Your situation is different...this is not destroying your relationship. It may have been with hers, and no one can tell another person what they "should do." We all do what is best for us, and what works for US. Fk the world.
How To Date A Sex Worker
http://christianbvega.blogspot.com/2013/04/how-to-date-sex-worker.html
IMO it is a well written article that is helpful
Especially for ladies who may have a "boyfriend" or guys who may be in a realationhip with a provider "girlfriend". Keeping "work" separate in a relationsip can be very difficult at best. Both parties need to understand that her activities is "just a job" - not many guys are strong enough to accept that, unfortunately.
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 3:35:36 PM
When I first dated my BF, he did not deal well, but he tried... and did not want to hear anything...
Eventually he began to see it as "just a job" and that love and my job were separate...
Sure, he had to learn to be secure... because sure, I do share intimacy and I do o on my job....
But we established rules...
Always use a condom for sex
Get tested every month
Always get paid for my dates (If I did not get paid, then that was cheating)
I know that he does want me to be in a different field and he would prefer that I not do this... but he knows how to accept it while I do it for now.
see what a amazing man I had...... and now that I finally appreciate him, I wont let him go lol
I clicked on the link expecting a bunch of nonsensical platitudes written by somebody who has never been there, but I was pleasantly surprised.
I have been in many short and long term relationships with both current and ex providers, and i am currently in one now with an active provider.
I will disagree with one statement though, if I ever find "the one and only" for me, I will ask her, actually I will "insist" that she stop doing this line of work, but not on the first date. lol
What I find surprising is how jealous providers themselves can get, my current GF is about to drive me away with HER jealousy, she thinks I am fucking everything that walks, and that's just simply not the truth., and she is not the first that has been that way.
FWIW I am happily divorced and I never met any of these women by cheating on another woman. Any provider who gets involved with a married man should know that if he is cheating on his present wife, he is eventually going to cheat on her as well.
It has more to do with values vs. jealousy. If you are not a person who believes in sleeping with others when you have a mate, you're never going to accept it. Knowing what you want out of a relationship is the first step, and too many people convince themselves they can handle things, they simply can't. They just don't want to lose that person so they put up with it, then it gets crazy. I would never ask any person I truly loved to "like or accept" what I do, because I even know this is not forever for me. If I truly desired to be a provider for the rest of my life, then things would be different. He could either accept it or take a hike, but here is the catch...I would never date someone who accepted it lol.
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 4:07:50 PM
There have been issues like "no gas left in the tank for me" with a couple, which unfortunately ended the relationship, but not the friendship.
No, as long as that's what our relationship is, yes I can put it aside. The bigger issue is, if I ask a woman to quit her job for me, and she does, that means I have to be making an equal committment to her, and as most here already know, I am an immature, whoremongering pig, who is absolutely terified of committment. lol
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 4:07:50 PM
So, try not look at everything based your values and you are convinced yours are the right one’s.
May be for you and may be not for someone else. This value crap wants me to puke whenever I read the crap.
Who in the hell made the judge and jury about values. Besides, there are many open relationships these days.
Instead values, I say, it is based on someone’s outlook and and self confidence. Not some values dictated by damn values conjured by priests in the 17th, 18th and 19 the century
Which is my point, but if TWO people don't feel the same about their relationships, that's a damn war. I would not go marry an atheist and get pissed he did not believe in God. I would not marry a guy who was bisexual, knowing I don't want him banging other dudes. I would not date a hobbyist and get mad that he sees hookers. Each person's values or expectations have to match, or the relationship falls apart. It's really that simple. Don't date someone and try to change them. Either accept them for what they are, or move on along and let them do the same. I would never want to change a person to be what I wanted...I simply avoid those types of people for life mates.
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 7:09:42 PM
I read all of that but I still don't understand how anyone can love the job. Obsession with materialism I guess.
