings for her, and it's understandable that you're having trouble letting go. But dude. She has cancer (you said it's confirmed so she isn't lying) and doesn't want to see you.  

 
This should be enough here to let it go. Let it go. Yes it sucks, yes it probably makes you jealous that she sees others over you. Suck it up. She has cancer. Let her be and let her see whom she wants to see. Respect her wishes. Don't be selfish. If she were lying, then you could have had a point. But you say she isn't. Cancer is no joke.

 
What are we even discussing here. You ask why did she tell you. There could be a million reasons, from her trying to get you to understand the situation to just getting the emotions getting the best of her. Cancer diagnosis is life-changing. I get that you're trying to help but she clearly doesn't want that help. It is what it is.

Well said

Thanks