Hobbyist....Please don't leave a providers name and phone number in your wallets!  Wives WILL find it and then it also becomes our problem.  I just received a phone call from a client saying just that...his wife found my name and number in his wallet and she has looked up my website etc.  Now he is warning me she might call me and HE now wants me to accept the phone call but BACK HIM UP...saying he considered calling me but that I have never seen him.  I HATE this....I do not want to be involved.  So now I have a choice...1) accept the call and hope she believes me and ends it....or 2) Dodge her calls or emails which will not give her an answer and she might become obsessed with knowing and she could cause trouble for me!!!   This SUCKS for us!

I have so many hobbyist who are so concerned about us having their information and discretion....but it always seems to be the LACK of discretion and common sense by the hobbyist that continually put a provider in jeopardy!

Sorry for the venting BUT how many times does this issue have to be discussed before it sinks in?  Is it something that providers must TELL every single client that we meet?  Because of course, not every client reads these boards.  Frustrated with being involved in a marital affair!

No need to vent -- it's his problem, not yours.  If the wife calls, you need say no more than to say politely that you know nothing about this and have nothing to say.  Isn't that OK?  If you want to save his bacon, that's another story.  Even so, it's best you keep your involvement (and therefore risk) to a minimum.  Good luck.

Remember, this must really suck for her too.

As a wife, I have personally never contacted a provider my husband saw.  It was his fault, his bad move, his bad choice.

However, I can sympathize and understand.  Not all married men are *ignored* by their wives, *abused* by their wives, or unloved by them.  A lot of them are just plain a**holes.

A wife feels incredibly ripped off.  After all, the married men you are with never see you all change diapers, washing dishes, having bad pms bouts, or plain having a bad day.  You are not reality, and I can see why wives would lash out.

My best advice is open mindedness, trying to put yourself in their shoes, and realize we are all human with feelings.  And just ignore the calls/emails and let her work out her anger in her way.

You have no need to apologize for venting. He is the one who shold be apologizing to you, and all of us for that matter. It's that kind of thoughtlessness that can make it more difficult for both provider and hobbyist alike, but mostly the provider. Asking you to lie for him is just not right.

It is not providers problem when some people refuses to use their brain.

What a difficult situation to be placed in!  I hope this resovles quickly for you.
I have seen this happen to one of my friends.  She was distraught with the decision she had to make to protect herself, her client, and the emotions of the wife.

I'd like to remind gents along with this, that reviews or chats discussing locations of a lady's incall, the exact type of car she drives, where her boat is docked...etc... are inappropriate.  

Ladies in this business are susceptible to stalkers (as are men!), and if you've had experience with a stalker, you know that they go through extreme measures to keep up with their target.  "Little" details in chat or reviews about a lady's location or belongings can fuel a stalker into further disrupting her personal life.

-- Modified on 1/17/2008 8:50:38 AM

-- Modified on 1/17/2008 8:53:22 AM

Thank you for your mention of the wife's emotional concerns, it's refreshing and comforting to hear.

One more thought came to mind....ignoring her emails and calls would protect you, but I also think talking to her could protect you as well.

Hear me out....as a wife, the main thing that I believe has hurt the most, was that my friend, lover and companion in life, could do this to me after 20 plus years together.  And then hearing all the ways of secrecy, the lengths everyone (providers and clients both) goes to, to keep it from the wife.  It REALLY, and I cannot stress this enough, it REALLY makes one lose trust in absolutely everyone.  It's a scary feeling knowing that if you cannot trust your best friend and lover...then who CAN you trust?

I would expect this is a big reason that most wives will reach out to contact providers.  They just want to KNOW.  No matter the pain, they want confirmation, and validation.  And if someone is honest and open with them and tells them the truth, it gives them hope that there is humanity.

Not saying she would be receptive, but there is a good chance if you just told her flat out, that yes, her husband cheats on her, she would not see you as the *perpetrator* any longer, and focus on her husband.  I honestly think I would, if I was in her shoes.  We just want the *game* to end, by telling her the truth, you take the ball off the court and walk away from your portion of the game.

ok here is my thought, and I do realize I am somewhat of a newbie but I am always very careful, but there are risk involved.  I try to be as discreet as possible.  In the end, if my SO found out, I would never contact the provider and ask her to back me up. It was my mistake and I will deal with it myself. she signed on to have a short term relationship with me, that is it.  I respect and enjoy every provider I have been with (with the exception of one...) And I would not put her in that situation, much like if she got busted I would not want her calling me to bail her out. at least not unless I offered....anyway just my 2 cents.....

AMEN Sisstah! I have had it happen also, and this particular guy has been caught THREE TIMES... twice via computer and once bumping his phone right when she called (it was still in his pocket) and she heard quite a lot. Seemed to me he almost WANTED to be caught. Once yes I understand (but am not happy about) but three times? (all with me involved) Gimme a break.

In my case she has access to my website (via his computer) and all the e-mails passed. She called a bunch of her friends and told them and I believe she shared my website with them as well. I was never asked to cover for anything, he faced the music but it still makes a lady a bit paranoid when an angry wife has access to alot of your info via e-mails. That is why, even in e-mailing it is so important to remain discreet. I will send directions to a certain point and then the client must call me. I get asked the exact address for GPS reasons and I give the address for a close by resort. They still have to call me from there.

You can never be too careful. But overly paranoid is no good either... there has to be a sane balance.

Stay safe and happy,
C

Thank you all for your posts.  It is always good to keep the discussions going on discretion.  Although some men for some reason do not feel the need to be secretive!  Please give me a secretive name on your cell phone...instead of Avery...put Andy....The same with a phone number in your wallet...how hard is it to put Andy...with phone number/plumber for example.  Simple little things can go a long way to protecting you and ME!  YOU called me...I am NOT here to protect your marriage.  I definitely want to protect my ASS.  How would YOU feel if I called YOUR home and asked YOUR wife questions??  Well....I dont want to be called by your wife and asked questions!!!  I am completely discreet and I expect the same from clients!  If I got bagged I would never take YOU down with me!   xoxoxoxo  Thanks for all your support on this matter.

The good news is you won't be seeing that guy again for a long, long time!

I actually posted something on the FLA board about this not to long ago as I ran into somewhat the same situation twice.

Once the guy had just left me (saw him twice already) and 2 hrs later got a call from a frantic girlfriend asking me questions. All I said is I was a friend and dont call me anymore.  When I eventually talked to him he fessed up she was his gf. Then I told him "why lie to me as that just makes no sense" and he said he put my name as a guy, hehe-but she went thru his entire phone.

Then I called and left a vm for another client who accidentally left his phone at home and she texted me with "who is this". Luckily he appeared soon thereafter online and I was able to find out the scoop and pre-warn him.  But geez I don't need the grief.