I quit working so I wouldn't lose the man I loved. My husband is way more important than anything imaginable
Samiam
And, I hear you are a great woman and wife...won't say by whom ha ha.
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 6:04:38 PM
Thank you sweety. I really loved your opinion above
Samiam
you will never understand how someone can ever deal with it. From the sounds of it, your husband couldn’t deal with it so you changed.
I loved him enuff to realize to have a successful marriage I had to quit. I don't wish to discuss this any longer. I made the correct choice. I made a BAD choice coming here
Samiam
Well said. If I fell in love...REAL LOVE, I would walk away from this shit in a heartbeat. It's a fkin job, and that's it! It is NOT my identity, and I would never date a guy who thought it was "cool." He would have to let me keep posting on TER though lol.
But sadly I cant walk away till I finish school, so he and I just have to deal till then
Your situation is different...this is not destroying your relationship. It may have been with hers, and no one can tell another person what they "should do." We all do what is best for us, and what works for US. Fk the world.
And they can not be the ones to judge or make a decision that will affect her entire life... No one knows the struggles that any of us have by doing this job... And I agree, if for her, it was best to leave and focus on the love of her life... that is her choice, and it was right for her if she is happy..
Are you planning on graduating before 85?
I had no other goals when I started this to go back to school. I actually have a college degree in Early Childhood Education. However, I had no desire to go back to school and was having fun in this job...
I actually just re-decided to go back to school and change my career goal completely to a accounting major. I only re-started 3 days ago...
Most accredited schools in Accountancy are now six year programs culminating with the CPA review classes....leading to the passing of that 3 day test.
And that's at a full time pace.
Good luck if you are going to try and get this done part time whilst hooking.
I actually just re-decided to go back to school and change my career goal completely to a accounting major. I only re-started 3 days ago...
15 units, and I estimated I will be ready to transfer to a 4 year in about 2.5yrs
I never said I would be done tomorrow.. and by the way, I am only in my late 30's so I doubt I will be 85 LMAO
I do know I am older than most in my classes but who cares!
Congrats on working toward that degree.
Hopefully you'll get there sooner than later.
And many people go back to school later in life. If you can arrange a full time schedule it would really help in getting to the finish line. It'll be really tough to master the curriculum only taking a class a semester. Especially the advanced classes in Junior and Senior "years".
I never said I would be done tomorrow.. and by the way, I am only in my late 30's so I doubt I will be 85 LMAO
I do know I am older than most in my classes but who cares!
on taking 3-4 classes and we are a quarter system. If I want my full grants, and financial aid, you have to go FT...
Luckily my BF is helping with my kids, so I can work too...
I figure I can at least get a job getting my foot in the door after my AA while I work on the rest.
I will still have to work doing this, but way less availability and like 2 hr minimums at that point lol
Living here in the Bay area, I can not realistically afford to quit till I have that CPA...
It takes 2 years at most, here, to become a CPA. I also have a friend who did the shit online and is now a CPA...thanks to um...CPA lol.
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 8:22:48 PM
yeah here you have to have a bachelors before they let you take the test... so...
Took me over 7 years to get what I have now, and still can't get a job paying more than 60k to start.
This board already has one too many fucking accountants!
How do you know ChgoCPA doesn't have boobies? Hell, I'm not even so sure he's really a guy!
Even a lousy bellhop knows there are better choices. But you already knew that.
And for me, anyone I would be involved with would have to understand that about me. if they couldn't, then I couldn't be with them. And I would wish them a wonderful life. I know it's not an easy thing to date or have a relationship with someone who is in this business, but some men can do it, and love it. Some women can do it and love it.
Who makes the better partner: hobbyists or noon-hobbyists; or does it matter?
Just curious.
I am pretty jealous 
I know, it is hypocritical... at least I admit it. But I find that he is the best partner/lover/friend I ever had...
He is not a hobbyist...if we play around, it is with me there... and he is such a rare man that he still feels guilty and like he is cheating on me even though I am there...
