Let me just throw this out. I have never been in a relationship and only on one date. By my mid 20s, I decided perhaps it would help if I saw an escort to put me at ease with women. All my experiences have been with strippers/escorts. I just really wanted to feel loved and wanted (and reciprocate it). Unfortunately, seeing escorts does not do that although its easy to get lost and think it does sometimes.

I'm not a big fan of "therapy."  

This game attracts lots of maladjusted people who end up doing plenty of self-destructive things.  The examples are too numerous to mention.
I don't say this to tell you that you don't have a problem.  You do, but I'm not a shrink and don't have a solution.  But at least you recognize the problem and can articulate it, so there's hope.
Look at it this way, at least you're not a stalker or an abuser or a thief.  We've got plenty of those, too. And despite being vulnerable to the syndrome, you've managed not to fall for a hooker and not get up.
All I can tell you is you sound like a decent, self-aware guy so just hang in there and it may work out.

Give the civie broads a white envelope so you'll feel normal with them.  

The key is to understand what kind if reality it is, and isn't. It isn't a reality in which she's your girlfriend. It's a reality in which you're her client and you're paying her for having a good time in each other's company for a period of time.  

And imagine they are naked when talking to them. Okay, maybe that won't help.

Posted By: JackDunphy

Give the civie broads a white envelope so you'll feel normal with them.  
   
 Just make sure you don't review them.

...who doesn't take a back seat to anyone when it comes to being an asshole, gave the guy a straight answer.

I have an unusual suggestion. Obviously it would be easier if you could just make yourself relax when dating regular women, but you've tried that already. Some escorts offer a social rate, where you would pay a much lower hourly rate to go on a date in public. Maybe you could find an escort in your area that you haven't seen yet that charges a social rate, and you could practice dating with her. Maybe even do a mixed date after the first time or two, where you pay for a couple of hours at the social rate, followed by an hour of sex. Some providers who don't offer a social rate may at least offer a discounted dinner date option that assumes a mixture of public dining and private sex. This could help you adjust to more normal dating, which you could try again after doing some of these social rate situations

His post had a strange vein of morality to it. It's almost like he actually cared.

When you are with providers, you have structured time, and you know when you leave it is"over." When you are getting to know a woman outside of the hobby, the time you are with her is less structured (what do you share about yourself and what do you want to learn about her while at dinner, for example), AND you aren't sure where the "date" is going. So try to structure the time in the ways that a session's time is structured.

Prescription drugs?  He's not weak-minded, he just has some social issues with women who aren't naked, and you want him to be a drug user. Geez.

(The attached example is similar to many anxiety levels)

You need to stop seeing escorts and start seeing women with an eye towards establishing a real relationship.  Try a dating service, a professional match maker, hobbies, churches - whatever.  Keep at it.  Practice makes perfect.  Join a gym and USE it - get your body in shape.  If nothing else, it will give you something to do to keep your mind off it...

You should step away from this one since you don't have a clue about it.

can-you-treat-stage-fright

I would suggest that you stop seeing escorts, as doing so is complicating your problem. It would be easier to sort out your problems with dealing with civvie women if you're not complicating things by having male/female relationships that are fantasy.

First of all, the issue might be something entirely different than the hobby. For example, after the high of seeing an atf, it's never emotionally crippling for me. Rather, I have a deep sense of euphoria for a week. And then I start planning my next session with her, so the anticipation takes over. If you have two atfs, it doubles (don't get too many). It's one endless series of highs. And trust me, even though it's p4p, it's real. When I'm at my tedious job, thinking about these lovely ladies gets me through the many rough patches.  

and delivered them wisely ... +

This is not the place for emotions.

I have been in the same situation as you.  When I was younger I was fine with civies but 10 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer and it set me back emotionally like I was in high school starting over.   When I came out the other end I was terrified to talk to women so I started seeing providers.  

Obviously, you need more that a few words from untrained (tho probably well experienced) people here like me.
All I can say is that when I was free and dating I was not really hobbying so there were no internal mix ups. But I approached every attempt at a date with no expectations and no emotional investment with the outcome. I would ask anyone out and if she said "fuck off pig" I didn't take it personally.  I only needed one "yes" a week out of however many tries to end up with one date more than none.
The suggestion above to have activities in mind is a very good one.  (Nothing is worse on a first data than "I donno what d'you want to do.")
One other thing that may seem strange but I think could be very helpful: you could try to date a provider for her full fee but with the understanding there would be no sex. Pick her up, take her to dinner, enjoy the conversation and company and end perhaps with a cheek peck.  You could do this with one or two or three ladies and ask them later for tips. Also you could use the dates to get used to talking to women you find sexually attractive while exploring the other pleasures that can be had with attractive women. Focus on asking open ended not too personal questions and really listening to the answers. I have found providers to be generally intelligent and savvy women.
You have a personal not

I've tried some dating apps and sites but haven't had any luck with the them. No messages returned or matches. I've tried speed dating as well. Same story. I haven't tried a Pro match maker though. Any ideas of what they're like? Unfortunately, I don't really have hobbies that I'm passionate about. That's why I've taken classes to see if I could develop these interests. But nothing sticks there. I do work out at home to stay in shape with weights.

it is with some trepidation that I offer mine, but your situation sound so similar to mine when I was your age, that I feel I must offer my own experience to you, given how well things turned out for me.

