And some guys still can manage to get off after all that. I thought I had my horndog moments, but that is beyond belief.
So I'm bored. I started browsing ripoff reviews in my state. Holy shnikes, you can't make this stuff up. If you haven't done this, you gotta try it, it's better than TV or movies, and almost as good as sex (a lot better than the sex THESE guys are getting) 
Here's a guy who gives the girl a 2/2. He says she is loudly munching on her fast food and watching TV when he gets to the room, and so he sits down and waits for her to finish. She licks her fingers and drops her dress to the floor, naked underneath. Applies a condom and goes down on him (this is sooo romantic)
Now it gets really fun. He says he slides his hand down her back and slips his finger into her pussy, then takes it out to smell it (safe sex at it's best). He says "this is the worst smell in the history of smells" and "I don't know what could cause such a fowl odor" (maybe she was eating a McChicken?).
Still, he stays for the rest of the BJ, then goes to a bodega to buy alcohol scrub and hand wipes to wash his stinky finger.
His opening remarks in general description warn: "Not good, read on vips......quality is quality"
He paid $40 for the session...
What could a guy actually expect for $40? Hey, I have a car I'm willing to sell for $5. Any takers?
You can't even get that where I live. Movies for two will at least cost you $50. This guy is a dumbass
That guy should just find a booth girl somewhere or hang out in Casino Truck Stops. How does he expect her to get regular gyno check ups with 40 bucks? The last guy who made a deposit was probably STILL in there bwahahaha. Gross.
Theres a guy in SD who saw a provider for $300. Why I don't know. She already had a review of a 2/1. He posted 5/1. If I'm going to shell out $$$ I can spend 10 minutes on homework.
I guess it is another case of the guy thinking he would be too special for her to rip HIM off bwahahaha.
YRMV
Your ripoff my very!
I don't think many actually read the prior reviews before they go see these ladies. The gents who use BP as as their only outlet, take the "great reviews" at face value & never do any research beyond that point... hence how one lady can have multiple rip-off reviews.
have found it before lol. Hard d*ck equates to no brain function I suppose.
It is a sad but well-known fact that we men only have enough blood to properly fuel one organ at a time.
I do agree with the OP that ripoff ads are entertaining. Enquirer entertaining. Perhaps Weekly World News entertaining. But entertaining. Some people watch Jersey Shore. I hobby and read reviews. To each his own
In the defense of the morons, many do note that they didn't check TER before making the appointment. Most just saw on backpage or somewhere else and just dove in.
But to your point, I have seen many who also say, "I should have believed her reviews and just looked elsewhere." Too funny.
Sometimes I wonder if some people exist just to provide examples of what not to do. Really forty dollars and it was a surprise the experience was less than thrilling. Sad on many many levels.
I read those for entertainment too. What I find really amusing is the guys who have multiple reviews like that!
Do you know how many McChickens you can buy with that?
I'm sure the experience would be a, once in a life time. 
He got exactly what he paid for
...was in 1998... in the Dominican Republic. It was actually money well spent.
Please guys, how 'bout a little self respect!!! LMAO.
She finally sat down but kept taping her foot like a nervous twitch. I set donation on table when she asked me to get comfortable. she then stripped and I just shook my head and knew i was going to get out of here as fast as possible. she pulled out a cover and told me to put it on. I was not hard at all due to her ugly stomach, body and saggy tits. not to mention her rude and nervous attitude. She then gave me a no effort HJ to get me semi hard and then i put cover on and she began a terrible CBJ. I tried to fake a pop to get out of there but she kept looking at cover and continuing. We switched to mish position and it started ok but after a few minutes the smell was to much. I finally had my chance to fake my pop and get out of there as fast as possible. Acting is not my best skill but i think i got an oscar for this quick escape. I faked the pop and as i pulled out i pulled cover of and threw it in trash she just laid there as if i was really going to chat with her horrible looking ass
in the least, but you still fk her then bash her in a review...fkin morons. Why not just leave, keep the money, and review a bait and switch?
not for her to fake it. LOL
They're embarrassed, shy, don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Really that means they're chicken ass afraid of what others will think. The same mentality that goes to a restaurant orders a meal that comes back wrong and won't send it back.
Those and they still want to get their rocks off.
Even after some of these horrific reviews, some of them are saying, "I don't think I'd go back." Don't think you'd go back?
So we’re getting it on, she’s really petite, almost skinny and bony, but I like that. We get to the bed and she takes my pants off and is giving great head. I go down on her and it’s sweet, licking her asshole which she likes and I go for the cover when she says she wants BBFS! I’m really not into this so on goes the cover but all the drama has affected Mr. Happy, so I’m not ready for takeoff. I try to get her on top of me for 69 and she’s refusing, getting groggy with slurred speech, and then she just rolls over and says she’s tired and needs to sleep. I try to keep her going but she literally passes out in my bed. Now I’m really worried. I’m sure her boyfriend knows where she’s gone and will be wondering what’s up when she doesn’t come back. The hotel staff all know what’s up so LE could show up at any moment and I can’t get her awake. I lie awake for hours wondering what I’m going to do when one of these nightmares happens. Finally at 3:00 AM she gets up to pee and coming back to bed in the dark she walks right into the coffee table and goes down hard, hits her head on the floor. Staggers back to bed and really isn’t into getting it on, her head hurts so much. More anxiety for me. She finally gets up to leave, gets dressed and says she hopes I had a good time! I tell her I never really got off so she offers to blow me quickly, which I must say is nice except that she gagged on the cum and threw up on the floor. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to get her out of my room at 4:00 AM, didn’t even worry about what it would look like in the lobby when she would try to get a cab.
Why didn't you get her out of there at the first sign of life. I'd be waiting as she got out of the bathroom with her clothes and let her dress just before she went out the door. I'd be affraid she'd make it to the bed and I'd have her again looking dead.
And some guys still can manage to get off after all that. I thought I had my horndog moments, but that is beyond belief.
Where the lady basically took his donation, but said it included only dancing....no clothes off or anything. She also said he could masterbate (gee, thanks). He decided to rub one out begrudgingly and when he was finished, she asked him if he wanted to pay for lessons on other ways that providers might rip him off like she did? You CAN'T make this stuff up.
I had a lady show up (this is back in my BP days) not bad looking but no was she the girl in the ad. I pay her the donation and she strips and starts dancing. I ask her what her rules are and she says the donation is for her to get naked and dance. Anything else is more. I told her to get dressed and get the fuck out. She starts crying and tells me her pimp will take all of the money so she will lose money (gas $?) and she should get more because I got to see her naked. Whoop dee doo. After that I got VIP on TER and haveen't been to BP since. Live and learn.
Too funny. Learned a bundle from the people here for sure.
Another one from a review.
Texted and called XXXX a couple of times over the weekend. Tonight I was free and right away she gave me her address t put into my GPS. I thought that was a little weird considering that has never happened. Anyway, I get to the house and as soon as I pull up, two redneck dudes and an old woman greet me and ask me why I'm there. I should've just left then. I tell them I'm here to see XXXXX and they say to go ahead inside. I meet XXXXX, we go upstairs into what I thought was here room but based on the meds in the room and arrest records I looked up it was actually the older woman's room. We sit and talk for a minute and she's laughing and I thought everything was going great. Then she says she hears her phone ring and has to go get it. She goes downstairs and after she's gone for 5 minutes I think something is up, but she already took my money so I might as well stick around rather than bolt. Another 5-10 minutes pass, then one of the redneck dudes comes into the room slurring his words about why I was there. We have an odd exchange for another 5 minutes until he grabs some crutches in the corner like he is going to hit me.So I then decide it's time to leave. I've seen a lot of providers but this is the first time I've ever been ripped off and now I'm pretty pissed.
I think the only thing that would have made it better would be if the directions said.. "turn off the dirt road."
-- Modified on 12/3/2012 6:20:16 PM
That's not funny...it's downright scary dude. Damn!
I start with sarcastic and then move to my twisted sense of humor.
because it didn't happen to us
Would be scary if it was us, but come on, who wouldn't already leave as soon as you ran into the older woman and the two redneck dudes??