HE is the rare species of men that truly never cheat if they are with someone and he hates one night stands...
If we are talking better lovers, I am keeping that to myself lol.
while I have had some great lovers in my clients... My BF is the best.... ever...
Like I said below, a huge part of sex is mental to me, and he just has this way that he touches me, looks at me while we have sex, penetrates me just right so I start bubbling, talking dirty, gushing lol
I have never ever had sex as good.... but its because of being in love and the mental way he touches me
A client just can not ever get to that point with me.... unless we were dating in RL ...
Totally agree, and was speaking on skill alone. The BEST I have ever had has been in real life, but I have had better lovers in the hobby on a whole compared to guys I have dated.
OMG I met this guy in my personal life and he said he doesnt DATY... I was like buh bye
Then I dated this other guy omg.... he was sooo inexperienced, he went down on me and he stops when I am about to cum... I said why are you stopping???
he says well its getting really wet...
SMH OMG really???? it is supposed to!!!!!!!!!
I swear...
My first serious boyfriend, was 10 yrs older than I was, sex was not very good, he was super small, but boy could he lick pussy...
well I actually asked him if it was in one time (yeah I know) so that relationship didnt last lol
Lets see another guy I dated, when we would start having sex, and I wanted him to go deep and hard and fast like I liked... and as soon as he did, his dick went limp
So he had to start up again super uber slow, and he would be fine... but so slow I was literally like bored!!!!!!
lol
so
based on the above experiences, and these are just a few, my clients as a whole are better lovers lo
If we're talking about a 'relationship partner', that's a boundary that I am sure most escorts aren't interested in crossing for various reasons.
If you're talking about a 'sexual partner', the best purely physical sex is with a client I've seen for years. Wow, the sex is intense...whew! But if you're talking about emotional sex partner, then I'd have to say it has only been and could only be with a real boyfriend b/c there's real deep and genuine love/connection that's so beautiful and amazing.
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 4:51:07 PM
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 4:53:24 PM
Many, many women have hobbyists as there "real" partner and don't know it. Just saying Wonders.
Well, I think she means she would not do it knowingly. If he is cheating on her, that's another story, but she would never pursue a guy she knew was lying to someone else.
wouldn't knowingly have an escort or ex-escort as a real partner. P4P just isn't a quality I'd knowingly accept in a real romantic and serious partner.
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 5:16:05 PM
after falling deep in love with him. However, if I knew that info at the beginning of us getting to know each other, I'd pass as fast as the speed of light!
I get what you're saying though. That scenario of not knowing up front and then falling in love makes total sense to me for sure and I'm sure happens more than most ladies would ever know.xoxo
-- Modified on 4/10/2013 5:26:14 PM
You never know for sure till you are in that situation. Emotion makes us do illogical things.
Breathing is natural. Sweating is natural. Peeing is natural. Or is that squirting? Lol. In my experience, those that try and "conquer" jealousy get crushed by it.
I dont believe many can beat back something that is natural. "Nature" will eventually take its course, jealousy will rear its ugly head and destroy the relationship. No, not in every single case, but in far too many.
Dating an escort longer term, for most guys IMO, takes that rare individual that doesn't possess jealousy or does so in such small amounts as to not be worth mentioning.
Well stated. It's as if some people just say, "Well, I can't change them, hate what they do, but I can't find what I really want, so I will deal with it." That's not love..it's DESPERATION! If you secretly hate what someone does and you stay because you are too scared to be alone, they are not the one with the problem..you are.
You just have to decide it is not something you want to be a part of our life. Remember being a kid and getting really jealous that someone else had a better toy than you? You learned to tame that, right? Same with sexual or relational jealousy.
Just realize that true love isn't about ownership. It's very liberating.
Dedication & intimacy.
About the most intimate thing you can do is express your emotions physically.
Many appreciate the idea of a pair bonding in recognition of the sacrifice sole dedication entails.
Therein lies the rub.
