IDK, I'd ask for a rate still as it may be a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. You may think you're being generous, but she may get pissed. Always good to have that worked out beforehand.
I assume you weren't already with her but this was an email or text chat. If you mention $$$ most girls will end it right there and not see you. If you were actually with her, that's even weirder. If you do your homework you should already know her rate from her site or her reviews. If she has neither, you shouldn't be seeing her at all. Her response about "just be generous" would end it right there for me. You should have asked her where to find info about her rate.
I know you know the answer to your question, Alex. This game draws in more than it's fair share of sickos and neurotics of all kinds. To them, it's all a head game.
I haven't been doing this long, so I've been making the mistake of asking for session rates on the phone. From what I gather, I'm lucky I haven't been arrested AND I'm lucky I got any appointments. "Where can I find info on your rates?" Using the phrasing you suggested sounds great. Thanks.
Posted By: TamarindSpice
Last night I asked a provider what her session rates were and the answer was "just be generous." Never heard that one, before.
...can be found at the upper right of most of the discussion boards under the red & white life preserver. Click on all of the links you find there and read everything. Even the stuff aimed at providers. You state you haven't done this much. The Self-Help Center is for that purpose. Also go the the "Newbie" board (FAQ for newbies) and read back several pages. That is the place to ask beginner questions.
A FBSM provider I've seen (can't review because of internet ad rules) let me know extras were available & she expected a tip. But she refused to suggest what that amount should be, I think she thought if offers her legal protection. I was uncomfortable with the situation but decided to press ahead. My thinking was if I was "too cheap" that she'd either refuse to see me again or service would suffer. But then we all hate to over pay. In the end, I gave her a total amount equal to a FS provider in my area. The catch is that now she expects the same, no matter what service she provides...
If you can stay detached... I'd leave the typical amount for your area. You should get one appointment out of it. If she's unhappy with the amount, she won't see you again & you move on. If she's satisfied, you might have a winner. After the appointment, you might not want to see her again anyway & you've lost nothing
I see good points here. I agree that is a red flag... There is enough anxiety in a first date without knowing what the cost will be. It's an invitation to upsell or scam & a very bad way to start off a trusting relationship.
Posted By: TamarindSpice
Agreed. It's along the vein of "good fences make good neighbors." Get the details out of the way so no one has to think of them, again.
Where did you find her? Does she have reviews here or anywhere else? Is she on P411 or Date Check? You might find out from those places. But I'd agree that it seems a little sketchy.
I once toyed with the idea of offering a sliding scale to gents occasionally during the holidays, as a way of "giving back" to the general hobby community. I know some of our rates can be prohibitive. But then I decided against it because of the whole negotiation thing. Meh.
her listed charity. One was last fall when Hurricane Sandy hit the Northeast. The other was at Christmas time a few years ago; Marines Toys for Tots If I remember correctly.
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