First sorry this is long but I can't see how it can be shorter without losing too much info. There's a new girl originally from NY that I have been seeing and is moving in with me soon when her lease is up.  She has requested that I LEAVE THE HOBBY! and SEVER communications with ALL escorts & civvie friends with benefits. This, I can abide since this is a real relationship that I hope lasts and I still believe in the fairytale of being happily ever after although it hasn't quite worked out with other girls so far.  
 
However, she wants to continue to work --> while expecting me to leave the hobby!
 
My initial reaction was "WTF?!?". Her reasoning is that this is strictly work for her and she is not getting off on fucking fat old men. While it makes sense for her, from my perspective she's still physically having sex with other dudes! Sex is sex! Getting paid for it doesn't make it less so! Considering I'm not some smooth 20 something hot magazine model, I'm pretty sure some of her clients are decent enough for her to feel some connection or gratification during the act too.  
 
I've heard this particular way of thinking from some providers before though, which leads me to believe some providers and mongers perceive and react to the p4p act very very differently. Most mongers do it for sexual gratification while most providers do it for money (livelihood) so the act itself is intrinsically different for the two genders who are meeting in this business.  
 
1) Here's the first thought to think about. If you're in a relationship with a client / provider, is it the intent of the act that counts? or is it the act itself that counts more?  I'm sure there will be differing views.  
 
She makes good money doing this so the second reason she wants to continue to work is because we both don't want a SD/SB relationship. She's also a bit of a "feminist" too, claiming women should have equal rights, pay for as much shit as the guy pays, etc (which I have no problem with... by the way ). She's claiming she'll pay for remodeling of my basement and wants to upgrade the kitchen to her preference style and get rid of the style that my ex liked.
 
While admittedly it feels shitty that she's still fucking other dudes, I've become accepting of the oldest profession known to man. It is what it is... Also, new kitchen, new basement, and she pays for a lot of shit too so I figure... why not? Actually, the reasoning and the train of thought she laid out make sense too which is why I've been ok with her working so far. However, the part I feel isn't fair is where she wants me to quit the hobby while she still works.  
 
2) Do you think this request of her is fair, asking me to quit having sex with escorts while she still works as an escort?  
 
3) Do you think it's reasonable that she asks me to cut off communication with other escorts I've become close friends with?  
 
4) What if I get blue balls when she's out having sex with clients?  I got to the point where I'm just chill and relaxed while she's out doing the deed with other dudes (it's amazing what alcohol and computer games can do!) but what if I get the urge to want to blow a load or two right this minute while she's out? Do I just pull out some porn and choke my chicken til it turns blue?  
 
5) What if I get tired of sleeping with the same girl while she gets her "variety needs" met? Is that fair?  
 
"Should" this be fair? The word "should" implies that it already implies fairness? Should I file a restraining order against my blueballs so that I can go along with this request? Are blue balls fair? Is the hobby fair for mongers dating providers? What if she catches EBOLA from one of her ebola clients, is that fair? Am I the victim in this arrangement? Should we blame the victim for this?  
 
Jokes on that last part aside, I would prefer that she retire and settle for less of a high life that she seems to have gotten used to from this business. But, asking a monger who's used to seeing 2~3 girls a week to suddenly quit seeing escorts........ while she still works as an escort? It's something to really think about. I guess I'm probably gonna end up going along with it, who knows. lol damn it...

That is probably how she sees it too. Fairness doesn't apply because the givens of the place sex plays in your life and in hers are not the "same commodity." It's like asking if an ice cream sundae is the same commodity on Christmas Eve as it is on the Fourth of July. Or, conversely, if hot coco is the same commodity on the Fourth of July as it is on Christmas. Sex as a livelihood is not the same commodity as sex as a hobby.

By the same token, asking a man to be ok with her girl having sex with another man is the same as asking a girl to be ok with her man having sex with another girl... and vice versa.  Isn't sex still sex?  