Pair bonding and its appreciation can differ from person to person. I am not a person who is given to "sole dedication" in a physical sense. I know many people similar to me (as a matter of fact, probably many men here, even if they don't want to admit it).
There is much to be said about how socialization favors a religiously-based ethos, and as such, pair-bonding would reflect that in most societies. But not all. And this religiously-based ethos is relatively new to humanity considering how long we've been around. So the ethos, while strong, is by no means primeval.
Also, intimacy is subjective. I don't find sex to be the most intimate thing I can do with another. There are far more intimate things- like sharing emotions and plans and dreams about a future. Having children and raising them. Sex *can* be intimate, but whether it is or not depends on me alone (at least from my perspective- I have no control over what my sexual partner is thinking about our physical encounter or ascribing to it). And of course, there are degrees to my intimacy. I believe I share an intimacy with my friends here when a physical encounter takes place, but it is not the same kind of intimacy I share with a regular partner or significant other.
About the most intimate thing you can do is express your emotions physically.
Many appreciate the idea of a pair bonding in recognition of the sacrifice sole dedication entails.
Therein lies the rub.
Well...I might argue a pair bond is primeval in the basic survival unit sense; pre any ethos...IOW parents working to ensure their offspring are successful...However I am not implying that in a greater than nuclear family structure- stretching to tribe, that any mutual one on one bonds were exclusive.
I'm sure it was fluid, dynamic and very much akin to what you see amongst mammals where the dominant males compete and breed. Regarding men and sole dedication; it is our instinct to possess our "harem" and ensure the success of passing on our legacy. In essence we compete with other males to ideally have for our leisure as many of you as possible at our beck & call with which to procreate until the day we lose the fight against another who is stronger, younger...smarter. In a sense nature favors male chauvinism. Much to the ultimate destruction of the males involved.
You can parse the sex out of intimacy but when emotionally involved; I daresay that other than self sacrifice for another, physical intimacy is very near the top of the list of how deep emotion can be expressed. Yes, there are many varying degrees and types of intimacy.
Now that we're onto emotion...therein lies the rub actually? What is love? Love & reason seem to be extraordinarily human unique.
It certainly is way beyond chemical infatuation. It most certainly includes mutual nurturing of each others spirits intimately in order to encourage strength to deal with the trials of life. Maybe love & reason paradoxically rub up the wrong way against the possessive instinct driven by our animal nature?
I agree with both of you...shocking lol. I do not think sex is the most intimate thing two people can share, but I do think when you are truly soul mates the sex completes you. On another note..I don't believe in brainwashing or numbing myself to "deal" with what any man throws my way. By that, I mean it's not about jealousy but about RESPECT. I don't give a flying fk how much jealousy you claim to be without...if your best friend, lover, soul mate, fked your brother or sister, you're going to feel something. If you don't, you are either too damaged or too stupid to see how fked up that really is.
So many women have been abused and cheated on their entire lives, they have convinced themselves through a defense mechanism that it's ok, because they can't find anyone to be faithful to them. Very rarely do women have this ideal from a young age. They try for monogamy and get fked over so many times, they just pretend it's ok to be with a man who fks anything that moves. Sorry, but not for me. I have never had a problem with guys being faithful, but I do have a problem with boredom.
Many people are so desperate for love or just a best friend, they will do anything just to keep that person from leaving them, even if it means pretending to be ok with things that are painful. Seems sad to me. I don't believe in "settling" because I have let a few past lovers convince me, I am not worth more.
-- Modified on 4/11/2013 10:51:35 PM
Y So Srs?
lmao...
Yup, RESPECT is huge...it's a big two way street.
The thing with jealousy that so many don't get is that it goes hand in hand with mating hierarchy.
Dominant males don't like sharing; competition is a threat. That instinct just may have been wired into humans sociologically over millenia; hence the common pair bond and sometimes the one man many women arrangement.
Here's a good, long, maybe informative snooze for ya: