I've read (with interest) a number of the posts on this board regarding love with a provider.  

In a nutshell, I'm one of those people who has ventured into this territory with a provider and am working through some 'issues'.  We have had some discussions about a life together and marriage, which is both exciting and terrifying, not surprisingly.

When I really boil it down in my head, I think there are two things that concern me the most about my particular situation, beyond the normal concerns anyone would have about committing to a partner:

Firstly, I feel I could only pursue a relationship with someone if it were monogamous, albeit open (that is, there could be agreed upon activities with other partners).  I am really concerned about  how a provider would be challenged by this.  (Mind you, I have an SO and hobby a lot, so my faithfulness is not beyond reproach).  I think it would be very hard for someone who really enjoys sex (as she does), would be able to let it go for any man, or how I could trust that she would.  I think one of her best traits is her passion, and she has shared it with many men, including during our time 'dating'.  I'm not sure how you turn that off, or how the attention lavished upon a provider would be missed.

Secondly, I wouldn't be interested in a marriage of convenience or a sugar daddy relationship.  I'm concerned about whether she truly feels uniquely attracted to me and how one can strip away the veneer a provider uses to keep clients happy.

As I re-read this, the underlying issues seem pretty transparent.  I suppose it's mostly just insecurity, the same type of thing that arises in any relationship.  There are never any definitive answers for these questions in any relationship.

However, the fact that she is a provider makes it much more complicated and adds some transparency that isn't present in civvie relationships.  For example, I can read reviews of her from other clients (which I try to avoid), and I'm aware of other long-time clients who are also very loyally attracted to her, and with whom I'm sure she shares some of the same passion.  I've seen emails from them expressing their love, and her doing the same.  Just words, I realize, but it does challenge one's confidence.

No specific question here, I suppose, but just some thoughts.  I will say this situation has challenged all of my notions about relationships and trust, and it has been very rewarding, albeit maddening at times.  It has revealed some very childish attitudes I have about love, as well.

You are currently married and hobby.  However, you are now in a quasi relationship w/ a provider (presumably still paying her money for services) and are contemplating marriage with this woman?

This sounds like one huge oxymoron.

He wants to get married to a provider, even though he's already MARRIED?

You're going to land yourself deep into TROUBLE.

Don't take this the wrong way but I think a lobotomy might be the best solution. Two opposing problems: 1. Undoubtedly she's used to hordes of men telling her how beautiful she is and secondly she will be leary of any man because of the wierdos she undoubtly encountered in this hobby. Good luck, you're going to need it. As a side not you intimated you didn't want to be a "sugar daddy", rest assured that unlesss your Donald Trump your money will run out long before all her problems are gone.

I'd suggest that you repost this over on The Erotic Highway and see what the Love Goddess says.  Her insight is par excellence.

One comment:

You must accept anyone you proclaim to love unconditionally, that means her profession and all.  Without that much, you and her will not percevere once the infatuation stage recedes.

Good luck with all this.

...but doesn't "SO" stand for significant other?  

If so, then she could just be a girlfriend or a F-buddy (not to downplay the role of a girlfriend...or even a F-buddy for that matter....but I figure that'd at least be easier to handle).

this post was originally on TEH and Dr Goddess told him to repost it here "to get more feedback".

She's got to love *him* unconditionally... and accept him for who he is. Even if (and perhaps especially if) he continues to hobby.

Real, deep love, comes from a wonderful place. Fear -- and that's all jealousy is -- doesn't enter into it.

xxxooo
Beverly ;-*

First, are you saying that YOU wish to continue to hobby, but that she cannot?  that is lopsided and will lead to ruin.  No partnership should be unequal.  Second... yea, these ladies who provide, if they are good at it, and are more mature are indeed, to us, "Well adjusted" for the most part.  But I would suspect that just as I have been told, spend time in their world, and you will find all of the "Human Condition."  So I would not assume that she is any less human... and you sound a tad like you believe her to be a bit of a goddess.

Third, and this it VERY IMPORTANT.  See!  It gets its own paragraph.  READ THE FRICKIN REVIEWS!  DO IT NOW!!! and don't stop till you've read them all!  The things that you "love" about her are there.  Available to all!  Sorry girls. But What you offer is personal and intimate.  And while there is nothing wrong with that, If one falls seriously in love with a provider, one has to reconcile that with the love.... and be able to live with that.  Could I?  at this stage of my life.... yea.  Could I when I was 20?  absolutely not!  So to me, the question to  you is, how mature are you?

What is the status with the ole SO?  She on board with all this?

And finally, what would be your plans after marriage and have you discussed those plans with the provider....  that is, how will you finance your marriage (you work and support, you retire and the two of you live on a desert island, you both work at normal humdrum civie jobs... you work at your job, she continue her profession... etc)?  Most important - what is HER expectation of the marriage, financially, sexually, and in the day to day life.....

Ahhh!!! I have fantasized.... and oddly enough, I find that some of the providers who I like, have the same problems I do! lol!  (actually that is what gives my GFE - reality!)  Some of them cope really really well!  Would I marry them?  Only if I get to hide in the closet and watch while they work!???!!!!!  Seriously, I hope that you have already discussed with the lady what I have written, but in case you've not, well, this post will provide the excuse to so do.

Thanks for all of the replies, particularly this one.  It's helpful to have a bit of a slap in the face about this whole thing.

We haven't discussed many of these things, but I was planning to do so.  We're very early in the 'relationship'.

To clarify a bit, I wasn't suggesting that I would hobby and she couldn't.  I do have an SO (not married), and I'm not considering asking this provider to marry me right now.  I'm just trying to decide whether we can pursue another type of relationship.  She's in a quasi-dating relationship with someone herself.

What a mess...

Great point BeverlyFisher. Once we can get beyond the fear that causes that jealousy, then we can appreciate the relationship for what it is and not try to force it into becoming something to assuage our fear. Unconditional love doesn't insist on a particular form for the relationship.

Of course, one can always fantasize, though!