Fortunately most SO or wives don't know that you're hobbying, so embrace your one-sided monogamous relationship. You'll just have to pace yourself so you have enough left over for her. It would be great if you could convince her to let you do her screening. You could tell them this girl is very particular so please describe yourself. If he's not old, fat and ugly, he not good enough for her! Next! BTW, sounds like she's found a way to save money without losing income and forcing you to do the same. Got to love a woman with good business sense. Good luck, I hope it works for you.

-- Modified on 10/12/2014 6:58:35 AM

But you know the old saying--life isn't fair.  It will be pretty tough for you, if you accept those terms.  I guess a lot depends on your "new" woman; someone once said that the hotter the girl--the more us guys will put up with.  And perhaps she is worth that sacrifice to you (both emotionally and physically).

and welcome to dating a provider.

I have had more than one provider tell me that her provider name is simply a character she assumes when she needs to.   I get the sense that many providers so detach themselves from what they are doing that right down to the different name, it's not really THEM having sex. And as hard as that is to wrap our arms around I honestly do believe it when it was put to me that way.  

but she is also having her ego massaged doing her 'job' as sure as any hobbyist does fucking 4 different providers in 2 days. Many of her clients may be "fat old men"; but she still gets 'validation' and a boost to the ego with each appointment made. She wants you to give up the similar emotionally validating "ego" boost she enjoys simply by classifying hers as "work" rather than pleasure.

yes, very."

I had an ATF a few years back that was my go-to girl for a week at a time.  We had fabulous sex more On than Off throughout the entire week .

Nearing the end of the first year she began calling herself my wife which coincidently was the beginning of less and far less sexual contact. We were actually falling into the same type relationship that I as a monger was temporarily trying to avoid in my married life.

My point....
I wonder how long it will take before your new love interest returns home to you after spending a few hours with a John or two only to let you know that she is tired or sore or simply not interested because the act of sex is her job ?

If you are not OK with the arrangement its NOT fair.  

From your account, it sounds as if she is saying, "I want to be with you but here is my list of demands." Is she sacrificing anything to be with you or is it one-sided? We all have our reasons for being here and if this came from you it would be a different story (ex. "I fucked a lifetime's worth already, I'm ready to move on.") Are you confident that she alone can fulfill your needs and you hers, and is that fair to expect of each other? She's asking for a drastic life change from you. You may have a happy year or two ahead of you, but if you don't feel 100% about it, then the seeds of resentment have been sown.  

and often one party or the other feels that they are doing all the giving and the other all the taking. lol This is just one of the reasons many people seek refuge in the hobby.

I have been in your position several times, with the one big difference that I have never lived with an active provider. I have spent six nights a week, week after week with an active provider, but that's still a lot different than living together.

Sorry, but there is no "one size fits all" answer to your question, our opinions might give you some things to think about, but the only two peoples opinion that counts are the two of you.

One thing I will interject into the mix is your potential "blue balls" That really depends on how high her sex drive is. The last provider I was in an LTR with always had enough "gas in the tank" for me. She never turned me down, even if she had had six appointments during the day. OTOH I have been in relationships with hookers where they were flat out worn out from fucking and had zero interest in sex 90% of the time, needless to say those relationships ended rather quickly.

Keep in mind, she most likely wants to keep her independence, she also appears to want a committed relationship, Like I said, there is no "one size fits all" answer to your question.

BTW for the record I never "cheated" on the gal who always had enough "gas in the tank" for me, it wasn't a rule, it's just that she met all my needs and I just didn't have the desire to stray.

This chick sounds like a maniac, why is she obsessed over remodeling your house? Only a renovation maniac would think that's a relevant element of a relationship. Perhaps if you brought up the topic of renovating your home. She could through out an opinion or two, but to mention such things at this stage of a relationship is plain insane.

No where do you mention the word love.  Perhaps that was fear of some of the idiots on tjis board calling you a mangina, or perhaps it was fear of the concept itself.  Pat Benatar says love is a battlefield.  What she means by that is that love is sacrifice.  You each must give up something of yourselves.  She escorts for money, you have a hobby.  Obviously, you are concerned about her having sex with other men and you know just how raunchy and debauched it can be.  Is she going to want to have sex with you after having sex all day with two or three other guys?  Are you going to want to have sex with her?  What happens when she comes home with a hickey?  Is it fair for her to be concerned about you having sex with other women?  To give up you friendships you've made here?  What is her sacrifice?  A new kitchen and basement?  Is your heart equal to that?  That's something only you can decide.