Everyone is saying "You can't make this shit up!" I beg to differ. I think a lot of it is made up.
and the freebe itself should have warned him The idiot!
-- Modified on 12/3/2012 4:36:31 PM
of wha t i have gotten varies beyound belief. If you pay 40 and are surprised that you didn't get a date with Natasha Nice (by the way, ever read her reviews? she forgot to bring a condom!) somehow I can't blame the lady. As to smells... my rule, if it smells, walk, if its green, leave. Even with a condom, you never know what new "thing" is out there.
I've had ladies insist on a nice alcohol rub - which is why after shaving I use a moisturizer... cuts down on that burn the alcohol causes. Yea, there are guys out there who seem to thrive on the "edge' of this hobby, but cross checks with Tineye.com, TER and reliable escort malls will always guarantee that it will be better than a random event. I like to see unreviewed gals - my last two reviews were unreviewed prior to seeing me. They were ok, not spectacular, but certainly better than what was described in that review. Why see the unreviewed?! excitment, going where few (ya hope) have gone before.... or the ever lovin romantic who figures this gal just entered the biz and he can "save" her! lol!
I've had some pretty bad experiences but none tops the gal who in the midst of our session, had a fire drill - actually had to vacate the building, she then proceeds to tell me that she is in a hurry and she has places to go and people to meet - they then call her and stand her up. I take pity on her and offer to buy her dinner.... she then proceeds to tell me I'm not good enough for her! Yikes! well, you learn a little every day!
How about this one:
"When this girl showed up, she was drunk and tried to act sexy but was a mess. Told me to get undressed and get on the bed. She took off her top and started massaging my chest. Said it would cost more to keep going. When I offered 50 more she got billerigerent. Said that's what strippers are for. Wanted 500 or we were done. Told her forget it and I was not happy. She called her Madame (so much for independent) saying I couldn't get my money back but the Madame said she would send someone to finish my off for the extra 100 I offered. About 30 minutes later, a lady who looked like a bigger version of Capt Laguerta from Dexter shows up. We talk for a minute then, she jerks me off. Worst 300 bucks I have ever spent. She did at least tickle my ass hole for a minute. Never going back to her!"
He gave her a 4/2 I wonder if that was for the first gal or the one who came to "finish him," or was it a combined score? LOL
Same guy wrote this in another review:
"Finally got on top of her and strated pounding away. She is very flexible and was into it. I flipped her over, and although the view was great, I was hit with the whiff of swamp ass and smelly pussy. Went soft so had to switch her back over. She helped get me going again and then shot my second load. She cuddled for a few then got in the shower (should done that first!)."
He gave this one a 9/7 and "definitely will see her again"
And he shot twice?!?!
Even in my you gets, dumbest, preinternet hobbling days I couldn't/wouldn't have shot twice under the circumstances.
Yikes.
I had to go pee. While doing so I thought of this thread and the other one today, and therefore proceeded to wash my entire vajayjay region with soap and water although I'd just spent two hours bathing and getting ready before leaving my house. LOL - hooker lesson for the day - the vajayjay can never be too clean!
If I go to the bathroom even ONCE, it is getting washed again. Just the way it should be. Urine is not very appealing and toilet paper does nothing for odor. Wipes people...invest in them.
urine is sterile (unlike feces, which come with their own flora and fauna)- not that I like the taste. One of my regulars gets off on rimming her ass. One night - i asked her "are you clean?" which brought giggles all round. "Of course, silly!" was the reply. (I suspect that she, like you, when in the bathroom uses a radiation source to sanitize the area... as she is always odor free, and sweet tasting!) While I realize this is not for everyone, I have experienced the sensation, and it is unique and very pleasurable.
There is a toilet available which requires no toilet paper, rather it shoots water on the anus, much like the bidet shoots water on the vulva... but what do I know, i'm not a gal. I kinda wish this were more common, as I think it would be more sanitary, and leave me nice and sweet smelling - not that I'm not already!
I'm a newbie....which are the best?
So sorry, sorry sorry sorry..... I could not resist!
If anyone sees them, they will think you're gay, but who cares...you will be clean as gay men always are!