A few weeks ago I posted a thread in the Newbie forum asking if a provider with whom I'd had a spat would or should still give me a good reference, as I'd been clean, safe, etc. One of our well-liked providers here on GD replied that referrals are not an obligation, but a courtesy. She said that it's a nice thing for her to do for me, but not required.

Say you got into an argument about the influence of the surrealism movement on today's advertising design, both SM and mainstream. I would expect her response to go like, "Yeah, I fucked him. He's okay."  

You didn't link your previous post so I'm not sure what the spat was about.  

How long will we surrealists have to endure the brickbats tossed so blithely  our way without expressing our angst?

I've already walked away from more than one provider on account of this issue and sadly, I'll probably have to do so again.

Sorry to make such a fuss about this but this is an issue that affects me greatly.  My whole family was driven out of our neighborhood by realists back in the 1950s, and our Dalis and Eschers laid to waste.

I return you now to your regularly scheduled program.

And yeah, I still maintain that that's the case.  

Yes, it's a courtesy that you extend to the inquiring provider. But if no providers gave referrals, how would you know anything about any potential customer? Don't you think the other ladies are doing you a favor by providing referrals, even if the guy was nice to her but a douche with you? What if she said he was a douche? Would you still book him?

Personally,  if I were a chick, I would give references more weight IF several of the gals told me they had been in his presence on numerous occasions and he acted like a total gent each and every time, rather than just a one off meet up.

It's a COURTESY. No one has to give a referral if they don't want to. Plain and simple.  

Posted By: 89Springer

Yes, it's a courtesy that you extend to the inquiring provider. But if no providers gave referrals, how would you know anything about any potential customer? Don't you think the other ladies are doing you a favor by providing referrals, even if the guy was nice to her but a douche with you? What if she said he was a douche? Would you still book him?  
   
 And, again, it would not be a courtesy for the client if no providers required referrals. They are truly a pain in the ass. Right now I'm concerned about a provider I saw a week ago. At the end of the session she said she'd give me good referrals. In my review I gave her an 8/9. She emailed me to ask if I would give her a 9/9 to 10/10. I didn't change my review. Maybe she's pissed, and maybe that will have an influence on her giving me a referral. Having to be concerned about that is a pain in the ass.  
   
 As for the questions about the nature of the spat, it's not anything bad on me, but the subject of the spat has no bearing on my question about references. You guys are just looking for a juicy story.

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I thought using those types of nicknames have to be earned.

Ever since she admitted to me she wanted to fully submit and be my sex slave in session on that island themed thread YOU started, my pets names for her have increased by a factor of 10. lol

If a lady places great emphasis on referrals herself, then for that lady to provide referrals is more than a mere courtesy, she owes that to her community of like-minded colleagues.    

Tobi, I'm saying that it's a courtesy that providers extend to each other. It's only a courtesy to the guys because nearly every provider requires these referrals that other providers give them as a courtesy to each other. For the guys it's really something they need because of all this, and they hope that the providers will do it.  

...of sweating over a woman who may not give you the reference you want. But I get it, you're very particular in your tastes, and the women you want to see all have high barriers for entry. In that case, suck it up and go see a few newbie-friendly ladies and build up a new list of references. You can knock it out in one of your hobby weekends - just schedule a couple of short visits in a row.

Ladies don't randomly hand out references.  Unless you (the client) specifically give Miss Wants-a-10/10 as a reference, no prospective playmate is going to contact her about you.

He says it should be "Tobester."  But even that's the masculine way to spell it.  So technically, Conan says it should be "Tobestress."
Stop trying to be a BSU, that's someone else's job, LOL!
You're welcome.

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She just told me that  LOL

I have been working out my pimp hand for awhile now and with that reinforced leather collar I just bought her (she'll reimburse me of course) I don't see her going anywhere without my permission.

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-- Modified on 1/13/2015 2:56:02 PM

I think a provider vouching for the client is a favor to him as well as to the other provider.  If no one gave you a good reference, then there would be a very limited number of ladies who would see you.  
To address a couple other of your questions and points: if a provider said negative things about a client, no I would not see him.  That's kind of the point of references lol.
   And a provider is only going to give you a good reference if she thinks you're a good guy.  And if you had a spat, it depends on if the spat changed her opinion of you. If it was a spat that made her think you are a douche, then her referral will reflect that.  
   As for wondering wether or not a provider will give a good or bad ref based on review scores: it totally depends. If that's the only thing she didn't like, then she might tell the other lady that the guy is a good client but to beware because he is harsh with review scores. If there were also other things that she didn't think were too cool about him, then she'll say that.
A good reference is honest.  References are very important in protecting us mentally and from rude guys and boundary pushers as well as just for basic safety. If there was no reference system, then it would make it a lot easier for douche-y guys to hobby, because they could act like a dick with as many ladies they wanted to, and all they'd have to do is give their work info and act nice over the phone.
I don't want to make clients go thru a whole lot of trouble, but I'm not going to see him unless I feel comfortable, because that would just be dumb.