So if she drops XXX for this kitchen/basement in your house....how's that going to work out when/if this ends in a few months or so.

Notice, he did not say that they would enjoy a "happy" six months, just that the relationship would last that long. I think that if DA actually decides to accept these terms and move her in with him, he will have maybe one month of "wedded bliss" and then it will take him at least five months to undo what he has done. If she actually moves in with him and starts construction, I think I might even take the over.

One caveat, I set the line at 60 days tops, before DA goes back to the hobby, even if she is still sharing a bed with him. lol

move in with you?
 

Provided she does barter for the home improvements. The job will take much longer than six months, the handy man isn't going to want to give up the deal that easily. He's probably her real life boy friend, who will sleep over so he can get an early start. Banging DA's new room mate, DA will have to continue hobbying or become his own handy man. Perhaps his new live in GF can recommend some of her friends.

What will happen is this.  She will continue to see clients with or without your permission.  She is a liberated and self sufficient woman.  You will either agree to her request to refrain from being with or contacting other women or you won't agree and will remain a Great Asian American Hobbyist.  I am guessing the latter and recommending the latter.  If you agree, you will end up miserable.  You are giving her all the power in the relationship.  She can screw around but you can't?  Ridiculous.  If it is to be an open and honest thing then you both have to be either free to see others or both have to stay monogamous to each other, there is no middle ground.  What she is asking is not only unfair, its emasculating.  
An arrangement for convenience sake for fondness and OTC fucking and friendship with living arrangements such as the home improvements mentioned all sounds great, but if she's still working, she's not all yours dude.  Which may not be a bad thing because it should and could mean you aren't all hers either.  Staying together fir mutual benefits would be great but being ruled by her "rules" will quickly squash your relationship IMHO.

It sounds like a relationship you shouldn't be getting into. You are already unhappy, and she hasn't moved in yet. Although for her the sex is business, for you the sex is just sex. What's the difference really?  I know a provider who is married and they are both poly, so it seems to work for them.  

It doesn't smell fair and if she's a provider and she still doesn't get that there is a difference for men between having sex with his significant other and having sex with an escort (which is more like going to the bar with friends then like making love), she sure is not an understanding type.  

In my simplistic way of viewing this - she is providing sex to clients more so than having sex with them. Is that a distinction without a difference?  I don't think it is but I am not in your shoes so maybe it's easy for me to say.  

You want to know why? Screw the 'blue balls'. He will stop seeing 2 or 3 providers a week. That's on a conservative side over $1000 taken out of the hookers economy every week. That's why you don't hear from any providers.

that she, being an escort and presumably knowing about your hobbying, would believe that you could change and become monogamous.  

I think she should know that this is going to be a gigantic fail, as you should know, and as I think most of the people who have responded should know.

Should you attempt to comply with her conditions, your furniture is going to end up with tooth marks on in short order.

You should put the cards down on the table and tell her it's been fun, but that she keep looking for someone who will fulfill her expectations, and a hobbyist isn't one of them.

Simple as that

Knowing that her offer is a foolish one.  

Have you two actually met each other?

If you’re going to be in a relationship with a woman who happens to be a sex worker, and you know this going in, there is nothing fair about expecting her to give up her livelihood because you’re not comfortable with it.

Go with your instinct - which seems to be a "no" for this working out.

That you need. Is that remodel something you need.  

Plus it's just something she said while she stayed over,  not something she is obsessing over.  

your situation is completely different. You can't have a live in situation.

Without being a complete smart ass, if you had dick burn from fucking and it HURT if any friction as all occurred, I highly doubt your GF (which it sounds like what you had was NOT) would be so selfish as too cope a tude about it.

What DA is describing is different dude.  What you seem to fail to realize is keeping up the fantasy for a week is different (you were compensating her?) than the day to day thing for long term.

Yeh it's her JOB and if she's exhausted and SORE anyone who cared would want her to rest up until was better.

