Since it is "just sex" and maybe a little connection and escape;

I guess we all wonder if we lack something tjat our partner is searching for.  I have learned more about the nature of men since I began my journey to the hobby.  I truly believe that men more than women generally need a sense of hunt and duplicity.  As much as I crave honesty and openness, some men need independence and privacy.   So hard to have both...a conundrum at best.   So yes, I would take a deep breath and try to see the bigger picture.  I know that the spice on the side is innocent and enriches my life indirectly because it keeps my man on his A game sensually with me. He is wide awake and exploring...not sleeping into the mundane routine of work/tv/sleep.

but this would have to be well thought out and discussed up front.

I have no freakin' idea what that means, but I didn't get much sleep last night either.

We are all adults and having restrictions in a relationship is outdated.
Just be upfront and respectful to all parties involved.
Also don't let anyone stop you from being happy.

The first I can and have accepted as "Just sex" OTOH having a woman that is supposedly my SO randomly hooking up with other guys would be completely unacceptable to me.

I'm opening a can if worms here but I'm not in a relationship so my choices are my own. If a partner could satisfy me sexually and asked me to be excludive, I would if I valued that relationship.

Although I am sure there will be some dishonest and hypocritical ones though.

So I would not only prefer that my significant other(s) do this, I would prefer that they join me on my little adventures.

The problem is usually one person gets "more" than the other. Jealousy begins to build up and the relationship falls apart. I have seen it happen over and over.

during the last brutal years of my marriage, it would have been a challenge to say no. Let's just say a long reign of my ex using sex as a weapon ... that was rarely used ...lol

If a person picks the right types of partners and very upfront with them.
Then the chances of your open relationship failing drops.
I do agree communication is very important!

Posted By: Stickythong

The problem is usually one person gets "more" than the other. Jealousy begins to build up and the relationship falls apart. I have seen it happen over and over.  
   
 My wife and I participate in the "Lifestyle" or swinging. Every couple we hook up with is a joint decision. Either can veto. We both have vetoed couples that were interested in us. This may seem strange but some we will do oral with some but actual sex is a different decision. Works for us.  
   
 There is a group of five couples that either of us have carte blanch with. You don't have to ask but we still do anyway. Communications and knowledge of intent is the key.  
   
 We also do things together with new friends that we make. In the same room or general proximity of the other. When she hooks up with other ladies it is a little different since the other dudes and I aren't involved. Unless we have been invited to watch.  
   
 If either of us hooked up, outside of our lifestyle rules, than we would have a problem. It would be cheating.  
   
 Simple and complicated at the same time. Works for us and I get some free multi partner fun besides straight up swaps.  
   

Posted By: escalade1964

Since it is "just sex" and maybe a little connection and escape;  
     
  Would you / do you mind if your ....boyfriend / girlfriend...husband / wife  
  does this while you are both still in a relationship?  
     
  Why or why not?  
     
  Your thoughts if any?

If marriage is the end goal and most relationships do not end in marriage then what makes open different than traditional in "success" rates?

....I would DEMAND a threesome!!!

Different story for me, I simply lost interest in my wife sexually. My wife and I were "age appropriate" but during the last two years of our marriage she aged at least 20 years while I pretty much stayed the same. The last six months we were together, we most likely only had sex once a month, (my choice) which seems like a lot I suppose compared to some of the horror stories I hear here, but it's not the way I was going to live my life

The 50% number is a myth. No one really tracks divorces in the US. That number was printed in a story in the 80s and continues to be used. Its nice and easy. You can google it and find many stories debunking it.

I was married to a provider back in the day and yes we met "at work" lol.  Like some other "mature" mongers around here, I have dated women in and around our game for years.  

Most people are not honest with their partners or themselves and that is why many relationships including traditional marriages fail.

I've always wondered why some guys who's SO is a sex worker get so jealous. After all, she has chosen YOU to have an emotional relationship with and to have sex with for free.  That is a privilege that should be cherished!

Even more ironic, those were the very same "rules" I laid down for my last serious GF who was an active provider. I could deal with her "job" but I would not put up with "emotional cheating" IOW getting too friendly or emotionally attached to clients, so we agreed that she would quit offering dinner and overnight dates, I of course agreed not to see other women. It worked well until she was forced to start touring and the green eyed monster got the best of her, not me.

-- Modified on 2/20/2016 3:31:49 PM

'Bowman"  you took the words right out of my mouth.  

IMO, sex with clients is simply her job, something she does for a living and that's not far removed from an actress doing love scenes with her costar. As long as she is honest about it, it's "just sex"

While not entirely the same Im experiencing a similar situation as you did. She lost interest in sex in general and while 7 years older than me the age gape seems to be growing rapidly. If I knew how to participate in the hobby safely a few years ago I would have probably ended it then when things were at their worst. Now I think its just going to make the whole thing easier to end when it happens.

When actually it's the opposite that is true. Most likely you will be getting a lot MORE pussy after getting divorced than you do now.

She is a sex worker, and she enjoys her work. I had issues at first. I had concerns over the fact some of them are hotter than me or would be a better lover. I feared I would lose her. I never was the most confedent of men when it comes to women.  

My wife is both a hobbyist seeing both male and female sex workers, both with and without me. She is also a sex worker herself. I am fine with it as long as she is honest about it. But I am not fine should she ever be emotional unfaithful to me or lie about this. My wife and I enjoy a mostly open relationship with rules. I have no issue watching her riding another to the great "O" but I would if he or she was the one she turned to for love and support. Strange or not the emotional bond of being hers and she being mine is what is important to me, not the sex. Well that and the trust.

when I first got into the hobby.  

Well pussy wasnt entirely the reason I held off. Lonely in general was one of the reasons, I had lost touch with so many friends it was unreal plus most were now married with children. I was somewhat depressed at the time, I had just started a new job after being unemployed for awhile making a 3rd of what I had been and not really in position to support myself alone. If I had access to a provider back then it would have certainly helped with the confidence and motivated better to figure out how to overcome the problem. Im hoping this year I can position myself so that I can break away. Im just glad we never had kids, finding a place I can take my dogs is going to be bad enough lol.

Was she one before or after you began your relationship?

When I met her she was one. I was never her client but I new what she did from the start. After a while we went from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend and she decided it was time to retire. I never asked her too. We later got married about a year after we started dating. Six years ago her business failed and she returned to this. At first it was rough. I never had a strong desire to get a little on the side. My wife wanted this. She is the most sexual person I have ever met and loved sex work. Please note she does this because she enjoys it. I make more than enough to pay the bills. Her income is just fun money for her to spend.

OTOH, i will concede if I were in a relationship with a non hooker and during our relationship she expressed a desire to start turning tricks I doubt I would be ok with it. My ego would have a hard time accepting that she needed more than I could give. Any woman who starts being a hooker while in a relationship is obviously not getting enough of "something" at home. Either she is not getting enough sex, enough money, enough fulfillment, SOMETHING is lacking in the relationship for her to start hooking, and I don't think either my ego or my brain could accept the fact that I was not "enough" for her.

But as long as she never told me or flaunted it in my face, sure, let her get her rocks off, I do.  Mainly I do though because she isnt into it.  When she is, its great and I dont feel the need to see providers as often, but thats rare.  Now if she was getting it on the side and denying ME, now then.I'd have a problem.  I never deny her sex or oral whenever she wants for as long as she wants

I definitely would not want my SO seeing escorts, unless we had an understanding. If I was in a relationship, I would not see escorts unless my sexual needs were being neglected by my SO.  

Kudos to you for finding a way to make it work, it does sound like it would have been rough especially with her out of it for so long.