This is really helpful when laid out in that manner for dates. But I'd first need to get dates before following this advice. How do you go about getting dates and approaching women?

In your mind that practically makes you an expert. See what I mean by the more you say, the more you make yourself look like a bigger idiot. The OP, who you don't know, should consider taking prescription drugs because YOU discussed it with a doctor?  You're setting a new standard for asinine.

I think you need something that will give you the confidence to deal with women as more than just a sexual object that you can "rent" for a while.

To some people this seems to be the answer to everything, just "take a pill" and everything will be just fine. Yeah, great fucking advice. What a maroon.

What's real is what you're doing in your life AFTER the session and the door closes behind you.

The greatest skill in dating is "be yourself". Otherwise genuinity in regular dating is just as "fake" as seeing escorts - only the sex isn't guaranteed right away.

I doubt if any paid relationship is going to help anyone with their real relationships.

You were just given a bit of the game plan for getting the date -- ASK and present the structured outing for her consideration.

The very fact that you don't like it makes me believe it's most likely the PERFECT solution for him as he will get used to interacting with women with his clothes on and hopefully this will force him out of his comfort zone.

Something no one has mentioned is that you're going to have to decide how open you want to be about your extracurricular activities with your civvy date.  I think most of us in the hobby have basically created a lock box that's not open to any one, whether girlfriend, spouse, relative or friends.  That's just a part of you that no one is going to know, a secret you're taking to the grave. Once you've consciously made that mental arrangement, its one thing less to worry about on a date.  

I'm going to follow up on your:
"Unfortunately, I don't really have hobbies that I'm passionate about. That's why I've taken classes to see if I could develop these interests. But nothing sticks there. I do work out at home to stay in shape with weights. "

Haven't you called Sugar babes, hookers who just can't admit they are hookers?

There are some people for whom the advice "Be yourself" would be ill advised.

I guess if you're not in contact with anyone, start hanging out at Starbucks or some such coffeehouse where people make small talk with strangers all the time.

Research the word "limerence". You might find some support in that community. Limerents usually have a single limerent object but it's not beyond the scope to suggest you experience it with every girl you have sex with.

I think if you want a full fledged relationship with a women you should seek outword towards social events or hobbies you like. At times being with a provider can feel very comfortable being with us but I am not quite sure were looking for true feelings of a boyfriend but as a relationship to a client and building trust and a great relationship with someone. So with that being said, me myself I do care for the people I do spend my time with and enjoy it so much but to me this is what it is and is heloing me build a wonderful carrer and get me through my college. I think you may have to put your feelings aside if your wanting to be with some of the providers unless there looking for the same thing to not do this anymore. My suggestion is you stop and really try to find a nice women who appreciates you for you are and not for what you can offer her. Good luck to you honey. I am sure there is a Mrs. Right out there for you. Xo

Agree with the fat man on this one.

and meeting various SB's, most of which will NOT respond to simply giving them a wad of cash.

The best way to interact in the real world (not the sugar, or any other made up world) is to actually participate in it.

I gave you a very civil, reasoned and rational reply.

No, I do disagree.

You are.  

And, I bet if one of these "perfect" ladies actually was your SO, she wouldn't be "perfect" anymore. The reason we can have a perfect fantasy experience for an hour or two every so often is because we pay for it. No one is actually perfect, and if you live with someone you will eventually take them for granted (at least a little, and it's not an entirely bad thing to have someone you can rely on), you will discover their idiosyncrasies, and the novelty will wear off. At least for me anyway, partly why I need to do this is that I crave variety.  

For what it's worth, I'm a female, and I think you sound like a cool, intelligent guy

You're definitely not the only one to struggle with this... in the hobby, and in life. In fact, I've met a fair amount of escorts (myself included) who were actually in the same boat. Personally, I was one of those girls who didn't go to prom (I wasn't asked... I was socially awkward, and also went through a heavy-set, surly, buzzcut'ed period of life just after puberty), and I became sexually active very late... I always considered that humiliating, and thought that I was abnormal, and unlovable, etc, etc. But now, I see that it's kind of normal. I had to become comfortable with myself. I also had to stop wanting a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship... and start getting to know people because I liked them, and liked spending time with them. Not because it might 'go someplace.'  