Steph

On first paragraph,  I wrote that i believe in the fairy tale of living happily ever after lol  

Been away from the hobby for over a year, I think it may have been a year and a half almost. I forget. It was definitely longer than 60 days lol  

and then to compound things she "forbids" him from seeing other hookers. In that case, this is definitely doomed for failure. I have been in such relationships and when I started getting less sex "at home" from my provider GF than the typical married guy on TER gets from his wife, I have ended those relationships for that very reason. In a couple of cases we remained very good friends though. I just couldn't have a GF that wouldn't have sex with me because she was too tired from fucking every other guy in town. Call me selfish if you must. lol

I hope for the sake of this discussion that he/they have moved well past the him paying her for sex phase of their relationship, and from the tone of his post it does sound that way, but you are absolutely correct that living together is a completely different dynamic.

You ask for GFE you might just get it.  Maybe she likes you? Maybe she wants to live you?

The reason for my 60 crack is that if she is too tired to have sex with you, and she "forbids" you from seeing providers, you are going to resent her very quickly. It's different when your lawyer GF is too tired to fuck because she is putting in 18 hour days. When your hooker GF wont' fuck you, it's quite a different matter, trust me.

Now I am not passing judgment on your relationship, and quite frankly I have no idea if these problems will even come up. Maybe she is a low volume provider, OR she has a high sex drive and can keep your happy. In that case you might be just fine with this relationship for a very long time to come. That said, you are the one who brought up blue balls, and I can tell you from experience, feeling cuckolded is a lousy feeling to have, and nothing can make a guy feel worse than having his GF jump out of bed after NOT fucking him, just to run out the door to fuck someone else because he's paying her a paltry few hundred bucks.

OTOH, if she makes you feel special and attends to your needs, it's quite easy to compartmentalize her work, the same as I am sure she does. The key is, can she make you secure in the fact that all those other guys "just business" and what you have together "special" Actions speak louder than words, and as long as she makes the effort not to be too tired very often, than yes I can see this working.

You just have to learn how to cancel out that noise... if anything she should wait until she's moved in, and after you bring up the topic. Were you two watching this old house? Some conversations don't need to be had until the input is actually relevant.

What's good for her is good for you. Don't tell her.

I just can't imagine living that way, and it appears that DA may feel the same way.

If I want to fuck hookers, I am going to fuck hookers, I am certainly not going to lie about it though.

I would imagine 'yes' - so really at the core of this is the unique nature of her work.   And too, I do not think it would be unreasonable for a committed SO such as DA to WANT to give up seeing other women, and not have it be some sort of quid pro quo where 'well, you get to do it so I get to do it'    It is not like she is picking up guys in a bar. This is her work and was before they got together.  If she was providing and then also picking up guys for free that would be a different issue and not a good one for DA in my opinion.    I could separate myself in this circumstance, but maybe that's just me.  But as GaG said, if she started coming home too tired to regularly share in the sexual part of the relationship then that would be a problem too.  But since neither of those things has happened yet, and clearly he has feelings for her that go beyond the sexual realm, if I were him I would go for it.  But reasonable people can certainly disagree.

Yes it is her JOB so you are looking at from YOUR point of view. You're seeing it as it looks to YOU.

You see it as you are sacrificing something and she still gets her "variety needs met".  ASK her if she's in this for the variety. You just said she's not getting of on the old fat men she's fucking.

If you want it to work, you have to change the way you think about what she's doing or you'll drive yourself crazy. How long have you know this lady? How much time have ya'll spent together consistently?

Ok on HER end, based on what you've said she's setting down A LOT up rules from the get go with no input from YOU. If she wants changes/sacrifices from YOU, it can't be a one way street. She may have to cut down how much she make herself available to clients in order the have a workable live in RELATIONSHIP. BOTH of you have to make changes, not just you. Ya'll will have to set aside time to do stuff together when she's not coming off a day/night of working.

She's coming in wanting to remodel, telling you no communication with ladies in the biz, keeping working, blah blah blah.  Let her know that this RELATIONSHIP is a two way street. Yes it probably a good idea right now not to be hanging out even platonically  with the gals you've been fucking, lol.

Make DAMN sure this is what you want, the day to ay grind. There will days you really want some new pussy, lol. It's up to you to realize that you've been in the game here for a while and your mind won't change overnight.

And one last thing...LOSE THE FAIRY TALE STUFF! Go in with that mindset and this is destined for unhappiness and a big let down. You'll see sides of her you've never seen before and vice versa.

Steph xoxo




-- Modified on 10/12/2014 12:17:41 PM

This is the truest and most oft overlooked part of these discussions.  The grind has to be what you go into it for - like people who take difficult jobs that are rewarding nonetheless.  Special Ed teachers, child protective workers, hospice workers - there are easier ways to make a living and easier ways to go through life than being married or in a LTR if you want easy.

There's no such thing as one way monogamy.  What's "fair" is that you both abide by the same rules.  Whether you both have extracurricular sex for profit or pleasure is really immaterial.  And I think that even in asking the question "is it fair?"  you know in your heart it is not.

That's how I see your post. You are here for you and what's missing in your life and what you were doing was not what DA is talking about.

Ours is a physical "job". If DA wants a real relationship with a lady in the biz yeh she may have some nights where she physically tired and sore. She won't be there to provide a "service". If you read my response to DA below, I said she'll have to make some changes as well. If she's had a tiring physically exhausting day, it's ok, but she need to make it up to him the next day, IMO. lol.

And if you've had had dick burn I hear it very painful and allows time to heal. Heard to hurts to even have the shower water hit it.

Just sayin.

BOTH people have to makes changes and this kind of thing doesn't work out often long term. Trust me I know.

Steph xoxo

-- Modified on 10/12/2014 12:46:47 PM

Good business woman...  But the girl is fairly new.  

and FWIW, I think your advice is spot on.

Your key point was "making it up to him" it's not JUST the physical part of having sex, it's making sure she isn't ignoring him due to her work. It's bad enough when your doctor GF ignores your needs, it's a thousand times worse when your hooker GF does the same, due to the intimate nature of her work.

One other thing that might be helpful would be for her to quit doing more intimate dates like overnights and extended dinner dates, or dates that include outings in public places. My last provider GF was very sensitive to those types of things, I never forbade her from doing those types of dates, she quit doing them on her own out of respect for me. The same as she never forbade me from seeing other hookers, but as we spent virtually every night together and had a VERY healthy sex life, forbidding me to do so was simply unnecessary, I just didn't have the desire to see anyone else

Hey, if I pig like me can do it, I am sure there is hope for DA as well.

Maybe paying the rent.  

And that's what it will become. You think she can just drop everything and get a civvie job making decent money?

It's hard for one side to get the other here. It's hard for the guy to see this for what it is and be secure enough. It goes against the grain.

She would HAVE to make changes as well. This kind of thing is harder because of the dynamics going on.


Steph xoxo

-- Modified on 10/12/2014 1:52:11 PM

“It feels shitty that she's still fucking other dudes. The reasoning and the train of thought she laid out make sense too which is why I've been ok with her working *so far*. I’d rather she retire….”

But it didn't last, correct? It's beyond HARD not to find reasons to go back into the fun of CR, new pussy, ect. Even with a totally cool GF.

I'm just wondering if DA is jumping in feet first too fast.

Steph

While there is certainly some agreement that men and women can come to, and I certainly concede that you make some valid points, men and women are just wired differently in this department, 100% agreement is rarely possible.

That said, I can speak from experience that compromises can be made, and that if both sides put an effort into it and at least TRY to see where the other is coming from, relationships like this can and do work.

It's funny, it was easier for me to put the actual sex my last ex was having out of my mind than it was for me to accept her socializing with the guys she was having sex with. I will confess to having twinges of jealously when coming over to find my GF a bit tipsy and seeing two empty bottles of Champagne on the counter. Funny how our minds work, isn't it?

I would suggest you negociate to be allowed 1 escort a week (average) if you are up to it...  maybe a challenge for her to keep you satisfied?!   I would not agree to this as an ultimatum.  I wouldn't draw a line in the sand as any relationship should be an evolution.    
You have gone this far.  I think you owe it to yourself to give it a honest chance of success.  There are lots of former providers out there.  
Stop seeing escorts & friends with benifits...   maybe but don't delete your address book or TER account.

It wasn't my wandering eye that ended our relationship, it was a combination of insane, unfounded jealousy on her part, and the fact that I knew she was thinking "forever" as in marriage and I just couldn't wrap my arms around being with the same person for the rest of my life.

If she had been American things might have been different as six months or even a year or two out of our lives to "play house" would not be that big a deal. My issue was, I knew it would not be fair to her to have her play house with me, neglect her work to make me happy, and lose her limited opportunity to make a nest egg to go back to Thailand with. Without getting married Asian women only have a limited window of opportunity to make bank and set themselves up back home. I cared for her too much to allow her to squander that opportunity in a false hope that we would live happily ever after.

See, I do have a heart afterall. lol It would have been very easy for me to support her while we were together, but the problem would be when we inevitably broke up, then what would she do if she had grown dependent on me? I know she would have been more than willing, eager actually, to quit working to be with me fulltime, but I just couldn't do it, especially once I saw the jealous side of her, I knew that "forever" was simply not in the cards.

looking back, she was a great GF. I think some of us just aren't meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives. I had a FWB stay with me for most of last week, a 25 year old hottie that I've been on and off with for years, but after about three days I started wishing that she had someplace to go so I could have my space back. lol

And that, kids, is why god made us with innies and outties. This way we know where to stand on every subject....lol...

Parfaits -- everyone loves parfaits!

there is a couple out there right now, somewhere, as we speak.....disagreeing over parfait.

where it is all about the money and there is no sexual gratification. I understand that I am in a small minority or at least have never seen another hooker admit this. I cannot be the only one though so, she could be telling the truth.

He may as well continue seeing providers if that's going to happen. Not that providers should have to make it up to their customers to start with. Real jobs need to be done right the first time, if not there's a competitor out there who can.

Ha, remind me to never argue with you; even over a parfait -- I can tell I won't stand a chance

No way she can ask you to do that.  Sounds like shes playing you.  If she wants equal rights then get a real job this is not meant to be a career.  If she truly is NOT playing you she should shut that door to her past and you both better your lives together.  What if your friend books her how would that convo  go between you and your friend at the next get together she attends with you?  If you ask me dose her with her own meds and dont give up the hobby.  Do what YOU want, looks like shes going to.

You obviously know what you are doing, as much anyone can in that situation.  Keep it real.

Are you truly in love?

1. If he can't have sex outside of the relationship, he is going to want sex with in the relationship. what he wants and what he gets may be two different things. That makes sense.

A provider I know with a significant other will work a week or so and take a week off. She's in with the work phone off and then out on business. Seems like a pretty good way to have the best of both worlds.

I don't watch judge Judy because reading DA is more out there.
For those that don't know what I mean by out there, good luck on your return flight.
   ROFLMAO

Of course.  But I've been around long enough that it's wiser not to turn this into some e harmony thing lol

As a long time lurker, only recent poster I am a fan of yours and I wish you luck in your relationship. You never know unless you try but if you try give it your best!  

Consider the power relationship that will exist between the two of you:  
 Her: sex with her regular clients & anonymous strangers (new clients) anytime she wants.
 You:  faithful to the Queen Bee.  

No more earthquake?

My guess is that's just cuz you've never met someone like me.  

Hmm interesting....  

But some give the most amazing massages, so does pleasure from that count?

She will not be putting her best foot forward on an everyday basis. So he will get to see the real girlfriend, not the one that pastes on a smile and oohs and aahhhs at every touch and word he utters. She can refuse shit she might have to do in the "work" world.  

I've been involved in several LTR's since joining TER, and during a few of them I quit seeing other women, but I still didn't lose interest in running my mouth here. lol

I don't really come onto TER looking for hookers to see, especially now that I live in Dallas where TER is not really that popular. I do use the reviews a bit, but that is far from my primary reason for being here.

Have you thought about her putting some limitations on how much she will work since she has put limitations on you seeing hookers. You know a "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" type of thing. I take it money is not really the issue, it's her maintaining her independence. Why not say something like she can see only four clients a week, that might ensure that she has enough sex drive left over for you. Just a thought, and I don't even know if it's a good one.