Posted By: 89Springer

Yes, it's a courtesy that you extend to the inquiring provider. But if no providers gave referrals, how would you know anything about any potential customer? Don't you think the other ladies are doing you a favor by providing referrals, even if the guy was nice to her but a douche with you? What if she said he was a douche? Would you still book him?  
   
 And, again, it would not be a courtesy for the client if no providers required referrals. They are truly a pain in the ass. Right now I'm concerned about a provider I saw a week ago. At the end of the session she said she'd give me good referrals. In my review I gave her an 8/9. She emailed me to ask if I would give her a 9/9 to 10/10. I didn't change my review. Maybe she's pissed, and maybe that will have an influence on her giving me a referral. Having to be concerned about that is a pain in the ass.  
   
 As for the questions about the nature of the spat, it's not anything bad on me, but the subject of the spat has no bearing on my question about references. You guys are just looking for a juicy story.

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Again, it's a courtesy, not an obligation.  

I make an appointment with a 10/10 rated, well-reviewed provider. Minimal wardrobe request (bra, panties, heels). She comes to the door in bathrobe with wet hair and no makeup. We have a dog in the bed with us.

Thanks for clarifying that. I didn't realize you did either reference or employment.

I'm on YOUR side! Surrealism means everything to me! I don't think I could get out of the hammock every morning if the work was any less surreal! It's fresher than it's ever been or ever will be! I'm just saying that if you look at TV commercials and the blogs on social media that the influence is so pronounced that your mind has to skip a beat every time it inhales some whatyoumaycallit.

Ok, so having stated this....do you ask for references? And do you ask P1's of the world to give theirs of the C that wants to see you?

Probably just as well.

Here's a much better example of current Dadaism, with a healthy dose of surrealism to boot:

How'd you like it?

It gets it's formal premiere in Milan next week.

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Do you ask other providers to vouch for your client-wannabe? You admit it's hardly worth the effort since the guy could go jekyl and hyde on you....but you probably still check guys references, right

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How does one achieve eternal bliss? By saying dada. How does one become famous? By saying dada. With a noble gesture and delicate propriety. Till one goes crazy. Till one loses consciousness. How can one get rid of everything that smacks of journalism, worms, everything nice and right, blinkered, moralistic, europeanised, enervated? By saying dada. Dada is the world soul, dada is the pawnshop. Dada is the world's best lily-milk soap. Dada Mr Rubiner, dada Mr Korrodi. Dada Mr Anastasius Lilienstein. In plain language: the hospitality of the Swiss is something to be profoundly appreciated. And in questions of aesthetics the key is quality.  

Maybe I'm trying to look behind the curtain too much. I'm curious what that email or text looks like.

In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey
Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose

Perhaps some rely on them more than others, but without them (including forms such as the "okays" on P411) I can't imagine how this would work.  It would certainly be a MUCH smaller world, comprised of the most rigorous screening ladies and only clents willing to give up personal info to each lady (yes, I'm ignoring the lowest end ladies who do no screening at all).

Careful. If you don't grovel, he'll label you BSC.

First of all, I'm not giving out any personal information just to get a session. Secondly, I'm one of the good guys. Clean, safe, sane, dependable, math savvy, and seriously want to play. My sole means of progressing from lady to lady, and back again, is by word of mouth, or keyboard. Therefore, a reference becomes more than just a courtesy for me. It is a necessity, almost mandatory. Should a lady not take my request to reference as seriously as I've taken my session, I'm going to wonder about her connectivity. Of course, a lack of connectivity isn't conducive to any type of continuing relationship. Ladies, this is a business you're running. Within the hierarchy of all the great businesses, is good customer service simply a courtesy, or is it mandatory?  

I have never called Tobi BSC and wouldn't think to. No clue where you came up with that. Actually Tobi and I get along just fine and is one of many here who "get it."

Which actually is starting to describe SYW.

Or maybe she thinks that Tobi need protecting? Yeah right, that's the ticket. lol

So I am just gonna list them here, so many posts I am not sure I remember all the names.