I agree with others--if you are having problems with developing feelings for some of the escorts you see and you have no other meaningful female relationships in your personal life, you should probably try to stay away from the hobby for a while.  Although asking your escort ladies who know you for honest feedback on what you can do to make yourself more appealing is a good idea. i too am not really great with women. There are no real "easy" solutions--you will have to remain committed to putting yourself out there in uncomfortable social situations and trying to talk to people. I don't know if you have friends or a social life, but regularly talking to people and developing a rapport should help (even platonic guy friends).  I do think you should try to find things that interest you and become more knowledgeable about that, whether it's a skill or a subject. If you're an expert in something, anything really, that should give you some general confidence about yourself, give you something to talk about, make you more interesting, and another way to meet other people with a similar skill/passion. Meetup.com is a good place to meet all kinds of people with similar interests. I think you need to continue with the dating sites, there are tips to make that more successful, but you need practice just going on dates--don't worry if you're not attracted to her or she's not the one.  While it's good to be honest, most people probably do embellish themselves a bit, you need to work on selling yourself. If you're more comfortable talking online, that's fine too, as long as there is a route to meeting in person. I met my wife on yahoo messenger, then found out we didn't live too far away.  

My mind was made up for me after seeing so much bad advice that he received and like you, I think he's probably an all right guy, maybe just a "late bloomer" where it comes to women.

You clearly derive some out sized sense of individual worth, by your rather voluminous contributions here. Ignore......

At a high level, the idea doesn't seem like it would help. I'd still be paying someone to be with me and that's the only reason they'd be with me. But I wasn't aware that SBs won't necessarily have sex with you. That would certainly change things to some extent I suppose. I'd imagine approaching SBs is still very similar to approaching providers, no? I haven't really ever looked into it, but I do see where you're coming from with your advice.

Thanks for the link. Interesting read. I wouldn't take anything recommended by a doctor and understanding what it does, but it certainly provides a different approach/perspective. What's kind of strange is that I've done public speaking. I've played sports although I never performed well due to skill. So in those scenarios I guess I'd be dealing with anxiety but it's not manifesting itself in the same manner as it does when it comes to approaching a lady I might find attractive in public.

That sounds like a great approach. My hang up is on the last part: on the provider's end, how is it possible for them to say they enjoy spending time with me when they otherwise wouldn't if it weren't for the money? It really makes it hard to believe anything a provider ever says.

I understand the suggestion, but how would I know whether the provider is being genuine in what she says during the dinner date? She'd still be getting paid. I feel like once money is involved it's hard to believe anything a provider might say.

What do you mean talk to anyone in a non-functional way on a daily basis? I don't have social media. I've tried the online dating apps like OKCupid, Tinder, etc, but that's about it. I interact with coworkers. I get together with friends after work on Fridays or meetup on weekends every now and then. I think meeting new people has been really hard. That's why I've been trying to develop interests. Unfortunately, I'm exhausting my list of things I'd be interested in learning/trying and nothing is sticking. That is I'll sign up for a class to learn something or a skill, but I find I don't really enjoy it to the point where I'd want to continue doing it on my spare time. And I was hoping those classes would allow me to meet or talk to people but it hasn't led to that so far.

The sugar world is not like the hooker world and if you approach a POT SB like you do a hooker you will spend a LOT of time striking out. OTOH, the Sugar World allows you to get a lot of "potential SB's" hence the reference to POT SB's, Many women will respond to you, but only a small percentage will actually fuck you if you treat them like a hooker.  

If you are finding life to get crippling and the hobby is in the way of you living a life that is worth living, check out a 12 step program like: https://slaafws.org/ - the solutions there do offer a way out.

That last part is ridiculously hard for me. Perhaps it's that this hobby had led to me objectifying women, but it just seems like if I'm not attracted to them or it can't lead to a relationship, what point is there in getting to know them? I'm aware it's a rather disgusting attitude to have. God that sounds so awful. But I've tried recently just hanging out with ladies who I was either not attracted to or there was no chance of anything getting past friends. Just frustrating all around.

I saw that video the other day. You're too funny. If only things were that simple.

Is Seeking Arrangement the only place for this? Sounds interesting to say the least.

At the risk of asking a silly question since you're still on the site, have you gone through it yourself? Has it helped? I'm going to look into this. I was recently told I need to see a sex therapist by a doctor because what I have is an addiction. Sounds rather weird to me because biologically we're here to reproduce, but I guess the way it's been happening has been rather destructive. And something has to give in order to get better.

How does one develop passion? Sounds like such a rudimentary question, but clearly taking classes on anything that might potentially seem interesting just hasn't worked for me. And I agree, it is rather dull.

To some degree I can relate. I don't really have any favorites. Well there are some who I'd go call favorites but I just can't afford to see them with such frequency or over the years they are no longer available due to different circumstances. In those cases, yes, I just can't wait to see them again. But then it hits me that they only want to see me because I'm paying and I want something more than that as evidenced by this discussion. I also would not be able to continue this hobby if I were doing this regularly like that. Too expensive!

Never heard of the word, but the results are interesting. How do you restrict yourself from seeing your favorite lady?

... that they say they enjoy spending time with you?

I don't spend time with clients, gratis. However, it's not because I don't like them - at least, not in most cases). But it's simply what I do for a living.

We all feel like we "need" to get laid. As you said, we are hard wired to reproduce and it's one of the strongest urges we feel and that urge is perfectly natural and healthy.  

anything. You've answered your own question but you're rather rigid.  
We're not gonna have the conversation for ya, right?

what I think "user post is ignored" is probably trying to say is ...