As a provider, I have a few questions for Drunken Asian.
  * What makes you feel uncomfortable with her fucking guys for cash?
  * Is she getting more satisfaction with the Hobbyists/Client then she is with you?
  * Are you worried that she won't want to have sex with you as much if she continues to be
     a provider?
  * Is it really fair that you fuck for free and she fucks for money?  
  * Is she doing it for pleasure or money?
  * Is she able to say "It's strictly a job & Nothing more" ?
  * Are you insecure with who you are with and her devotion to you?  
   
 I don't do it for the pleasure!! I do this for the cash!! I can separate what I do as a provider & my personal life. I do not live in a fantasy land. No fairy tails here.

Thank you for saying that!!!

Jokes on that last part aside, I would prefer that she retire and settle for less of a high life that she seems to have gotten used to from this business. But, asking a monger who's used to seeing 2~3 girls a week to suddenly quit seeing escorts........ while she still works as an escort? It's something to really think about. I guess I'm probably gonna end up going along with it, who knows. lol damn it...  

No a person does not have to feel sexual gratification from climax, climax with release, or climax with out release.

The argument being made repeatedly on this thread regarding  'Job' (provider) vs 'Hobby' (client) needs to be questioned.  The logic here is that the 'Job' is a necessity while the 'Hobby' is entertainment.  The semantics are unique within the TER bubble and other groups like it.  

It's a black market here!  

Most hookers see things that way that DA's squeeze does, and most guys see it rather differently than the women. Why is anyone surprised about this?

This is not a matter of "who is right?" and "who is wrong?" here. It's a matter of "can they make it work?" and find some common ground. Obviously they "can" as others have made it work, the real question is "will" they, and only they will know, and it's doubtful that even they will know for sure for quite some time to come.

understand the sentiment that "love is irrational".  There's some truth to that.  But if we're going to make an argument for/against anything, we should try to be 'rational'.  The OP is looking for objective advice--he's  in love (or at least infatuated) with this provider, and he's smart enough to know that his judgment is clouded.  But the rest of us are *not* in love with this provider, so we should try to make logical arguments.  

I like that attitude!

Life isn't fair, true.  I'd say it's not 50/50 fair but considering she's spending all that time with me that other guys pay by the hour or week, from that perspective I can't really complain.  

Hmm, maybe she does have a bit of possessiveness. I thought most girls would request a monger leave the hobby when dating although unsure if most ask of that when still providing herself.  

Seems to me, hot women know that they are hot but enjoy the attention and confirmation and re-comfirmation (and some more reconfirmation) that comes along with being around different guys.  

girl who never turns down her man...  What was her race btw?  

ell, to clarify, it's not like she came out pointing a gun at me demanding it. It was more like a wish of hers although she did request it from me.  

ou're correct that I'm considering it seriously even though I felt it was outrageous.  

Situations always change.  And ALL relationships involve some amount of give and take, and negotiating.   Hopefully, it is about 50/50 but often times those of us on the low end of that ratio can feel better about ourselves just because of that fact.  Somewhere I heard that it's better to "give than receive".  Of course, receiving is pretty damn good too!

. . . only what seems fair to the both of you.  

She, in her job sees men she does not choose from a attraction perspective.  

Maybe my style of writing must've sounded like she was demanding it but it wasn't a unilateral demand at all. She asked nicely and used the word "request". lol  However, as we all know, a 'request', is something I can't really refuse or want to refuse at this point.  

Which is why I changed my handle. Not that a person with half a brain can't figure out. hahaha

Considering she paid for most of the vacation on our last trip (off the clock).  

Some providers I know work "seasonally".  They work for several months and then take several months off.  

* What makes you feel uncomfortable with her fucking guys for cash?

"Strangely, if I was you I would feel worse if she was good with you screwing around.   She wants the real you to herself, and she wants to give you and you alone the real her.   That's how I see it."

We're not trying to screw each other in this relationship. She's actually new to the business and quite naive too, to the point where I have to inform her of ways to avoid dangers.