Here's mine...but this is really kind of mild.  

taking one of those remote control fart devices with me to an appointment. You know, just to break the ice and calm the nerves.....LOL.

So I'm seeing this lady touring DC. She was either a very politically conservative babe or assumed every one in DC was since this was during the Bush administration.
During our sipping wine getting to know ya period early in our session she kept rambling on about being a republican...how wonderful the country was now that Clinton was gone...how great George was...yada...yada..yada.

Agency days. Client stuck his dry finger up my ass. When I asked him to stop, he insisted upon continuing, telling me how it was supposed to 'intensify' the experience. Well, it certainly did...it intensified my pain/annoyance!

"Let's see if I can raise Lazarus from the dead."

when I first started. He scheduled TEN minutes. At the time I had been boinkin left and right all day, and was pretty wired by the time he got there.

Those are hilarious!

Both of those are awesome, tinfoil.

those are more fun to get someone when others are near, and you are farther away, out of their sight. Like under a desk, where a cute young thing is sitting, when  several guys are around, and she is flirting with them all.. Sound comes from under her desk, and all know it.(and no one willl believe her saying "it wasn't me")

LOL, two winners there ha ha.

You aint right, Tin Foil, but hey...at least you offer MSOG bwahahaha.

I've actually done that in real life ha ha. Got kicked in the fkin head. Never again! Next time, use the whole fist girl!

in fact, there's one gal I see who makes it a point of pride to get me off twice; so when the time is right I tell her that Lazarus needs a little mouth to mouth resuscitation.

She's my savior, that's for sure.

What if "HER" was LR.......LOL

Some folks are wired so tight, they will snap if they take a joke.

Beautiful!  

I guess it was the fact he paid thousands for those tickets and his team lost, then his hooker was acting up lol. I always yell "score" when a guy cums bwahahaha.

A little trick I'd always wanted to play on a provider was to bring ANOTHER provider to a session but pretend we were in fact a "regular" couple. I found a likely prospect one day at an extremely low-rent motel and invited my ATF of ATFs (who was completely in on the ruse) for a 3-way, telling the new girl that my friend was my GF. So the new girl turns out to be kind of awful: not very pretty, covered BJ ("My kids kiss me on those lips," LOL), and basically a cold fish who just laid there. But my strikingly beautiful and sexy ATF Girl comes in and is actually TURNED ON by the diffidence of the other girl, especially the bored look on her face as I fucked Ms. Frigid doggie-style. Soon I was feeding off of my ATF's excitement, and we both got off spectacularly while Girl #2 just basically watched in astonishment. It was one of the most amazing experiences ever for both of us!

I was in a session with a provider and we were doing mish.  When she rolled over to go to K9, as soon as her ass was in the air she accidently farted.  We both laughed and she apologized profusely.  Told her don't worry about it and we continued.